Forbidden Fantasies
by Ayngel
Summary: Having secretly worshiped Mirage from afar during the war, on Earth Skywarp decides to act upon his feelings. A whole load of angst, romance, slash, fluff, tears, drama etc. Skywarp X Mirage, Sunstreaker x TC, SScream x SWarp and other pairings
1. Chapter 1 The Transmission

**== FORBIDDEN FANTASIES ==**

**By Ayngel**

_Disclaimer__: I do not own Transformers, nor do I own any of the characters or concepts, nor do I make any money from any story written about Transformers. Please do not sue me._

This story came about some time ago when I was challenged to write about Skywarp and Mirage. I am currently in the process of rewriting and improving it.

The story follows the G1 Season1 very closely, starting just after the episode "Roll For It" and continuing on to between "Divide and Conquer" and "Fire in the Sky". It is part 1 of a saga which eventually leads up to the "Traitor" episode in season 2 and its repercussions. It and devotees of that should get something extra out of it, but - please - don't stop here if you've never seen that because this is intended to appeal to all.

This is a love story which explores the characters of Skywarp and Mirage, (who happen also to be among my very favourite characters in the series) and their complicated cross factional relationship. I present Mirage a bit differently from some writers, making him handsome, talented and quite kickaft, an asset to the Autobots but often at odds with them because of the differences between him and them and the running of his own agenda. Readers who like fluffy Mirage being taken under Hound's wing may not be so enamored of this version (!) but if all the facts we know about Mirage are weighed up it seems credible to me - and does make him work quite well with Skywarp, and be quite romantic, unlikely though this pairing seems.

It is not only about Mirage and Skywarp, however. A relationship fraught with the difficulties this must face when set within complex dynamics such as already exist is bound to affect everyone around it. Thus the story is also about those resulting effects and whilst it is mostly told from the viewpoints of the two protagonists, some chapters get written by others and some other characters have quite a lot to say.

This story is long, complex, and gets very angsty. So if you like one shot wonders, it may not be for you!

Thanks for reading – and I love reviews, so they are most welcome!

_Warnings:__ **Slash** although this is of the romantic and not "smutty" variety it gets quite explicit. And well – maybe just a smidgeon of smut here and there!_

* * *

**Prologue: The Transmission **

**Designation: Mirage**

**Intelligence Officer, Autobot Earth Mission **

**...  
**

Megatron gave the orders. But it was the Seekers who did it.

It was they who so remorselessly wiped out my home, my kin.

And so, after the war had begun and the Towers were in ruins, and the pieces and parts of the once noble rulers of Cybertron had washed into the ruined city of Iacon, but I had survived – I took my revenge.

And I did it well. Things could have been much worse, had it not been for my interventions. That much the Autobots could never deny, even if the taking of matters into my own hands was not strictly within protocols, or the ruthless destruction of any set of beings, however evil, warred within their sparks. I made a difference. In those early days of war. That they had me to thank for.

Seekers. My most hated enemies. I used to creep among their squadrons, invisible, as they recharged. And kill them one by one.

I left not a mark of their murder upon them - before vanishing without a trace. I took great care, however, to always leave two 'signs.' Firstly, my crest emblazoned on their wings and, secondly, a number.

Then I would visit the ones I left alive and leave a series of numbers consecutive to those on the wings of the dead. That way, they all knew two things: Firstly, who had killed them. And secondly, who would be the next to die.

Seekers. Evil, pitspawned vermin. They deserved it. And none were worthy of reprieve or compassion. For they showed none.

...

Sometimes, however, grief spawns blame and illogical hatred. Sometimes, grief causes misjudgments. And even where there is no misjudgment, and those who perpetrate a crime justly deserve their fate ….

There are always exceptions.

Given what transpired, it is perhaps surprising that when I – reluctantly – came to Earth with the Autobots, I had neither recognized my mistake, or acknowledged an exception …

* * *

When it started, we had been on Earth for about nine months.

The Decepticons had reappeared some three weeks previously, and we had so far managed to thwart their attempts to take control of Earth's resources and deplete the planet for their own ends.

Personally, I thought we'd done rather well. We'd saved a solar power plant and only today stopped Megatron from using anti matter to blow up the planet; we'd performed numerous useful little favors whilst the Decepticons were out of the picture, to say nothing of our endeavors when first on the planet: saving the dam, putting out a fatal fire on an oil rig, preventing Megatron's use of the Ruby Crystals and saving a rocket fuel base.

All in all, not a bad effort by my calculations - yet the vast majority of the human race remained, from what I could see, somewhat indifferent, if they even cared about or were aware of our presence at all. So much more reason, I surmised, to take what we needed and go – for we could easily get enough to make a start on Cybertron and leave sufficient for the humans, if - as Prime insisted - this was so important.

During the 'Cons absence I had argued that, if we went, then even if they did resurface they would be bound to follow - I mean, they were hardly likely to stay on the other side of the universe and let Prime take back Cybertron, were they? What was more, they would be bound to use the spacebridge for their return – and therein lay the opportunity to destroy them all, once and for all.

Yet, Prime had lingered. And now the Decepticons were back, it seemed he was going to keep lingering. It served only to enforce my suspicions as to whether he wanted to kill Megatron at all. As for the others , they seemed content to remain, and to take his orders, and to fight the same old battles with the same old 'cons and the same old results; and I knew that the longer we stayed the further away the dream of rebuilding Cybertron would recede.

I felt depression and despair, other longtime enemies, creeping in again. And it was then, right after we had saved the Earth from being blown up with antimatter, that I received the transmission. It came in on an unlisted frequency and appeared on the screen in my quarters just after I had returned from the washbay. It was written in - somewhat poor - Iacconian, which was a universal communication.

It was from a Decepticon. A Seeker. Skywarp, to be precise :

_Mirage_

_By now you would know I didn't die in the crash and am still alive. All of us are. I guess the 'Bots would be jacked off about that. Well, tough tailings. They ain't gonna win here. I just can't wait to get out of this kell hole and back to Cybertron._

I should, of course, have been instantly infuriated by this. It was clearly a highly inflammatory communique from one of my most hated enemies, one of Starscream's elite squadron, who had formed the front line on the Towers raid. But I was weary and not in the best of mindframes towards the Autobots right then. So, instead, I actually smiled. You want some fun? I thought. _Bring it on._

But the next part was not what I expected.

_This is a real un conlike thing for me to do. In fact, I don't even really know why I'm doing it. If Starscream finds out I'm doing it, I'll get my aft kicked and probably grounded for Primus knows how long, and maybe even replaced with a conehead. Just so ya know, it's not kind of – regular for me. But I just felt like I wanted to do it anyway. So I hope you appreciate it ..._

Now, I have to confess, I was baffled. I had never, in all the six million or so vorns I had been fighting the cons, received anything like this from a Decepticon. Or anything like this _period_ when it came to that. It went on ...

_No that's not right. I shouldn't be tellin' ya to appreciate anything or nothing like that Mirage. I'm sorry I just did that. Real sorry …._

_What?_ I thought. Had he intended to send this? Or had he fired it off by mistake - maybe under the influence of some unusually potent high grade. Seekers were, after all, renowned for enjoying their indulgences. But if that was so, then what Megatron might have to say about it was suddenly rather amusing. I kept reading.

_I guess what I'm tryin' to say Mirage, and I ain't doin' it very well cos I'm not real good at writing stuff down. I guess what I really wanna get across is, and like this is real unconlike and not like something I should be doing or saying but I just can't help it ... I just can't help but think …_

And then there was a gap in the time sequence on the transmission before it went on –

_Oh pit, Mirage! I think you're really - amazing. I mean, I can't think what else to say!_

If Optimus Prime himself had appeared in the doorway and said he wanted to interface I would not have been more surprised. The words seemed to freeze on the screen in front of my optics. And a portion of me reeled in revulsion. Skywarp was a wanton killer. All of his trine had slipped through the net when it came to Seeker termination, a situation I had decided to rectify if I got the chance, while we were here.

Hadn't I?

_You're real good looking, Mirage. I mean, real beautiful and classy like. Much more so than all of them other bozos – in fact I don't reckon one of them could even hold a candle to you ..."_

Yet, I couldn't help it – inwardly I tingled. It was altogether _rather nice_ about having something like that said in that manner. None of the Autobots would have said it. Oh, a few fantasized about getting in my berth. Alphamechs are, after all, well versed in the art of erotica - something we are taught at an early age as part of our social interaction - and my talents were not an exception in that department. Yes, it was 'exotic' to be fragged by an Alphamech. But, if anything, the Autobots resented my 'classiness.' They would never have praised it.

_I'm not the sort to normally go for landrollers and I've tended to stick to – well, other flyers and Seekers mainly. But in your case I'd give them a miss for you any day ..._

Yes, well, I _was _liking this now. In fact, a nice warm glow was starting to make its way slowly through my systems.

_Your moves – they're just the most amazing moves I've ever seen. At the factory yesterday when you rescued that kid on wheels – even though I can't say I gave a pit about that kid I thought they way you did things was incredible, Mirage! It was much flasher than that green bozo or that little yellow fragger. _

Indeed, I found myself nodding in agreement. I had thought my efforts were worthy of just a little more praise than the Autobots had deemed appropriate.

_... and that time at that dam, you got me and TC a beauty …_

TC? That was Thundercracker, evidently …

…_. and even though it hurt like Hell and TC was cursing ya for the whole of the next day I still thought it was one of the most amazing things had happened to be in eons ..._

Now, some doubts crept in. This was a bit over the top! He would've been in agony after that little episode- hardly a state of affairs which any Con would praise his assailant for. Yes – what was this really about?

I suddenly felt a little silly, and rather annoyed that I had actually gotten myself heated up over this. Gotten heated over _him._ _This _Seeker. No, it would not do! Firmly activating my cooling systems, I took a firm grip on myself.

_... and the way you got on the space cruiser and put us out of action was awsome! And then Screamer shot at you and you were still all right and you jumped out! All I could think of for all the months we were under the ocean was you and whether you'd survived and when I found out you had I was like really relieved …_

And now, I was sure it was not some 'romantic message' as this was plainly ridiculous. In fact, I imagined I could now see exactly what it was, and could not believe that I had not seen it before. The mongrel was insulting me _and_ having a good laugh at my expense. Probably his trine mates were with him right as he typed it. Maybe all the Decepticons. It was probably the subject of uproar back in the camp, right now.

Well, I would show him I was made of sterner stuff. By the Spires of Altihex, if I was not above being conned in by such pitiful approaches I was not worthy of calling myself a Towers mech. And he would be back on the assassination list. Yes! Right after I was through with reading this rubbish.

_I'm not putting this real well. I hope you're still reading. Please be still reading. _

_You see - I normally wouldn't even go looking at a 'Bot. But you're different, Mirage. Real different from them other idiots. An' I get the impression they don't treat you like how you should be treated a lotta the time. I dunno. All I know is you don't sorta seem like one of them and I know you lost a lot in the war like – more than they did. _

And again, I paused, confused - because I felt strangely moved. Could it be that I'd just made the wrong evaluation? There was just something about those words. An 'understanding' I was unaccustomed to. And the distinct feeling that, if this was a cruel joke, he would not have included such a statement.

_And I just – look, I don't even know why I'm even saying this, But I'm kinda sorry for what happened – you know, with the Towers an' that. I'm sorry cos I know it was me partly made it happen ..._

And at that, I felt something else. An undeniable twinge in my spark. I couldn't help it! Never in all my time with the Autobots had any concern really been shown for my losses. Mostly, they didn't even acknowledge them and, even if they did, they failed to see the magnitude. No - they thought I should be grateful just to be alive and "one of them."

_When I get back to Cybertro, I'm gonna get somewhere real nice this time, not another pithole like I've lived in all my life. Cos it's time things changed, and I like nice stuff, Mirage. See, no one thinks I do but I do. And I know the stuff you liked was real nice and that's why I'm real sorry about what happened to it._

Skywarp was sorry, and he liked nice things. My spark gave another twinge as the warmth returned to my circuits.

Later, I surmised it was at that moment that my opinion of Seekers started to change. Not in a sudden revelation and flood of goodwill. Too much had they done, and too long had I resented them for that. It was more like a trickle through a crack in a dam which, if left unattended, will one day become a deluge, changing the landscape forever.

_Well, I guess you're gonna stay with them idiots and I certainly ain't gonna leave the cons, so I guess that means we'll keep fighting each other out there. I know Megatron and Soundwave wanted you in the 'Cons for eons and they probably still do. But I wouldn't want that Mirage. It's too rough and you're too special. I just want you to know that when we're out there I'll try and make it so you don't cop too bad a pounding. If I can see ya there, that is ..._

Waves swept from my spark and spread over my sensor net, and I felt suddenly quite overcome with emotion. This really was – lovely. If it was a joke – well it was, at least, nice one. Yes – I didn't really care! But it wasn't, anyway. I was certain now. So much did I want to believe that it wasn't, and so much did I yearn to warm to his sentiments, that I convinced myself there and then that it wasn't.

_No guarantees. An' I certainly ain't lookin' out for none of them other losers. Anyway, like I said, this ain't my thing. But I just sorta been wanting to say this. Like – I wanted to before and I didn't get the chance. And it probably won't make any difference and you're probably still gonna hate me anyway and I'm real sad about that but there ain't nothing I can do about it, but I really am sorry and I'm glad I said it anyway._

Then there was just one last sentence.

_I hope you're all right on the Ark. I dunno what it's like there, but it's a living Kell down here. But I'll be all right. I'm kinda like – a survivor. Like you, Mirage. Maybe we do have some things in common after all._

_Your secret admirer_

_Skywarp_

…..

I stood staring at the screen, mesmerized, as my spark pulsed with a dull ache. There was so much in my processor that I could barely assimilate it. How long had he been like this? There I was, thinking all Seekers were just mindless killers. I had killed his kind, just as he'd killed mine. Yet, impossible though it seemed, Skywarp, apparently, was not like that. He regretted his actions. He had – remorse. And above all else I was ashamed, right then, to think that he - the savage Seeker – was the one who could let his desires and contrition rise above his anguish. Something I, the so called ' noblemech,' had never even remotely managed to do.

And I took a step towards the console; because surely I must get straight back and let him know I'd received the transmission, and I appreciated it, that I maybe also had been overzealous in my actions. My mind raced. Maybe we could even meet. Talk it through. Explore our feelings. I could decide whether I was prepared to undergo a shift where all Seekers were concerned or whether it was just him …

But I didn't get very far. From the corridor came the sound of clanking metal and footsteps approaching ; Bluestreak coming back from patrol. As the door hissed open, I hastily brushed at my optics and deleted the message on the screen; it shimmered for a brief moment and was gone, leaving just a glow, a ghostly memory of what had been.

Blue came up and stood behind me. "What was that?" he said.

"Nothing," I said, "... nothing at all..." It was amazing how quickly I recovered my composure.

I turned to him and he looked at me with his very pale, glassy blue optics and his face was very sweet, I thought, and showed as always some vestiges of the pain I had been through and knew so well and which I did find some solace from in our lovemaking. "Come here ..." I said.

He melted into me and then we lost ourselves in each other, as we had been doing for a while now, ever since about a month before the cons had reappeared.

But it was not "nothing." And the Seeker was far from out of my thoughts. In fact, as we connected, the image of Skywarp was with me, and quite a different set of thoughts came into play. And I surprised myself by learning something I had never before acknowledged: that much as I may have hated and hunted Seekers, never in all the eons had I considered them physically unattractive. Emotionally maybe, granted. But physically? Quite the contrary, as it happened.

So Bluestreak did not know, as I thrust the connection deep into him and he was flooded with the urgency of my overload straining against me in his own release, that I was not thinking of his cute face, or his crested helm, or his tasteful curved thighs or his doorwings, or even of him at all.

No. Speed and power, wings and lofty places , the roar of jet engines and the intoxicating aroma of jet fuel – all infused with a curious blend of black and purple hues - consumed my thoughts entirely.


	2. Chapter 2 Defiance

**== Forbidden Fantasies ==**

**By Ayngel

* * *

**

_Disclaimer__: I do not own Transformers, nor do I own any of the characters or concepts, nor do I make any money from any story written about Transformers. Please do not sue me._

This refers back to G1 series 1 "More than Meets the Eye Part 2" - those who know that episode will remember Mirage's heroics on the bridge at Sherman Dam where he took over from Cliffjumper and took out Skywarp and Thundercracker single handed - CJ: "_for one who doesn't like to fight, Mirage, you're not bad ..._" And "Roll For It" where Chip Chase has the antimatter formula stolen from his nerdish but brilliant head in an unsuccessful attempt by Megatron to blow up the Earth and take the energy to return to Cybertron.

Here come my philosophies about bonds not necessarily being monogamous or for life - later articulated by Starscream.

_Warnings:__ **Slash** Only alluded to here. Later on in this story, it gets quite explicit. Mostly of the romantic variety. But maybe a little more than that here and there!

* * *

_

**Chapter 2: Defiance**

**Author Designation: Thundercracker.**

**Squadron Leader, Decepticon Elite Air Command**

He was my bondmate when we came to Earth. At least, I thought he still was.

Oh, I don't know. I guess we hadn't been getting along for a while by then and I just hadn't really thought about it. Or hadn't wanted to think about it.

Thing is - Warp got worse affected by what happened on Cybertron than I did. I mean - I never thought the war should have happened in the first place, and I only really joined the 'Cons cos he was one and I couldn't think what else to do. I could've told you all along what I reckoned the end result would be...

But Warp – he did believe in it, and he gave it his spark – much more than I ever did. And that was why, really he was always a favourite of Megatron's, cos I reckon he knew that about Warp and respected him for it – whereas with me ...

... by the time we got to Earth, everyone knew how I felt.

Warp though – he'd given it his all and he was just really jacked off and frustrated that things had turned out the way they had. Cos he always had these visions, see, of living in some real flash place and getting platinum panels and sipping Vintage Premium Grade. Yeah, really! I mean – I couldn't have given a pit about that stuff. But he did. And he really thought all through the war that if we could only just pull off _this _or _that _then this haven of luxurious reward was just around the corner.

So when we found ourselves on Earth – outnumbered, underenergised, fighting just to stay in the ring let alone get all that other stuff then Warp – I guess he started dreaming about other ways he could get it.

Yeah, I think that's what happened. That's what I tell myself, anyway ...

* * *

**Author Designation: Skywarp**

**Squadron Leader, Decepticon Elite Air Command**

Before the war, I used to fly around the Towers and it was real nice. I could understand why the Alphas were jacked off about it getting totaled.

Of course, I didn't know Mirage in those days. I didn't even know he existed. The only one who ever had anything to do with the Alpha Caste was Starscream - not a lowly pitfighter like me.

Later on, after we wasted the Alpha Districts and the war started, I heard of Mirage. There wasn't a Seeker on Cybertron who hadn't heard of Mirage. That was because Mirage used to go to our camps and pick us off under cover of his invisibility device, leaving no trace and no mark save for his own special one. Mirage was not an Autobot in those days. He waged his own war against Decepticons personally for selling him out, and against the Seekers especially for destroying the Towers, and everyone was pit scared of him. I guess I was scared too - but that was way outweighed by what else I came to think; which was that he was - well - beautiful. Amazing. _Something else._ And the more deadly he became, the more incredible and sexy I found him.

I don't know when I first started to dream up ways to somehow get close to Mirage. It was too long ago. I can't remember - and I could never think of one anyway. Then he disappeared some time before we came to Earth and I thought he was dead, and I thought - with some disappointment - that that was that.

The day we attacked Sherman Dam and I realized it was Mirage who was coming at us on that bridge, I got the shock of my life. Then the next thing I remember I was lying in a heap and dimly aware that my bondmate was next to me, and I was hurting like all Kell everywhere, and Screamer was standing over us and yelling "get up you useless piles of scrap metal ..." and I remember groaning and turning over and just wishing I could die right there and then.

Starscream. _Screamer._ That was what I called him during the phases he was an afthole and made my life a misery. As opposed to the _other phases._ the ones when we _got it on_ - unbeknown to TC - and he filled my life with lust and wild overloads. Then I called him Starz - and not Screamer. I thought Starz was beautiful too - mainly because of the overloads. Correction - _I was crazy about Starz_. As well as Mirage. But with Starz, it was not just a dream, it was happening. And I always hoped there might be more than just overloads, and if there had been I would have left TC and maybe not thought of Mirage so much either. But there never was.

When we came to Earth, I kind of hoped there would be the overloads at least. TC and I weren't getting on too well, and it had been a while. But I was out of luck. Starscream had decided to be an afthole. He was most definitely _Screamer._

* * *

After the dam incident, later, back at the base, after Megatron had finished with Prime and whilst TC and I were trying to get ourselves fixed up, Screamer came sidling over. "Skywarp, a word please ..." he said. He took me a short distance away from TC, close to where the Reflector triplets were banging around building the space cruiser, and I didn't have a good feeling about it. Then, sure enough, he had a real go. He said: "What in Kell happened out there?"

_Wasn't it obvious_? I said: "We got our afts kicked, didn't we?"

His optics narrowed and his wings twitched, as they always did when he was jacked off. "Indeed!" he snapped. "Two of you. Seekers - the pride of the Elite Air Command – against one Autobot. Oh, and that useless little red piece of pit who can't even shoot straight – I believe he was in the equation too. I'll ask you again, Skywarp. _What happened_?"

I felt like he was right in my face, and it was fraggin' annoying. I moved back and away from him. "In case you didn't notice, that was Mirage!"

"Oh, I noticed!" he snapped. Then he pointed a finger at me: "I also noticed it was completely beyond your capabilities to take him out when you had the chance!"

I was furious and I faced right up to him. "Yeah, right!" I yelled. "You know what he's like! He uses all them – techniques. That pressure point stuff and fancy moves and swingin' around an' all that. He's an Alpha. They do that stuff ...." I didn't add that I still had aches and pains all over, or that I was still trying to get over the shock of it being him. I turned away. I didn't want to look at Screamer.

"_Skywarp_..." he said, in that infuriating voice which although he uses it to try and calm you down is more likely to make you want to smash his face in. "There's no need to raise your voice. _Look at me when I am talking to you_!" I looked at him, feeling, at that moment, a great desire to grab him by the throat. His optics narrowed. "I am very well aware that they do _that stuff_! You forget – I grew up in the Towers. I had _that stuff_ going on around me for part of my life. But I also know that your training included dealing with _that stuff_ and that it should have been well within your capabilities to do something about it today ..."

"_Well it wasn't, was it_?" I yelled at him and straight away knew I shouldn't have because with lightning speed he cracked me one across the face and I fell over. I sat there on the ground and for a moment the universe turned and the side of my face stung. And then I was aware of the banging from the spacecruiser stopping and the triplets looking over. And I saw red. "Thanks!" I yelled at him from the ground. "_Thanks heaps you fraggin' piece of slag!_"

I glared up at him. But a softer look came over his face then, as it tended to when he'd vented his fury and got one over you. Megatron used to take it out on him, see. So he would go and take it out on everyone else, then be all right again. "My apologies, Skywarp," he said, and now his voice was gentle. "I went a bit far. Now, come on, up you get!" He held out a hand, and I knew I was in for one of his lectures. I also knew that it would be a condescending pile of pit. I folded my arms and stayed where I was.

Over at the cruiser, I saw the triplets titter between themselves and then go back to their work. Screamer took his hand away and sighed. And then he started to pace, slowly. I glared at his pacing form, still livid. My cheek hurt now, along with everything else. "Skywarp ...," he said and he stopped and faced me, his voice all soft and wheedling . "... I truly hope that you are not going to start this nonsense again ..."

I looked at the ground. "Start _what_ nonsense," I muttered. Even though I had a pretty good idea what he was on about.

He had stopped and was looking at me with his head on one side. I looked at the ground, not really seeing it but not wanting to look at him. "I hope, for instance...," he was saying, pacing again, "... that the reason you didn't deal with things today was not because of – _the identity of your assailant."_

I stared at the ground, feeling his optics upon me. I said: "I dunno what you even mean!"

He came over, put a finger under my chin and pulled my face so as I had to look at him. Then he gave me one of those famous red stares. "Oh, I think that you do ..." he said, " ... and I can see I am going to have to repeat what I said back on Cybertron..."

Then when I said nothing he started pacing again. "Look ..., " he went on, " ... I have no objection in principle to – dalliances with – Autobots. Primus knows, I've been partial to the odd fling myself over the vorns ...," he smiled to himself, "it can be – _useful_. A good source of information, not to mention a source of – _great pleasure_ ..."

Now that really jacked me off because I never went screwing around with the 'Bots the way some 'Cons did. Like, I could have had either of those twins everyone raved about any time I wanted but I didn't. Well, only once, but that didn't count. I got up and I said: "Well I haven't actually! And I don't see what this has got to do with me!"

He stopped pacing and turned to me. "Oh I think you do, Skywarp!" he said quietly. Then he came over and grabbed hold of my arm. "Look at me!" he said again, and I knew better than to not do so. His red optics pierced me."Now you listen to me and listen good this time. Cos I've said it before and I'll say it again Skywarp! _Not him_...."

I shook him off, really pissed off at how he grabbed hold of me like that. "Don't touch me!" I said.

He grabbed me again: "No, Skywarp, I'm serious. _Not Mirage._ You understand?" His fingers dug into my arm.

"_Let go of me_!"

I was glaring at him. There must have been some expression in my optics, or something. He sighed, and let go. Then he was pacing again. I folded my arms and glared at the floor.

"Look Skywarp - he's different," Screamer was saying. "He might look like he's one of them now, but he isn't. He still fights his own cause ..." he went on, " ... and he operates in a different way from them. You don't see him blundering around like a behemoth in a crystal shop firing blindly at everything that moves, do you?" When I said nothing, he went on "... Mirage works by stealth; he picks his enemies off; and he hates us Seekers more than you can imagine, Skywarp – because we destroyed what he had...."

I said: "You think I don't know all this?"

He ignored me and kept talking: "... he is still out for revenge. Very dangerous he is to us, Skywarp. Much more so than any of the rest ..."

I looked across at him. "Oh?" I said, "make up ya mind, Screamer! You just gave me a blasting for not taking the guy out. Now you reckon he'd supermech an' it would've been impossible anyway?"

"_That is not what I am saying!" _he was angry again now. The wings were twitching. "What I am saying is that you and Thundercracker _together _could have eliminated the problem when you had the chance. Were it not for your ... _fixation._"

It was that obvious, then. I thought I'd hidden it better than this, but obviously not. But then I was furious again. He couldn't know about my feelings for Mirage and anyway – it was none of his business and what was more _it wasn't the point._

I yelled at him: "that's pitiful Starscream! This is just an excuse to have a go at me ain't it? Well if it was TC as well and he's the one that woulda had no trouble doin' it then how come he's still over there and I'm the one putting up with this scrap?"

"_Because he is not the one with the problem!"_

I hated him at that moment. Partly because he had hit me and partly because of his Primus awful vocaliser but mostly because he was right. In the background the clanging went on from the space cruiser assembly. I thought _well what the Kell_. Soon we're gonna be outta this place and I probably ain't never gonna see Mirage again anyway. And that made me all sad in my spark.

The kindly voice was back. "Look, Skywarp," he said, "I know how it is, I think. I'm just trying to protect you ... you go after him and what happened today will happen again. He may even kill you! He is a formidable assassin."

I didn't want to hear any more. I said: "Is that all you wanted to talk to me about?"

Skywarp ..." he began, but I didn't let him say anything more.

"Good!" I said, "because while you're wasting my time with this scrap I've got repairs need doing and work that has to get done!" and I turned around and stormed off.

"From now on you will leave well alone and leave the dealing of him to me and that is an order!" I heard him yell after me.

"Like I had a fraggin' choice today!" I yelled back, and I kept going.

I felt like I was raging inside and I couldn't go back to TC straight away. All he'd do was whinge about his injuries anyway. Instead, I sat down and got control of myself. Then I went back to TC. And by the time I got there I felt better. For the _little lecture_ had served only to reinforce how amazing I thought Mirage was – and now I was more determined than ever that one way or another here on Earth I was going to have him.

* * *

_Then of course, said object of attraction appears on space cruiser as we are leaving Earth – on our way to a bright new future on Cybertron - and shoots out controls, causing space cruiser to spin out of control. Meanwhile said object of attraction gets up, despite being shot at and wounded by Screamer and jumps out of space cruiser and whilst space cruiser carrying bunch of hysterical Decepticons crashes into the Pacific Ocean._

It jacked me off. I mean – it did prove Screamer's point, sort of. But as we plunged back to Earth and to what I was quite certain was our deaths – and would have been if we had not landed in the ocean – I really wondered at the way he had done it. And I thought that if I was gonna die then I'd rather have died as a result of him doing something like that than getting shot up by one of those twins or some other stupid fraggin' thing happening with one of those others.

Afterwards, Megatron reckoned he was dead. Said he had intended to die - that it had been a planned suicide attack. He reckoned Mirage was the only one out of the Autobots capable of carrying out the ultimate revenge like that, and he wouldn't have cared about dying cos he didn't want to live any more anyway. He thought it was funny that Mirage had gone and died but that we were still alive and he and Soundwave laughed about it. But I didn't think it was funny.

Not at all. I felt real sad. And then I felt he must have got like that because of the Towers, and I never wanted to make him end it like that. Then I cried, cos I couldn't stand the thought that he was gone. I didn't let the others see that, of course, because it was very unconworthy. But I couldn't help it. It felt like there was a hole in my spark because I never even got to say I was sorry.

I could not face TC. or anyone. I spent a lot of time out in the ocean just watching fish and lobsters and crabs and all those other undersea Earth things when we weren't busy building the base.

Megatron thought it was weird me being out there, but he didn't care, and Soundwave didn't seem bothered either, even though he must've been able to read something. TC couldn't figure it out and I knew he wanted to talk about it but I couldn't talk to him.

Screamer knew exactly what the problem was. You never know with Screamer. He can be such an afthole, but real understanding sometimes. He came out and put his arms around me and held me, and didn't even try and frag me. He told me he didn't think Mirage was dead. He said he knew Mirage only too well and Mirage had too strong a sense of self preservation to commit suicide and was too clever to have not survived otherwise.

But when I was alone I still cried, because I thought he was only saying that to make me feel all right and so I'd keep functional and keep helping with the base.

But yet I hoped – yeah, I really hoped that he was right.

By the time I sent the transmission, I knew, of course, that Mirage was alive. But, that night, I was jacked off with just about everything.

I mean, it had been another one Kell of a day. It started with Screamer raving on about how he was our leader now after the fiasco with Megatron getting carted away in the space bridge by accident the day before.

It was ridiculous – there was never any doubt that Megatron would show up on Cybertron and that he would just reverse the bridge polarity and come back to Earth. Quite frankly, I thought Screamer should tone it down a bit cos I didn't think the way he was carrying on that Megatron was gonna be too happy about it and Soundwave was just sort of watching everything that happened and I knew he'd be preparing a full report.

So I said so. And he snapped my head off and said if this was how it was gonna be he'd bring Ramjet out to replace me; and I said: "Don't be so friggin' ridiculous! Well, if this is how it's gonna be with you in charge then I'm outta this outfit anyway ..."

And then he said: "Fine! As soon as the spacebridge is operational again I'll be making the necessary arrangements..." and that was when TC just looked at us in utter exasperation and said: "Look - _knock it off you two, will yas?_" and we glared at each other but we didn't say any more.

Like I said, he can be a real afthole. Most of the time on Earth he was.

Then he and TC and Soundwave were just going off somewhere and I didn't know where they were going but I was pissed that it didn't include me.

"We're going to replace some parts," Screamer said. He had that awful smug look that always comes on to his face when he thinks he's got a shot at being leader.

I said: "Great! What about me? Why don't I get to do that?"

He still had the look. He said: "Please, Skywarp! Look at you!. You're in the best shape of any of us. You don't need replacement parts. You can stay here and guard the base."

Of course, I knew what that meant. Watching Rumble and Frenzy and that stupid bird and having to put up with the cat giving me evils.

I said: "Well what about if the Autobots show up? What ya gonna do then Screamer? You'll need all three of us if that happens..."

Then he got all angry again. He yelled: "Are you suggesting I can't handle myself against Optimus Prime?" and I was going to tell him exactly what I thought, but TC hissed "leave it! Don't antagonise him Warp ..."

So I let it drop.

It was a complete frag up, of course. They got done over by Prime and then there was some stupid story about Prowl shooting them with one of our alt form types, but Megatron had shown up by then anyway so things were back to normal. Well, as normal as they ever are in the 'Cons. We were going to capture some human who had some anti matter formula and Megatron was raving on about taking over the universe. That's fairly normal.

By the time we got to the lab, Screamer was in a foul mood on account of Megatron being alive after all and he wasn't talking to me - which I couldn't have given a frag about because after a whole morning stuck with those cassettes, I didn't trust myself to have a decent conversation with him anyway. Then we were in the lab, and there were these humans, and Megatron was getting the formula out of this kid on wheels' head and going on stuff and then – well, after that I have to admit I wasn't paying that much attention because suddenly therewas Mirage. _H__e _just appeared and was firing straight at Starscream and _he_ got him as well and then _he_ was out of there so fast you hardly could have known what happened.

Then I could think of nothing else but _him _and him being alive, and my spark felt as though it might burst in my chest, and I spent the whole of the rest of the day looking for him but I didn't see him again, and I didn't know whether that was because he wasn't there, or was there but not there, if you know what I mean. But Screamer just had a look of absolute fury on his face and I knew I'd be in for it later; then after that I guess the rest of the day didn't go too well for me cos I ended up getting done over by that Twin and then later on I got that thing bored into my leg by the kid on wheels and ended up shooting at Megatron – which didn't go down too well.

Once again, Screamer called me away for a "little talk".

"Well, Skywarp? What happened this time?" We were in one of the upper chambers of the base, near the entrance. His vocalizer echoed off the curved metal walls. He had a dangerous look about him.

I said: "What d'ya mean?"

He said; "You – in that situation today. I had to rescue you from Sideswipe. Have you any idea what that sort of pitiful display does to the reputation of the Decepticons?"

I was tired by then. It had been a long day and I didn't need this. I wanted to just go and lie down on my own and think about Mirage. I said: "Have you ever tried to fly with that cogsucker hanging off ya? He clings on. And he digs his fingers into places you wouldn't even imagine and he doesn't let go. Then he starts rocking from side to side so you can't even see straight let alone fly straight and you end up doing rolls and stuff you don't wanna do and then he steers you right in the direction of some cliff or something so you're slagged ...."

Screamer cut me off. "Thundercracker doesn't appear to have a problem dealing with Sunstreaker who is bigger, heavier, and a better performer!"

I couldn't believe it. I said: "_Well the Kell with Thundercracker_ ..._!"_ and my own voice reverberated around the chamber, loudly.

He still had _that look_. He said: "We talked about this sort of thing before, Skywarp ..."

I knew exactly what he meant; but I said: "Oh for cryin' out loud, Screamer! Surely you're not gonna accuse me of havin' the hots for Sideswipe now?" and I leaned against the wall and folded by arms and wished he'd vapourise.

He looked furious now. The wings were twitching away. He said: "_You know perfectly well I don't think that! _And stand up straight when I'm talking to you!" His optics were blazing and I moved away from the wall. He narrowed them. "What I do think, Skywarp, is that you were so busy looking at the ground in case you could spot – a certain other mechanism who turned out not to be as dead as Megatron thought he was today - that you failed to assess the situation in the air!"

Now that wasn't true. Well, maybe a bit. No, hardly at all really. _Well how in Kell would he know?_ I said "Mirage was nowhere around when that happened!" and immediately regretted it.

He smiled. A not nice smile: "Ah, but you checked that out didn't you Skywarp? _After you just stood there gawping whilst he fired on me in the lab ..._ Then ..." he went on, "we had a further display of utter incompetence when I asked you to get the anti matter gun!"

Primus this was painful. I said: "Well I got it didn't I?"

"After I'd asked you three times. _After I was getting pulverised by Optimus Prime!_"

This was just infuriating. It was neither here nor there anyway. The whole thing had gone to Kell when the antimatter had overheated and Megatron had hurled it away off the planet. I said. "I didn't hear you. When Prime's all revved up like that – you know – his engine makes a racket."

I knew then that I'd gone too far. "_Do you take me for a complete fool_**?**" he screeched, and I winced because I fully expected him to hit me, but he didn't. Instead, he went on: "... and then, not being content with a lamentable performance up until then and behaving like a lovesick femmelette you just stand there and gawk again whilst a human – a mere human – _a human that's got something wrong with it and needs to be on wheels_ – sticks a device in your leg which takes over your mind and you don't even notice ..."

I said: "I did notice. I told him not to mess with me ..."

"Oh Skywarp please!" he turned away. His intakes were actually heaving and he took a few moments to get himself together and then he turned back. "You made a complete spectacle of yourself and a fool of the Decepticons and you nearly got us killed. The only thing that saved you from Megatron was me doing some fast talking and Megatron having this inexplicable idea that you're the greatest thing that's happened to the 'Cons since the battle of Tyger Pax!"

I wanted to mutter: "yeah well it's not my fault if he thinks you're the biggest loser since the fall of the Sentinel Spire" but I couldn't be bothered with prolonging this any further. In fact, now I just wanted to leave.

He hadn't finished, however. There was a silence. And then a different look came over him - one I had not seen since we had been on Earth - and he leaned close to me and I could feel the air from his intakes. "Skywarp," he said, softly. "I know in the past that you and I have been - close ..." I felt my circuits shudder a little. Why was he bringing this up here, now? He'd made the position perfectly clear - besides which, it had nothing to do with the rest. He said "I know you hoped that what happened before would happen again...."

I hadn't even thought of it! Well. _Not really_. I yelled "that ain't got nothin' to do with nothin'!"

He went on. "We are in a professional relationship here. I can't .... "

I couldn't believe it. I said "in case it escaped your processor, _I haven't asked you to!_"

"Skywarp, you shouldn't allow your disappointment over this to give rise to ... the sort of things which are going through your processor in relation to ...."

Now he'd gone too far. I shoved him away, real angry. "I don't have to listen to this!" I snarled. "I'm outta here ..."

* * *

As I made my way down the outer staircases, not even bothering to wait for the lift, he was yelling: "don't think your little _love object_ is going to do for you what I've done in the past! Don't think anything you have done has impressed him at all! He'll be sitting in that base right now with all those others – _with those twins_ – laughing his guts out about you, Skywarp! So whatever else you might as well forget it because of all the mechs in this outfit, _I don't believe he would even look at you_ .."

It went right to my spark, that did. I could hear the words echoing long after I was out of audial range. And by the time I got to quarters tears were coming out of my optics. TC wasn't in our quarters and I threw myself down on the berth and cried, partly because Screamer was such an afthole and partly because I just could not bear to think of Mirage laughing about me with Sunstreaker and Sideswipe

But yet I knew – somehow, I don't know how – that Mirage just wasn't like that. But I had to test it out ...

And it was then that I got the idea of sending that Transmission cos I thought _well what the Kell_ and, besides, it was a way of telling Screamer to stick it right up his aft ....

So I sent it.

* * *

_thanks for reading. **A***  
_


	3. Chapter 3 Longings

**== Forbidden Fantasies ==**

**by Ayngel**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any of the characters or concepts within. I make no money from this or any other story about Transformers_

Many thanks to all who have reviewed this story. It's much appreciated. And thank you especially Illusion 224 for all your enlightening conversations!

Apologies to TC/Skywarp together forever devotees. I love the concept of bonds – but I've always had reservations about Transformer bonds lasting eternally or monogamy being the order of the day. I always envisaged possible affairs and bonds going wrong sometimes or just coming to an end or the parties turning out not to be truly right for each other - just as it is with our own relationships. In fact, even more so – given the length of lifespan and complications in the lives of Transformers.

Besides - it makes for good drama!

That's what's happening here – and some pretty sappy stuff as Skywarp - who has a vivid imagination - thinks about other possibilities besides TC ...

But first: bit of Starscream POV!

_Warning: Adult themes; Slash; romantic rather than smutty but slash nevertheless_

**Chapter 3: Longings**

**Author Designation: Starscream**

**Wing Commander, Elite Air Command, Decepticon Earth Contingent.**

**(**_**Flashback to before the Transformers left for Earth**_**)**

**...  
**

So Megatron was going to follow Prime to Earth! What a glorious opportunity it was ….

I could, I thought, stay here and make sure things were 'all right' while he was away. And then, when he failed to reappear - which with any luck would be a - permanent - state of affairs - I could do what he had failed so abysmally to do and take Cybertron properly. No more bands of roving rebels, no more swat attacks and raids. With the Autobots out of the way it would be a piece of oilcake.

And I had something else - I could release the Combaticons. Oh yes - unbeknown to him I had the codes for that 'Detention Centre.' Then we could carry out an assessment of who else was in that dismal institution and get them out. Shockwave would be easily overpowered and - ohhh yes - I could see a most welcome turn of events coming my way.

But it was not to be.

Megatron summoned me. "You, of course, will be coming with me, " he said. "As my second in command, actually!" He gave me a wry smile. "I want you to round up your trine, and be ready for launch in five thousand astroseconds. I sincerely hope you do not have a_ problem_ with that, Starscream!"

...

"Megatron - it's not that easy!" I was saying.

I had not seen Thundercracker or Skywarp for at least half a vorn. And I had no confidence, even if I did, that they would join me. Not after - well - what had happened last time we were together.

Megatron was not amused. "Oh? And what is the problem, Starscream?" he enquired.

Well I could hardly tell him the truth, could I? That Skywarp and I had once more given into our urges and had a thoroughly interesting time during the sacking of Praxus! But that Skywarp had wanted more – despite me making it clear in the first place that there _would not be more,_ and had taken off in a huff and Thundercracker, when he found out about it had vowed never to fly in a trine again?

"They had – a busy agenda," I said. " And some 'issues' to sort."

Our leader smiled. "What sort of issues, Starscream?"

"Errr - parts shortages type issues. Oh and they're - uh - bond. You know how you've always said, Megatron, that sparkbonds are far too much an Autobot type thing for Cons to participate in? And how they're not all they're cracked up to be anyway - you know, how they're supposed to bind their components for life but that doesn't mean jack pit - well, you were right, of course, Megatron!"

His optics flared. Yes – as usual I'd probably overdone it. He knew I rarely meant anything approaching a compliment. " I see," he said. "In other words – your _philanderings _with Skywarp 'fragged up' their sparkbond."

"No! " I said. "I'm sure that's not it!" Well – it was hardly as though I was the only one on Skywarp's 'list' of infidelities. And I was not the most controversial, by far. "They're going through a 'rough patch!" I said.

I saw the fury gather within him. "Well you will find them and have them here out of their _rough patch,_ and functional!" he roared. "And I have never heard such a pathetic excuse in my life! I know the real reason. You want to stay here, and take over Cybertron!"

"Megatron – how could you say that?" I protested. "I just thought Shockwave could do with a hand! He's going to be very short staffed here, and besides …." I raised an optic ridge. "To be honest, Megatron, I'm not a hundred per cent certain we can trust him!"

The next thing I knew, a black hand was around my throat and squeezing tightly. "Get them here! " he roared. "Otherwise - You know what I have said!"

Oh yes, I knew. _I will arrange for your incarceration with the Combaticons. _And he may well do that. Even if it did mean fraternizing with Bombshell, who had invented the mind-body separation process in the first place, but whom I knew Megatron really did not want to be involved with just now.

"On second thoughts," a grin spread over his faceplates, letting me go so that I had to stagger to keep my footing. " I know what I'll do. I'll get Thrust and Dirge in to take their places."

Now that was more horrendous even than being incarcerated with the Combaticons. "Ill see what I can do!" I said.

...

Oh well, I thought, as I awaited their arrival, at least I knew more about this 'planet' we were going to than I dared divulge to Megatron. In fact, he had no idea that I'd 'been there' before, or of the extent of the resources the place offered. The only problem was, it was a heck of a long way away and, when I was there last, rather 'difficult' being beset by Earthquakes, volcanoes, huge, unsavory forests and creatures which could swallow you whole.

Not to mention the unpredictable weather which had been my partner's downfall ….

Yes, Skyfire. Poor Skyfire. I wondered if he was still there ….

My trine mates arrived, then. Skywarp, who I'd tracked down with a load of femmes in the ruins of Praxus, and Thundercracker, who had been at the ruined temple city of Simfur, attempting to 'meditate his way out of the bond. None of it augured well for our 'reunion.'. Dealing with it, however, did mean I was able to put the Skyfire episode - and whether I even _wanted _him to be still there – out of my mind.

…

Skywarp looked as though he'd rather be anywhere but here. He hovered, impatiently, and kept glancing at the door. Thundercracker, meanwhile, sat with his arms solidly folded, not looking at Skywarp. Hwy, I wondered, did the command of my troops always have to resemble something out of a soap opera?

Well, I had to make an effort. I decided to break the silence. "Well – here we all are!" I said.

Thundercracker grunted. "Starscream –" Skywarp said, "I told ya – I kinda - _got things on_" in a way which made me think that any passions for me had, at this time, been entirely forgotten. And Thundercracker grunted again then, knowing as well as I did that this meant the femmes in Praxus."

"Oh come on, guys!" I said. "It's gonna be fun! We're gonna chase the Ark! We'll probably have at least one mid space skirmish and then, this _Earth _– it's full of resources. If we can get rid of the Autobots on the way then just think how much we can take for ourselves. We'll be back here and Cybertron revitalized within half a vorn. Victory will be assured!"

Skywarp looked more enthusiastic, but Thundercracker didn't. "How?" he muttered, "do we get all that stuff back here?"

"Well – uh …" I had to think fast. "A space bridge, of course! We'll build a space bridge."

His optics lingered on me and then away again. "You don't know how," he said. "That's Shockwave's specialty."

Skywarp looked a little more enthusiastic. "Oh come on, TC!" he said. "Shockwave can do it from here. And Screamer may not know how to build 'em but he sure can do repairs! Remember that time on Itopis?"

"I guess." Thundercracker mumbled. I was quite impressed with Skywarp. I had almost forgotten myself that time I had to extricate them from the Cybertronian moon and Shockwave was 'disabled'.

Perhaps, I thought, I could be a little more 'persuasive.' "You realize," I said, "that if you won't go, Megatron wants to take Thrust and Dirge? Now, much as I would far prefer it to be you two …" I noted with satisfaction that they had both looked up sharply, "Should it come to that, I'm sure they will put up a more than satisfactory performance."

That appeared to decide the matter for Skywarp. "Oh well, stuff that!" he said. "I'm in!"

Thundercracker, however, looked up enraged. "Oh yeah!" he said, getting up. He glared at Skywarp. "As if that's gonna make me change my mind!"

Skywarp looked confused, and I must say I did not fully understand where he was coming from. He glared at his bond mate. "The moment he mentions fragging, you're in on it, aren't you?" he bawled. "Well you can count me out! Go and add another conehead to the list! And I hope you all have a darned good time without me!"

…..

Skywarp was still smirking. "He didn't mean – _that! _TC"I he said. "No," I agreed. "Good performance can refer to activities besides _fragging, _Thundercracker!"

"Yeah, c'mon TC! You're paranoid!" And now, it appeared, Skywarp had actually warmed to the idea of this trip. That was how quickly my black and purple lookalike's moods could shift. "Hey, TC!" he was saying. "The thing with Ramjet. It's over! Was never anything more than a legover anyway. I told ya that at the time!"

I had no idea that Ramjet was also on Skywarp's 'list.' It was – amusing – to say the least. But not really the point.

"If you come," I said to Thundercracker, " there'll be no need for him to be there. He'll be left here on Cybertron – and may well starve if we don't get any energy back in time.

"There – told ya!" said Skywarp.

Thundercracker glowered. 'There's bound to be others," he growled, his optics flickering in my direction.

"There won't, honest!" his bondmate responded. "There'll be too much fighting and stuff for there to be time for all that and anyway, things are gonna be different. Ain't they, Starscream?"

Thundercracker still looked angry. He grunted. "I've heard all this before!' he said. But he was looking at Skywarp quite softly, and with more than a little affection in his red optics. And Skywarp was looking fondly back.

I seized the opportunity. "Guys!" I said, putting my arms around their shoulders and drawing them together. "C'mon now! You're bonded! Remember what that means? Oh I know the likes of Megatron are always saying it's too Autobottish and doesn't last, but hey – I've never seen anything but 'eternity' written all over you guys!"

"And besides," I felt a sense of relief as Skywarp suddenly moved forward, kissing Thundercracker who responded enthusiastically. "We're a _trine!"_

….

_**(Present time:)**_

So here we all were! And and I got us all flying together in enough of a functional way that Megatron didn't carp on too much. Whatever else, we still loved flying and were still an A1 team. And I thought, perhaps, that the whole situation would reinvigorate their relationship – so I kept my own desires for Skywarp very strictly at bay and kept our relationship strictly professional – even to the point of being quite hard on him.

Except that it made no difference - because suddenly there was Mirage D'Ligier and – yes, well, I'd forgotten about Skywarp's 'preoccupation' on that score.

Not that I blamed him. There weren't many Alpha Castes left on Cybertron after our wholesale destruction of the Alpha Districts, and they were beautiful, and superior, and it was natural for other castes to want to interface with them. And Mirage was - let's just say – without going into details at this stage – particularly appealing.

And it was not just that Skywarp had this 'thing' for him which gave me the jitters. He was still an assassin, and he still hated Seekers. I could not see, after what we did to the Towers, that it could ever be any other way.

For that reason I spoke to Soundwave about keeping a close watch on our Alpha friend – whilst I, in turn, resolved to keep a close watch upon Soundwave. There were, after all, these strage ties between Soundwave, Mirage and Ravage. And just for good measure, I strongly recommended the possibility that Soundwave might 'take out' Mirage should he find himself with the opportunity.

Whether he did so or not would, I surmised, be a very good test of his loyalty to me.

Should I have need - for whatever reason - to assume leadership of the Decepticons.

* * *

**Author Designation: Skywarp**

**Seeker, Elite Air Command, Decepticon Earth Contingent**

After I sent the transmission, I sat there in front of the console like a lovesick fool. On the screen was an image of Mirage's mech form and his Earth alt form, a profile print which I had retrieved from our records and brought up because I had felt I just _had_ to look at him and memorize every detail. I sat there for ages, not able to tear myself away. I could not look at anything but the image and I could not think of _anything _except him.

What Screamer had just said was parsecs away, in another universe. He might as well not have said it at all.

It was like my mind circuits had been taken over by Mirage. All I could do was stare at his picture, and think how beautiful his face was, and how perfectly in proportion all of him was, and how smooth and flawless his skin was, all that specially crafted, smooth high quality metal. And how when you looked closely you could see he had far more complicated joints and seams than other mechs but all the little components looked like they fitted together perfectly. I thought then of how he moved and I groaned. That was perfect as well. In fact, he seemed to flow around. Like liquid mercury.

And his alt mode. That was sleek and beautiful too. And he could move really fast - faster than most of the others. And he was much flashier about the way he did it.

And His colours! That was just the most perfect shade of blue. I looked at my own violet hues and then back at the blue and then mine again and imagined what they would look like next to each other. Perfect, I decided. Yet another thing which was _just perfect_. My intakes let out a great sigh at the thought.

Then I was studying his mech form again. I enlarged the image. Oh, the intricacy of him – all those perfect parts ! The sight of them was making me feel weak! And when I imagined what it would be like to _touch_ them ... well, that just sent my core temperature soaring and a whole load of other changes happening to my configurations that only ever happened when I needed to do one thing ...

But then, I looked at the image again and a great ache went suddenly right through my spark. Because I didn't want it to be_ just that _with Mirage, I wanted it to be ... well - much more. And I thought of how with Screamer for all those vorns it had really only been _just that_ and how sick and empty that had sometimes made me feel. And I thought how it had been - if I was honest about it - _like that _with every other mechanoid I'd ever been with except for TC, and I thought, guiltily, that they must have felt all empty too and how I could not bear for Mirage to feel sick and empty. Of course, it wasn't _just that _with TC. But that was different. Like - familiar. And I didn't want it to be like that either with Mirage.

No. With Mirage it was going to be special and beautiful; and _mutual _...

It was going to be ...

I stared at his image and allowed my mind to wander, then, and I imagined a scene amid the battlefield; flashes and blasts and gunfire and yells and cries went on all around, and the smell of smoke and burnt circuitry was everywhere. But then, like magic, Mirage and me were suddenly away from that scene and in a space all of our own, and the noises of fighting and the smells faded away and then eventually it was like it was just us and there was a sweet scent in the air and we had the whole universe to ourselves.

_He stood there gazing at me with those incredible blue optics, and there was a far away look in them, and he said: "Skywarp? Is it true ..." and I said: "yes, Mirage, it's true ...'" and I looked straight into those optics and then the look in them got more intense and he said: "you meant ... what you said...?" and I said: "I meant every word ..." and it was like we were in a dream. Then he started to walk towards me and he said: "I can't believe this. All these vorns I've felt the same way but never been able to say it and now this ... I don't know what to say ..." and as he came he looked at me imploringly and I held out my arms and said: "there's no need for words, Mirage ..."_

Leaning back in the chair, I shuttered my optics and basked in the vision. It was _amazingly_ real. Like it was actually happening.

_Then he stopped and he just looked at me with great love and wonder, and he said: "Oh, Skywarp ..." and I said: "Mirage ..." and then he came up to me and we joined hands and he was gazing into my optics and I into his and he said: "all my life I've waited for this moment ..." and I said: "me too ..." and as I was thinking of this I could feel my spark pulsing in my chest with longing and his was doing the same. _

And my spark really _was_ pulsing, right there in real life ... in fact I let out a little moan because it _hurt ..._

_Then he came fully to me and was melting into me and he moaned, softly; and I took him in my arms and held him tightly and he wrapped himself around me, and I could feel all of his body against mine and his spark was pulsing against my chest; then I brought my wings around and folded him right into me and we stood there just holding each other and our sparks pulsed together_

Oh Primus, it was exquisite! I was right there, and it was as though time stood still. The console, the room, the base, all that had ceased to exist. There was just me, and him, and our sparks. And they would bind together in the universe forever ...

_He pulled back a little and suddenly I was looking at his beautiful face; and I gazed into his optics and they were like magical blue pools and full of desire, and it was like all around us were beautiful colours and scents; then his lips opened slightly and he whispered: "kiss me ..." and I murmured "oh Mirage ..." and I leaned down and I ... _

_"WARP!"_

My optics snapped open and I nearly jumped out of my exoskeleton, I had not had the slightest inkling that anyone had come in. Had not heard the doors go or anything - so lost was I in beauty and blue optics. Now I had to suddenly think hard to remember where I was and my pump was beating forcefully as I struggled back into the real world.

"Warp?" It was TC.

Now I looked in the direction of the voice and saw my bondmate coming towards me. Instinctively, I hit the exit button on the computer and the image of the new love of my life faded and dissolved. Then it had gone, and TC was there, and - well, I felt really _annoyed _because his timing was _abominable_. Had he _had _to come in right at that moment? I felt like getting up and landing him one. But I didn't. Instead, I snapped:

"There's such a thing as not sneaking up y'know ..."

I could feel the energon flowing fast through my conduits, and I could still feel my spark pulsing.

He stopped, looking puzzled and a bit hurt: "Well - _Warp _- I called out several times, but you were parsecs away ...," Then he was behind my chair and he was looking at the screen, which still had the file list on it in which the image of Mirage was located.

"What you up to?" he asked.

I wanted to say "Mind your own slagging business ..." and tell him to frag off and leave me alone so I could get back to the important thing I had just been doing, but his voice was all tired and, besides, I knew if I did that we would only get into an argument, and that would just be so much worse. So I just muttered "Nothing ... nothing really at all TC ..." and I leaned forward and switched off the machine, and then then we were both silent as it shut down. I continued to stare at the screen after it had, even though there was nothing to stare at, and my thoughts were going back to the racer and my spark was still aching, and now - I could not help it - the vision was coming back.

_... I cupped his face in my hands and he sighed and closed his optics; and then I bent to him and I closed my optics and my lips brushed his just ever so gently and they felt as soft as fine platinum and they were the most beautiful lips I had ever kissed in my life ..._

TC moved off across the room and started to engage in his usual pre recharge tasks - just as he always did - talking as he did so. He was saying something like: "it's been a long day Warp..." and his voice sounded all weary and fed up, and then he was over the other side and I could hear a clanking sound as he removed canons and bits of armour, and he was going on all this stuff :- The failure of the spare parts raid. Soundwave getting caught up in some wire. Screamer lording it around until Megatron got back on the scene. Screamer going off his face about the antimatter gun - as if I wanted to hear about that again - and it was Prime this, and Megatron that and Soundwave this - _blah, blah, blah_, – on and on ...

I shuttered my optics and let my mind wander again.

_... and I kissed him fully then and I took him in my arms again and he moaned and kissed me back and he wrapped his arms around me and sighed and I held him and it was like everything in the universe was perfect ..._

In the distance, TC's voice: " ... I dunno where Sunstreaker gets the energy. I swear that golden afthole gets more energy every time he gets ahold of me..."

_and I kissed him again, deeper, stronger, and our intakes were sighing and he reached up and was stroking mine, and I could feel the heat from him .and my spark was in a steady rhythm now and I could feel his pulsing in time and one of my hands clasped one of his ... and we were starting to merge ..._

It was so strong! My spark gave a great lurch and spasm and I know I let out a noise of pain and longing. For the second time I jolted back to reality. TC was still on about Sunstreaker. He obviously hadn't heard me. He was going on something about how it seemed like Sunstreaker just let him go today and how maybe we were all getting too old ... But I was drifting away again ...

_I love you, Skywarp ... this is meant to be ... give yourself to me ..._

There was silence then and I felt us just holding each other, too lost for words. But then I felt hands - real hands - on my intakes, and my spark gave a jolt, and I flinched physically and now the illusion really did shatter completely.

The hands moved. I felt myself stiffen. I didn't want them there. They felt like alien things on me. rough and cold and it felt like my spark yelled out for them to _please_ be gone so it could get back to merging with Mirage again - at least in fantasy. Then the hands were stroking my intakes, trying to be gentle, and it wasn't unpleasant. But I couldn't respond, and after a few moments, the hands gave up and were gone. My bondmate let out a sigh. Then he was just standing there.

I felt weak and faint. And weary myself now. I did not want to talk about today and I did not think I could face hearing anything more about the twins. Especially them. And I did not feel like having him touch me again - on my intakes or anywhere else. I had a strong urge to go and curl up and offline in the hope that the dream would return and that in an offlined state it would be even more real and not have any interruptions. So I said: "you're right, TC, it has been a long day ... I think I'll turn in..." and I leaned forward and clicked the data file out from the computer. I didn't want TC deciding to investigate that more closely. Then I got up slowly and stretched.

He was still talking, addressing me directly now: "Megatron says Prime's got these humans onside. He says they're making weapons against us ..."

I stole a glance around the room and saw that he had tidied up the myriad of datapads which had been lying around as a result of me not being able to think earlier about anything except the subject matter of the dream and totally failing to get my act together. Good old TC. Always picking up after me. I suddenly felt guilty.

"Lazerbeak's going in tonight to see what the score is ..."I looked at him and could tell what he was saying was important - or, at least, he thought it was important. And I should be listening and answering and then talking to him about it. Except that I didn't want to. Right all I wanted to do was get out of there. I needed recharge and, as another vision of kissing Mirage fitted briefly across my awareness and his voice said _I just – want to give you my spark ... take me somewhere we can connect ..." _my spark gave out another spasm and I knew I needed_ - just had _to - go away and think about this some more.

"Warp, are you listening to me?"

My thoughts had strayed again! I think it was then that I came to my senses a bit and I thought something like: _Oh by Primus I 've fallen for a fraggin' Autobot ... what in Kell am I going to do? _And what that meant was suddenly so scary in so many ways that I just shut my optics hard and hung on to the console ...

"Warp Are you all right?" Now he was round beside me, and his arm went around my shoulder.

He _must not even get a smidgeon of what was in my processor. _And then I froze._ What if Screamer says something_?and I suddenly felt sick inside at the thought of him somehow knowing everything that had just been going through my processor and telling Soundwave who would say "interesting ... this corresponds with the increased levels of emotion I have been detecting" - or something like that - and, worse, megatron glaring down at me and saying "explain yourself!" whilst TC looked on all hurt and horrified.

But no. I was letting my imagination run riot. I hadn't _done _anything ...

Well - not yet ...

I took a few deep intakes. I'm all right TC I said. Just tired - like you.

He removed his arm. "Warp," he said, " we're gonna have to talk, you know. At some stage .." I could feel him looking at me, but I could not look at him.

I said "well – yeah! Sure TC. Now just ain't a very good time, is it?" and I started gathering up the remaining few datapads and putting them on the desk.

"Warp, it's never a good time, is it?"

I knew he was still looking at me and in the end I couldn't help looking at him again, even though I didn't want to. When I did I could see the hurt in his deep crimson optics and suddenly felt awful Real awful. And helpless. because I knew things weren't like they used to be between us and they never would be again and he didn't get it and there was nothing I could do about it.

I sighed. I said "Aw heck, I'm sorry TC. It's just – well like ya said, that stuff with the twins, it's exhausting ..."

"Warp, d'you know how long it's been since we ...?"

Now I really had to get out of there. I said: "there ain't really a lot of time for that sort of thing down here now is there TC?" because - well - what else could I say? _I don't want to because there's this Autobot I'm getting really into thinking about doing it with and I think I'm falling in love with him and and I'd rather think about doing it with him than doing it with you?_. Without wishing to hang around longer, I moved towards the doorway.

He sighed. He said: "I take it you're recharging in the control room annexe again then?"

I had been recharging in there most nights since we were on Earth. I said: "yeah – well, someone's gotta keep an optic on things don't they TC ..."

Which was rubbish, because Ravage would be _actually in the control room_ keeping an optic on things and I would be in recharge, and TC knew that and I _knew _TC knew that, but I still said it just the same.

As I got near the door, he said: "sweet dreams, Warp. I love you, you know ..."

And I paused, feeling real bad again. Cos he _did love me_. That was the trouble. And it wasn't like he meant nothing to me. he was still my bond make, for Primus' sake. It was just that ...

I crossed back over to where he was standing and I gave him a little peck on the cheek, and I whispered:"I love ya too, TC ..."

And I really didn't know any more whether that was rubbish or not, but he looked a lot happier and that made me feel a bit better and then I left.

* * *

_TC sympathisers - It all gets quite a lot more traumatic – but then it does get better for everyone – trust me!_

_Next chapter soon - back to the Autobots. And some other perspectives on all this. A._


	4. Chapter 4 Reconsideration

**==FORBIDDEN FANTASIES==**

**By Ayngel**

* * *

_Disclaimer: I do not own transformers, or any of the characters or concepts in any Transformers community, and I sure as heck don't make any money from this or any other story._

_Warnings: Slash, talk of sexual acts and talk of medium level violence_

Now for some Mirage POV!

* * *

**Chapter 4: Reconsideration**

Author Designation: Mirage

Autobot Intelligence Officer

...

Later, after the debriefing on the antimatter debacle, Bluestreak and I retired for the night. As I went through the nightly routine in the washracks. He had an excited look, his doorwings twitching and even though the spacious ablution provisions allowed me to be at some distance, I could feel the heat coming off him. He wanted nothing more than to get in the berth and interface. That much was obvious.

He was up against me and kissing everywhere, and I could feel his soft scented alloys quivering with need. I began to oblige him; but then, I stopped. I was _too tired_, I said, stroking his helm. Using the electro disruptor to shape shift into a rock had exhausted my energy reserves, and I needed 'replenishments.' Not in the good old traditional transformer way of high grade and fragging – not that I was usually above such methods - but in the way of a comfortable berth and lots of sound, offlined recharge.

His disappointment was obvious. But he accepted it like the good Autobot that he was, snuggling down beside me and telling me how he 'just liked having me there.' And I assured him it was not him, that we would 'face as soon as we awoke, that on top of my _heavy day_ I'd had much to think about. Which was true. I had. I just declined to mention that the 'much' was the transmission.

And now, his intakes sighed softly, his form outlined on the wide berth, chevron glinting in the soft light of the officers quarters as he fell into recharge beside me, tireder than he had realized, a picture of youthful innocence. Hurt by destruction, as I had been and yet somehow able to shut that out, somehow able to forget. Maybe because the others were always a sympathetic bastion, were there, supportive, caring. Whereas with me ….

I was one of those cold Alphamechs who could look after themselves. A member of a culture which was outmoded, anachronistic, long overdue for an overhaul even without the attentions of the Decepticons.

But my home. The Towers. Old, yes, old, outmoded and an undeniable energy drain - but my home. And as the light thickened and the sounds in the Autobot camp died down, the Ark settling for the night, my mind went again to the day that home went down. To when the Seekers took it down, and to events before that.

….

"I have a name," I had said to Shockwave. "The Combaticon, Onslaught. And there are others."

And I had thought this would appease Megatron, greatly. Make up for the fact that he never got the money which was supposed to 'pay him off' in exchange for saving the Towers. He would not take pity, as such, I surmised. But he would take the exposure of Onslaught's proposed coup as a contribution, something worthy of respect. Then, when he really thought about taking out the Towers, it would be easier for him to find himself simply unable to destroy Cybertron's finest and most ancient monument; easier to keep it as _the piece de resistance_ of what he so wanted to rule.

Wrong, _wrong _Mirage! Oh how naive I had been!

As I lay there, I could still hear his sickening, patronizing drawl, after it happened. "The selenium generators within the Iron Mountains, Mirage. How much of their strength do you suppose your _anachronistic edifices_ were draining? Oh Mirage – I can put those machines to sooo much better use …."

I had felt weak and sick. "But I gave you the whereabouts of the traitors, Megatron!" I had persisted.

"You did, Mirage. Congratulations! The tide for the Decepticons has certainly turned. So unfortunate that it couldn't for the Towers."

And I had known, then, that he had planned to destroy the Towers anyway, whether Swindle had given him the money or not; and that the Combaticons had gone to jail for nothing.

...

It was quiet in the room. In the distance voices, the sound of doors shutting and footsteps died down, and there was only the sound of Bluestreak's intakes softly hissing. He was now well offline beside me. But my mind was – as it had been so often – fully tuned in to that time and the terrible cycles which followed.

I went back in time once more, to that sultry day, the skies dark and angry, one of those rare times when electrical storms swirled across the southern hemisphere of Cybertron, striking at random with violence and spectacular displays of light. I remembered it well, the crystals in the soaring island buildings flashing brilliantly as the first bolts struck the Iron Mountains beyond, dancing off the waters of the lake and lighting up the city of Iacon visible over the dam. The mechs of the Towers had gone to the uppermost viewing platforms, or were on the bridges, or in other vantage points, waiting for the show; the lights, the tumultuous noise and the torrential rain which so rarely fell.

But I was not on my viewing platform; for even though I still told myself I had I had succeeded - that Megatron was happy because I had saved his leadership - a sense of terrible unease was with me. And sure enough, after quite a few flashes of lightning, my sister Moonracer's voice rang through on the comm, full of undisguised panic. "Get out, Mirage! Get out, and whoever else will leave. _They're going to do it."_

I felt a stubborn resistance. My sister and I had not been on good terms, and she was prone to over exaggeration. "They won't do it!" I said. "While you have been cavorting with Autobot patrol flyers, I have been protecting our little asset base! Megatron is very pleased with the methods I used, besides which - the Decepticons wouldn't dare! And anyway ..." I could not help but jibe, "will not the _valiant Autobots_ protect us?"

"Megatron will do it!" she hissed. "Believe me, I know. And I don't think you can rely on the Autobots, Mirage! they – they're not prepared for this. They didn't think it would happen. And besides …." There was a silence, "I don't know how much they care."

I seethed. I could have told her as much. Why did she think I had gone to Megatron in the first place? One did not do such a thing lightly! "Well make them care!" I snarled, feeling panic start to escalate, because her voice had held a chilling ring of truth. "Use your influence, Moon! Since you insist on considering yourself one of their ranks!" And then I had glanced around, as more lighting painted the mountains bright ocher and this time a large clap of thunder rolled, the inking how in the name of Primus do I shift an entire population who don't want to go?

"I'll try!" she had said, "But no guarantees, Mirage, If nothing else, save yourself!"

"You'll do more than try!" I had yelled. But even then as another peal of thunder rolled there came the drone of engines, a very large number of engines, powerful and sophisticated. And that was the first wave of Seekers, sweeping over Iacon; and some feeble counterfire was coming from somewhere on the outer perimeters, but it was having no effect, and anyway, they weren't targeting Iacon. They were headed for the Towers.

They swept across the city like a flock of homing darts; then a series of deafening _kabooms _rang_ - _as they blasted the dam wall .

I remembered, everything went eerily quiet; it was as though that tranquil solace needed a brief consideration of it's long history and last final moments intact. Then, as the first drops of rain began to fall, lightning struck and thunder rolled, and another noise rent the air; a mighty cracking and crashing and crumbling - a terrible sound - ancient and agonizing, which echoed around the circling hills; it was the great dam giving way, of course. And the waters of the lake, unchecked for the first time in eons, began to rush towards the scarp.

I remember terror, nothing but terror, all around. Screams, shouts, a clamor of voices as boats made for the islands, as mechs leaped in elevators and scrambled down from platforms, as though imagining that if they could just be on the solid rock of the islands this would save them. Lightning cleft the sky again above the Iron Mountains and the sounds of destruction grew louder, a new roar adding to the din as the vast waters roared past and cascaded, gushing out over the scarp to race towards the city below.

I watched as the raging torrent pulled from around me all that I had known, swept away the islands themselves, foundations of the buildings crumbling like softstone as Towers toppled bridges were swept away.

And I found myself stranded on my island as all around, screaming mechs, sparklings, cyberpets clung to rocks, debris, _anything. _And then the main wave of flyers screamed in, levelling those buildings stills standing, sending the last of the mighty structures of the ancient seat of Cybertron crashing to their doom, and the last thing I remembered was looking up to see the ancient structure which had harboured D'Ligiers for generations explode into chunks of marble, which hung suspended - and then headed rapidly my way.

Then there was nothing.

….

I got up from beside Bluestreak, then, my tanks churning at the memory which had haunted me for so many, many eons. Crossing to the ablution room, I splashed water on my face, wishing I had some high grade to wash away the images as I had made it do on so many occasions.

Because as usual, the images would not go. Even after all this time, those flailing, pathetic mechs, so good at their negotiations and their parties and so useless in that situation played across my inner visual field. And in that vision, the Decepticons of course still came – a host of flyers, murderous and menacing; of all kinds, many Seekers among them; and not content at the destruction already caused, they shot down the rest of the buildings, crushing the mechs in the water like sparkling toys. Not that I remembered this. The etching of those delightful images were thanks to the footage Megatron provided later on.

And I had been buried too, trapped under the rubble of my home on the island stump which had been its foundation, unconscious – but alive. There I had stayed until I was rescued, pulled from beneath the debris by one whose ancient senses could detect where others could not; and I was taken and delivered to the Autobots, where I was taken in, and I and recovered; but for many eons, I wished I hadn't.

The room was very dim, but by the light of my optics I could see the pale reflection of myself in the mirror, the face of one of the few survivors of our kin. The Seekers did it. Yes! How I hated them! Hated them all.

Yes,they had done it! Whoever may have ordered it they had done it. Fiends, they had been. That last act - the killing off of anyone still floundering - said it all. As if we had not suffered enough! And it was for that reason – the later footage of sparklings clinging to rocks and waving piteously only to be blasted to smithereens - that I took such a terrible revenge. That I sought to reduce their number as they had mine; sought to inflict the terror they had paid no heed to inflicting on my kin.

Yet, a doubt arose to nag at me now. A voice welled up from the depths of my logic circuits, challenging my hatred and blame. _Seekers:_ _Factory made flyers…. modelled on a race murdered by the Quintessons. Orphans, programmed to follow orders. Orders from Megatron – why do you not save you hatred for the real culprit, Mirage?_

Well - why indeed? And if it came to that, Megatron was not alone in culpability, was he? Had not Prime procrastinated unspeakably? _Don't you worry yourself, Mirage – I know my brother, and he won't go that far …._

Well Megatron _had_ gone 'that far,' - but how much had Prime 'played down' his mistake over the years? Just as he had 'played down' the finishing off of his brother who was, after all the long years of this wretched war, still very much alive._  
_

I felt anger rising, and all of it was directed to Megatron, and to the Autobots; and, now I thought about it, not to the Seekers; dim, order following entities who enjoyed breaking things – enjoyed breaking the Towers – but perhaps only because they remembered through some bizarre ancestral memory that their own world had been cruelly broken.

And, now as I remembered watching the sickening footage, it was, I conceded, true also that not many actual Seekers had picked off the injured and dying in the waters. They took the dam, yes, they shot at buildings, but no, the ones who performed that final act? They were rotor flyers. Mostly ...

So it seemed that suddenly all these reasons arose, these justifications for _not _being as hard on the seekers as I previously had been, but for being, perhaps, even harder on the others - Megatron, Prime, Autobots, rotor flyers. Etcetera. And through it all - yes - I had also to take some responsibility for my own part, my antipathy and procrastination too. For there had been others among the Alpha caste who curried favors with Megatron, with equally futile results- and had I not known, deep down, that all of our endeavors were futile? Why did I return to the Towers and carry on up there as though nothing had happened, as though life would continue there for millions of years, unaltered, just the way it had always been?

Unwittingly, I let out a sigh. It was loud enough that Bluestreak moved, but he did not awaken. I stole a glance at his form on the berth, outlined in the dim light. His losses were bad. But at least he could glean some solace from the fact that he had been powerless to do anything about it.

Yes, many to blame, against whom my bitterness still raged. And not least myself. But among them perhaps _not_, now, the Seekers. Perhaps I had punished them, as much as they needed to be punished, and something rather more - _constructive_ - was indicated for the future.

_I'm real sorry about what happened to it …._ The memory of the words brought an unexpected stab to my spark, yet a warmth as well. I felt almost fondly of the purple and black Decepticon Seeker. Skywarp was not, I thought, one of the real evils of the Decepticon ranks. And with his cocky swagger and nice purple hues - my circuits gave off a pleasant little tingle - he really was actually not unattractive at all ….

…

Bluestreak turned over then with a soft metallic rustling,, his intakes letting out a loud hiss as he onlined. He flailed around. "Mirage, hmmmnnn, where?"

"I'm here," I said. And I returned to the berth, remembering how he had been very good at helping me to imagine that he was somebody else ….

"I still want you," he said. "That can be arranged," I replied.

I pulled him on top. 'Now _you _do it to _me'_. I said.

Later, he said he thought he'd fallen in love with me. Which was perhaps unfortunate, seeing as how I most certainly was not in love with him. No – nothing could have been more not so as once again images of sleek fuselages and black tinged purple wings invaded my dreams.

* * *

**Commentary by Bluestreak**

**Gunner, Autobot Earth Team**

...

The day after the antimatter adventure, I ended up getting sent to Cybertron to get a Cosmitron to repair Optimus Prime. I was quite surprised, really. Usually I wouldn't have been considered important enough for such a task. It was flattering, and it made me feel good. Even better after the amazing night I'd just had with Mirage.

_Primus that was something_! But the Cosmitron thing was good because in between picking locks on Wheeljack's lab and surviving acid rain attacks it gave me a chance to think about some stuff.

Like the fact that there were two on the Autobot team who everyone wanted the most and I was screwing both of them.

I mean, I'm not trying to make excuses, but who wouldn't, if they had the chance? They were both beautiful. Mirage in that classy, fine alloyed, smooth skinned and elegant sort of a way and Sunny because he was just huge and magnificent and he shone in the Earth sun like a Cybertronian God.

And Mirage was such a great lover; so different, so passionate, so _sensitive_; and even if he was cranky a lot of the time with the others, he was real nice to me.

Sunny wasn't such a great lover. I wouldn't go broadcasting it around but to be honest it was a bit -_rough_. And he wasn't half as nice to me as Mirage was. In fact, he was pretty rude a lot of the time. But he was just so – _dynamic_; and it was just great being in his company. Him and Sides. And that the fact that everyone else wanted to be in it but he chosen me just made it that bit more special.

I really should have told them about each other.

The trouble was, I didn't really talk to either of them a real lot; it was more a sort of _physical_ situation with both of them. I always felt that they liked fragging me a lot better than they liked the sound of my voice, and I don't really blame them for that cos I know in those days I did go on a bit. I think that was why neither of them wanted things made public. So nobody ever saw us together, see, and it was very easy to keep them a secret from each other.

But I should have said something, somehow. I regretted it after, not doing that. Neither was the type you should ever mess around like that and Mirage was real sad on Earth and I think perhaps he liked me more than I thought and he was more upset than I thought. And I would have been much better off staying with him.

But no. Silly Bluestreak! I had to go and frag it all up. And I don't know whether saying something would have made a difference to what happened with Mirage but I sure felt bad when I found out.

* * *

_To be continued_


	5. Chapter 5 Disappointment

**==FORBIDDEN FANTASIES**==

By Ayngel

* * *

_Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, nor do I own any of the characters or concepts, nor do I make any money from any story written about Transformers. Please do not sue me._

_Warnings: They do need to be here, *Slash* Hound X Cliffjumper, sexual acts between mechanical entities, course language, drug use. Implied slash other pairings._

Still following G1 closely. This is at the start of "Divide and Conquer." Lots of interesting dynamics before we get to the main action .

Note that in this story 1)Hound and Mirage have never been an item, but Hound is Mirage's very, very good friend and has always been there for him. 2)Hound and Trailbreaker are ex partners. 3)Hound is now with Cliffjumper and (as you know) Mirage and Jazz used to be a pair but Jazz has been bonded to Prowl for quite a while now (which is one of the reasons Mirage and Prowl have run ins)

And then there's the previous Mirage/Swindle thing before the war ...

No more complicated than your average TV drama!

* * *

**Chapter 5. Disappointment**

**Excerpt from "On Mirage as an Alpha Caste Mechanism." From "Early Earth Recollections" by Hound, Autobot Tracker. Compiled ET: 24 November 2010:**

_The caste system was long gone by the time of the Cybertronian War but many Cybertronians resented that the Alphas still had money and that they used it to salvage their previous lives of luxury. There was not much sympathy when the Decepticons destroyed it all, especially since Alphas had tried to do deals at the start of the war. The presence of some surviving Alphas in the Decepticon ranks did nothing to improve their opinions ..._

_All in all it could be said that the Autobots were focused more on judging this, and not on empathising with how it must have been to lose one's whole culture._

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**Author Designation: Hound**

**Tracker, Autobot Earth Contingent**

...

I remember the day they went to get the cosmitron.

It began like most others had on Earth. My little red lover was on top of me, going like a turbo charger. "Yes ...!" he was saying. "Oh yes! It's ... oh Hound, this is amazing ... oh yes it is ... I'm gonna ... oh by Primus!" And as he went faster he was thrusting really hard and oh my!

It was amazing! But every system in my body was at screaming pitch, and as usual I wished he'd _just go over the edge_ because this was the trouble with Cliffjumper – he liked hanging on the brink of overload and then lingering, holding on to the last - and whilst it was thrilling and exhilarating it was also _down right frustrating _and every time he did it my pleasure receptors would just about go crazy in reconfiguring themselves ...

Anyway, I remember I ran my hands down his thighs, which usually set him off, and he went even faster and thrust the connection in even deeper and moaned and said "oh Hound ... oh Primus ... oh yess ... it's happening ... oh Hound ... oh... H-o-u-n-d ...!" and then he screamed and I went mercifully into overload at the sheer volume of energy that exploded forth.

Then as usual he collapsed on top of me and offlined and I offlined and we stayed like that for a little while.

Yeah, it was all pretty routine. Such was the way I came online most days on Earth.

And, apart from that little time of frustration - which was soon forgotten - it was magnificent! What a way to start the day! I'd never had interfaces like it – ever, in my whole life.

Usually, after that, I would awaken before him and get up and refresh myself in the washrack, marveling at the way every circuit tingled as though it had just been serviced in the finest workshop on Cybertron; then, feeling _oh so_ happy and fulfilled, I would give Cliffjumper a little kiss on the cheek and stroke his helm , and he would make a 'soft' little noise. Then I would steal out into the early morning light for a drive.

And the desert always looked so fabulous, glistening in the dawn the way it did. I took in every rock and bush and tree and creature and marveled at the beauty and the complexities of this wondrous place.

...

Unfortunately, the re-emergence of the Decepticons somewhat disrupted this cozy routine, as suddenly we were required for night shifts and early morning patrols and other inconveniences; but at that point, I had thus far been unaffected, and I remember that as I stood in the shower, feeling the water draining off me and on a par with supermech, I honestly did not believe that the universe could have been a better place.

...

But today, my early morning machinations were not to be. There was a crackle on the com:

/ Prowl to Hound. Do you copy, over? / There was a distinct note of anxiety in his vocalizer. I remember thinking that this was going to be the most annoying aspect of the Decepticons return. This sort of thing. Right at the best time of the day.

/ Copy Prowl. What's happening? / I had hoped that after Megatron's dismal failure with the antimatter a couple of days ago, he'd be done with trying anything else for the time being. But now I had the feeling this wasn't the case.

Sure enough: / Prime's had to attend an emergency ... Decepticon jets attacking a factory ... Jazz and Ironhide and Bee have gone as backup ... Wheeljack and Ratchet with them ... /

It was puzzling. Usually if Megatron wasn't there Prime wouldn't take so many officers. And why didn't he get the Twins to deal with the jets? Oh well - not my job to question Prime. He knew what he was doing.

/ Uh - Breaker's there as well. /

A 'twinge' ran through my processor at the thought of my ex bond mate, who was getting on with things here in such a quiet and uncomplaining way when really he was hurting so deeply, I knew, over my departure. And the Cliffjumper situation.

I sighed. It was hard. 'Breaker and I went back such a long way. And there were many things we had shared that I would never share with CJ. But, I reminded myself as I brought my attention back to Prowl, the parting was for the best. Sometimes a relationship - even a bond - just ran its course. That was what had happened here. Nobody was to blame – it was just the way things were.

This early morning emergency was probably a good thing: Trailbreaker liked to be busy, and it would have given him something to do. When he got back I would go and see that everything was all right ...

/ Hound? Is –er – is Cliffjumper there with you? /

He sounded awkward. I sighed again. It was an unfortunate fact that most of the other inhabitants of the ark didn't accept my new relationship either, and they felt sorry for Breaker. / Yeah Prowl, he's here. Still sleeping like a new hatched Sparkling, but that can be changed! / I still, despite everything, felt ridiculously cheerful.

/ Good – er – right. I intend calling a meeting of all remaining Autobots in four breems. If you could – er arrange for him to accompany you that would be most helpful ... Prowl out! /

I remember standing there, then, and looking at CJ's offline form and thinking he looked positively cherubic and I didn't want to wake him. He was so amazing and fascinating, so full of energy. Of course, he did go into these dark moods and there were things he just would not talk about. But I never questioned. It was his business, I figured. He'd seemed happier lately, anyway.

My spark warmed as he gently stirred in recharge. So much joy he had brought into my life – good old Hound; reliable, dependable Hound, who was so good at sorting everyone's problems but never had any of his own and who nobody ever thought would even have an affair, let alone with - as I thought - the most talented minibot on the Ark.

Oh well, I thought, they're wrong. And I wasn't going to be put off by Prowl's attitude, or anyone else's. After all, none of them gave a turborats aft that his thing with Prowl had hurt Mirage...

But that, I thought as I crossed to the inert form, was because Mirage hardly behaved in the sort of way which would attract empathy. And telling myself I definitely was not going to start thinking about the other mech in my life who could make the universe seem a less than wonderful place, I stooped down and kissed CJ lightly above the left horn and said: "Wakey wakey!"

He stirred. Sweet blue optics looked straight into mine and my spark melted. "Aw... man! What's the go?" he said, his voice deliciously drowsy and so cheeky at the same time.

I told him. About Prime, etcetera.

He looked at me and smiled that smile I just could not resist. "Well – Kell Hound! All this Decepticon activity – we don't right enough even know if we're gonna be alive by the end of the day! You can do quite a lot in four breems y'know ... seems like s shame to miss a last opportunity ..."

The tingling which had been building erupted all over again. "You betcha!" I said. And I clambered oh so eagerly back into the berth.

...

We were late for the meeting. And I know that we entered the room with a kind of exuberance clearly not shared by the others assembled at the round table, and that it did not go down too well.

Prowl, to our left, had that stiff backed look, which he always got when, one, he was anxious and two, he was impatient and three, he wasn't a hundred per cent sure what to do and four, Jazz wasn't there. His door wings twitched sporadically. Opposite him sat Mirage, who seemed preoccupied with a data pad. I knew that his likely cutting response to whatever Prowl said would not be helping the tactician's state of mind.

Between them and on the far side of the table sat Gears, who was also studying a data pad and frowning. Brawn sat next to him, arms folded, impatient look on his face and - on Brawn's other side - Huffer, who looked, as usual, worried. All except Huffer, who smiled nervously, stared disapprovingly as we took our places opposite the other minibots. It kind of put a dampener on things.

Mirage looked up and gave CJ a particularly steely blue stare. I knew he was my greatest critic regarding the CJ issue, and that he thought CJ impulsive, immature and a liability. CJ in turn considered him arrogant, high handed and untrustworthy. He was not alone in that respect, but nobody was left in any doubt as to their particular mutual enmity.

My spark sank as CJ shot a look of venomous defiance back across the table and I truly hoped this was not going to be one of those meetings. Once again I felt saddened that whilst I was very adept with my talents in cyber-psychology, I'd failed to get to the bottom of this. I knew CJ resented the fact that I'd been friends with Mirage for aeons and thought I gave him too much attention. Well, maybe that was it, I reasoned once again. Just simple jealousy. Which was rather flattering, actually, even if it did cause more than its share of arguments.

Luckily, Mirage seemed to have other things in his processor today. He returned to the datapad and didn't look at CJ again.

"Right!" Said Prowl, looking around the table. "Thank you all for coming at such – er – short notice..." he stole a quick glance at CJ and I and then looked quickly away. "Let's get started. Now the situation is ..." and he repeated what he had said to me earlier. "Now the other thing Prime has left strict orders about," he continued, "is that we are to use our best endeavors to locate the Decepticon space bridge ..." a murmur went around. Beside me, my lover muttered "Yeah! Time we quit sitting around in here and busted some afts ..." I could still feel him bristling.

I looked nervously at Mirage – who usually would have taken just such a remark as the cue to make some sarcastic comment about CJ 's lack of self control - and then there would have been - tensions. But he didn't look up. He seemed completely preoccupied by the datapad, his almond shaped blue optics were fastened on it with intensity, so much so that I wondered if he'd heard Prowl at all. An unusual situation, I mused. Oh well - obviously a most important document.

It was, instead, Prowl who cast a disapproving look in our direction. "No Cliffjumper, we will not be busting afts today. Our instructions are simply to find it ..." He went on. "... in any event, our physical presence should not be required. We are fortunate to have the human Spike who has this most useful rapport with Teletran One. He is going to use Teletran to try and locate it ... in any case, I have sent Sunstreaker on patrol with Bluestreak and Sideswipe is scouting the south side. Their presence will more than suffice for what is required on the ground."

Brawn and Gears grunted and Huffer nodded eagerly. Prowl looked down to the other end of the table nervously "Mirage?" he said "d'you – er – have a problem with that?"

There was a silence. Everyone knew that, ordinarily, Mirage would have a huge problem with that. Quite apart from the fact that Mirage had a problem with about eighty per cent of Prowl's suggestions per se, his reservations about Teletran 1 were well known, since he maintained that the computer's activation of the Decepticons demonstrated a serious glitch. He also carped on relentlessly about the humans and the amount of trust we put in them when we knew so little – something about which he had a point, but as usual the way he vented his dissatisfaction did nothing to help his cause.

The silence intensified. From my left CJ gave a snort and muttered: "planet Earth to Mirage ...," and I kicked him under the table and he let out a little yelp and Brawn glanced across sharply. Prowl was still staring in expectation and meanwhile Mirage was still staring at the datapad – well, his optics were upon it, at any rate, but now I looked closely I wondered if he was even in fact concentrating on that. He seemed a million parsecs away.

"Mirage?" Prowl looked surprised, now.

Mirage looked up. It seemed to take him a few moments to take stock of the situation. "Sorry, Prowl. Did you say something?"

"Yes I – er – wanted to know if you had any comments to make regarding my decision to delegate the finding of the spacebridge to Spike Witwicky and Teletran 1 ..."

Mirage stared at him blankly for a moment. Then he shrugged. "No problem … " he said, and went back to the pad.

Brawn and Gears looked each other in surprise and Prowl looked absolutely astounded. Meanwhile Huffer was staring at Mirage open mouthed.

"Well then that's er - that," said Prowl. He seemed flustered, uncertain what to say or do now in the absence of the usual opposition. "Now – er - the other matter of which we must speak is the backlog in filing from out first few months here. It is essential that all our records regarding encounters with the humans are in order ..." CJ made a noise and Prowl looked down the table again because it was well known that Prowl's – somewhat pedantic – filing system was another grievance of Mirage's. "So until Prime returns I would like all of us here to devote some time to the organization task ..."

Across the table, Brawn and Gears grunted. They looked less than impressed but being staunch supporters of the hierarchy, they did not contradict Prowl. Beside me CJ stirred agitatedly and muttered: "... such a load of pit!"

I had no wish to get up Prowl's tailpipe further. I hissed: "CJ, it has to be done. We do it quickly we can go for a drive ..."

I looked quickly at Mirage. Still no response. Still fixated with the pad.

"Actually," Prowl said, one optic still on the other end of the table, I was wanting you to work with me, Cliffjumper. I have Hound's report on your first encounter with the Decepticons but I don't have yours ..." CJ made another noise but I kicked him again. "And you, Hound ... I was wondering if you and Mirage could recatalogue some data from paper copies of reports put together by Spike and his creators ..."

"No problem," I said. Mirage said nothing.

"All right," said Prowl, "meeting dismissed." There was a scraping of chairs and the sound of vocalizers murmuring as everyone got to their feet. All except Mirage.

CJ went round to the other side of the table to talk to the other minibots and Prowl came round to join me "What's with him?" he muttered, nodding in Mirage's direction.

I shrugged "Pistoned if I know, Prowl! I know everyone always thinks I can see right into his processor but, guess what? I can't."

Prowl was looking at him. "Try and find out will you?" he said. "He gives me the creeps when he's like this. I don't want another episode like before."

...

Mirage and I sat in the data storage facility, back to back at our screens, surrounded by piles of datapads. The entry of the data into new banks was tedious, but not difficult, so I figured it gave my co-worker plenty of opportunity to be lost in whatever thoughts were engaging his processor. It also gave me the opportunity to think about Prowl's last comment, and to sigh inwardly at how difficult it would be if there were another episode - because everything about Mirage was difficult, he made it difficult.

Granted, it wasn't all his fault. There was no doubt some Autobots were hopelessly one eyed about the Alpha Caste, and some - such as Sunstreaker and Ironhide - harboured deep rooted prejudices. Others were naturally wary; after all, Alphas were skilled, excellent hunters, well taught in hand to hand combat. Mirage was an illusor too, and his feats as an assassin had hardly passed unnoticed. It was a nonsense that he crept around with the Ark invisible - the strict protocols of electro disruption prohibited that - but the very fact that he had the device at all was sufficient to give them all the jitters.

More of a problem, though, was the way Mirage isolated himself, treating most of them as simpletons who had not a clue what they were doing. True, some weren't the brightest - and not one of them had his talents. But they were honest and hard working and brave and devoted to the Cause - and if Mirage had only recognized that appreciation of those qualities would score far more points than the superior attitude he adopted, he could have made his life on Earth a great deal easier than it was.

As we worked in silence, I thought back to that time when we were first on Earth. When the Decepticons were living under the ocean, but we didn't know if they'd survived, Mirage had gotten depressed, in a way I knew that he could but most others didn't. He'd started binging on high grade, and then he'd gotten a load of mood enhancing additives from Rachet's medbay, and, confining himself to quarters, basically tuned out. Nobody knew until Mirage had reached quite a state of self neglect. I had chastised myself for this. But then, I had reasoned, Mirage was very good at hiding things.

Prime had called me in. He'd said:

"Now then, Hound. We've got a bit of a problem here ..."

A sense off protectiveness had sprung up towards Mirage. I hadn't known if Prime knew about the mood enhancers, and I'd feigned ignorance. "we do?" I'd said:

"Yes," Prime had said, "and you know who I'm talking about ..." Frowning, he'd given me that "knowing" look.

I'd still been evasive. I'd said lightly: "Well - Mirage been spending a lot of time in quarters. I don't see how that's a problem..." and known immediately that Prime did know, and was taking this far from lightly.

"Now come on Hound!" He'd said. "You and I both know the situation. Quite aside from his mental state, Mirage has committed an offence. And I can tell you right now, Prowl wants to lay charges and put him in stasis lock until we return to Cybertron."

I had been shocked. "But isn't that somewhat heavy handed?" I'd said. "I mean, Mirage is going through a bad patch. He has trouble coping with - the situation. It's all come home to roost, I think, the enormity; I mean - heck, Prime! Most of his race got wiped out! We all have our way of dealing with pain, Prime – I thought as Autobots we were supposed to try and be understanding!"

Prime had looked at me, his blue optics kind but his voice firm. "Indeed, Hound," he'd said softly, "but Prowl is first and foremost a law enforcer, and he can't be seen to condone behavior which is detrimental to our outfit – especially by an officer – an intelligence officer at that! Personally, I don't want Mirage put out of commission. He has no love for the Decepticons, and we know how useful he can be ..." he'd smiled at me and reached across the table and patted my hand. "That's why I want you to sort this out!"

My spark had sunk. It wasn't that I didn't want to help Mirage. Primus! I would have done anything for Mirage. It was just that when Mirage went through these – phases – it was always me who got hauled in to pull him out of them. And that was hard – being as as I was, fond of Mirage, even if it had, over the eons, become "my job." Besides, there were all the inevitabilities, I knew, of an even more uptight and moody Cliffjumper.

So I'd put up a feeble resistance. I'd said: "wouldn't Ratchet or Wheeljack be better for the job? I would have thought this was more of a medical problem!"

Prime had given me another knowing look. "Now come on, Hound! Ratchet doesn't know about the Enhancers and have you any idea what he's going to say if he finds out? He will personally perform the stasis lock himself. And Wheeljack? I ask you Hound, honestly, and with all due respect to Jack, if you were depressed then would you want him in your processor?"

He'd continued: "Besides, Hound, apart from anything else you're Mirage's – friend, " he'd smiled again, encouragingly, " …. and you have an uncanny knack for – getting him to cooperate. Whereas the rest of us often seem to fail abysmally."

There was no getting out of it. "All right, Prime. Just give me a few days ..."

He'd patted me on the shoulder. "Good mech," he said, "really good ..."

And I _had_ pulled Mirage out of it.

Eventually. Enhancer withdrawal is not easy. But Mirage did trust me, I thought fondly.

I thought also, however, of the icy stares, the moods and the caustic remarks from which I was not immune, and the likely reception if I intruded into his processor right now because - well - Mirage was a lover of 'his own space.' And he was hardly in a chatty, out of that space mood today. If so, I would been getting a lecture about Prowl's inefficient use of time or lack of imagination, or the poor discipline within the Autobots, their lack of coordination etcetera But no - instead he maintained this rather poignan_t silence._

And yet, he didn't seem depressed. Just – preoccupied. In the end, I turned to look at him, still puzzled. He was working away at the screen, but when I glanced across at it I saw that he had entered only three files, whereas I had done twenty six.

By the stars, I thought, at the rate he was doing this we would be here forever! And I had promised CJ that drive. I decided to break the silence.

"So, how are things?" I said casually, swiveling my chair so I could see him.

Mirage jumped slightly. "What?" he said, turning around and fixing me with a blue stare.

"Are you all right, Mirage?"

"I'm fine," he said, in that never lost, unmistakable Towers drawl, frowning slightly as though annoyed at being asked a question to which there was so obvious an answer. He returned to the screen.

I stared at his back. "How's Bluestreak?" I said. I knew I wasn't really supposed to know about that. It wouldn't have been all right if anyone else had asked. But it was me that had. And, hopefully, it would get his attention.

"He's all right." Mirage didn't look around this time. Some figures appeared on the screen.

I said : "So - you guys gonna – you know –_ hook up?"_

He turned away from the figures and looked at me reproachfully. "The relationship serves a purpose, Hound," he said, "you know this... " his optics fastened on me, then he smiled grimly. "Now please ... we have work to do." He turned back to the screen.

I looked at the slender and now rather expressive back. At least, I thought, I was not getting a lecture about CJ. But I was still curious.

I persisted. I said: "Have you spoken to Jazz recently?" something which ordinarily would have been bound to provoke some commentary, if not a tirade of other remarks.

"No. Can't say I have!" It was dismissive, and he did not turn around this time.

I gave up. And perhaps, I thought, I had best not question him, after all, had I not acknowledged previously that many dark memories circulated in his processor. We worked on, the clicking of our fingers on the pads and the shuffling of datapads and the muffled sounds from elsewhere in the Ark being all that pierced the silence. Then suddenly, the clicking from Mirage's keyboard ceased.

"Hound," he said, his voice very clear in the silence. "Have you ever been with a Seeker?"

"Wh ... what?" Well you can't say it wasn't a rather strange question. From one who had killed more of them than anyone else on the Ark. And been imprisoned by Starscream - or so it was widely suspected.

I asked you, Hound, "Have you ever been with a Seeker? It's a straightforward question."

"Er - no!" I said. "No - uh - all that roaring engines and wings and power and stuff, it doesn't really cut it. I'm more of a - _solid grounder_ kind of a type. "

"Uhuh." He was quiet for a moment. Then the clicking resumed. "Just wondered!" he said.

I tried to make sense of the question. Then I decided it was just one of those strange questions Mirage just fired at you sometimes from left field.

"Have you ever thought about it?" The clicking had stopped again. My own fingers came to rest on the keyboard.

"No," I said. "Like I told you Raj - not my thing."

"Hmmmn. Its some Autobots' _thing _though. Isn't it, Hound?" I turned around. He had turned himself now, and was staring at me. His blue optics demanded an answer.

"Why are you asking this?" I ventured.

He shrugged. "Seekers. They bug me sometimes. Thoughts of them."

I nodded." I know that Raj," I said sympathetically. "Heck - you know I know that."

He was still looking at me, the chair turned, his arm over the back of it, his face serious

"If it had been a Seeker I was with and not Swindle, do you reckon the Autobots would have thought that better or worse?"

Inwardly I groaned. I hated this subject! Frankly, I never saw until many moons later what Mirage saw in Swindle and at the time of this conversation, I concurred with the views of most of the Autobots in considering it a particularly stupid mistake on his part - a view which did not please Mirage. "I don't know, Raj. I think they know that you and Swindle had a business relationship. And then later on he got influenced by Onslaught and Vortex." I did my best to sound 'objective' - especially since I knew a lot of them saw it as not like that at all.

He nodded, and appeared to be satisfied - to my relief. I went back to typing. But the subject was not closed. "What about the twins?" he said. "Is it true what they say. They were - _involved_ - with the two seekers here now?"

My hands froze on the keyboard again. You see - Mirage wasn't the only one who'd been in situations of which not every Autobot approved. But the Twins thing - that had been a long time ago now, and was pretty much regarded as a pre war quirk. I wondered again what was in his processor, that he should take a sudden interest in it, of all things.

I took a deep breath. "Yes - Sunstreaker was once with Thundercracker," I said. "A very long time ago. But Thundercracker left him for Skywarp. It's said that Sunstreaker never really got over it. That it's the reason why he's never - _you know_ - hooked up with anyone." I shrugged. "It's pretty old history now. Thundercracker and Skywarp got bonded. They've been together for many eons."

Mirage nodded. There was something strange and unreadable in his expression which I just could not put my finger on. "Devoted pair." he muttered. "I seem to remember them that way when I was picking off their squadrons."

I snorted. "Well I don't know that Seekers get really - devoted - do they? Skywarp had something of a reputation as I understand it. _Got around_, as they say. It was a standing joke among the Cons - how Thundercracker put up with it. And there was the business with Sideswipe later on."

I hadn't meant to say it. Heck! Confidential, it was supposed to be. And also quite a long time back. And of course, Mirage perked up. "Ah, so there was some other business?" he said. "I heard a rumour that the 'jet judo' became - well - something a bit more than that!"

"It was nothing really ..." I tried to say.

"No Hound! you made a statement. Now out with it!"

Why was Mirage always so - compelling? I sighed. "Keep it to yourself!" I muttered. "The story goes that Skywarp started – saying things to Sides during battles. Then he sent him transmissions as well. They - were seeing each other. Then Skywarp made all these suggestions - told Sides he loved him, even. Everyone else told Sides _don't be an absolute idiot, _but he wouldn't listen. He started to get - _affected_ - by it . Reckoned he'd always had a soft spot for Skywarp, you see ..."

Mirage was still staring at me, and now his expression was even more unreadable. I kept talking: "It was rubbish of course. All just to get the upper hand in battle. But you know how close Sides and Sunny are, and Sunny soon made him see sense."

"When Skywarp realized Sides wasn't gonna buy into it, he turned real nasty," I went on, "told him that was all it had ever been and said Sides must be off his head anyway if he'd ever thought he was gonna leave his bond mate ... then said he was gonna come an' personally tear Sides limb from limb. After that - well that was pretty much 'it.'

I didn't add my opinion that Sideswipe had, actually, been affected by this; that however unlikely, the lambo twin had suffered something more than a dented ego. Or that Sunstreaker and the others had hunted Skywarp down - and that a grounder and flyer scrap had ensued. which both leaders stepped in to break up owing to it's senselessness and total waste of energy.

A sudden eddy of wind blew some of the humans' note papers on to the floor then and I turned away to pick them up. When I sat up and replaced the papers. Mirage had turned back to the screen and I could not see his face, but his hands were motionless on the data entry board. Ah silly me Hound, I thought. I should never have told him! Because now, I had an inkling as to why this subject had been raised. Oh yes - it was a sure fire bet that any moment now Mirage would erupt with a tirade. And it would be: _Typical twins. Ratchet's favourites! They never forgot Swindle but _Sideswipe_ gets away with a Seeker!_ and there would be a whole load more about disparity on the Ark, and nepotism, and how his 'situation' had never been understood, and - well, the usual ravings.

"The thing with Skywarp - it didn't last long," I said lamely.

But Mirage didn't 'rave. Instead, his optics were cold blue steel. "You're right, Hound," he snapped. "No Decepticons are worth getting involved with. Any of them! Sides made a good choice in ditching that good for nothing!"

Without another word, he left.

...

I stood there for a moment, confused. But then there was movement in the doorway, and CJ appeared, looking as mystified as me. "Mirage just went past me like a bat out of Kell!" He said. " What was all that about, Hound?"

"I don't know," I said. Truthfully. Still wondering ...

"I guess you didn't get to "_figure him out_," then?"

I shook my head. "Na!" I muttered, feeling frustrated, because I simply had no idea.

An impatient look came about CJ. "You finished here?" he snapped.

"What? Oh ..." My attention returned to the data. The mound looked depressingly large. "No, I've hardly started ..."

His faceplates creased into a coy smile. "I guess I'll - just have to give you a hand," he said. Then he gave me that look I had come to know so well since we had been on Earth. "Then I think, we oughtta have a little – recreation - before we report back to Prowl."

I grinned back. "Gotcha!" I said. And suddenly there were more important things to think about than Mirage - who was just too darned hard to figure out anyway.


	6. Chapter 6 Jealousy

**== Forbidden Fantasies ==**

**By Ayngel

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**

_Disclaimer__: I do not own Transformers, nor do I own any of the characters or concepts, nor do I make any money from any story written about Transformers. Please do not sue me._

This is also set in "Divide and Conquer." It starts in time just before the last chapter.

Note deteriorating and triangular relationship between the three Seekers. Very important to the whole plot.

And the bitter, cynical, negative Spyglass! But the Reflector triplets are both fascinating and important, also, in this whole continuity.

_**Warnings:**_ Adult themes, Slash, romantic and sexual relations between mechanical entities.

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**Chapter 6: Jealousy

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**

**Designation: Spyglass**

**Designation: Totally useless component of equally useless Decepticon visual recording device.**

**.......................  
**

I suppose I should have been grateful that we existed at all.

I mean, Look at us! A Multiple Creation, we were. In other words: Mutants.

Oh - we wouldn't have been! Not if we'd been ordinary Cybertronians! Oh no - twins, triplets - they were a cause for celebration among the flock and rabble.

But we weren't part of that, see. No - what most people don't realize is - we were - of the finest programming on the planet! _Alpha caste _programming. Yeah - that's right! Mirage wasn't the only Alpha down there on that accursed Earth.

But Mirage wasn't a mutant. Not like us! No, we would - in the days when the Alpha Caste ordained how _it would be_ on Cybertron - have been put on a mountain in the glare of the Twin Suns and left to rust. No multiple replications among the Alphas! Primus forbid! Vorboten! _Cursed! _

Such was the kind of treatment the Alphas metered out upon their own...

But ... not for us.

Times changed on Cybertron, see. Optimus Prime was so full of justice and equality and _goodliness_. It even persuaded the Alphas as they still were to take pity on such pitiful specimens as ourselves!

So we survived .....

Right then, on Earth, I wished we hadn't ....

* * *

Our .... _"SKILLS." _

What a joke! They amounted to nothing! Our _coming together_ and the taking of pictures – in the alt form of a human device which was almost outmoded by technology the humans developed just a few years later - and even that was pitiful!

And as for the flashing of blinding lights in peoples faces – well that was quite cool when we got the chance. But we didn't, much. Cos Starscream didn't like it. It stole his thunder, see. And anything that stole Screamer's thunder became strictly - _not done._

We weren't even there for that, anyway. No we were there for ...

OH THE SHAME OF IT...!! I can hardly bring myself to say it ...

_The Decepticons' pleasure. _

Yes - that's right! Megatron, and Soundwave and the Seekers. _Toys_, we were. Trinkets to be played with when the mood took them ....

_That we had come to this!_

_............................  
_

It was better for Viewfinder and Spectra. Because Viewie and Spectra, you see, were always superior specimens to me. Within the confines of our totally_ inferior_ existence, that is.

I mean, even though the years had taken their toll, Viewie and Spectra still _looked_ like Alphas. Sort of. They did! If you'd transported them back in time and stuck them in the Towers a few hundred or so vorns before the war they would have not looked out of place...

Well, not Viewie anyway. Always a looker, he was. All slim lines and fluid movements. And Spectra – I guess she was a little worse for wear after several million vorns of being Megatron's plaything. But the looks of the most beautiful femme on Cybertron don't just completely die in the aft ....

Whereas me ....

Well, I looked like and was what I was ....

The runt of the pack!

You got it! I mean, back on Cybertron - before the war - I was the embarrassment! The aberration! _Never_ welcome in the Towers. Or the Praxus Pinnacles. Or Sky City. Or _any_ of those other Alpha strongholds which refused to let go after the caste declined ...

And on Earth - oh the _double _shame of it - my services were simply not required. No! I was not wanted. So whilst Spectra entertained Megatron, and Viewfinder, Starscream – and Soundwave, occasionally – _Primus forbid _– I got the leftovers.

Thundercracker, who only did it out of sheer frustration because Skywarp wouldn't. And Skywarp once or twice, when he was drunk ....

Well- I could have had Rumble any time I wanted but _– why would you bother?_

_.........................  
_

_Skywarp_.

He was the only one who was actually nice to me. The others just treated me like I wasn't even there. _The most useless component of an already useless camera_. And the cassettes were just -_ horrible_. You have no idea how spiteful Frenzy can be. And the Bird and the Cat .... ughhh! _Creeps ..._

But Skywarp – yeah, he treated me all right..

Besides which, he was - _ gorgeous_. Beautiful! All purple and black and wings and glory. Oh, _so much so _...

Which was why I wished – oh I so wished ...

That he'd let just let me get into his berth a bit more - _just a little bit more_ ...

OFTEN ....

* * *

**Designation: Skywarp**

**Wing Commander, Decepticon Elite Aerial Command**

When I came online on the morning that Lazerbeak blew up Optimus Prime, I soon knew several things.

The first was that my head was pounding. In a way that it only does when you've shoved far too much high grade down the hatch. The second was that I'd just been having offline visuals - and that the subject matter was very nice indeed. The third was that somewhere along the line, I'd had an overload. Several, seemingly. And finally - well, as I came to, I realized something else. There was a body in the berth with me. A small, slim, somewhat _runtish_ body. Not a body I would particularly have wanted there - if I'd been sober. I came fully online.

"_Spyglass - what are you doin' here?" _As if I didn't know._  
_

He was curled tightly around me. Grimacing as I realized the full extent of the situation, I tried to detach him from me. But he fastened on even tighter. _"Skywarp ..."_ he murmured.

I persisted in my efforts. "Spyglass ...."

"Mmmmnnn" his grip tightened.

My head throbbed. "Spyglass .... you have to let go .... "

"Just a bit longer ..."

"No ..."

"Please ..."

_"No!"_

And I stuck my foot into his shin so that he jumped and snapped online, coming to and sitting up, optics all bleary. "You don't have to be like that!" he cried.

I looked at him sitting there, shivering a bit now, and looking all dejected. I sighed. I didn't want to hurt him. I felt sorry for the fragger, I honestly did! He was the lowest piece in the pecking order on the base. And he was all right, really. Even quite cute, in some ways. Even if he was an Alpha - mutant - complete no hoper.

He looked up at me, hurt in his optics. "Don't you remember?"

I sighed again. Some of it came back to me now. _The Transmission._ The tossing and turning, the not being able to recharge for wondering whether the full kit and caboodle Alpha - the real thing - _the one who made me worship the ground he walked on_ - had got it and what he'd think and what would happen. Not being able to think of anything but him and drifting into more and more outlandish – and erotic – fantasies.

Then I knew I'd been able to stand it no longer and had gone and raided Screamer's stash of high grade, from the secret place which nobody was supposed to know about, but I did. And I'd poured as much of it into myself as I could, as quickly as possible, in the hope of inducing rapid unconsciousness.

I glanced around the room, wincing at the number of empty cubes. Yes, I'd just about reached my goal when I'd felt the presence in the berth, the soft little hands stroking my wings. I remembered reaching out and feeling smooth alloys and somewhere in my subconscious thinking - _Alpha ..._ - and then all sorts of thoughts going through my processor before everything inside surged wildly ...

Then I was suddenly feeling acutely the static lodged in various corners as a result of not having released for a long time, and I knew I needed to, and wanted to - and with a certain other mech who had things in common with this one, but was way superior, but if I did it with this one I wouldn't ruin the "pure" state of affairs which I wanted to have with the other one ....

Glass was staring up at me, his purplish optics intense. He'd composed himself, and he gave out a little smile. "You told me I was the most beautiful creature in the universe ..." he declared. _Oh Primus, no_, I thought,

".... and I was as smooth as the finest platinum ..."

My head ached and my energon processor churned. I really did feel bad now. He was a real spare part on this mission, and the thing which had obviously happened was probably the best thing which had happened to him so far. I actually didn't _like_ letting him down. Besides, my inner equilibrium registers were telling me that whatever had transpired, it hadn't been bad. No, not bad at all. For either of us ...

But - I reminded myself sharply - he wasn't the full goods, and there was no way I wanted a repeat performance. Especially not with this obsession he seemed to have. So I said - trying to sound gentle - "yeah, well, I say things like that when I've had a few, Glass. It wouldna like been – addressed to you necessarily. I woulda been thinkin' of – Thundercracker. Yeah, that's it! I was missin' him, y'see, that's why I was talkin' like that ..."

Despite my efforts to be kind, his optics filled with tears, which made me feel even worse. He said. "You two haven't done it since we've been here! That's why you recharge in here...."

"Yeah well - I'm about to change all that ..." I bullshitted, feeling my head pound and just wanting to get rid of him now. "It's just that sometimes bondmates need – a bit of a break."

But he'd gotten all worked up and upset now. "That's scrap!" He cried. "You don't give a pit about him, Skywarp! _You're breaking his spark...."_

Now this was going too far. he had no right, no matter how much of a poor little fragger he was. But he was on his feet, now, raving up at me. "I'll tell you something, Skywarp - he's been really desperate and I've been screwing him! _He cries when he overloads ..."_

No - much too far! I mean, it wasn't that it bothered me that TC had been availing himself of his services. I suspected this was the case and, after all, that was what the triplets were here for. But I didn't need to hear this, it was far too much information! and, he had no right to interfere and venture options and pass judgements!

I made a move towards him and went to say "enough!" in no uncertain terms. But just then, the door hissed open, and there was a rustle of metal and a flurry of red and blue and wings. Screamer stopped in his tracks for a moment, looking from one to the other of us and surveying the berth, the cubes, Glass fronting up to me, his fists now clenched, tears running down his cheeks. An amused expression appeared on the face of our glorious commander.

"Lovers' tiff?" he said. "So sorry to disturb you from your morning jollies Skywarp!"

Glass froze and went white. I could see that he was trembling; he opened his mouth to say something but Screamer held up a hand. My head had started to pound afresh and inwardly I was thinking _oh no _... he turned to me. "Now, Skywarp, hopefully you have relieved yourself sufficiently to perform on active duty, for which you are now required ..." he turned back to Spyglass. "And as for _you _... you will return to your fellow replications and I will deal with you later!"

Glass didn't even look at me again. He mumbled an apology, managed a salute and scuttled out of the room. The door hissed shut behind him.

My head now ached with renewed vigor at Screamer in this mood. I was suddenly extremely irritated, although I could not have told you all the reasons why. I snapped: "ya didn't have to be so hard on him ..." and I sat back down - heavily - on the berth.

he was looking at me with a bemused expression, his upper lip curling. "_... Might I remind you that this is a Decepticon military base. Not a pleasure parlour_!"

Well, that was from the pit. I mean, the hypocrisy of it! I glared up at him. I said: "oh yeah? Hark who's talking! Of course, _you_ never get into their circuitry, do ya Screamer? At least I show that poor fragger some respect ..."

His optics narrowed. "At least I am discreet about my - sources of pleasure - Skywarp!" he hissed. "At least I do not put myself on display in an area of the base where anyone or everyone is likely to come wandering in ..."

I snarled at him: "everyone knows I sleep in here, Screamer! Most people would have the courtesy of making a com call before they came barging in ..." It was obvious. It was nonsense! It infuriated me that I even had to say it.

Then everything seemed to be hurting, and I felt like I was going to regurgitate, and so I lay back on the berth and shuttered my optics, hoping that the lack of light would improve matters. A sudden overwhelming urge to go to the com room and see if Mirage had responded to the transmission seized me and at the same time the the thought made my circuits tremble with dread and excitement and fear of the unknown. It made Screamer's presence doubly unwelcome.

He was still going on. "You have a bond mate" he was saying. "That is what bondmates are for. Such purposes. There is no need for you to avail yourself of every ..."

Images flashed then. Him and me. Wanting him. Him taking me. I didn't even want to think of this! And now I was - it was the pits! I was on my feet. "Well it never stopped you, did it!" I roared.

He rounded on me, optics flashing. I was actually amazed now, through my haze of pain, that he was so worked up. "That is not to the point!" he snarled. "And if this is why you are not only indulging in stupid fantasies, but also partaking of such – displays – out of regret that our affairs are over for the time being, then I need to remind you_ again_ that we are on a mission and I am your commanding officer and mixing business and pleasure is not an option ..."

Primus he was a son of a glitch! Why was he doing this to me? I felt confused, then. Wanting him, despite myself, and yet not wanting to want him. Wanting Mirage just so much more - but in a different way. The impossibility of that! Wanting Screamer again, strongly, right then and yet hating him for it. And somewhere in all that tangle, my bondmate who I didn't want any more but wanted to want. My poor head! I was so confused.

I stood there smarting, glowering, my processor really pounding now. he glared back, and for a moment I thought he might hit me and I thought _you just try it and I will fraggin' flatten you, so help me_ ... But then he took a deep intake and seemed to soften. A look of disgust then replaced the anger. "Primus, Skywarp," he said "I can smell the premium from here ..."

"You said I could help myself ..." I muttered, sitting back down again.

"Not to the whole bloody lot ..." he snarled back and his voice went right through me and I felt myself tense again. But then the door hissed open afresh and TC came in.

My bondmate looked tired and harassed. His optics went from one to the other of us, trying to read the situation. I scowled and looked at the floor.

TC took a deep intake. "Look," he said, "I don't know what you two are carryin' on about this time, but Megatron's gettin' mighty pissed. He says we should've left five thousand astroseconds ago... " I felt him looking at me and raised my optics to his. "Morning, Warp," he said. And then his brow furrowed in concern "you look terrible ..."

I said. "yeah well I'd feel better if I didn't have this moron in my face ..."

Screamer now turned on TC: "I have been placed in charge of this mission and I will decide when we depart! And it would be usual, Thundercracker, to address me on the com before you just come barging in here ..."

I would have landed him one for that, but as usual TC held his hands up. He said "all right Starscream, take it easy!"

That was the difference between TC and me. He put up with so much I wouldn't put up with and it really annoyed the kell out of me that he put up with it. I remember thinking "_yeah, well I'll bet Mirage wouldn't put up with this scrap either_ ..." and then I was thinking of him again and I thought of the transmission and now I really didn't want to be in here with this any more, all I wanted to do was go check that situation out.

"Now listen up!" Screamer was saying. "I've located a source of energon at a human munitions factory. We're going to get it. And Megatron has put me in sole command!"

I muttered _well that's a death knell to its success then ain't it._ And TC shot me a look of real exasperation.

Screamer glared at me. He looked furious. _Good_. I thought. _Suffer ... _

He went on. "I want to make a particularly potent impact at this place this morning – all the more so because I understand that the human on wheels is going to be there. He does display – slightly more intelligence than some of the others...." he looked at me " .... _and I want to compensate for the last dismal encounter we had with him!"_

Then an awful, supercilious smug look came on to his face. "Skywarp!" he said. "Give me your power chip rectifier!

For moment I was just surprised. Then I saw red. I said "What? Get slagged ..." and TC said "Oh come on, Screamer, we're wasting time ..."

"Shut up Thundercracker!" his optics flared. Then he turned to me again. "_That is an order Skywarp_!"

TC's com came to life. .:: Thundercracker, what in the name of Primus is going on, where is Starscream? ::. It was Megatron.

TC moved aside from us. I heard him say .:: we're – er – we're just having a briefing ...::.

: the chip, if you pleae, Skywarp!" I knew what this was. Nothing but wanting to put one over me! I was on my feet again in an instant and I yelled: "You ain't havin' it Screamer! You can't even use it right ..." In the background I heard Megatron's voice, sounding at its most impatient say ..:: well hurry it up!::.

Screamer leaned his face real close to mine. "Give it to me!" he rasped. If you do not I swear I will tell Megatron and Soundwave and your bondmate there about your little infatuation and then it will be so much the worse for you ..."

I hissed "You afthole!" Then I wanted to hurt him. For that, and for not fragging me and for being such a so and so and for carrying on like an afthole in front of everyone. A thought came into my processor. And when he held out his hand, I passed the chip over and noting TC was preoccupied with his com hissed "Too having such a damned good overload with Glass made you so jealous Screamer – I guess you'll just have to live with it ..."

His lip curled furiously and he made a move at me but Megatron's voice now roared into his com

_"Starscream!"_

Glaring at me, he activated the com and snapped "We're just leaving!"

"_And about time!"_ Came the roar down the com.

The day hadn't started well.

**................**

**Author Designation: Starscream**

**Commander, Decepticon Elite Aerial Command**

We flew in silence, the air rushing past, the land spread like a brown cloth far below and I could feel the tension coming from both of them behind me, and especially his defiance. I'd proved myself with the PCR and he didn't like it. Now I could feel his stalking, angry presence right behind me.

I forced myself to ignore it and concentrated instead on how this time Megatron could not fail to be impressed by my performance. I'd proved myself damned well in there, I thought!

And if Megatron wasn't happy with the fatal wounding of Optimus Prime, then he could go take a running jump.

A good day's work, yes. Wounds to a number of the officers which Prime had so foolishly chosen to bring with him. Including that moron Ironhide, leaping in front of Prime like that when it was too late anyway.

And Jazz, and Ratchet, and there'd even been a chance to give that little red piece of pit, that growing scourge who would have made such a great Decepticon but who I'd failed in all my attempts to persuade to come across - Cliffjumper. He had had a lesson today for his reluctance in that respect.

Not Mirage though ...

But I didn't want to think about that ...

I was thinking about it though. And about the events of first thing that morning. I forgot about Megatron

I'd gotten very angry. And the infuriating thing was that I was angry because I was jealous. _Very_ jealous. Not of Spyglass. Oh no – Primus forbid - he was much too pitiful a creature to be jealous of. No I was jealous of what I knew, deep down that he represented. Because I had no doubt down there - absolutely no doubt - about who Skywarp was really making love to.

How it incensed me! So much more than I had ever felt when it came to his bondmate, cruising behind me. But why? So what if Skywarp had some stupid crush on an Autobot?

Because he was special, Skywarp was. I was forced to admit that now. And Mirage would make a fool out of him. Just has he had out of me! And now I found my mind going back to when I had Mirage prisoner in Mordac, and the ecstasy I'd felt having him beneath me and how it was all a lie and all just a way of fooling me so he could get out of there. Very clever, he was. very seductive, and very clever. Damn him ...

That was why I'd had to erase his memory. Purge all remnants of the dreadful deceit from his processor, so he could never tell anyone - on either side, about it. And now I'd made the right decision in speaking to Soundwave.

And yet - there was this nagging doubt. _Would it even go that far?_ Surely he wouldn't even want Skywarp? Surely what I had said on that score was perfectly true.

_He would though_, some hideous voice whispered. Mirage likes Seekers. That much had been obvious. He was just good at self control.

I heard Skies sigh again behind me and I thought "well you're not having him you smart afted illusive piece of pit. Because when he is not with his bondmate he is mine. And I am not going to share him. With you or anyone! And I could feel my core temperature going up when I thought of it.

No, I had made the right choice. When Soundwave had finished there would be no Mirage. And if he fragged it up somehow? Then I would take the bastard out myself.

And I wanted Skies next to me. Desperately. Now. "Skywarp, come here ..."

I expected him to ask why, or be difficult about it. He was still smarting about the PCR, I knew. But he didn't, he drew level with me.

"What?" he said

You did well, today" I said smoothly. "And my apologies about the PCR. But you're the only one with one and I need to practice in case I ever have need of it ..."

He was silent. I detected surprise. "It's OK!" he muttered.

"Are we friends again?"

"Yeah!"

We flew on, and I felt a great warmth towards him. Then I thought of Mirage again, his graceful curves and elegant moves. And I thought "and come to that, if anyone were to have you here then I would make absolutely certain it was me ..." and my core temperature rose a little more, but this time not out of anger, and the feel of him came back only too vividly.

We were nearing the base entrance and I could hear Rumble activating the entry tower. Now I was forced to think of Megatron and my spark sank very low, because I knew that no matter how good our little performance had just been , Megatron was bound to find something wrong with it and blame me, and I would need all my wits about me not to lose my temper.

Damn him too! It was time I started thinking about that situation as well ...

Yes, of that I was quite certain ....

* * *

**Author Designation: Thundercracker**

**Squadron Leader, Decepticon Elite Aerial Command**

**...................  
**

Starscream was a little way ahead of us and I knew we still had some distance to travel before we got to the factory. Warp was just ahead of me, but seemed to be in a universe of his own. I moved up closer to him.

"Are you all right?" I asked.

"What?" he said. "Yeah, I'm all right TC. Will ya stop asking me if I'm all right!"

I said "Why did you drink like that last night?"

He said, rather irritably: "Look, I was just feeling down, OK? Now just shut it TC! I'm thinking ....""

Then I felt guilty, because I'd been demanding last night, I realized. Expected him to talk just because I wanted him to talk, and then gone and made other demands of him as well. I should have been more understanding. He really wasn't in a good way, and now I'd driven him to overindulgence.

And I'd slept with Spyglass! After all my accusations I'd gone and done that.

I flew along in silence, then, worrying about Warp.

He seemed so unhappy; and today he'd looked absolutely awful first thing. He'd seemed better - after I'd given him an energy boosting energon additive – at least, he'd flown all right. But I was glad we had gotten the attack and the energy collection at the factory over with quickly because I really hadn't thought that Warp should be out in the midst of battle for too long today.

We were a long way up, and the air was beautifully clear, and the sky very blue. Far below, the ground was mottled green and brown. He looked so beautiful flying along there, beside me, shining in the sun, and for a moment he reminded me of how he had looked when I first knew him on Cybertron. How he had taken the air out of my intakes, and put all thoughts of anyone else out of my processors forever. I gave a deep sigh. For all his faults, I still loved him as much as ever.

I thought of how before we came here I'd had ideas about dissolving the bond and my processing chamber lurched. How could I have thought that? One look at what was immediately ahead told me that and I felt my spark lurch with anger. It was Screamer, of course. Oh, there were all those others Warp had had - each one of which drove daggers into my spark just to think of them - but they came and went, and I could live with their passing. None affected me the way Screamer did.

I looked at the sleek red and blue form in front. It wasn't just that it had happened on many occasions. It wasn't just that Warp went off with him whenever he called. It was the way Starscream had systematically set out to try and ruin every chance of success Warp and I might ever have had of making it work. The way he could not leave my bondmate alone. Could not accept that he was bonded; had pulled rank to lure him into his berth. And Warp had been left with little choice ...

I looked at him and I thought _well suffer_. Because this time you're not having him. This time he has stood up to you. He doesn't want you. This time he is putting the bond first. That is why, Starscream, you are so cranky. Because this time, Warp won't do it!

Yet even as I thought these thoughts, I knew it was rubbish. Knew that Warp was every bit as willing a participant as Starscream. Knew, worse still, that Warp would probably be there all the time if Starscream would only have him ...

My spark lurched, and I felt suddenly sick. And sure enough just then Screamer summoned Skywarp and he went straight away up alongside him.

There was an exchange between them, which I could not hear. Then he dropped back again. My spark burned, and I could not help it, I said: "Warp, I know it's been difficult, but I love you. We'll work things out, I promise ..." thinking that the words wafted out into the sky around, hollow and meaningless.

"What?" he said "Oh yeah, I know we will TC, yeah, I know ..."

He sounded completely distracted, and I'd heard that voice before, and now I knew for sure what he and Starscream had just talked about.

I mean - really - why hadn't I seen it before? Because I was blind? Or just hadn't wanted to. Their constant bickering, Starscream blowing hot and cold, Warp's wildly swinging moods. The intensity with which he talked about Starscream, how he worshipped him one moment and wanted to blow him out of the sky the next. Oh yeah, it made sense. And how had I been so _dense? _And of course Warp wasn't really alone in the control room annexe at nights.

The realization made me feel sick. But, I thought, as we neared the factory, at least I knew. I couldn't even begin to think about what I was going to do about it, but at least I knew.

And the only thing I could think of right then which made me feel better was that some way, somehow - although I knew not how - it could have been worse.

* * *

As I said, very complicated All the ingredients for high drama - and it gets worse!


	7. Chapter 7 Rejection

**Forbidden Fantasies**

**By Ayngel**

* * *

_Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any of the characters or concepts in any official publication._

Thanks to everyone who's reading this and especially to those listing this story and writing reviews. I love to get your comments and they are really appreciated :-)

And now I can say - thanks to those who are re-reading it. This version is smexier than the last. I decided that since Bluestreak raves continuously in later chapters about how good in the berth Raj is, we had better see what he meant.

Still going into Mirage's dark headspace here.

This chapter picks up some pace. It's set during _Divide and Conquer_, with some poetic licence.

_Warnings: Course language, adult themes, SLASH ++_

* * *

**Chapter 7: ****Rejection**

_**Excerpt from "Our Terran Team." From "Early Earth Recollections" by Hound, Autobot Tracker. Compiled ET: 24 November 2010**_

_It must have been a disappointment to him. Mirage was a solitary sort, you see, he had no faith in relationships and, just to prove his point, of the only two mechs he had ever become attached to one had shafted him and the other had left._

_Of course, neither of those was ever going to work. How Swindle wound his way in with him I will never know, but the writing should have been on the wall. And Jazz – well, Raj could have had Jazz for all eternity. But when your partner wants to be with you and bond and make sparklings and you're never there and are fragging everything that moves on Cybertron, it can hardly be a surprise when that partner looks for somebody else! Which is what Jazz did – and so much happier did his life become when he got with Prowl._

_I think Mirage's lonesome state was augmented by the other problems on Earth. Which was why the prospect of it ending – even with an enemy – was appealing. But the slightest hint of betrayal again was bound to send him running for cover…._

_Especially when the prospect was Skywarp …._

* * *

**Author Designation: Mirage**

**Intelligence Officer, Autobot Earth Contingent**

I moved along the Ark's corridors at speed, ignoring those few I passed and nearly colliding with Gears, and hardly even hearing the gruff "Watch we're you're puttin' that fancy frame o'yours" which inevitably issued forth. All I wanted to do was shut myself away in my quarters and berate myself about what an utter fool I had been.

How could I have been so stupid? The purpose of the transmission was lamentably obvious. A pack of lies, coming from a smarmy and smartafted Decepticon who liked to torment people. For now I was forced to admit that I had heard the Sideswipe rumours and, also, that it was Skywarp who had a reputation within the Decepticons for breaking sparks and running back to his bondmate, who even they considered a fool for putting up with him.

And I'd responded to that rubbish! Nearly been taken in. Apart from anything else, it was embarrassing. Had I forgotten who I was? And had I forgotten that _he _had been right up there in the Towers attack, and involved in Primus knew how many other atrocities, that he was one who at the start of the war it was sheer fate that I hadn't taken out!

I stormed along, dental plates clenched, thinking: _I should have just finished him off that day on the bridge when I had the chance._

Even more pitiful was the part of me which felt, despite my shame, _sad_ - because I really had wanted to believe what he'd said. But that, I thought furiously, only went to show how much this whole situation here had gotten to me, and how pathetic I had become. I was nowhere near as together as they, or I, or even Hound had thought.

Well, I surmised, there was no room for it. I had to _pull myself together_ and concentrate on doing something constructive. Like _finishing them off_ for instance. That Seeker, and his miserable bondmate, and his crazy leaders. After all, that had been the general idea, hadn't it? _The reason for agreeing to this Primus forsaken foolhardy excursion._ No matter what else Prime had in mind. _To make them pay_. Not to_ fall_ for one, like some lovestruck mechalescent.

As I neared my quarters, my resolved hardened. Yes, I would do it. Then I would get off this miserable world and go back to Cybertron. Somehow. The only 'Cons I might spare were the Triplets because they were, after all, my cousins. Mutants, but still my relations. Otherwise, I was done with stuffing around here on account of sibling rivalry, misplaced altruism and bungling ineptitude. It was time to do what we had to and then rebuild Cybertron!

And most of the Bots, I thought, would be happy with the result. They were just as jacked off with the pissfarting around as me. So I would try and be more positive to them, because I needed them onside and not stifling my every move. Besides which, I told myself, most of them meant well. And Hound, despite his appalling latest choice of companion, had always been my friend. If we worked together, we all ought to be able to achieve something which made everyone happier.

But as for _that Seeker_ – my rage returned - I would compose a return transmission. _Straight away_. It would be very matter of fact. There was no need to be nasty – not that he didn't deserve some nastiness - but I was not going to come down to his level. Besides, there was no point when he would soon be dead. A succinct, professionally worded statement setting out the position would do just fine ....

* * *

As I rounded the corner into the corridor in which my quarters were housed, I almost ran into Prowl. He looked anxious. When he saw me, he drew himself up, and the door wings twitched in that characteristic fashion.

"Ah, Mirage ...," he said, and his voice had a higher pitch than usual, and his optics darted around as though he half expected a trine of Seekers to come charging through the door "Good, glad I've - er - come across you. We need to quit the filing and be on standby ...." I omitted to mention I'd already quit it. He went on "... there's been some sort of an – incident – at the munitions factory. The others are on their way back now ..."

"What sort of an incident?" I said, thinking that surely they hadn't screwed up again. Not with so many of them out there.

He looked even more agitated. "Jazz was sketchy on the details. It seems Prime's been - injured. Trailbreaker's towing him back ..."

No, I thought, this was reasonably normal. There would have been the usual face off and blasting away. Probably there would not be much wrong with Prime that Ratchet couldn't fix, and evidently the others were unscathed. I said "the usual rough and tumble with the old brother?"

Prowl bristled, and his doors stiffened. I knew it made him uncomfortable when it looked as though I knew the real situation here, but I had trouble stopping myself from doing it. Their façade was so pitiful.

He looked at me, and the wings twitched again. "Actually," he said, "it wasn't Megatron this time, since you ask, Mirage! It was the Seekers. They seem to have – er – managed to inflict some damage without Megatron's help."

Despite how I felt about Seekers just then, I resisted the urge to say that at least they had tried to achieve something, as opposed to playing at it like Prime and Megatron did. But I didn't fancy the consequences. Not with him in this super uptight mode and the handcuffs I knew were concealed in an arm compartment somewhere. He puffed up. "It might be an idea if you did a sweep of the area!" he said.

My mind went back, then, to the awful transmission and I felt a renewed need to attend first and foremost to the urgent business of letting that Decepticon know where he stood. With him out there possibly all triumphant and gloating now he might get it into his head to send something else. I was not going to risk the possibility of anything which would steer me away from my new resolve.

Or was I was afraid that if I didn't do it now then I _wouldn't_ do it ...?

Wishing to immediately abandon _that_ thought train, I said: "I think it would be a good idea if you sealed off all entrances and exits..."

As expected, Prowl bristled again. His blue optics flared. He said "yes, well, I will make the call on that Mirage. You just do the sweep, in fact, that is an order!"

Why did it always have to be this - _state of competition_? And he was so paranoid about his position! It beat me as to why, seeing as how almost all of them thought he was marvellous, whereas me ...?

No, they didn't think that about me.

But I wasn't about to argue, or get screwed up anew. I remembered my earlier musings and I thought _no,_ _I must think positive thoughts about the Autobots_, so I said "very well, Prowl, I'll deal with it presently..."

"Good," he said, shortly. "Otherwise wait to be called!" And he strutted off down the corridor back towards the control centre, his footsteps echoing off the metal walls and his door wings still twitching sporadically.

I let myself into my quarters and leaned against the wall as the doors hissed shut, sealed mercifully within their privacy. I needed some space. The words from the transmission came back and for a moment I thought of Skywarp, his casual arrogance and good looks and terribly beautiful face and of the softness in his words and of _what a dreadful shame it was that it had to be this way_, ...

And my spark gave a jolt, and a wave of dizziness swept through my circuits. _But no_! I gritted my dental plates with renewed vigour and I shut the feelings out.

I moved across to the console and sat down. It amazed me that there was still such a reluctance to do this – it was an effort to bring my hands up to the keyboard and begin typing. But it had to be done. I thought for a moment, and then I typed:

_Skywarp_

_I have received your transmission, and noted your concerns._

_I cannot accept your apology, because the Decepticons betrayed me absolutely and destroyed everything I had. I trust that factor will provide sufficient justification for this response._

And then I didn't have to, but I wrote further – just for good measure:

_The Decepticon Cause, in theory, had its merits, but even had it not let me down so absolutely, it has been flawed by extremism and incompetence to the detriment of all Cybertronians. That is why I fight alongside the only entity which can stop the madness. I do not wish to be distracted from this course, so please do not contact me again._

_Mirage_

Another image of the Seeker sprang up vividly then, all stunning looks and broad shoulders and wings and bulk and power. Still I hesitated. _Did I really want to send this?_ I shuttered my optics and sighed, deeply.

Before I could proceed further, my com came to life. .::Mirage? this is Prowl. We have a Code 30 situation here, Prime is in the medbay. Can I report a conclusive sweep?::.

I thought it best not to mention the entrances again, imagining Prowl would have sealed them by now. It was a fact that whilst Prowl got puffed up and indignant about my suggestions, he generally carried them out. At least, when Jazz reminded him it wasn't a bad idea.

The words of my response to Skywarp glimmered on the screen. .::I'm – er – just completing it now, Prowl::. I said, .::so far nothing to report::.

In any case, the sweep was only a supplement to Teletran's sentry function. And in the unlikely event that something had gotten through I would soon pick it up.

.::Very well!::. he said. .::When you are finished, you are to remain in quarters until further notice::.

Why was it that every time he activated his vocaliser my spark sank? The_ good thoughts about the 'Bots _agenda weakened slightly. But I could not afford to allow such factors to get to me.

.:: Copy, Prowl::.

I took a deep intake, and then I sent the transmission, feeling a last pang of intense disappointment as the words disappeared from the screen. Turning off the computer, I drew the electro disruptor from its cavity in the wall, primed my dart gun and, without further thought, headed out into the corridors of the Ark.

* * *

As I made my way quickly to the maze of corridors in the storage area - where I always started these clearances - I found myself thinking of Jazz and Prowl. The presence of Jazz had not helped here at all. It wasn't that I still loved him – I considered myself over that – I just could never forgive him for going off with Prowl at a time when I'd been a prisoner of the Decepticons.

My mind went back to that time. To Mordac, the old prison complex in Kaon. The Cons had taken it over not long after the war started. A vile, stinking hole. The Cat, Ravage, had caught me. Of course, she could see through the invisibility shield and I had totally mistimed my mission there, thinking her absent. Then Soundwave had taken over.

I did not know how long I had been in there but judging by the corrosion, in some of my joints, a while …

Nor did I know how I had got out. Someone had been intent on my not remembering my vacation there and erasing the memory. I guessed it wasn't so pleasant – they'd probably done me a favour. But that was by the by. The point was, I'd staggered back to the Autobots to find Jazz fusing passions with Prowl. Bonding with him! He had no idea, still, how much that had hurt.

And here, it seemed they had to constantly rub things in. You couldn't miss the private glances, the whispered secrets, the handholding – and the rest. It made me feel sick and, above all else, it was damned unprofessional!

And to top it all off Prowl had this _attitude _to me. Now I found myself angrily asking the question I'd asked myself several thousand times and was still asking. _What in Kell did Jazz see in that door winged twit?_ Despite all, I still liked Jazz and I missed his company. So creative, so bubbly and funny and full of bright talk was he. Wheras Prowl - well I doubted the law enforcer had a single humorous or creative thought in his entire cranium.

I could feel my jaw tighten again. That was another situation where I had been a fool and it had been damned humiliating! Well, never again. Well done me, for telling the Seeker where to go.

Except that now once again I was alone and there was – that emptiness …

I felt that awful dragging feeling lurking in the dungeons of my mind, the silent enemy which had stalked for as long as I could remember. For a moment, everything seemed hopeless and pointless, and I felt the hint of tears pricking my optics and an ache in my spark. It heralded the usual desire to go back to my quarters, get out the premium grade and just drink myself into oblivion, as I was so very good at doing.

But I didn't. For one thing, I recalled grimly that I'd be subject to Hound's grim ministrations and I didn't think I could handle another barrage of self analysis. I took another deep intake and, allowing positive thoughts of the future and Cybertron to flood my processors, continued on.

* * *

I was in the ablution area now, close to the rank and file quarters, and it sounded as though somebody had left a washflow running. A movement from the top of one of the washbays caught my optic and I froze. Then it sounded as though something dropped down the other side, followed by a splashing sound. I froze. Slowly I drew the dart gun and, without making a sound, crept around the front of the bay.

At what I saw, I nearly fell over in astonishment, and all thoughts of the Seeker, Jazz and the other spectres which plagued my circuitry vanished. For a pool of water had collected in the bottom of the bay under the flowing outlet, and in it, evidently enjoying himself immensely, was none other than Lazerbeak.

The bird was having a ball. It was fluttering its wings and causing the water to spray all over it, and then falling backwards and flapping about in the pool, cawing in delight. For a moment I just watched it, fascinated. Didn't they have washbays at Decepticon headquarters? A thought winked in my processor that if so then that was another very good reason to have sent the transmission and I nearly laughed out loud.

It was almost a shame to spoil its fun. But hey – here was my first opportunity! I levelled the gun and prepared to shoot, but in my amusement I wasn't concentrating and my foot kicked a metal scrubber which had been left lying on the floor. The bird looked up with a start, and took off at lightning speed. I took a shot, but missed, and with a flurry of wings the bird rose up over the bays. As it burst through the doorway I saw it veer to the left - straight in the direction of the medbay.

I was on the com immediately: .::Come in Medbay! Lazerbeak is headed your way!::. There was silence, and a crackling, and then Jazz's voice saying: .::Say again::.

The bird was nowhere to be seen. It was interfering with internal communications, as it was well able to do, and now I felt a horrible dread and a sense of panic. I started to run in the direction of the medbay. .::Jazz look out! It's Lazerbeak – seal the medbay!::.

.::Copy Mirage! Can you give us a location ...?::..

.:: _Seal the bloody doors!::._ But it was too late, I arrived just in time to see them swoosh open and the bird streak through, then came the sound of screeching and shots being fired and cries and I burst into the medbay just in time to see Lazerbeak blow a hole in Optimus Prime's chest and then several Autobots were screaming as black smoke came belching out of his chest ....

* * *

The Crisis meeting was tense, to say the least.

Ironhide sat at the other end of the table from me, his face a mask, whilst Prowl sat stiff backed beside him and Windcharger opposite. Sunstreaker and Sideswipe were to my right, Sideswipe next to me, somehow despite the shock horror of the situation he was managing to display his usual ambient self. Ignoring me, he conversed with his brother, who leaned back in his chair, all fiery good looks and arrogance. Every now and then Sunny's optics bypassed his brother and settled on me. He gave the impression, as usual, that he would like to take me outside and make a few adjustments to my appearance.

To my left, Gears had his arms folded and a cross expression, and beside him, Cliffjumper chatted away, bristling with self importance. On their far side, Brawn studied a datapad. As I regarded them, CJ shot a particularly venomous look in my direction and Gears scowled. _All my number one supporters,_ I thought with bitter irony. The only one missing was the medic.

I stole a glance at Sideswipe. He was the prototype Autobot, well built, handsome, a good soldier. Loyal to the last, a picture of steadiness and self confidence. I tried to imagine him all anguished and distressed over a Seeker and was unable to do so. In fact, I was hard pushed to imagine him anguished and distressed over anyone. From what I had seen, he had no trouble procuring partners. It must have been different with Skywarp, I thought. Maybe during one of the many fights or episodes of jet judo Skywarp had touched something he didn't usually touch and it had set off a reaction which wasn't usually set off …

Well if he could screw up steady, sensible Sideswipe then Primus alone knew what damage he could do me! Such a good move I had made in letting him have it!

Ironhide cleared his throat and the others stopped talking, CJ stiffening importantly. I thought again what a petulant little brat he was – although what Hound saw in him was not quite as much of a mystery as was what Jazz saw in Prowl. I would not have admitted it, but there was a kind of angry cuteness there which was far from unattractive. His compact, sturdy form reminded me of Swindle, and I allowed my mind to wander slightly, thinking he must be a good frag. He caught me looking at him and optics flashed aggressively. His obvious dislike of me appeared to render any further exploration of that possibility out of the question. Even if Hound would not have murdered anyone who went anywhere near him.

Ironhide was talking. "Wheeljack is organising Bluestreak, Trailbreaker, Bumblebee and Chip Chase and we're gonna go to his lab on Cybertron and get a Cosmitron to fix Prime. Prowl here will be in charge, should the Decepticons attack while we ain't here …."

I felt the usual anger flare inwardly. As far as the Cosmitron proposal went, I had to admit that it was probably the best of some pretty lousy alternatives. But why was Ironhide going as well? Probably, my cynical mind surmised, to see his bondmate Chromia who was part of the Femme Resistance. That, however, was not half so outrageous as persisting with the _wait and see_ line here. It was one thing for Prime to do that and then keep his brother at bay when he played up, but quite another for us to try and fend off Megatron alone when he was kell bent on getting resources to Cybertron. There was no way that Megatron had a "containment policy" like Prime's. Now was surely the time we had to think like him, only beat him to it.

Besides, I thought secretly, this was the chance I had been waiting for. To have a real crack at them – without Prime's censorship. "I take it mounting an attack on their base is out of the question?" I said.

All heads turned in my direction and many pairs of optics were upon me. Prowl drew himself up, Gears grunted and Cliffjumper bristled again.

"Now Mirage …" Ironhide spoke, "… you know an attack on their base is well nigh impossible. Besides, it would take the conflict zone away from here and endanger the humans …" I remembered that Ironhide seemed to be developing a particularly soft spot for the humans and cursed their presence in the scheme of things.

"What about the human armies?" I asked. "Couldn't they at least lend a hand in return for saving their afts from Megatron? It would be to their advantage if we can pull it off!"

There was more murmuring. I saw CJ's optics glowing like daggers and Gears' frown deepen. Beside me the Twins shifted. I suspected they secretly agreed, but that Sunstreaker, with his half caste Alpha chip on the shoulder and one upmanship towards me, would never have let on and his brother would never have followed suit.

Prowl now drew himself up "It's not their place, Mirage! We brought this war to them. Now they shouldn't have to use up their own resources fighting our battles. It's not the Autobot way!"

"I see," I said, "That's to sit here and wait for them to murder us in our berths?"

More mutterings. Prowl looked affronted. The door wings rustled. "No!"he said. "It is to organise ourselves so that when they attack we mount a slick and effective counter defensive. That way we contain things here and we don't endanger any humans .."

"Yes Mirage," Gears cut in, "we can handle 'em! We can whup their afts and send them packing and get on with the job of fixing Prime. Provided we all stick together …"

There was some applause at that, and general agreement. But Cliffjumper couldn't help himself. He had to sneer: "Yeah – unless you got some special reason for wanting to get in their base that is, _Mirage_ …"

Now there was silence, and they were all looking at me again. Of course, I knew what he was inferring. But I refused to buy into it. I looked at him politely. "If you're backed into a corner with a trine of Seekers coming at you, then you're going to be able to handle that are you Cliffjumper?"

"Yeah, I am as a matter of fact!"

"Oh," I said, "interesting …" I stared him right in the optics. "Because it didn't seem to come off too well at Sherman Dam!" I was pleased at the opportunity to get that in. His gratitude at being saved by me in that situation had worn off rather quickly and I'd just had the chance to remind everyone that his supposed heroics there were somewhat over exaggerated.

Beside me, Sideswipe snickered.

CJ was on his feet, all compact red fury. "Why you …"

"That's enough now!" Ironhide had risen and Prowl was up as well. Ironhide cast a warning look at CJ, who sat down again, folding his arms and scowling like the sulky brat he was. But the battle scarred commando also looked at me as though he didn't entirely disagree with the minibot.

Ironhide leaned on the table and glowered at everyone. "We got enough goin' on here without this scrap firin' up." He barked. "We all got our jobs to do. Now this ain't an easy situation. We're gonna do our best to get what we need on Cybertron. Now it'll be all right here, we still outnumber the Cons – so long as y'all help Prowl here and manage to refrain from darned near tearing each others' throats out!" He looked at me and then at CJ. "You got it?" I didn't bother responding. But CJ unfolded his arms and said "you got it, big guy!" _What a creep,_ I thought.

Prowl looked up and down the table. " Yes, well," he said, " we're gonna get some rest now, and regroup at 06.00 hours. But everyone is to remain on full alert. Teletran 1 will be monitoring the situation, and Hound and Huffer are already on patrol. If there is any Decepticon activity prior to that time the alarm will be sounded and we will gather at the usual assembly point. Everyone clear?"

Chairs scraped. The twins grunted, probably pleased at the prospect of their quarters for the evening. CJ cast another poisonous look at me, but then he was talking to Gears who got up and nodded to Ironhide. I heard him say something which sounded like "gonna fraggin' watch him …" but Gears put an arm around his shoulders and they both left. Brawn gave a long cold stare in my direction and left as well.

My spark sank. I had sinned, of course. It just did not do to suggest anything which might disrupt the status quo of the _Mighty Cause_. I got up to go, thinking bitterly that if the Decepticon base were not under water and the Cat were not there I really would just go and take them out. As I was leaving, Ironhide said "Mirage, a word …"

The others had all gone and it was just me and him and Sunstreaker. The golden twin folded his arms and regarded me contemptuously. As usual I found his attitude totally infuriating. But given that he was probably the only one among them who could have taken me out, I had learned not to inflame his delicate sense of injustice further. Especially when Ironhide was there as well.

"That was a serious mistake today, Laserbeak getting in." Ironhide said.

I could not believe it! Here we go again, I thought bitterly. I felt anger rising. This was what I had to put up with all the time. Innuendos. Simmering. Sooner or later, I thought, I was going to lose my cool in one of these situations. But now was not it. Not with Sunstreaker wearing that expression. "Well, hopefully Red Alert will quit his histrionics and get down here so such breaches won't happen." I said.

"Yes …" Ironhide said slowly. "indeed …" I didn't like the way either of them were looking at me. "Is there anything else?"I asked.

"Just so you know Teletran'll be monitoring all outgoing communications. We wouldn't want the Decepticons invited here early, now would we?"

I froze, thinking of the transmission! But I'd already sent it. He'd said _will be. _Determined not to give them any traction at all I said "A good idea! Now if you'll excuse me …" and I walked out and left them standing there.

* * *

Bluestreak's excitement oozed from every joint. He was saying "We're gonna get the Cosmotron, Mirage! I'm gonna be a part of the team! It's cool isn't it? We're going on the space bridge. I never went on the space bridge before! I always wondered what it would be like to go on the space bridge? Have you ever been on the space bridge?"

I ignored the question. I was trying not to get incensed about the conversation earlier, about the fact that they carried on like that when I was the only one prepared to do anything serious about the Decepticons at all. About their suspicion because I questioned the Cause when I was the only one who saw how adherence to its tenets was crippling us. About their petty suspicions and accusations when I had killed more Cons than most of them had drunk hot cubes.

Blustreak prattled on: "yeah well, with any luck we'll get a chance to blow some of them apart ...!"

I marvelled at this ability of the Autobots to maintain such perennial enthusiasm. Especially with the real possibility that the Cybertron contingent would come limping back, no space bridge, no cosmitron, to find their comrades decimated without Prime.

He was wrapping himself around me, wanting to be kissed and caressed, and, I sensed, more. He said : "I'll miss you. When I'm hurtling through the void, I'll be thinking about last night ..."

He was all warm and soft scented metal. I held him and kissed his helm lightly, contemplating giving him what he wanted. I wanted him, but I hesitated, as I knew he'd need all his faculties fully functional – not clouded by some post overload haze. I tried to gently detach from him.

But he clung, and pressed himself close and kissed me, opening my mouth with his, and running his hands down my face and neck and slowly down my sides to settle on my thighs, then resting his head on my shoulder. A sweet scent arose, and A furnace erupted inside. Instinctively my legs parted and my connector stirred. Then I was sliding, backing up against the wall, pulling his wings so he came against me, aware of them twitching in my hands like a trapped turbohawk.

He let out a moan of delight, and I let his wings go and drew his head to me and kissed him hard, plunging into his depths. Then pushing him back, I ran my hands lightly down his chest, feeling his intakes shudder and sob. He reached to me and I pulled him close and caressed him with my lips more softly, stroking his cheek, sliding against him, then brushing his wings with my fingertips and tracing - just touching - down his back. He moaned and melted. Fuel fired the furnace and I grabbed his aft then and slammed him against me, feeling my hot steel quiver against his.

His little cries shot into me like pleasure darts, and he was hard and ready. I pushed him back, to stand so our connectors just touched, the steel shafts sparking. My thighs quivered, and so did his. He started to tremble and whimper as energy started to build, and I led him across to the berth and pushed him down on to it.

I took him in my arms and let myself become lost in him. Hands wandered over panels, fingers dug into seams, pinching wires. Connectors touched and sparked. Our mouths explored each others, our intakes hissing. The smell of ozone rose up like a cloud. He was quivering like mercury about to boil. "Mirage fuck me .." he whispered. His frame shuddered, his mouth fastened on mine once again.

The word was surprisingly erotic. I drew back and looked into his optics, which swam with need and want. I stroked his face. "Yeah …" I said. "OK …" and then I had to screw him, I could wait no longer, I needed to plunge inside him. He thrust against me, his connector so ready as well, his port burning against my thigh and I thrust back, energy surging inside, needing release.

His wings twitched and he clutched me, pulling me down, and as I slid into him I reflected how I preferred it this way. As I sent the first bolts of pleasure into him, feeling them spread into every corner of his circuitry and hearing him cry out I felt powerful, really powerful, and I thought of how tomorrow the Decepticons were going to be sorry, and I didn't care what anyone else did or said, and just for a moment I imagined he were Skywarp …

The overload was incredible …

* * *

After I'd fragged him several times, he lay in my arms, murmuring softly in afterglow. I shuttered my optics, feeling a sudden rush of emotion and fondness for him, and not wanting anything to happen to him.

"I think I might love you - Mirage .."

Yes, he was sweet. If he made it back, I might reconsider my earlier decision regarding him ...

I caught myself just in time.

_No entanglements! Get a grip, Mirage!_

I said "you hardly know me, little sweetspark ..." Kissing him lightly, I drew away from him."You'd better get some recharge," I said. And then I kissed softly again before I turned over and curled away from him, falling almost straight away into recharge, exhausted.

* * *

_Primus I hate it when they do that!_

_To be continued ..._


	8. Chapter 8 Sanctuary

**Forbidden Fantasies**

**By Ayngel

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**Chapter 8: Sanctuary

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_Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any of the characters or concepts in any official publication or as may be owned by others. I make no money from this story._

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In the face of the great "get lost" how tempting is the safe and familiar?

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_Warnings: Course language, adult themes, implied slash.

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**Author designation: Skywarp**

**Decepticon Elite Aerial Command. Earth contingent.**

Megatron laughed. The sort of laugh he reserved only for when the very best things happened.

The screen in the control room was giving us a graphic view of the wrecked, fragged Autobot leader, black smoking belching out of him. Around him, the Autobots looked to be in a state of half shock half chaos. Some just stood there like dorks whilst others scurried around like insecticons whose nest had been trodden on. It was a pretty entertaining spectacle.

"Oh excellent!" Megatron crowed, "_Excellent!_ Look at them go, Starscream! Without Prime, the Autobots are doomed!" He beamed triumphantly at the screen.

Screamer muttered something unintelligible which sounded like "… heard that before." They'd argued pretty much since we got back, agreeing that a better course than blowing up the Earth would be to extract a steady stream of resources back to Cybertron through the spacebridge, but disagreeing about when we should waste the Autobots. Screamer wanted to straight away. Megatron reckoned we should get the energon back to Cybertron first.

Now I knew we were not going to blow the earth up, I preferred Megatron's proposal. It would give me the chance to make a few - _contacts _- before we finished them off. Well – only one, actually. It seems ridiculous now, but I had it in my processor that Mirage would be delighted about the transmission and that even then he was poised ready for me to whisk him away back to Cybertron and the better life I was somehow going to provide. Oh yeah, I really believed it! I think when you want something a lot for ages and don't get it then in the end the only way your brain can cope is to make out that you did. That's my excuse, anyway. And I was so excited, I couldn't wait to put the plan into action.

Beside me, TC 's presence was a real killjoy. He'd been sulking ever since we'd arrived at the munitions factory and even though we'd done all right there, it had been hard work. I knew he was in one of his "I'm not talking to you" moods. He went all _like that_ and then I was supposed to just "know" what was bugging him and put it right.

His wings twitched and he shifted slightly beside me. I could feel the irritation. What had I done this time? There'd been a few words on the way to the factory but once we'd got there – well, basically I'd bailed him out. So what then? Kell, I wasn't a fragging mind reader!

No wonder, I remember thinking, that things hadn't been going too well between us and my spark was fluttering elsewhere. Yes – who could blame me when he behaved like this? There was only so much of this kind of scrap one could take. I thought of Mirage - who surely was way above this sort of thing - and I felt a surge of longing which was so strong I could hardly contain it. Ah, but it would not be long! This bond with TC was going to be an issue, of course. But I could always get it dissolved; and right then it didn't seem like a bad idea.

Megatron laughed again. _"Yes!"_ His optics were glowing red with delight as he continued to gloat over the images on the screen. "You have uttered your last intake, Prime! Prepare for a new era of - _Decepticon supremacy._"

I was restless. I know I was fidgeting. I knew it was important to Megatron that he said that sort of thing to remind us of who we were, but I just wanted to get out of there. I took another good look at the Autobots stumbling around on the screen. No, _he_ was not among them. Now I was dying to go and view the transmission which I was sure _he_ had sent back. Then I could get on with my agenda.

A flutter of excitement ran through my circuits. From the other side of the room I saw Soundwave glance across, stare at me and then look away again. and I thought _go on, scan all you like, creep, _because I was sure he would pick up only my extremely positive feelings and would assume it was because of our "victory," and that was all good as far as any report to Megatron went.

My optics went back to the screen. Now the Autobots were removing the motionless body of Prime from the room and they looked to have calmed down a little. Screamer was saying: "There's no telling what trickery are up their sleeves, Megatron. I still say we finish the job now ..." and Megatron was saying "nonsense Starscream. Without Prime they lack the initiative to organize even an interface in a pleasure parlor ..." and Screamer was saying, his voice rising again "foolish overconfidence ...!" and then Megatron's optics blazed angrily and he rounded on Screamer and said _"I will make the judgements Starscream ..."_

Whilst all the while Soundwave just stood there in the background and TC lurked beside me like a portent of doom ….

Standing there was _excruciating_. There was a gap in the conversation and I couldn't help it, I said: "er – are we needed?"

Screamer went to say something but Megatron flashed a smile in my direction. "Of course not, my dear Skywarp, go and get some rest.."

"Thank you Sir ..." and I was out of there before Screamer could say anything or TC could give me another evil or Soundwave could send his nasty prying sensors anywhere near my processor again.

.............................

When I first saw the Transmission from Mirage I just did not believe it. I read it several times and still it did not sink in. Then my spark ached, and a part of me just wanted to cry with disappointment, but another part just straight out refused to accept it. I think if I'd really allowed myself to take in his words, it would have hurt just too much. I knew he had gotten right into my circuits but it was not until then that I realized how much. Years of thinking of him and wanting him had come to a head now that a new chapter was about to begin for Cybertron – or so I thought – and not having him after all just didn't bear thinking about.

I remember I sat down in front of the screen and could not stop staring at the words. And then all I could think of was that I'd blown it and somehow managed to put something in that transmission which had upset him, and I wished I could just talk to him then and say: "what is it, Mirage? I was just trying to tell you how much you mean to me and whatever I did to offend you I didn't mean it ..."

I know I sat in there for quite a long time, not wanting to believe it had all come to nothing. Then my com went off, Screamer saying: .:: _Skywarp? Where are you? Report to the control room for immediate departure to the space bridge_ …::.

I remember thinking: _yes, the space bridge ...,_ and then I left and was walking, and I wasn't even sure where. I rounded the corner of the corridor which led to the control room - and collided with Screamer who was steaming along in the other direction.

"You clumsy oaf ...!" He looked furious. But then he saw it was me , "Oh, Skywarp ..." He drew himself up and went all officious looking.

"That was – er - very well done earlier! It was pleasing that you and Thundercracker appear to have worked out your differences, at least to the point where you can function in a satisfactory manner ..."

I only half heard, as in the wake of my disappointment I could now feel something different: upset and anger rising up inside me, like a volcano building up steam. Mirage had _betrayed_ me by doing this. I remember I muttered: "yeah, it is, yeah ...." or something like that, without even thinking.

Screamer was talking: "Despite Megatron's foolish refusal to attack the Autobots whilst Optimus Prime is out of action, he has supported my suggestion that we get as much energon as we can out via the spacebridge first. We will be leaving for this purpose in a few thousand astroseconds ...."

Now, suddenly, I was fuming! How could that upper caste pile of scrap do this to me? What was more, _how dare he do it?_ Didn't he realize what I'd risked sending that transmission? And did he realize that I could have anyone I wanted, that it wasn't every day I threw down just about everything it meant to be a 'Con just to tell someone they were – _beautiful._ I _never_ told anyone that!

Now I wasn't blaming myself any more, and I was livid, realizing that he was nothing but a stuck up ungrateful glitch who was not worthy of any of the things I had thought about him.

Screamer was still going on about the space bridge, but now I was not listening to a word_. _

I was thinking instead that_ he _was very likely to be at the space bridge watching. That was the sort of thing they would get a sneaky horrible untrustworthy piece of pitspawn like _him_ to do. Well, good! I thought. Because _he _would get a piece of my mind. I thought of how I'd promised to protect him. _Protect him!_ _You had to be kidding! _If I saw him he was history! I'd make a particular effort to waste him myself..."

Screamer was saying: "Now, do you think you can manage another performance without stuffing things up?"

Now the sound of Screamer's vocalizer and that question irritated me as well. I snapped: "Of course I can! When are we leaving?" I was thinking that _to Kell with the space bridge_, the sooner we could get out there and the sooner I could start blasting the scrap out of all of those losers, the better. And I felt stupid and angry with myself now; but, I vowed, I would make it up to myself.

He leaned closer. "Now, Skywarp, you're not going to go to pieces if the love of your life shows up this time?"

My spark gave a jolt, and it was like the volcano erupted. Before I could stop myself, I yelled: "Don't ever refer to him as that again! He's a piece of sump junk, Screamer. And I know what you said about leaving him to you an' all that but if I come across him I'm gonna blast him outta this universe, I'm just warning ya!"

An amused smile spread slowly across Screamer's face.

"Well, Skywarp," he chuckled. "This is a change of spark. What happened? Don't tell me you made some sort of a move and got the big finger ..."

That did it! I really wanted to just throw him against the wall and smash his face in, and right then I don't know how I constrained myself. "_Just shut the frag up, right!"_ I yelled at him, "_I don't wanna talk about it. Now shut up!" _I turned away from him, fighting the tears which were stinging the back of my optics, willing myself not to cry in front of him. Whatever else, I was damned if he was going to get the satisfaction of that.

I must have looked upset, or anguished, or not myself, or something because a note of concern, a rare thing for Screamer - especially when he's spent a whole morning fighting with Megatron – came into his voice then, and he said "all right, Warp, take it easy," and I felt a hand on my arm.

"_Get off!"_ I yelled, and I shook him off.

It doesn't do to knock Screamer back when he's trying to be nice. I think at that point in time it happened so rarely that he considered himself to be performing a great favour by being that nice, and my response to be that of an ungrateful brat. He can turn on you so fast. I never in all my time on Cybertron or earth or anywhere else knew anybody who could switch moods as violently as Screamer.

At lightning speed he grabbed hold of me and spun me around and then, optics blazing, he cracked me hard across the face.

I staggered sideways and fell into the wall with a clang, grabbing at my cheek, almost forgetting the other source of my anguish for a moment with the pain from the blow. I looked up at him, smarting, intakes heaving, furious now with everything. "_You fragging afthole_ ..." I yelled.

The concerned look was gone. Instead, he had that look which he gets which makes you remember that he isn't leader of the Elite Aerial Command for nothing; his optics flared, and I glowered back at him, daring him to hit me again, not really caring and fully prepared to have a go back if need be.

But he grabbed hold of me, and there was another loud _clang_ as he shoved me back against the wall and screeched right in my face: "I don't know what is going on with you, Skywarp! But I am _not _going to have my success compromised by your lack of control!"

"Mine!" I roared. "Look at you ..."

He tightened his grip; it was like iron. "Skywarp!" he snarled, "you will go to your quarters, and you will have a think about things, and you will calm down.... _Look at me!"_ He went on " .... and you will meet me back here, looking and behaving like a Decepticon, with Thundercracker in four thousand astroseconds, _do you understand me_?"

I nodded, hating him. I was crying tears of rage, and I didn't know whether he had caused them, or Mirage, or both. He leaned closer and whispered: "When you come back you will have pulled yourself together. Then I will brief you with our plans and I want them adhered to and _not compromised either by personal vendettas or ridiculous romantic delusions_, _do I make myself clear?"_

"Starscream what is going on here?" it was Megatron. Neither of us had heard him approach. Despite his size and power, he can be incredibly quiet and stealthy. Screamer relaxed his grip and stood back. "Nothing you need concern yourself with, Megatron," he said. "I was just giving Skywarp a little preliminary briefing ..." He dusted the front of me down with his hand. "There!" he said. I looked at him, still detesting him. He smiled. "Four thousand astroseconds remember ...?"

Megatron was looking at me quizzically, and I wasn't hanging around. I strode furiously away. As I left I heard Megatron say something about it being unnecessary for anyone other than Screamer to be at the space bridge and Screamer snarled something back but I wasn't listening any more, I just kept walking.

..................

I never ended up going to the spacebridge so I missed the fiasco where some Autobots managed to get on it and go to Cybertron. I was put on "watch" outside the base, and I wandered around the seabed looking at lobsters and fish and feeling like a fool, and utterly devastated, and like the Universe had come to an end. I was tried now, and sick with the whole thing, and I could not even cry.

I could not even feel happy later, when Megatron told us Screamer got a load of cubes back to Cybertron and that an acid rain attack had been ordered on the 'bots, making our success virtually inevitable. None of it seemed worthwhile any more. _And __it was all his fault!_ And I hadn't even had the chance to do something about that.

I did, however, have the planned destruction of the 'Bots at first light to look forward to and then, by Primus, I would get him. Oh yes, I would make that spoiled son of a glitch really sorry he had played with my spark and ruined my dreams ...

Nobody else was going to have that pleasure. He was mine.

......................

Eventually, exhausted, I made my way to the quarters. When I got there, TC was just sitting on the berth. He looked weary; even darker and more despondent than he had all day. I stood there in the doorway, looking at him and feeling guilty because I knew I'd been an afthole. All right, he'd made a few mistakes, but I hadn't had to be like that. In fact, I hadn't been exactly kind to him at all lately.

I felt a softness towards him then, and it occurred to me that I hadn't recharged next to him for a long time and that it would be really nice to do so. I realized I had neglected him lately and the idea of being in his arms suddenly seemed pretty good. I'd been stupidly preoccupied with – _somebody who wasn't worth it_. Well there'd be no more of that. And I would make it up to him - _Tonight._

He got up and stretched his wings out, and helped himself to an energon flask from the shelf above the berth. He didn't get one for me. Then he sat back down again. Removing the canon from his arm, he started taking it apart. Without looking up, he said, "whatever you're thinking of doing don't take too long, Warp, because I'm tired. I need some recharge...."

I just stood in the doorway looking at him_,_ sitting there. He really did look tired and sad, and how much I suddenly wanted to make things better for him. I'd been an idiot, and now I was sad too. We could both find comfort in each others' arms. I said "I know, TC. So do I..."

He looked up sharply. "Well I suggest you go and get it then in your usual spot, in between whatever else you do ..." He went back to the canon.

I was a bit hurt. But then, I thought, it was understandable. I said "Well actually TC, I wasn't thinking of going in there tonight. I was thinking I'd stay in here ..." I walked over to him. "With you...." and I ran my hand across his helm, thinking how nice it was to touch him after so long.

But he brushed me away quite fiercely, an angry look in his optics. Putting the canon down beside him, he got up. Then he glared at me. "Oh you were, were you?" he snapped. "Well I've got news for you, Skywarp! I don't want you in here, all right? I've got used to recharging on my own now and this is how it's going to be!"

I was – _astounded._ It took all thoughts of anything or anyone else out of my head. I just stared at him.

He started to pace up and down, looking furious. "I know what's been going on, Skywarp!" he raged. "I'm not a complete idiot. And as far as I'm concerned, you've made your berth, you can lie in it!"

My first thought was that he knew about the transmission to Mirage, somehow. But then I didn't see how he could know about the transmission. But maybe he did. But nothing happened over the damned transmission! Just in case, I said "Look, I know I've been a bit – er – stupid about some things lately TC but it's over. Honest. I'm gonna turn over a new leaf." I meant it. Yeah, I really did.

He stopped and turned to me, and he sort of half laughed. "Really?!" he said. "_Just like that?" _he regarded me coldly and then he turned away. I saw that his fists were clenched and I started to feel anxious because he only does that when he's really pissed and – well – I wouldn't say we never had a crack at each other over the vorns, and apart from him being the only one I can't best in a fight, I really didn't want that to happen.

He had his back to me and his wings twitched angrily. "You amaze me, Skywarp," he said, "really you do! That you can carry on like you have been night after night and then just casually behave like nothing happened!"

I stared at his back and the twitching wings. I didn't know what to say. Well, I was - _confused._ What did he mean "night after night?" I hadn't done anything with anyone since we'd been here! Except have Spyglass in my berth once and that didn't count.

He was glaring at me again now, optics blazing. I stood frozen beside the berth. "You disgust me!" he spat. "I no longer want you in my quarters! And as soon as we get back to Cybertron I want nothing to do with you ever again! Now get out ..." he gestured at the door, venom in his optics. Then he strode back to the berth and picking up the canon, sat down and recommenced his servicing of it, ignoring me and pulling at the components savagely.

A kind of sick horror ran through my circuits. Surely he couldn't mean this. He was my bond mate! OK so we'd had our rough patches – like lately – but he'd never gone this far. After everything else that had happened that day, this was just – horrendous. Lowering myself down beside him, I said: " TC. At least just tell me what in _Kell_ this is all about?"

He concentrated on the canon and his optics narrowed and grew cold. "You might think, Skywarp," he said, "that I don't know or care about what you've got up to in the past. But did you really think all this time I didn't give a pit about Ramjet, or Smokescreen, or Dreadwing, _or any of them_?"

This didn't make sense. Why had it taken him until now to decide he was unhappy about my other lovers? I knew I hadn't one hundred per cent done the right thing on that score, but they were ancient history. Well – history, at least. No, he'd got the wrong end of something somewhere – either that or was more stressed than I'd thought. I had to try and reason with him.

Trying to keep calm, I said. "TC –– they happened a long time ago! You know I always come back to you TC .... we talked - about most of them!"

He was pulling at the front barrel of the gun. It disengaged with a loud crack. "Then there was that Fireflight," he said "_He had a sparkling, Skywarp!"_

I supposed that had been a more passionate than average liaison. But it was also history, besides ... "Yeah," I said. "So? It wasn't mine." I didn't think it was. Well it could have been, I supposed. Probably not. Well, Kell! We'd talked about that too.

He put the canon down and got up. "Then ..." he went on, crossing to the maintenance cupboard "... there was your "little session" with Sideswipe ..."

Now I was jacked off. I got up off the berth, and went and got my own flask from the shelf above it. I was starting to feel like I needed it. "That was a one night stand, TC!" I snapped. That was just – _circumstances._ You know – how it is sometimes .." It had caused me no end of trouble. The red twin had read far too much into it and had spread a load of ridiculous rumours that we were having a secret liaison. I'd been a laughing stock.

TC returned to the berth and, picking up the barrel, started to clean it. He still had that utterly cold look in his optics. I'd never seen a look like that there before and I felt sick again. I sat down on the berth again a little apart from him, looking up at him furiously rubbing the gun barrel and thinking that this couldn't be happening and that I didn't want to feel jacked off. In fact, all I wanted was for this to be cleared up and his arms around me and for everything to be back to normal. I said "TC ... please ... don't be like this ..."

He still did not look at me. "I put up with all that ..." he said slowly, still cleaning, "... with those others - because I figured when all of them happened there was always a reason. Either we weren't getting on, or weren't seeing that much of each other, or you needed to get something out of your system..." he paused and looked at me. "And it goes without saying that I know about Screamer ... but I've always just accepted that was something you guys need sometimes ..."

I heaved a very slight sigh of relief that at least he understood _that_. The times with Screamer were usually a result of flying around in a post combat euphoria and having too much premium. But Screamer hadn't even looked at me – in that way, at least – since we'd been here. And the way we'd been at each others' throats, it seemed highly unlikely.

He was still looking at me, and as I watched a hurt look came into his optics, and it saddened me and sickened me further. He put the gun barrel down and, getting to his feet, turned away. "What I cannot stand ..." he said – and there was a waiver in his vocalizer - "and _will not _stand, Warp ..." and I saw him put a hand up to his face ".... is you two carrying on right in front of me the way you have been...." He turned back and his optics glistened. _"Now please leave_ ..."

Mirage was now the last thing on my mind. All I could think of was how absolutely unbearable it would be, now faced for the first time ever with the possibility, to lose TC. It was amazing how the implications of that had completely overridden everything else. I blurted out: "but TC you're wrong ..." and then I thought briefly of how earlier I'd had that thought about dissolving the bond, and I felt sick to the core.

"_It's too hard, Skywarp_!" he was crying now. "The whole way you've been lately – and now _that_ - I can't take it any more!" and he was leaning against the computer console, his sides heaving.

And then I couldn't help it, I started to cry myself. I said "But TC I'm not doing anything with Screamer, honest! We can hardly stand the sight of each other …" and now I wanted him more than anything, and I thought that if he would believe me and not go off and leave me then I would never look at anyone else again, not even Screamer, and certainly not Mirage.

I got up and went across and put my arms around him under his wings, and sobbed into his back.

He flinched, but he did not push me away. "How can I believe you? Your behaviour – since we've been here ... ?"

I held on to him, tightly. I said: "I know I've been acting like a jerk TC but honestly, it ain't that .." We stood there a few moments and then I gently disengaged myself and turned him around to face me. He looked at me and I could tell from the look in his optics that he still loved me, and right then I had nothing but love for him.

"Well if it's not that, then what is wrong with you Skywarp?" he whispered.

That was when I just broke down completely. Falling into his arms, I said "I don't know, TC, honest. _I just don't know_ ..."

"Oh Warp," he said, holding me and planting kisses all over my head. "_What am I going to do with you .... ?"_

.....................

I was in his arms and I was in a wonderful post overload haze. I could still feel the connection deep inside and I was thinking how I really did love him and I'd nearly blown it and I couldn't afford to nearly blow it ever again.

Nor was it going to be a fraction so long before we did this again.

He kept kissing the back of my neck, and he was saying "Warp I love you, I've always loved you. And I don't want to leave you, I don't want this to be over, I just want to work it out ...."

I turned over and I wrapped myself around him and I said "we'll work it out, I promise ..." and right then, I really wanted to.

Then I was drifting into recharge, feeling his warmth enveloping me and the last thing I thought was how when we got out there tomorrow I was going to find that pit spawned ungrateful afthole who'd caused me so much grief and I was going to take him apart. Oh yeah - I didn't care what Screamer said.

And I was going to behave like a bond mate should and be really faithful, and nobody was ever going to frag with my spark again.

* * *

_Er ... yeah!. Right. We'll see!!_

_Thanks all for reading. Reviews most welcome :-)  
_

_To be continued ..._


	9. Chapter 9 Prelude

**==Forbidden Fantasies==**

**By Ayngel**

* * *

_Disclaimer: I do not own transformers, or any of the characters or concepts within. I make no money from this story or any other about Transformers._

This is still within "Divide and Conquer". Trailbreaker, Bluestreak, Ironhide, Bumblebee and Chip Chase are on Cybertron getting the cosmitron. Prime is laid up in the medbay, useless without it, and the Decepticons are about to attack the Ark. Poor Prowl is overloaded with responsibility and Mirage doesn't help!

TC sympathisers TC/Warp fans love this chapter :-)

First though – Soundwave. Very important are he and Ravage to this whole continuity.

_Warnings: ****Seeker slash!!****_

* * *

**Chapter 9: Prelude**

**Designation: Soundwave**

**Communications and Intelligence Officer; Decepticon Earth Contingent.**

_**Decepticon base, A few hours before dawn.**_

**************

" … so," I said, "that's about the guts of it! Starscream wants Mirage D'Ligier rubbed out ...."

I had the lights in the undersea room dimmed to a pleasant greeny glow. The portals were unshuttered, but outside a pitch blackness covered the undersea world.

Across from me I could see the Cat's tail twitch sporadically as she passed from one end of the room to the other, padding to and fro.

She paused now, in mid stride, one paw raised, and regarded me with the glowing coals which were her optics. "Hmmmn .." she said. "You know, he really believes it, doesn't he! All this 'leadership' stuff…." She resumed her pacing. "he really does see himself as a force to reckon with Megatron!"

I commanded my relaxo chair into a more comfortable configuration and leaned back into it and shuttered my optics. "Yes, Ravage, I believe he does."

The cat laughed. A purry, tinkly sound. I could hear the _tack tack_ of her claws as she continued to pad. "Well, are you going to humour him, Soundwave?" she said. "Carry out his bidding? Make him think you'll be a _trusty servant_ once he's in the _hot seat?"_

I settled myself deeper into the chair. "Of course not," I murmured. "Do you really think I could kill Mirage?"

The Cat tinkled again. "There are times in the last few millennia when, believe me, Soundwave, I have felt very like killing Mirage! But I appreciate your sentiments…."

I opened my optics and looked across at the padding streamline form. "You don't fool me Ravage!" I said. "You have always watched over Mirage, despairing at his fate and his foolishness. And you are still doing it! Even here…." I squinted at her. "He will always be your 'little kitten …'"

The cat paused again, and gave me a long stare. "Hmmmn …" she said and continued her pacing. Smiling at her longtime habit of not answering when she knew I was right, I closed my optics again and settled deeper. Presently I heard her pause again. "So what do you want me to _do,_ Soundwave?"

I had given the matter some thought. I said "Oh, give him a scare, Ravage, as you are very capable of doing. And then bring him in. It's time we had a little chat…." _And time he saw sense,_ I thought.

"And what are you going to do then, _Soundwave,_ when he spits in your face at the idea of joining the Decepticons? Another term of imprisonment. Maybe some _torture_ this time?"

"No!" I said. "No, not that. …" The thought of it made my Spark burn. Mirage was like a creation to me. I had partly raised him. When his abilities as an _illusor_ were discovered I had taught him virtually everything I knew. Many things which had happened to him, I had watched with the utmost despair.

There was the rub of soft feline metal against my leg and I realized the Cat was beside me. "Oh you are such a soft touch, Soundwave!" she said, not unsympathetically. "I can feel your anguish, even as you lie there thinking you suffer alone!"

I reached down and ran my hand along the length of her. As always, her soft alloys had a comforting effect. "Maybe he will come across this time …" I said.

The cat purred and leaned into my touch. "Maybe!" she whispered. "Who knows? _We shall see!"_

* * *

**Designation: Skywarp**

**Squadron Leader, Decepticon Elite Aerial Command**

*****************

Although my internal time monitor systems were indicating that up on the surface dawn was breaking, the first rays of the Earth sun hadn't yet penetrated to the ocean floor. I could hear the water lapping gently against the sides of the dome, and it was a comforting sound.

I had my back to TC, and he was wrapped around me. He kissed my neck softly and stroked the leading edge of my wing. "We have to go, love," he said.

I didn't want to. I just wanted to stay there in his arms and pretend that everything that had happened in the last few days hadn't happened, and for a few moments I forgot what our whole situation entailed and what we were about to do. I pulled him around me. "No," I said, "It's been too long, TC. I need this to last a bit longer."

He sighed. "I wish it could too" he said, and I could feel his breath hot on my neck and my circuits were starting to tingle, and I knew it would not take much to put us into such a state of arousal again that we probably would not be able to stop ourselves from doing what we had done for most of the night. "We can't," he murmured, kissing me again. His hand was exploring my thigh and I took it and ran it gently round to the inside, "can't we...?" I said. "_Oh Warp,"_ he moaned and pressed against me and I pushed myself back against him, loving the feel of his hard body against mine ...

The com crackled from next to me on the berthside table. .::_Thundercracker?::. _It was Screamer.

TC went to move. He said "we have to..."

"No" I said, turning around to face him and kissing him. I ran a hand over his cockpit canopy and gently flicked it open, reaching into the cavity and fondling the sensitive flight controls, so that he moaned again and then his loins pressed against mine and there was no doubt from the feel of him that if we stayed that way we'd definitely do what I now badly wanted to do..."

"_Thundercracker, respond. That is an order! "What in the name of Primus are you playing at ..."_ He sounded furious.

TC cursed then. He leaned up over me and activated the com. .:: Yeah ::. he said .::we're – er – on our way::. I still had my hand on his controls and I could tell it was a real effort for him.

.:: Is Skywarp in there with you? ::."

He hesitated. .:: Yeah... ::."

There was a silence and Screamer said: .:: I see! ::. then he snapped .::_Well there isn't time for that! _We've got an Autobot base to destroy!::. His tone lowered, .::or maybe you'd rather just be left here to fornicate forever on the ocean floor whilst the rest of us go back to Cybertron?::.

There was a pause, and I took my hand away. I didn't want to, but I felt it was for the best. Screamer snapped .::_You've got three thousand astroseconds to prove that isn't the case!::. _Then the com snapped off.

TC sighed and lay back down beside me and then we kissed, very gently, and he stroked my face. "Come on," he said, "let's do this."

He gave me one last kiss and, heaving himself up and off the berth, made his way into the ablution room, his arousal noticeably diminishing but still creating a stifflegged walk, as happens when you need a release and don't get one. I sighed, lay there for a few moments controlling my own frustration and willing my body to reconfigure itself out of interface mode. Then I got up out of the berth and joined him.

He was splashing water on his face. I put my arms around him and pressed myself into his back, my head between his wings, and listened to the water as it gurgled softly down the drain. . "I love you, TC ..." I said.

He said "I love you too" and I could hear the emotion in his vocaliser.

I said: "Whatever happens today, I just want you to know that I'm real sorry for everything that's happened and I don't ever want anyone again except you."

He said: "OK Warp, OK .." and he turned around and we held each other for a few moments, suppressing any further arousal and just needing to be close.

"I love you ..." I murmured again.

And, right then, I meant it. I honestly did.

* * *

**Designation: Starscream**

**Commander, Decepticon Elite Aerial Command**

*******************

So Skyze was screwing Thundercracker again! He was his bondmate, I supposed. I'd just thought they'd given up on all that since they'd been here. But there was no mistaking the thickness in Thundercracker's voice, indicative of a post overload afterglow.

Not that I was really jealous. I'd always been able to get Skywarp whenever I wanted him anyway. That the bond was so weak with Thundercracker and yet Thundercracker persisted in hanging around was to be pitied rather than envied. More, I now felt a tingling in my circuits and a need for what he had just had. Maybe after today a little policy change where Skywarp was concerned would be good. Probably good timing, if we got it right today and were headed back to Cybertron.

I thought of his extra sensitive wings and the way he moved underneath me, and how his port opened up invitingly when I touched it and the feel of it when I jacked into him, and just thinking of it was making my connector prime right now. I felt the cable swell and my own port started to throb and ache. A rush of heat swept through me.

Damn! And I was about to go into battle! I glanced at the time. Still about two thousand astroseconds before Thundercracker and Skywarp turned up. Enough time to relieve this tension which was suddenly gripping every circuit at the thought of doing Skywarp again.

I activated the com: _.::Viewfinder::._

He arrived within nanoclicks. Not Skywarp, but a nice body he had. Alpha of sorts. Would do just fine. "Lay down and put your hands above your head" I said. "Certainly …" he smiled wickedly.

And as I fragged him frantically, feeling him tighten and wrap around me and energy flaring in a wall of fire I imagined it was Skywarp and did him harder, determined that this time he would never want anyone else again. Not his bondmate, and certainly not that other Alpha, that cousin of the one who was underneath me, and who would be history by the time the day was out anyway.

Need for the release I had realized I wanted so much burned hard and then rapidly, mercifully, became a reality …

* * *

**Author designation: Mirage**

**Intelligence Officer, Autobot Earth Contingent**

_**The Ark. Morning of the attack**_

_**************_

In the dream, I was in the foyer of the Trion Academy, and about four or five officious looking mechs were waiting for me. "Mirage D'Ligier?" said the largest one, who had a black and white paint job and crested helm, rather like Prowl's.

"We regret to inform you that your creator has been … he's passed away. You know what this will mean. As the eldest male in your family you will inherit all of your creator's properties and business interests. It will be necessary for you to leave the Academy as of this joor …"

Then the scene changed and I was back at my ancestral home and there was a pounding on the door, and there were the same four or five mechs, only this time they had weapons and they were saying "Mirage D'Ligier? You have debts in the order of some three million credits. We have orders to seize property to that value to be placed in the central distribution pool …"

Then it changed again, and this time Swindle was straddling me, and I could smell his sweet scented alloys as his fingers traced their way lightly across cracks and seams I didn't know I had and he bent down and, gently mouthing my audial, said "Don't you worry about a thing! I'm gonna get this sorted. And then you n'I are gonna make a killing. We'll be the richest mechs on Cybertron …"

And then Megatron was pacing in front of me saying "It is what we agreed Mirage, the money or the energy. In the absence of the former, I have no option but to assume the latter …" and there were Seekers moving in shadowy groups and arrangements being made, and the figure of Soundwave stalking ominously, the Cat at his feet and I heard Swindle screaming "Mirage, help me! Don't let them lock me up …" and the sound was desperate and awful, but I kept walking.

Then the explosions resonated across Iacon as the first bombs fell on the Towers and I turned off the holovision and curled into a ball, but I could not escape the terrible crackling which echoed all around …

There was a crackling now.

.::Mirage … come in!::.

I awoke with a start, intaking sharply, and had to activate my orientation circuits in rapid succession to remember where I was. Almost at once I saw the Earth light slanting through the portal, heard the sounds of the Ark. Turning over, the berth was empty beside me. Bluestreak had gone. The com crackled again.

.:: Mirage, you need to get up here. It's – um – the Decepticons. They're on their way ::. It was Hound.

I looked at the com for a moment before picking it up. .::Copy, Hound:;. I felt groggy, and looking at the Earth time device I saw that it was later than I had intended still being in the berth. Memories of Bluestreak's sweet aromas came floating back, soothing and dulling the effects of the dream.

There was silence. Then the Tracker said: .:: Mirage?::.

.::I'm here::. I heaved myself up. .::Where are they?::.

Teletran reports them just leaving their base. It looks like all of 'em::. Then there was a pause and he said .::Er – I think you should get here. Prowl isn't handling things too well and Huffer's sort of – taken control. Him .... and the human ...::.

I came fully awake. .::I'll be right there::. I said.

* * *

_The shame of it!_ I thought as I hurried along the corridors towards the control room. It wasn't enough that they'd sent one of these creatures to Cybertron because Wheeljack was apparently unable to get through the lock to his own lab, but allowing _Huffer_ to take command ...

Not that I disliked the minibot. He was a lot more palatable than Cliffjumper. But for him to take on that role ... well what in _Kell _were they doing? If I was going to die then I was going to at least give myself a sporting chance and the opportunity for that, given the news I'd just heard, seemed somewhat limited.

By the time I got there, it had been sorted. Kind of. I gathered there had been some sort of panic attack and argument between Prowl and the Twins as to whether we should just barricade ourselves into the Ark. Then the minibots had leapt into the fray as well, arguing on the side of the twins, and then Jazz had gone all defensive of Prowl, and Windcharger had backed him up , and then the sudden out of character leadership shown by Huffer had galvanized Prowl into action. It all made me realize how hopeless they were without Prime and how that had much to do with why they didn't want to attack the Decepticons. It wasn't all just Autobot altruism.

They needed me. But Prowl, of course, could not say this politely. "You're late" he snapped. "It's all very well to talk about taking the initiative, Mirage. Quite another to not even be here when it's getting taken!"

My head pounded. "Well I gather it's not exactly you who's taking it now, is it!" I said, affronted by his attitude. The nerve of it! The door wings twitched and I thought how unlike Bluestreak he was and how I would rather do it with a cybercat than frag him.

"I want you outside and with the others in a battle line Oh and Mirage … I'd prefer it if you remained visible where possible today. That way we know where you are and how to organize ourselves accordingly!"

I rounded on him. "Look," I said "You do your job and I'll do mine! And that includes you not interfering with my special operations. If I manage to save your afts later you can tell me what I should or shouldn't have done …"

I did not give him a chance to reply, but stormed away up the corridor in the direction of the exit, thinking that perhaps the prospect of the _Realm of Illumination _was, after all, not so bad given the way life had turned out. Then I heard footsteps hurrying up behind me. "Mirage ...." It was Jazz.

"Yes?" I kept walking.

"It would be a lot better for everyone if you didn't take on like that!"

I didn't stop. "Whatever else, I've got a job to do here, Jazz!" I said. "At least now when the Ark gets wiped out in a blaze of Seeker firepower I'll know I did my best to prevent it!"

Jazz was almost running in an effort to keep up with me, his feet clattering on the metal floor. "It's not that he doesn't think you're good, Mirage. It's just - he'd got a way of doin' things, man! An he's stressed now – over Prime …"

Stressed! My mind went back to my dream and I thought he _doesn't know what stress is!_ "What is your point, Jazz?"

"I just want you and him to – you know – stop all this scrap, Mirage. I know it's been hard, an' it ain't been easy for me either ... I'm still real fond of you Mirage ..."

I thought _well you've got a funny way of showing it_ and started walking again. "This is hardly the time for such a discussion, Jazz!"

He stopped following. "Well you oughtta at least show him some respect!" he yelled out after me.

I stopped again then and turned back to him. "Jazz," I'd said "I'm obeying his orders. I'm about to go and stand in the battle lines under his command and probably get my aft blown to smithereens. Is that enough respect?"

Then I turned away. "Go back and help your boyfriend .." I called back as I walked away, aware that it sounded hopelessly mechalescentish but saying it anyway.

He didn't follow this time.

* * *

Now Hound was coming towards me saying: "Oh, thank Primus! Sunstreaker and Sideswipe report - it looks like all of them, coming in from the west ..." at the mention of the red twin's name, I thought very briefly of the Seeker but dismissed that instantly from my conscious awareness pool.

Hound touched my arm. He said "Mirage ... about Prowl ..."

He had that look in his optics. The one I'd seen so many times I could not have counted them all. The one which always let me know that any time I wanted I could have had him, and that one indication from me to that effect and he would have left Cliffjumper or whoever else he happened to be screwing within breems and come straight into my berth. I hadn't seen it for a while. Interesting that on the point of our probable doom it was suddenly there again.

And having given it no response for about the last few million vorns, I had no intention of doing so now.

Attaching the electro disruptor, I said "I know. He's 'worried'. But don't confuse stress with ineptitude, Hound ..."

He cast me a despairing look but, feeling a little brighter, I fell into step beside him.

* * *

_Thanks! Please R and R_


	10. Chapter 10 The Curse of the Cat

**~Forbidden Fantasies~**

By Ayngel

**

* * *

**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any of the characters or concepts within. I make no money from this story or any other about Transformers._

_Warnings: None for this chapter, but there certainly are for the rest of the story, see individual chapters._

* * *

FI: Mirage and Skywarp may have no history in this story (other than Skywarp's infatuation) but Mirage and Ravage certainly do. In fact, long ago on Cybertron, she was his hunting companion. She was snared by Soundwave and corrupted over the aeons, so that by the time of Earth she bore no resemblance to her former self and was totally evil.

* * *

**Chapter 10: ****The Curse of the Cat**

**Author Designation: Skywarp**

**Officer, Decepticon Elite Aerial Command**

Soon we had left the ground where the air was so thick and sultry with the threat of the approaching storm, and were at high altitude and on our way to the destruction of the Autobots and a new future.

The air rushed, cool and refreshing against my exoskin, the sun burning brightly in the blue canopy whilst below a grayish blanket of rolling cloud stopped us from having any view of the ground. To the west, storm clouds rose and lightning flashed occasionally between them. Even though I'd never really taken notice of Earth weather, I couldn't help thinking how majestic they were, especially since they were too far away to affect our flight path.

We all flew in silence, and yet you could feel the excitement. Every now and then thunder rumbled, and that just added to the atmosphere. Everyone thought that this time we surely couldn't frag things up.

TC and I flew very close, our wingtips just brushing, and despite the situation I couldn't stop thinking about his body pushing against mine and the feel of the connection and I could still feel it tingling deep inside. I did not recall such a passionate time with him in aeons.

All in all, I felt pretty damned good! And this was like old times – going into battle: the thrill of a good fight and the sure knowledge of what would come later. And we were going back to Cybertron! I could tell he couldn't wait either.

"TC," I whispered, "I love ya!"

"Mmmmn …. you too … "

Nobody gave any sign of having heard, but just ahead I saw Screamer adjust his flight path a little and I knew he had, but he didn't say anything. He seemed lost in whatever was going on in his own head and not bothered about whatever mushy things TC and I were coming out with. I supposed that in the scheme of everything, it wasn't that important to him.

Just behind I was aware of Soundwave's presence, silent and ominous. Oh he would definitely know ...

I focused myself. There would be no mercy today. And top of my list was that red twin – exceeded only by that upper crust pile of scrap who, no matter what happened, would not leave here intact.

And as soon as the job was done, we were going home.

* * *

**Author Designation: Hound**

**Tracker, Autobot Earth Contingent**

The air was still and heavy, the sky overcast, dark to the north and punctuated by occasional flares of lightning. The scent of impending rain hung in the air, and periodically thunder rumbled in the distance.

Usually, I would have relished this weather! Along with the scenery, it was one of the highlights of being on Earth. But right, then all I could do was hope that I survived long enough to see some more of it. Because there we were lining up without Prime, or Ironhide, and even though Prowl had pulled himself together and was putting on a brave face in ordering us into position, there was no mistaking his nervousness.

Kell, everyone was nervous! It was, after all, the most frightening situation in which we had found ourselves since we came to Earth. Without Prime I sensed there would be no holding back. That this was it – the Decepticons meant business. And I had to agree with Mirage about Prowl not being the best judge of things sometimes - because we really didn't have a clear battle strategy. And that human was there, bless him, declaring his undying allegiance by trying to wield an Autobot gun, a gun so enormous - compared to him - that it was just about pulling him over, making the inappropriateness of his presence so glaringly obvious. And I could also see, now, the wisdom in attacking the Decepticons first. But it was too late for all that now ….

We stood in lines whilst Prowl recited the usual Autobot creed about courage, honour, it having been a pleasure to have served with every one of us, etcetera. To one side of me stood Cliffjumper. Arms folded, dark and intense, attention focused on Prowl, he fidgeted slightly and gave off an air of defiance and determination. On my other side, in total contrast, stood Mirage. He was completely still and his face was like a mask, optics looking at the ground. He was the only one who did not look nervous.

I marvelled at Mirage's composure. He was always like this. I realized just then what an asset we had with him and suddenly felt very guilty, because I knew the Autobots had said a lot of not nice things and now I realized I should have said something instead of acting like nothing was wrong. I vowed that if we survived this battle then I would.

I was acutely aware of both of them. Cliffjumper like a coiled spring, all fierce beauty and compact raw energy, and then Mirage, all lithe and pristine, blue and white and deadly elegance. Despite the gravity of the situation, a thrill ran through my circuits and my spark gave a lurch. Then I told myself off for having, after all this time, _those sorts of thoughts_ about Mirage. Especially with CJ right there - after all, it never had and never would get me anywhere to have _those thoughts._

Besides, I reminded myself, this was hardly the time for such notions! We had a battle to fight. And, indeed, I had no time to think of it further because now, as lightning again lit up the sky to the north and the thunder grumbled, there was another roar – of jet engines – and in a flash a battery of all too familiar figures came rocketing through the low clouds.

Prowl yelled for us to draw weapons but we were too slow. In an instant they were upon us, the air full of wings and weapons and flashing metal and clanging and transformation noises, and then ground was shuddering as they landed and the universe exploded around us as what seemed like every single one of them opened fire.

Gears went down straight away, but everyone leapt into action. Beside me Mirage leapt nimbly away, whilst CJ went ballistic. "Huffer, Brawn!" he bawled, and they all charged after the Seekers, who had landed a short way away. Then there were shots and blasts and rocks flying everywhere and I saw, to my amazement, through a haze of dust and smoke that the three of them were taking on the two jets with such ferocity that they were being driven back. It was incredible! It looked like something split off from Thundercracker's shoulder and he yelled and clutched at it, and then Skywarp spun around and fired at CJ but he was too slow and CJ leapt out of the way; then Then Skywarp was looking around as though dazed and Huffer leapt in and delivered a punch which sent him flying into the rock face and he just lay there like he went offline.

It all happened incredibly fast – but I had no time to marvel at it, as there was a shout from my right and there were Jazz, Prowl, Sideswipe and Mirage taking on Megatron and Starscream. Eagerly I joined them and we blasted away, and despite their size and weaponry we drove them back with the sheer intensity of our firepower. Starscream yelled at Megatron that they were using too much energy and Jazz yelled at the rest of us to keep firing.

Lightning exploded in the sky to the west. Starscream took off and next thing he and the other two Seekers, obviously recovered, were screaming straight at us. Then Jazz was yelling "incoming!" and everyone ducked for cover, including Megatron who cursed loudly as shrapnel sprayed and rocks blew apart all around. Through the commotion I noticed Brawn collect Gears and take him to safety under a rock ledge, then creep across to join us. Then the sky was darkening, and now the wind was getting up,and Megatron was on his feet and firing at us again as the Seekers came around again.

Over to the side I saw that CJ was now fighting the Reflector triplets. He threw the female savagely on to the ground and she lay still and another took a shot in the chest and keeled over, coming to rest beside her. I remember yelling at him to join us and _thinking Primus almighty at least I don't have to worry about you!_ I will never forget the look on his face that day_. _

Then there was a yell above the rising wind and looking up I saw Sunstreaker on a small hill in front of some trees struggling with Soundwave and the cassettes. At the same time Megatron fired on Sideswipe and I saw him go down. I hesitated but Jazz yelled "Go help Sunny! We can hold here!"

"Come on!" I yelled. Then CJ was by my side and Huffer just behind and we were scrambling over, blasting as we went. It was about then that I first realised I didn't know where Mirage was.

The Seekers roared overhead. More explosions sounded and looking back I saw rocks spraying everywhere and then there was too much dust to see anything else. The sky ahead was now darker and there were more and more bolts of lightning, and the trees were bending over in the wind. Out of the corner of my optic, I saw the remaining triplet descend on Spike, seemingly targeting him, but Brawn came charging up and blasted him, and he flew into the air and landed with a loud crash, and then the human ran off. There was another roar of engines and looking up I saw that the three Seekers were coming around for another pass, but then Skywarp seemed to split away from the other two and head north and the other two turned and headed in the other direction.

"This way!" CJ yelled over the racket, and I could see that ahead Soundwave and Sunstreaker were still firing at each other. But before we could move there was another deafening _boom, boom_ and a massive crack appeared in the ground. CJ and I clutched wildly at each other to stop ourselves from falling in, and then through the dust which rose could be seen the unmistakable form of Rumble, now poised on the ridge laughing and hammering at the ground whilst we were suddenly assaulted by Frenzy and Lazerbeak. Lazerbeak dived at Huffer, firing, and he went down and lay still and I yelled at the others to leave him there and take cover.

Now the lightning seemed to be less and it looked as though the storm would pass to the west. Nevertheless, I felt a few spots of rain fall. Everywhere was smoke and dust and debris and the small of singed gravel and wood. The cassettes were still firing and CJ was trashing Frenzy with renewed brutality. Looking through the haze I could see Sideswipe was all right and now Sunny was over there too and they were tackling Megatron afresh, with Prowl and Jazz bringing up the rear. The Seekers had disappeared and Soundwave was nowhere to be seen. Neither was Mirage.

Then suddenly Rumble was right there in front of me and I thumped him really hard in the abdomen and he went down and then I realized the battle noise had stopped, and then we were all just standing there, intakes heaving, our systems struggling to recover. Then Rumble heaved himself up and, letting forth a stream of expletives, bolted away through the trees and looking the other way I saw that Megatron had withdrawn.

Then the Decepticons were all gone and Prowl was yelling "great work Autobots" and was shouting at us all to make ourselves present and correct, and we started over there and I could see Jazz was doing a count but there was still no sign of Mirage. And even though I presumed he was there but _not there_ and that it was a strategic move on his part, an icy chill ran through my circuits.

Then Jazz yelled "all present and correct " and I yelled out "Where's Mirage?"

CJ turned on me, sides still heaving, energon oozing from a gash on his arm, his face dark and furious. "who gives a fraggin' pit? " he snarled. "Afthole might as well have not been here!" He looked at me with absolute venom, optics blazing, then turned and stormed over to where Brawn was getting up, next to the prostrate Huffer.

* * *

**Author designation: Mirage**

**Intelligence Officer, Special operations Unit, Autobot Earth Contingent**

Megatron laughed evilly, blasting at us and only missing Prowl because the silver imbecile was so busy gloating that he wasn't concentrating. The Seekers were coming around for another pass, Jazz and Prowl were nearly out of ammo from fighting Megatron, Sideswipe had been hit and over through the trees I could see that Sunstreaker was busy with Soundwave and the cassettes and the others were on their way over there.

As happened so often, it was going to be up to me. Determined that this time I would get at least one of those infernal Seekers and not prepared to wait for any nonsensical instructions from Prowl, I primed the rocket with the explosive tip and activated the electro disruptor.

As they thundered overhead and Jazz yelled at us to take cover again, I fired the rocket. It went exactly where I intended, hitting Skywarp with a satisfying crack in the wing after which there was a small explosion and little pieces of black metal rained out of the sky. He seemed to lose height and I thought … _yes …_ and prided myself on the accuracy of my shooting. But then as I watched he seemed to veer away from the others whilst the remaining two banked around to hone in on us again.

I cursed. Unfortunately, they were out of range of the dart gun and now Jazz and Prowl were completely out of ammo. I cursed their lack of planning and the fact that whenever I managed to pull off something like this, there was never any backup.

With the electro disruptor still active, I took it out on Megatron, thinking what a lousy performance the Cons had, in fact, put up today. Megatron had missed just about everything he'd fired at and the Seekers had done little more than fly around and make a racket. We should have won this easily – given them a real pasting - and yet, I surmised, we would now be lucky to emerge victorious at all. It had been a missed opportunity and for the umpteenth time I cursed Prowl for his dismal reactive strategies. I remember thinking they were lucky I was there or they may not have made it even this far.

It was good taking it out on Megatron. The idiot charged around in confusion, blasting at nothing, wasting precious energy. The other two Seekers came around again but veered away warily, clearly with some inkling of my presence. And Megatron, must have realized he couldn't fight an unseen enemy for he took off and flew away; and whilst I did not think for one minute that was the end of it, at least Prowl and Jazz had time to reset their systems and to reload weapons.

But Jazz was dripping energon from his shoulder. And then, of course, Prowl was there with his arm around him and a _tender_ look. _In the middle of a bloody battle, for Primus sake!_

I wasn't hanging around. I could not see Hound or the minibots, but the ground began to shake with the unmistakeable rhythm of Rumble's shenanigans and I could see movement through the trees - what looked like Soundwave blasting away at a flash of yellow which I took to be Sunstreaker and two other reddish figures locked in combat who looked like Cliffjumper and Frenzy. I took off in that direction.

But before I got much further, a ghastly wailing sounded from behind a nearby rock outcrop. I stopped in my tracks, with no idea what it in Kell it could be. It rang out again, and then - I recognised it. It was the human! And whatever predicament it was in didn't sound good. I cursed, thinking how this proved the creature should never have been allowed here. Even more, that I was still an Autobot, and much as I would have liked to I couldn't just leave it.

Damn it! Determined I was going to tell the human to get its organic aft out of here once and for all, no matter what sort of a show of bravery it had attempted earlier, I ran towards the sound. But then, as I rounded the outcrop, I froze.

For there it was, struggling on the ground, mewling pitifully, hands clutching at the gravel. And pinning it down, hissing, fangs bared, was the Cat.

My circuits jolted violently in a mixture of fear and revulsion.

"Ravage!" I hissed.

* * *

**Designation: Hound**

**Tracker, Autobot Earth Contingent**

The sky was still dark and the air was thick again, but the storm was definitely passing on. I looked questioningly at Jazz and he looked back at me and shrugged and I felt a terrible sense of dread. I scanned in all directions, but Mirage was definitely not there.

Looking around, I spotted something black glinting through the trees and I realised that there was a road there and on a sudden impulse I started to run towards it, hearing gravel crunching and branches snapping under my feet. My feet clattered as I burst out on to the tarmac. Stopping, I scanned again. The sky was lightening as the storm crept away and the surface glistened in wake of the light fall of rain. But there was no Mirage. Only an eerie emptiness.

There was, however, the noise of an engine and, then, as I applied my optic sensors in the direction from which it was coming, I saw in the distance a vehicle approaching. As it drew closer I could see that it was a small, yellow and wonderfully familiar vehicle.

"_Bumblebee_!" With a surge of relief I took off up the road to meet it and then I saw that – even better - Trailbreaker, Ironhide and Bluestreak were following at a distance behind him.

Bumblebee came roaring up to me and screeched to a halt and the window opened and the wheeled human leaned out of it. Then I heard little footsteps behind me and, turning, there was the other human running up and yelling "Chip, Chip, you got the cosmitron? The wheeled human nodded.

"Well quick!" I said to Bumblebee, who flung open his door so the other human could climb in. "Get it to Ratchet! There's no time to waste." The minibot did not hesitate. He revved his engine and roared off. At the thought that Prime could truly be back among us soon, my Spark leapt in hope.

Just then, the other three came running up and transformed. I noticed that Breaker was panting and he looked exhausted, but Bluestreak had an air of wonderment about him, as though everything happening in the universe right then was truly amazing. He looked past me up the road in the direction of the disappearing Bumblebee and then across at the destruction for the battle, clearly visible from where we were. "Far out …" he muttered.

Ironhide gave me a reproachful look. "Aw y'drove 'em away! He said "Ya might have saved us a bit of action, Hound …" Beside him, Bluestreak was still staring around. I stole a glance at my ex bondmate who I knew had been looking at me but looked away. I thought how tired and despondent he looked and I felt a tenderness towards him, and I wished then that he'd gone to the Ark with Bumblebee instead of staying out here.

Bluestreak looked at me with his glassy blue optics. "Where's Mirage?" he asked. I went to say I didn't know but just then there was a fresh roar of jet engines and looking up I saw in the sky Megatron, Soundwave, two Seekers and what looked like all of the cassettes headed our way.

It was dis-sparkening. "You're gonna get yer wish" I said to Ironhide. "let's go …"

Before I left I remember I glanced around at the dark sky receding in the west and the empty road, and tried to dispel the feeling that something was dreadfully not right. He would be all right, I told myself. Mirage was always all right …

Primus almighty, why couldn't I accept, after all this time, that he could look after himself?

* * *

**Author designation: Mirage**

**Intelligence Officer, Special operations Unit, Autobot Earth Contingent**

The Cat's head snapped around and she smiled, evilly, and I knew instantly that I'd been hauled into a trap. She had that look on her face. The one she'd always had when she wanted me to do something, the one which had been there all the times she's tried to get me in the Decepticons. And it was there now. With a trace of triumphant sneer which clearly indicated she thought this time she might succeed.

Well I wasn't having it. Besides, I had a duty to the infernal human, who looked less than comfortable. I aimed, and fired.

The Cat leaped into the air. The human didn't hang about, and I could not help but admire his reflexes. He was up in an instant and fleeing. As he went he yelled something which sounded like "bad kitty" and I saw a flicker of contemptuous amusement cross the Cat's face. But she was far more interested in me. She rounded, optics flaring and narrowing into slits. I fired again, but she lsprang deftly to one side, avoiding the dart easily, which hammered into the rockface and fell away with a tinkling sound.

Ravage laughed. A wicked, purry sound. "Ah …. Mirage! It is my _favourite little kitten!_" And then before I could do anything she gathered herself and leaped, cannoning into me. The dart gun flew from my hand, and I felt the electro disruptor rip from my shoulder. Losing my footing, I fell, heavily. I rolled and quickly righted myself, but she had me pinned now in front of the rock face and she was in a crouch position in front of me, her tail lashing from side to side.

"Mirage. _Mirage_…." She purred, "_Silly little kitten!_

Now I was visible, weaponless, and trapped. What a _stupid _predicament! And nobody knew where I was! Furious with myself for allowing it, I determined she would not get what she wanted. And nor would she get to me with her manipulative cat-talk – the sort she always used in these situations.

"What do you want, Ravage?" I hissed.

The Cat's tail stopped twitching and she stood up regarding me, her front paws together, a twisted smile on her feline features. She laughed her tinkly feline, terribly evil laugh.

"Shame, shame, shame, _shame,_ Mirage …" she tutted. "Mirage D'Ligier, the shame of Cybertron !"

"Don't start this scrap!" I snarled. "You realize the Autobots are right over there, and any moment now you will get a bullet in your back, Ravage."

But the cat knew it was rubbish. She laughed out loud. "Oh, I don't think so, _little kitten_, no Autobots come for Mirage. It's just you – and me. But don't be afraid! We are old friends – remember? _And I am only a cat!"_

"You're no friend of mine!" I growled, not afraid to look her straight in the gleaming red optics. "Now let me go!"

But the cat was clearly on a mission. Chuckling to herself, she began to pad to and fro in front of me, her paws making no sound, her red optics never leaving mine and blazing wickedly. Her voice dropped to a bare whisper. I started to feel sick , and I thought of Mordac, and of the other times she had pinned me like this. Suddenly, as was also the case on those other occasions, the Autobots seemed not quite so bad after all.

"Ah my kitten" she crooned. "Tried to play with Megatron. Couldn't keep up the pace! Sealed the Towers' doom!"

"WHAT do you want, Ravage," I repeated my question, trying my best to ignore the lurch in my spark and determining not to get pulled into a discussion of _that episode_ of my life; knowing that if I did so she would use the sickening weakened state it would get me in to try and bend my mind to her will. Until Soundwave arrived. Then the real 'persuasion' would start.

But she was right in my face, and not to be ignored. "All your friends," Mirage, she hissed, "all your family , _all dead,_ Mirage. _All dead, dead, dead!"_ Then she resumed her motion, slinking and oozing to and fro, her optics still on mine.

Her words were like poison, and they seeped slowly and inexorably into my circuits, no matter how hard I tried to make them not do so. "Shut up," I said, _"Shut up!" _

Overhead the trees seemed to sigh mournfully. The Cat kept padding. "Seekers bring acid rain," she was crowing. "Ravage saw it all …" She paused and her voice lowered. "Horribly they all died! A_nd in great pain!_"

Trying not to feel sick to the core, I steeled my mind away from this _subject _she'd brought up and sought frantically, instead, for a way out. The dart gun was too far away to make a grab for, and looked damaged anyway, as did the electro disruptor which was lying next to it. Inwardly I cursed.

Ravage's voice dropped even lower, so that now it was a barely audible growl. "I saw the bodies of your creators, Mirage!" she rasped. "Left them to die, did you, Mirage! _Their exoskins were stripped from their frames!"_ she padded closer and her optics bored into me, and I shrank back against the rock, but there was no avoiding her. "_They cried out for death!_"

Try as I might I could not ignore it and my spark seared with the pain of loss, the terrible images which resulted from my failure all too sickeningly vivid. "No!" I snarled. But I could hear the waver in my own voice, could feel my legs giving way and I was sliding down the rock. As more images sprang from my memory banks, I started to shake. All this time fighting for the Autobots had not expunged the horrendous memories. Could never expunge them. Those visions of terror and agony which had plagued me by day and night would be with me for all time. The visions, and the sickening knowledge that what Ravage said was true …

"Your point," I stammered trying to sound not so disturbed that I thought I might lose it completely and knowing that I was failing abysmally. "Make it, or let me go!"

The cat stopped in mid-pad with one paw raised. She looked at me. Her optics gleamed wickedly. Then she turned and came up to me.

"Ah Mirage! _Little kitten!_ what a waste! That your kin should be so needlessly sacrificed! All those who trusted, and put their faith in you!"

If only I could disable my audial circuits! But it would make no difference, I knew. The cat would only reach me on comm. Or would speak to me in that _other _way. The one which was supposed to be like the transfer between bond partners, and made no reason or sense.

Now her face was right next to mine and I could smell her predator's breath. Extending her glossa she licked at my cheek, her feline tongue rasping against the smooth surface. "My little kitten grieves for what has gone!" she crooned. "Poor little kitten! Ah, but, Ravage could make all of this better. Ravage could help little kitten. Ravage could make little kitten Mirage whole again. If only, if _only_ .." and she whispered in my audial "_Mirage would join the Decepticons_!"

So there it was. Just as expected. And, you know, for a very short time, I actually considered the offer! How often had Ravage made it? How often had I refused? The images of my poor destroyed caste were vivid again and I thought – well - maybe this way there would be an end to the guilt. Because surely the Decepticons would not be good to me – had that seeker not just tried to humiliate and mock me? And the Autobots would then definitely want to kill me. Yet, by a strange twist, Ravage would look after me. Before I died at the hands of Prowl or Sunstreaker or Ironhide, she would make everything all right.

"Perhaps …." I murmured.

But then there was a distant rumble of thunder and, at the same time, there came to my audials the faint sound of a jet engine. And - something shifted. That is the only way I can describe it. I thought no, _Mirage, do not listen. The demise of the entire Alpha caste is not due to you. They did it. And you will not punish yourself, and you will never join them. Never!_

I let the Cat have it. "You putrid piece of scum, Ravage." I snarled. You did it! You killed them . You and Soundwave - vile pitspawned traitors! I will _never_ join the Decepticons!"

The Cat stiffened and backed off. Then she glowered at me, crouched, a deadly, ancient creature. Laying her ears back flat, optics narrowed to slits, she bared her fangs. Gone was the "little kitten" approach.

"You are the traitor! " she snarled. "Disgrace to the Alphas! Disgrace to Cybertron! You are the only one left, Mirage. _And you are nothing!"_

Around the air was thick and foul and there was another rumble of thunder. My spark ached with absolute hate. And now, more than anything, I wanted to destroy her, to end this torment. "I've had enough, Ravage!" I snarled. "I'm going to kill you, you evil glitch."

The cat laughed, horribly. "Ah, but Ravage fears not death!" she sneered. "When Ravage dies her spark will depart to where all Cats in the Universe commune and wonder at their uniqueness! It is Mirage who must fear death. For there will be no salvation for you!" The optics narrowed. "Even now your kin sit in the Realm of Illumination – and they talk of how you destroyed them all _and they plot your everlasting damnation!_"

She had gone too far. I could not stop myself. I lunged at her throat, and nobody else would have survived the attack. But the Cat, her ancient instincts ever tuned to a fine pitch, evaded me once again, and she leapt away, cackling.

"Ha! You think you can kill Ravage?" She sneered. "You think you can even _catch_ me?" She crouched low, growling. After all that has happened, you are still a fool! Ravage can hunt Mirage, _but Mirage will never hunt Ravage!"_

Then all of a sudden she was gone, leaping away over the rocks up a nearby ravine, graceful and deft as the panther she was and, inexplicably, for one fleeting instant I saw not Ravage the Decepticon but my old friend with whom I had shared such joy in the days of hunting in the Iron Hills, so long ago. But it faded fast. And she was Ravage again, vile traitor and tormentor. And she had failed – oh so much this time because not only had I not 'gone over' but I defied all blame for _anything_. And now I would kill her. I leaped after her in pursuit.

Of course, logic and sensibility screamed at me not to follow. But rage overtook me, and the hopeless notion that I could finish this once and for all, could punish her and would never have to listen to accounts of my failure again. So I hurtled forward, stumbling over rocks and weeds and through water, not caring about anything except getting her. And in the commitment to this new cause, I failed to notice that the ravine was getting narrower, and more impassable, and that its walls now towered high, blotting out the sun

Just ahead, the cat leaped gracefully and I followed, clanging against rocks and thorny plants tearing at my paintwork, oblivious to pain in my fury. And of course, I missed the obvious, the very point of the whole exercise; that this was Soundwave's doing, and I was being led into a trap. It was only when, I realized the Cat had gone, and that there was another presence following behind, and felt the unmistakable echo of the blue telepath, that the sickening truth dawned.

Then I paused, intakes heaving from exhaustion. As blasts and voices echoed in the distance, I realized the battle was starting again. I came to my senses and oh, how stupid I felt at my weakness! But it was too late.

* * *

_Stay tuned ... thanks for reading! ~ A ~  
_


	11. Chapter 11 Salvation

**== Forbidden Fantasies == **

**By Ayngel**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any of the characters or concepts within. I make no money from this story or any other about Transformers._

This is it folks!

The only other thing you need to know – if it causes any confusion – is that Swindle is Mirage's other ex partner – from before the war. Mirage paid off the Decepticons to try and save his home, but the money ran out because Swindle had squandered most of it. With Smokescreen's help. That's another chapter of the saga and I will tell the story sometime, but it need not concern us here!

Enjoy …

_Warnings: Course language, Adult themes, "soft" slash._

**Chapter 11: ****Salvation**

**Author Designation: Skywarp**

**Officer, Decepticon Elite Aerial Command**

I could not have imagined that it would all go so completely to Kell, so fast.

It was that fraggin' minibot! You know, from time to time there was talk among the leaders about getting some of the 'Bots to join the Cons, and apart from Mirage, Cliffjumper was always top of the list. He had all the qualities a first rate 'Con should have - violent, reckless, loyal even where it wasn't deserved, brave to the point of stupidity and with a mouth on him that would have put even the lowest grunt to shame. Small wonder that some time after, Rumble got assigned to bring him across …

Anyway, that's another story. To get back to that day of the fight without Prime. The day my life changed.

On that day, the little red cogsucker was in super good form. He went for me like a maniac, snarling and blasting away whilst TC struggled with Brawn and Huffer, who were also coming on like demons from Kell. And then – I just couldn't believe it – TC was under pressure from the little piece of pit and I was getting flung into a wall by Huffer. _Huffer!_ Their most pathetic contribution! I just could not believe that only moments before TC and I had been in smug agreement about how easy this was gonna be.

Anyway, I lay there dazed and hearing blasts and explosions going off and thunder rumbling in the background and wondering just what in Kell had happened, and then TC was bending over me touching my arm and saying "Warp are you all right, can you fly?" and I was suddenly furious, about everything, and all those tender feelings I'd been having earlier just kind of went out of the window and I snarled at him "of course I can fraggin' fly TC! Stop hoverin' over me like some fraggin' sparkling carer will ya? Now let's go …"

And I know he looked hurt but right then I was too pissed to care and I took off and roared over to where I could see Screamer and Megatron on the ground and even though everything hurt like you wouldn't believe, I was damned if we weren't gonna do what we'd set out to do.

Then Screamer took off and joined me and TC caught up and Screamer was hollering "_Primus on his Kell damned throne what happened this time_?" and I was yelling: "Shut up! right? Just _shut up _…!" and TC was yelling: "Look - let's just _get on with it_ … " and we were away and banking around for an attack run. I remember the sky to the north was real dark, and there were flashes of lightning in it.

We were coming in. I could see that pompous twit Prowl down there and Jazz with him and now the minibots had got there too, and the red twin, and it looked like Megatron wasn't faring too well against them. TC shouted "is this the best plan? Shouldn't we get down there and fight?" and Screamer screeched: "_Negative! Follow my orders! Attack formation!"_

So we did, but I honestly don't think it achieved anything other than piss Megatron off; because the 'Bots got out of the way and we didn't hit anything except rocks, and then Megatron got showered in debris and was yelling up at Screamer and shaking his fist, looking truly livid, and then we were pulling up and away and banking and coming around again and Screamer was yelling at TC and me: _"and this time try and aim for the Autobots …."_

Megatron was blasting away and Sideswipe went down and I swore, cos that was a privilege_ I'd_ wanted. Further away down there I could see Soundwave also blasting away and the yellow twin was there and I guessed at least their stupid jet judo wasn't happening and that was a fraggin' relief. Then it looked like a whole load of the others running over towards them as well and Rumble was hammering away and I thought _what a jerk, how fraggin' pointless_ because why didn't he just help Soundwave or get over and help Megatron? But then I supposed it didn't matter because now there were four of us including Megatron, and all we had to deal with was Prowl and Jazz.

We started another attack run and I concentrated, and went straight for Jazz, who was leaping around and I knew would be hard to hit. But I was determined. And now I had him in the open and right in my sights and I felt a thrill go through my spark, cos I thought: _this is more like it…_

And I was just about to let him have it, but there was a loud bang and this incredible pain shot through my left wing and I knew I'd been hit. I lost altitude suddenly and everything went grey and I nearly went into a spin. I pulled myself up and managed to keep flying but the _pain_ – it was excruciating. And then, I know, I was whimpering away there and next thing TC was next to me, and he was fussing "Oh by Primus – Warp – you're leaking energon … what the frag happened?' And I was wondering that myself because I knew damned well Jazz hadn't fired but I felt angry again and I yelled "back off will ya? I'm all right."

Then Screamer was there and he shouted "_Skywarp!_ stay out of the way! Check the eastern perimeter and prepare to regroup … _Thundercracker_! Come with me …" and then he was flying away into wind, and there was still thunder going off in the background, and his voice was faint, but I still heard him say: "Exercise extreme caution! They've got Mirage with them …." and then they was moving away, and TC was shouting out: "but Starscream …. What about Warp …?" and Screamer was yelling "_I have given you an order, Thundercracker!_"

But I knew who'd hit me then, and I was just went wild, and I screamed out "_get slagged, Screamer, don't you even fraggin' think about leaving me out_ …" and boosted my turbos to catch up, but nearly fainted with the pain because of the stress than put on my wing and dropped several hundred feet but kept flying, and I heard TC gasp and then Screamer came roaring down after me and bawled: "you will follow my orders and wait for further instructions Skywarp! _No other agendas, you understand me_?" Then they were gone and I was alone in the sky.

* * *

**Author designation: Mirage**

**Intelligence Officer, Autobot Special Operations Team.**

The damp, rocky brown walls of the ravine loomed high to either side. Far above, I could see a strip of sky, still grey and overcast. Meanwhile, the light down here was getting thicker and darker and the way ahead rougher and harder to negotiate, a tangle of rocks and vegetation and a fast flowing stream which was getting deeper. And I was running out of energy. Rapidly. Soon I would have to slow down.

I could feel Soundwave's probe pulsing closer and I knew he was closing on me, and that probably the other cassettes were with him, and now my sensor net prickled uncomfortably. What would he do? Well it was obvious – I'd get put through again what I got put through in Mordac and tortured with all the same sort of stuff the cat had just come out with. Well somehow, I was not going to let it happen! I crashed on regardless, stumbling and splashing and gashing myself numerous times and collecting slimy organic matter which wrapped around my legs and would have made me wince, except that right then that was the least of my worries.

Somewhere _up there_ I heard the sound of a jet engine. It did not have the enlightening effect of before. On the contrary, I remember thinking _so the seekers are in on it as well_, coupled with an absurd notion that perhaps _he_ had orchestrated this, unable to handle the rejection. After all, Seekers were – somewhat vain. Then I knew there was little hope, that this was it.

Now, ahead, large boulders rose and between them were deep pools of water. I knew, with a sickening surety, that I was not going to get out of here and I paused, drawing deep intakes and struggling to remain calm, allowing my systems a little time to recover. No matter what else, I thought I would fight. I was weakened and weaponless and visible, but I was an Alpha Caste, a descendant of the Trion prototypes of Cybertron. I had been trained in all the special techniques, I could fight, and I would, and not for the Autobots, but for the glory of my ancestry.

If I could get just a little further on I could lie in wait, as Soundwave, too would have to negotiate this terrain. Resolved, I started to struggle through the first pool, the water waste deep and freezing and full of impurities and seeping uncomfortably into joints and circuits. As I clambered, my mind went back to what the Cat had said. I would _not _blame myself for their deaths. Even if I had allowed Swindle to walk all over me and make off with the money which would have saved the Towers. That was _not _my fault either!

And I would show them! Whatever had happened back then, I would now go down like a true Alpha – and take some of that pitspawned rabble with me . My ancestors would be proud of me. I would not be banished forever from the realm of Eternal Illumination. Perhaps I would even get taken back and laid to rest with them in the D'Ligier crypt and not on some Primus forsaken wilderness on the other side of the Universe.

Aside from the sound of flowing water and my sloshings as I passed through it, everything was deathly quiet. The Cat had vanished completely. Although I had the eerie suspicion she was crouched somewhere and fully aware of my predicament. I paused as a bird swooped low, calling out; and now I thought I could hear faint splashing and noises from further back in the ravine.

And then I thought of Soundwave and was afraid. He would know exactly where I was. Would I even have the chance to fight? Or would I just be grabbed and then beaten up, before being tortured? I told myself _courage, Mirage, courage. Remember who you are._

_

* * *

_

**Author Designation: Skywarp**

**Officer, Decepticon Elite Aerial Command**

I circled. I was just so _furious _about everything now. And worse still I had not seen _him _at all. Well obviously not because I couldn't could I? And he'd completely slagged me over and I recoiled with anger when I thought of what I'd said in that transmission. How fraggin' dumb was I? Yet, deep down in my processor was a secret admiration that he'd been able to virtually cripple me when none of those other idiots had even come close. And that just made me all the more furious and determined to somehow get him.

The Sky was lighter now and the storm was moving off to the west. Over on the ground I could see the Autobots regrouping, I saw Megatron take off and then he and Starscream and TC headed off to the north and some of the others were following, but they hadn't called me over and so I thought well _frag it I'm staying where I am_.

My wing hurt! I now realized it had a large gash, and that energon was spraying out in a fine mist, and my self repair systems were working overtime but weren't making much difference. But I was damned if I was going to land! I moved to a more easterly position, out of visual range of the Autobots, and then I was flying low and below were a whole pile of low scarps and valleys and ravines, some of them very narrow and I could see water glinting in the bottom.

Still hurting and fuming, I flew even lower and thought how if it wasn't for my Primus damned wing it would be fun to get down into one of them and burn along it, like I used to in the canyons in the Iron Hills on Cybertron and when I needed to let off steam. I thought I might check this area out again some time when I wasn't in the middle of a battle. Then my wing was hurting again, and I was about to pull up, but I caught a movement from one of the ravines. A non organic type movement. _Now _what? Despite the pain, I decided to take a closer look.

It was the Cat! Bounding along, leaping over rocks like she was running from something. I remember thinking it was weird. I couldn't figure it out. There were no Autobots here - they were all over at the scene of the main battle. So what in Kell was she ….?

And then, I saw_ him_. Some way behind her._ Mirage!_

_Right, _I thought. Now for some fun._ Asta la vista you stuck up pile of trash! _And I prepared to go in, at least for revenge on my wing but if it turned out to be more – well – who was I to complain?

Except – I couldn't do it. In fact, I didn't even fly that close, watching him instead with telescopic vision_. _He was scrambling over rocks and plunging through pools, and instead of wanting to waste him, I found myself marveling at his tenacity. Then my wing surged with sudden pain and I slapped myself in the face - well, figuratively speaking – and determined to think of the best way to take him out before he disappeared again. With this in mind, I circled back round, intending to roar up the ravine. And that was when my visual sensors picked up something else. Several others. Moving behind Mirage.

_Soundwave._ And Rumble and Frenzy. How they had all managed to get over there I was fragged if I knew. But they all had weapons at the ready. And looking back up the ravine I could not see Ravage any more but I could still see Mirage, and I could see that up ahead the ravine became a dead end.

And then I knew what this was. An ambush. The Cat would be able to clamber out easily. But Mirage would not …..

Up until that moment I would still have wasted him. I think. But it _really was him_ down there, but Soundwave was going to get him. What for, I didn't know, but – well – what did we usually capture Autobots for? And he was an Autobot. No wonder how different or special.

And, as I watched his valiant effort, that was when all the feelings came flooding back. All the longings and dreams and times I'd imagined myself with him for so many, many vorns over the course of the war. Because to me he _was _special. Not just any old Autobot. He was classy and wonderful and amazing and beautiful, and _what a slagging waste it would be if Soundwave got him._

I couldn't let it happen.

All thoughts of the battle, or the others, or my wing, or whether we were going back to Cybertron went out of my processor. I didn't even think of TC. Or Screamer. There was suddenly nothing in the Universe except Mirage down there running for his life and the sure knowledge that the Universe was going to be a no good Primus awful place if a crippled tortured version of him was the only one in it.

And now it wasn't just my wing hurting, it was my spark. longed for him with a great love. And I decided, then and there, to see that he remained intact, and that I would save him. My life was not worth living from here on in if I did not save him and it didn't matter what else happened to me so long as he was saved.

I thought fast. If I roared overhead and landed, then Soundwave and the others would see me. There was only one choice. Even though I knew I was never supposed to teleport without permission from Megatron or Screamer, I calculated the coordinates to where Mirage would be in an astrosecond.

Then I initiated the sequence, took a deep intake and plunged into the void.

* * *

**Author designation: Mirage**

**Intelligence Officer, Autobot Special Operations Team.**

The pool came to an end and I scrambled out of it, but then boulders which lay ahead all but blocked the path, and beyond I could see a rock wall and I knew that the ravine came to an end. There was nothing for it but to wait and prepare. Creeping behind one of the boulders, I discovered a little piece of flat ground, a delta amongst more pools, and I crouched on it, rerouting my remaining energy to every system I would need for the fight ahead.

There were more noises, and I struggled to keep my energon pump from hammering and to maintain my energon pressure. Then, I remember, as I crouched there with the water flowing around me and the damp rock walls with the organic creepers hanging all around, so far from home, a sort of calmness descended, and my systems slowed. I remember thinking then that it was better like this; because Autobots had, after all, never really accepted me. Probably I didn't belong in this Universe any more and it was right that I went back with my kind.

How pathetic I had become anyway! Wallowing in misery, getting screwed up about what I could do nothing about – and even believing that transmission! Nor would I ever get the chance for vengeance that I sought, and this pitiful war would drag on for all eternity.

Well, the Autobots could deal with it. And better that they wouldn't have to put up with me any more or I with them ...

But I was still going to fight! And if I was damned for all time, I would just have to plead my case. And then I felt ready, and resigned.

Now there was a noise and something happening just the other side of the boulder. _Soundwave._ I braced myself and prepared to leap out there and fight until my final drops of energon were spent and my intakes heaved their last.

But there was something not right, and inwardly I knew it was not Soundwave. Tentatively, I peered around the boulder. There was nobody there! But something else was happening. It was as though there were a disturbance in the air. Like a shimmering veil. And I could see through it to the ravine behind, but everything there wavered.

And then, of course, I knew what it was because, as if by magic, there was a rushing sound and Skywarp was suddenly right there.

Every battle system I possessed prepared itself. "Right!" I snarled. "You're going to be the first!" I gathered myself like the Cat. And then I sprang ….

And tore into him.

* * *

**Author Designation: Skywarp**

**Officer, Decepticon Elite Aerial Command**

Primus almighty, he could fight! But then I knew that already, didn't I, from that time on the bridge. Except that he did not use any of the slick moves he had deployed that day. Instead, he clawed, clutching and scratching, ripping and digging into whatever sensitive parts he could get his hands and feet and teeth into. He was like – _possessed!_ and it fragging hurt, physically. But what was _much _worse was the fact that he so obviously_ wanted_ to hurt me, whatever and however, and as much as he possibly could.

I tried to restrain him, to tell him to stop, to listen, that I was here to help him escape, not get captured, but he went on struggling like a demon. And then he went for the wing I'd damaged earlier, the one from which energon was still spewing. Now that hurt – and I really yelled then – but he kept going, as though driven by an agent from Kell itself.

But he must have used a lot of energy, and he must have been whacked already from that run, and his furious assault started to peter out. He weakened, and I saw my chance. Grabbing hold of his arms, I pinned them to his sides. He promptly spat in my face and pulled them free again, but I grabbed them again, hard. "_Mirage," _I yelled. "S_top it! I wanna help you!"_

But he didn't want to hear it. _"You're a filthy liar!"_ he screamed. "And a murdering psycho, just like the rest. I'll never join the Decepticons, never! You try and make me I'll die fighting. And I'll damned well take some of you with me!"

I heard sounds of movement then, very close, and suddenly Soundwave's energy signature was almost on us. And I was darned if I was gonna let that miserable blue psycho get him. I tightened my grip.

_" Mirage, listen!" _I hissed._ "__I haven't come to kill you you stupid fragger! I've come to save you_ _They've got you cornered, but I can teleport us outta here ._.."

His optics blazed in cold blue fury. "Liar!" he roared. "Destroyer! I'll kill you!"

"Look", I said, gripping his arms, "I know you must feel that way. And I don't blame you! But you gotta understand – I'm sorry. Truly!"

"You're a filthy liar !" and he spat again, harder this time.

They were almost here and there was nothing else I could do. Letting go of him with one hand, I cracked him as hard as I could across the face. He froze, his optics flaring with horror and then fury, but I grabbed him and pulled him close.

"_Now shut up!"_ I said. "And hang on. We're getting out!"

I managed to pull us into the void, just as Soundwave came charging round the rock.

* * *

**Author designation: Mirage**

**Intelligence Officer, Autobot Special Operations Team**

Oh yes, I wanted to kill him. Wanted to punish him for all that the Decepticons had done, for all that I had lost, for everything, even the ineptitude of the Autobots. But he staved me off, with no attempt to hurt me on his part at all. And I was exhausted then. And my efforts got weaker, and it was not all because I _was _weaker, it was partly because of the way he was looking at me. And that I was suddenly thinking of the transmission.

But then he suggested teleportation, and my anger flared again. What an obvious ruse! Oh he'd teleport me all right, of that I was certain. Straight back to Decepticon headquarters, no doubt! I'd arrive there to have Megatron cackling and gloating as Skywarp re-joined his associates to also have a damned good laugh at my demise. Soundwave would be delighted, the cat looking on with glee. Oh no if this smart afted, undeniably attractive Seeker – and now he was right here there was no doubt about that – thought that rubbish was going to save him, he had another think coming. I spat and attacked him again.

His optics flared bright crimson. But there was no fury in them. To my amazement, I sensed a desperation, an honest need to help – ridiculous though that seemed. So when astroseconds later he had the gall to _crack me across the face,_ I did not retaliate in quite the way I otherwise most certainly would have. Besides, I was suddenly aware of Soundwave very close now, and I caught movement in the rocks above, no doubt the cat poised to leap and render me inoperable.

Well, it looked as though they were going to catch me anyway.

He was there, all pleading optics and wings and bulk and power. And beauty.

"Mirage," he said "There ain't no way I'm not gonna save you somehow!"

His optics were very crimson and liquid. "What the kell …" I murmured.

Allowing him to draw me against his black and purple winged bulk, his arms folded around me, and I felt his his warmth and his power, clicks before the ravine and the trees and the rocks all vanished, and everything went icy black.

...

I have always hated teleportation, space bridges and all that type of caper. In the void, it was just all nothing. But _he _had hold of me. And he was a _professional _teleporter, a Graduate from the Trion Academy for the Advancement of Special Abilities, an expert in this. So long as I kept hold of him I would not be cast into the pit of oblivion.

Despite the cold and the nothingness I could feel the warmth from Skywarp's spark, and it seemed like a lone beacon in an otherwise empty Universe. His energy radiated through me and I clung to him.

Then, ahead, there was a portal of light, and we were headed for it at great speed. And then the world exploded into a myriad of coloured particles again and they slowly pieced themselves back together. Now I could feel his body against me, hear his intakes sighing softly, and I could smell energon and jet fuel. I was conscious then of firm ground under my feet, and the air was moist and there was a sound of droplets falling and the sigh of trees. There was a smell of sweetness and wetness in the air and I realized it must be raining and I thought that perhaps we were in a forest.

I was still clinging to him, my optics tight shut, and I was no longer angry, just numb from the void, and everything that had happened. He seemed suddenly like an anchor, and I did not want to let go. My head was against his shoulder and we were both trembling. He tightened his arms around me and I leaned into him, feeling his cheek against my helm.

He held me there and I felt the rain running down my back in rivulets, not caring, taking in the clear, sweet scent of the pines. I wanted to stay there forever. It seemed like he held me for a long time like that, but eventually, he gently detached me and was just holding my hands and looking into my optics. I remember thinking that his optics were so very beautiful, and I saw that they had a dark rim around their outer as I did around mine. I looked at his wing. The gash was a nasty mess of congealed energon. It had stopped leaking, but he looked weak and exhausted and I wanted to take hold of him again.

But I didn't. Couldn't. Oh, he was right there - all beautiful and raw power, and by Primus he _really had_ rescued me and brought me here. But a warning flashed within. _Still a philanderer, Mirage. A breaker of mechs sparks. You'll get hurt, Mirage!_ And it had nothing to do with him being a Decepticon. Although there was still that, and the fact that he'd done what he'd done. Well it had been very nice of him, and I was very grateful, but that was as far as it went. I pulled away, and took a step back.

"Thank you," I said. " I should be all right from here. I don't think you should hang around here. I appreciate – what you just did. I wouldn't want you to be punished for it!"

I honestly did not expect the shock and hurt which manifested in his optics. He backed away, looking as though I'd hit him, as then, to my astonishment, tears started to stream down his cheeks. And now I couldn't take my optics off him, and all I could think was _Primus it's all true_. Skywarp was suddenly incredibly wonderful, and I knew he meant what he said. Pain erupted within my spark because it was obvious I had hurt him and I had not wanted to do that.

I reached out to him. "Skywarp …"

But he was backing away from me. He was saying: "I don't even know why I just did this! I know you hate me. And what I did. But I just want you to know that I said I'd always protect you, Mirage, and see here, I have, and I always will." His intakes gasped, and he said "I just want you to know I am real sorry we blew up the Towers, it was a beautiful place, like you're beautiful…" and it was as though he could hardly get the words out. He said: _"I have to go now ..."_

I said "wait, Skywarp. I don't hate you …" because I did not. Could not. Not now. Not ever. And he had nothing to be sorry for.

But he shook his head, backing away. The trees sighed, the air shimmered. And he was gone. Just like that.

I stood there in the forest, suddenly very alone, staring at the space where he had been. The rain started to fall softly again then, making tinging noises on my armor, and it had a sweet smell to it which mingled with the scent of the pines. But the aroma of jet fuel lingered also. And I could think only of him.

At that moment my com crackled, making me jump. It was like a transmission from the other side of the universe! .:: Mirage? Come in. _Mirage_ ::. I sighed, realizing it was Hound's voice. Shakily, I drew out my own com and pressed it. .:: Acknowledge ::. I said feeling weak and cold and aware that my voice sounded like that of a ghost.

The relief in Hound's voice was obvious. .::_Thank Primus_! Where in Kell are you?::.

Engaging my locator device, I did a quick analysis of the situation. With a shaky voice, I conveyed the details to Hound. About four miles west of the Ark.

There was a silence and he said .::Er - how did you … oh never mind! Look - Prime's back. Everything's OK. The D's have retreated. Can you make it back to the Ark?::.

.:: Affirmative ::. I replied, and snapped off the com..

I stood then for a long moment in silence, hearing the soft sound of the rain falling between the trees. I had the distinct sense of something having started which I could not control and that I had no idea how it would play out. The notion was frightening and yet, at the same time, deeply thrilling.

The rain was easing and my systems had started to return to normal as I slowly began to trudge back, weak, exhausted beyond reason now, my mind a whorl and with the distinct feeling that nothing would ever be the same again.

…..

_Ah, at last! Sorry it took so long to get here. And yet, this is just the beginning …_

_Hope you like it … A._

6


	12. Chapter 12 Love?

**== FORBIDDEN FANTASIES == **

**By Ayngel

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**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any of the characters or concepts within. I make no money from this story or any other about Transformers.

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_

Just want to thank my faithful reviewers. I love you all and you fill me with inspiration :-) I suffer from an inner ear condition and I haven't been feeling very well lately and my stuffed hearing is one of the reasons I started writing - haven't mentioned it before and no I'm not on a sympathy trip, just want you to know it's a reason why I especially appreciate your ongoing great comments :-)

This takes place at end of and just after Divide and Conquer, right after Skywarp and Mirage's romantic interlude.

Note that Starscream becomes more involved from now on. Also that this story is about to get intriguing in other ways – it is more than just a roll in the hay! **_Hay?_ well maybe not no hay on Cybertron ... ** You know what I mean :-)

Angst angst angst ... and more fluff ... erotica will happen .... thank you for being patient!

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_Warnings: Adult themes, implied slash.

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_

**Chapter 13: Love?**

**Author Designation : Skywarp**

**Officer, Elite Aerial Command, Decepticon Earth Contingent**

_He did not love me!_ The Universe was a cruel and terrible place. It was not worth living in.

I did not go straight back to the scene of the battle. I could not. I teleported to the edge of the forest and staggered around in the air. That is how I would describe it. You could not have called it flying.

I know I was not thinking straight. I was just under a low cloud base , it was raining and the visibility was next to zero. I was feeling my way along, knowing the trees were just below and that it would only take one extra tall one and I would be history. My wing was not functioning properly and I was weak and underenergised.

But I didn't care! It didn't matter if I crashed and burned. Because I could never have the one thing which would make it all worthwhile again. I could never have Mirage.

I was crying so much I could hardly keep in a straight line. It must have sounded pitiful, but I could not stop myself. I had held him, felt his spark pulsing against mine, absorbed his sweet scent, stroked the soft, soft alloys and his beautiful optics had looked right into mine. It was the most wondrous thing which had ever happened to me in my entire life. But it had only happened because he needed to get to safety .... and it would never happen again - _ever ...._

_Because he hated me!_

_He did!_ He must do, because he had shot at me. And he'd sent that transmission! Screamer was right. There was nothing I could ever do to make it up to him for what I had done! And I'd been out to kill him today, and he probably knew that as well!

It was awful! And now I'd never want to kill him, or even cause him the slightest hurt ever again and I knew without a doubt that I loved him and would love him until the universe came to an end and it didn't matter what he did or said, I would always love him. _But he would never love me back!_

And it wasn't fair! _And it was my fault!_

I don't know how long I stayed out there in that state. It must have been quite a while. Because by the time I got close to where the battle had been before and heard shouts and sounds of fighting, Prime had shown up and I could see he and Megatron were _at it_, and everybody else was moving back and staying out of the way.

I remember I careered down towards the ground, which rushed up rather suddenly to meet me. Then I transformed and landed and tripped and fell straight over, I was that weak. I remember some of the Autobots were only just nearby, but they were so busy yelling at Prime to waste Megatron that they didn't even look up. Not even when there was a thudding of feet and TC and Screamer came rushing over. I remember everything went grey, then, and I could smell the Earth all grubby and organic and there were all little insects crawling everywhere, and I hated that, but I couldn't get up.

Then I heard TC say: "_Oh by Primus_ …" and then I heard him start to cry, and I felt his arms around me, and his face was next to mine and he was saying: "Warp don't die, _don't die_ …" and then I could hear Screamer saying "_Thundercracker!_ pull yourself together, he is _not _going to die …' and TC was saying: "_Warp! _Wake up, can you hear me, _can you hear me _…" and Screamer was saying furiously: "Do you want us to look even more foolish than we already do! The Autobots are _right there_ …" and then TC had moved away but he was still sobbing: "_but Starscream …"_

Then I heard cheers and shouts and the sound of multiple pounding feet and Screamer's voice from further away yelling _"Viewfinder!_ Take our _leader _back for repairs ....!" Then I could feel TC's hand stroking my face and he was saying: "... it's all right, it's all right ..." again and again. Then there were more footsteps and now Screamer's voice was right next to my audial receptor and he was saying sharply: "Warp! Come on now, Prime has beaten Megatron, _we have to move_…."

TC said: "Oh, Warp ..." and I groaned, and then there were more feet approaching and I could hear another voice saying: "Starscream! Here - give him this …" and I didn't recognize it but then Screamer was screeching "_We don't need your help Ratchet! Get lost!" _and the other voice was saying: "All right, _all right!_ Just keep it anyway in case you change yer mind ..." and then there were footsteps running away, and then Screamer was yelling: "_I'll kill that piece of slag_ ….' And TC was whimpering: "Oh for Primus sake Starscream, he was only trying to help, _just give it to him…_.!"

Then I could feel a valve being opened in my arm and warm liquid flowing in and I started to feel stronger and like I could get up, and I could feel TC's arms around me and I staggered up and he was holding me and I leaned against him, all weak. Then I remembered Mirage and I started to cry again and he was stroking me, saying: "It's all right Warp, we're goin' back now ..." and Screamer was screeching: "You two! Knock that off! _Take off!!_" and I let go of TC, and somehow I transformed and got into the air ...

And then we were leaving, and down on the ground some of the Autobots were yelling really rude things and_ that little red piece of pit_ was right in the thick of it and I wanted to get down there and_ blast him the kell into space_ and I _said so_, but I was too weak, and TC said: "Let it go, Warp, let it go ... _easy_ ... we're goin' home."

My wing hurt. I cried some more. It was partly because of the wing and partly because I was exhausted, but mostly it was because of Mirage. I made out it was all the wing. Screamer and TC flew to either side of me, and their wingtips were brushing mine, and TC was saying: "we're nearly there, Warp, just hang in ..." and Screamer was swearing away, mostly rude things about Megatron, and then we were back at the base.

........................

I was laying there and Screamer was fixing my wing. His touch was all gentle but it hurt, and I still screamed out when he poured the universal fixation agent into the gash and pulled it together. TC was beside me the whole time, and he was holding my hand and gently stroking my helm and their touches were all nice, but they could not heal the worst wound of all which was the one in my spark, and every time I thought of Mirage it just felt like there was a dart stuck in there and it got ground in deeper and deeper.

Then Screamer was saying "all right take him away for some recharge, Thundercracker!" and I thought that perhaps I should be alone, and I said: " I'm going to go and lie down in the control room annexe," and TC cried: "Oh Warp, _not this again_ ..."

When I thought about it, I didn't want to be alone. I wanted arms around me and so I gave in very easily and went with him to our quarters and lay down next to him and let him curl himself around me.

I went into recharge and I stayed in recharge for a long time. It was a way of hiding from the universe. TC was there most of the time and I could feel his body against mine, and I was conscious of Screamer being there some of the time. But I don't remember much else.

I do know that at the times when I drifted into half onlinedness my mind went back to the forest, and I could hear the sigh of the trees and feel the cool damp air on my face. I imagined I was back there with Mirage, and holding him in my arms again with the soft scent of his sweet alloys blended with the ancient aromas of Earth and pines, and I knew that if I could just have one more chance I would tell him that I loved him for all eternity and I would never, ever let him go.

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_** Sigh ...**_

_**

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**Author designation: Starscream**

**Commander, Elite Aerial Command, Decepticon Earth Contingent**

Not surprisingly, I got summoned to a meeting with Megatron right after the battle. A "little chat". Just: "me and him". I knew exactly what that meant.

He was in good form. "It was all your fault!" he was bawling. "You should have seen the Autobots approaching with the Cosmitron and eliminated them. There were three of you for Primus sake. Why in the Universe couldn't you do that?"

It was, of course, completely unreasonable. But as usual I chose instead of getting angry to amuse myself with the more comical aspects of his performance. He really was fired up. He charged to and fro, optics blazing, no doubt believing he looked terrifying and intimidating. Unfortunately, he was somewhat hindered by a limp from the battle and sported a great big ding in one cheek from where Optimus Prime had stood on his head. It did kind of ruin the effect. I had to stifle a laugh, and I was enormously tempted to make him even angrier just for the entertainment factor. However, I knew from experience that such provocation could well backfire, with rather painful results.

I said calmly: "Because by that stage I'd had to send Skywarp away injured and I did not have Thundercracker's full concentration."

He glowered at me. "Well before that? Why did it take so long for you to back me up? And why didn't one of you help Soundwave? He does his best, you know, but I don't engage him for his warrior skills! Why did you insist on roaring around like idiots and doing _frag all else?_"

Another ridiculous proposition. Soundwave may not have been engaged for that purpose but he was a very adept fighter. And he did have considerable assets at his disposal in the form of his greasy minions the cassettes.

I said smoothly: "I was with you on the ground. You told me to attack from the air! It wasn't my fault Skywarp got hit. Then we were afraid to come back in because I knew Mirage had done it ..."

_"So what!"_ he roared. Then he paused, and turned to me, and his optics narrowed. "Oh _yes_," he said, "and while we're on that subject - I thought I told you to get Mirage into the Decepticons ...." His optics flared again. "_Well why isn't he here?_"

I was somewhat taken aback. This was hardly the time or the place for _this_! And how could be say that anyway? After Mirage had made his attitude so obvious today by trying to kill Skywarp? I said: "Well, Megatron, I think it could be something to do with the fact that Mirage _hates_ the Decepticons ..."

He looked absolutely furious. "_That is irrelevant!"_ he roared. He was pacing again. "What you fail to realize, _Starscream_, is that a member of the Alpha Caste is in the service of Optimus Prime! _It's insufferable!"_

This made no sense. And it was of doubtful significance anyway, given that if Soundwave had done his job, Mirage would no longer be functional. But it wouldn't do for Megatron to know that. Not seeing as how this was - apparently - _so important_.

"I want that electro disruptive device!" he was raving. "Do you know how few there are who can actually _use _one of those things Starscream?"

I said: "Indeed! But that, Megatron is the problem. It makes Mirage somewhat – difficult to lay hands on. Besides which - he is clever ..." I stopped myself from adding that the only time I'd come close to getting him on board he had made me look like an absolute fool, not wishing to be reminded of it by Megatron in this mood.

He rounded on me: "Oh Yes – indeed!" he thundered. "Which is why I want him with us! It will compensate for the fools I have to suffer every day of my life!" His optics narrowed again. "Now use your imagination, Starscream! Convince me that your presence here is not a complete _waste of space._ Threaten him ... seduce him. Bribe him! I don't care what you do, but _get a result_. _Do you understand me?"_

"I'll do my best!" I said smoothly, thinking what a colossally stupid request it was and wondering what in Kell I was going to do if Soundwave had, in fact, carried out my orders.

He glared at me. Then he was pacing again, his limp evident. "Finally," he rasped, now sounding somewhat weak and exasperated, "your skills on the ground after I transformed were lamentable! You used up far too much energy when I was in my alt mode, meaning that I lacked the means to destroy Optimus Prime! And as for the last part ..." he glared at me and now his optics were slits: "If you ever make a fool of me again in front of the Autobots I swear to Primus, Starscream, I'll have Thrust and those Coneheads down here faster than you can say _Decepticon_ and you three will be on a cargo run to Itopis – _if I allow you to stay alive at all!"_

I smiled. "Megatron, I ..."

_"Dismissed!_" he roared.

...........

I left, still amused at the display. But as I made my way down the corridor reality set in and I started to feel annoyed and put upon. Oh, I had not the slightest worry about his last threat. That was a complete furphy. Thrust was a useless operator. Dirge, as far as I knew was still in the asylum and Ramjet was a hopeless high grade freak who should have been there as well. The rest of their squadron was equally inept. There was no danger of us being replaced at all.

Nor was I even particularly perturbed about being blamed again for one of his failures. It had been happening for the last few million vorns, I was somewhat used to it by now. And all that stuff about _not being able to destroy Prime_ was rubbish. He didn't even want Prime dead! He had a soft spot for his elder brother, who didn't want him dead either. It was a power struggle which had been going on for aeons now. It would have no conclusion - other than me being a convenient scapegoat every time he had an opportunity to take him out and didn't.

What annoyed me was the fact that I'd allowed myself to think it was going to be different here. Now I could see that it plainly wasn't. And he was getting more and more irrational and ridiculous.

The more I thought about it, the more cross I got, and I was conscious that I was pacing along, rather like he had been back in the control room. I mean, the way he ranted and raved about "conquering the Universe" was _pathetic_. It made me _cringe._ And he accused _me _of embarrassing _him_ in front of the Autobots? He'd done nothing since we got here but make himself a laughing stock! Now all this about Mirage was just the icing on the cake.

Our_ leader_ was clearly going off his rocker. And now the thought I had been having ever since our arrival here resurfaced with renewed conviction._ It was time to do something about him_. In other words, _time I got his job_.

I stormed along. I'd have to take the leadership by force, obviously. That was the Decepticon way, tiresome as it may be. But it ought to be possible. I had TC and Skywarp on side. _Sort of._ And as for the rest – well that was the good thing about the Decepticon cause, it was crammed with opportunists. Shockwave would come on board with a good enough offer. Ditto the triplets. Back on Cybertron, the Coneheads were too dumb not to fall into line. Then there were others – Constructicons - who I knew Megatron was planning to bring to Earth even though he hadn't admitted it to me; some choice high grade and they'd eat out of my hand. And there were always that lot in the mind prison – the Combaticons – although that really was a last resort.

_Soundwave. _He was the problem. He and his pitspawned minions. My mind went to Mirage again. The carrying out of my "request" or otherwise would be a crucial indication. If he had done it, then not only would it solve the Mirage problem but it would be proof of Soundwave's loyalty. I thought back to the battle. Soundwave had disappeared towards the end and hadn't returned with the rest of us, and I'd presumed he was going to trail the Autobots back and somehow do the job. If he'd gone ahead and carried it out – or even attempted it and failed - then I really was home and hosed. If not ...

If not, I'd have to think. About what to do. Make out that I was doing something about Mirage. Then decide what to do about the _wider issues._

_............  
_

There were footsteps, and I realised that Soundwave was coming down the corridor towards me now, his face an expressionless mask, the Cat padding silently at his heels. The bird was there as well, flapping slowly along over his left shoulder so as to keep pace. I shivered. You just never knew with Soundwave. There was a chilling, sinister air about him which not one single other Decepticon possessed. And one thing was certain. He had his own agenda. And whether he carried out anybody's orders – including Megatron's - was entirely dependent on whether their proposals advanced his own ambitions.

I stopped him. "Soundwave!" I said, trying to sound officious and to keep the anxiety I was feeling out of my voice. "Did you do the business?"

His face was dead pan. He said in an equally dead pan voice: "Unfortunately an unexpected complication intervened..."

"I see," I said. "So you _didn't _do the business?"

"In time, Starscream, in time ...."

_And that was all he said!_ Then he nodded and moved on. The Cat slunk past, a smirk on her face, and the bird deliberately passed over my shoulder and allowed one leg to trail with a claw extended which made a gouge in my paintwork.

_Great,_ I thought. _Just great!_ He had apparently made absolutely no attempt to do it at all! _And as for that infernal Cat ...._ Well, I supposed I knew where I stood. Then I was angry. So angry I could hardly think straight. And my shoulder stung, and I thought about the expression on that Cat's face and how they were all a bunch of deviant mutoids. _Well the Kell with them! _ They had just heightened my resolve. When I was leader I would deal with them. _Unkindly!_ And to Kell with Mirage D'Ligier as well!

............

I steamed around the corner and nearly ran straight into Thundercracker, who was coming in the opposite direction. He looked relieved when he saw me. "Starscream!" he said, "I'm glad I've found you. I think you should take a look at Warp ... he's feverish."

It took me a few minutes to register what he had said. Then I was annoyed. I said: "I only looked at him a few breems ago!"

Thundercracker looked stricken. He said: "He's worse, Starscream! He's going on all this stuff about pine forests and scented alloys. It's really "out there." And he asked to go to the control room annexe again!"

I thought how if I had Thundercracker fussing over me like this then I would also want to be in the control room annexe. And even though I secretly thought that my black and purple wingmate was actually more incapacitated and upset than he should be - given the extent of his injuries - I said: "he's just post trauma, Thundercracker. Give him a few breems – he'll be right as rain." I went to move on, anxious now to be alone and think.

But he persisted. He caught my arm. "I'm so worried, Starscream!" he said. "I reckon the other day when that human put that thing on Warp's leg it was more serious than we thought. I reckon it was like a cerebroshell, or something. He's been acting weird ever since it happened ..."

I didn't have time for this. I said "Don't be silly Thundercracker! This is Autobots we're talking about. Not insecticons. They wouldn't be capable of such a thing!"

"All the same ... I think you should ... "

"Look, give me a little while!" I snapped. I'd had enough now. I didn't need to be cluttered by his irrational paranoias. "Now if you please ..." I said. And I walked on and left him standing there, still looking stricken.

.....................

Back in my small, cramped, decidedly unluxurious quarters - such a contrast with the decadent, energy draining opulence which Megatron deemed himself worthy of - I relaxed back on the ridiculously narrow berth thinking how _everything _about this situation was profoundly irritating.

Take these quarters for instance. They were dark, dingy and water leaked through one corner of the ceiling, so a constant stream trickled down the wall, made a puddle on the floor and then flowed out under the door. A pungent sodium laden small permeated the room. Rumble was supposed to have fixed it, but he hadn't, and now I was convinced this was quite deliberate.

I looked at the strip light on the ceiling. It was dim, and had a slight flicker to it, as though it would go on the blink very soon. Some sort of Earth marine creature was making its way across the ceiling next to it. Primus, this was intolerable! I was certain even the lowliest Autobot didn't have to put up with conditions like this on the Ark. Yes, the reasons for attempting a takeover were getting more compelling by the astrosecond.

There was a buzz, then, on the internal com. It was Viewfinder. "Will you be requiring me?" he enquired. I noted that although Spyglass had not been game to come near me since I had made him test pilot the space bridge, Viewfinder had no such reservations.

"No!" I snapped. It was the last thing I felt like. He was most talented, and it was one of the few luxuries I did get to enjoy, but he was essentially Megatron's minion and I couldn't trust him either.

"Very well, Commander. Have a good night." He said. I didn't answer.

I lay back on the berth and looked at the dicky light and the crab – or whatever it was – and gave a deep sigh of frustrated resignation. I was definitely going to change all this, but in the meantime I would just have to put up with it. I lay there - and then I thought about Skywarp.

The last time I'd been in to see him, I'd discovered that he'd performed two unauthorised teleportation sequences, and muttered something about needing to land so his internal repair systems could kick in. Fair enough. But - now I thought about it - _why teleport_? It made no sense.

I thought back then to his mental state since we had been here and to our earlier conversations about Mirage. There was no doubt that I had done absolutely the right thing in my request to Soundwave, even if he had failed abysmally in the execution of the task. No good could possibly come of Skywarp's infatuation. If Mirage was not, in any event, as ice cold and completely incapable of reciprocating any sort of emotion – as, like every other Alpha I had ever known, I knew him to be – then his blatant attempt on Skywarp's life today proved beyond doubt that Skywarp's romantic delusions were not shared by the object of his desires.

Anger arose within me at the thought of Skywarp's pathetic fantasies and the reality of Mirage's attitude to Seekers. Had Skywarp had some further clash with him today? Had Skywarp decided, despite his serious injuries, to make some stupid advance and been knocked back further in no uncertain terms? Maybe when he teleported he had been fleeing for his life, and was unable to admit the reality. It would certainly explain his intense emotional disturbance. Mirage had not been visible in the latter stages of the battle and whilst I was sure that the explanation for that was blatantly obvious - and I doubted that he would have deserted the Autobots - anything was possible.

Anger rose to silent fury and I thought: _and Megatron wants me to get him into the Decepticons? I will not do that if it is the last option left in this Primus forsaken universe_. And I vowed there and then that there would be no more fragging around, that I owed it to Skywarp to take Mirage out myself.

_Yes I would do that!_ And now I allowed myself to wish, for the first time, that it was me looking after Skywarp and not Thundercracker.

I remember thinking, then - as I had so often - how much better I was for Skywarp than Thundercracker, and my spark felt as though it twisted. Oh, Thundercracker loved Skywarp - _but he stifled him!_ He crushed all his bubbly enthusiasm and delightful reckless energy. Skywarp had sought the means to express that with others so many times. This whole Mirage nonsense was to do with that, I was certain. Skywarp always went back. He felt guilty because of the bond – that bond which was such a joke anyway - but the way he walked all over Thundercracker was an indication of how little Thundercracker understood him. Thundercracker could come up with as many nonsensical excuses and justifications as he liked - like the cerebroshell - but the writing was on the wall.

Whereas me - I let Skywarp be who he was. But I'd also learned over the vorns to be quite tough with him. To put a lid on his behavior. To stand no nonsense, and neither accept or fabricate excuses; that way he respected me and stayed interested. It was no coincidence that the only time Skywarp ever pulled his head in with Thundercracker was when he threatened to leave him.

My intakes let out another sigh. _It should have been Skywarp and I._ Maybe when he was better I should just take him and we should run off together. We'd talked about it before, all be it when we were drunk or high. But where? _Somewhere!_

_But no_, I thought again, I had to keep us all together if I was to do something about Megatron. And Thundercracker was his bondmate and I had to respect that, I supposed, besides which, he could do me some damage if he got as jacked off as he would if I stole Skywarp away again. That was the reason I'd left Skywarp alone since we'd been here. In fact, I'd gone over the top and been deliberately cold and nasty. It had caused a lot of tension between Skywarp and I, but it was the only way I could cope. It hadn't stopped me from wanting him, I thought ruefully now, and I missed him. Needed him. Otherwise I would not have gone to such lengths to try and remove something which was such a threat to him.

Laying there listening to the water trickling and the sounds of the ocean rippling gently, I thought about my own relationship career. I'd never bonded, partly because I didn't believe that the declaration of a bond added anything to what might be there already - and often hindered it instead - but partly because every association I had ever had had been a disaster. Tragic, in fact. _Pitiful_.

I ran through the list. _Skyfire_. I was very young. I could vaguely recall that he'd talked about bonding. Further recall data told me we'd been great together and had had a lot in common, so maybe that one hadn't been quite so lamentable. But he was long dead. And it was so long ago I couldn't even picture him, let alone remember what it had been like.

His brother, _Astrotrain_. The love of my life. Had that only been because he reminded me of Skyfire? I didn't think do, they were very different. It was immaterial, anyway, because he hadn't loved me and my spark had gotten torn in two.

The other brother, _Blitzwing_. Had loved me, but I didn't love him. _I _tore _his_ spark in two.

_Vortex_. I groaned. Primus alone knew what happened there. Ditto, his brother,_ Blades_. Screwed up reprobates who ended up in opposite factions.

The water tinkled. The smell seemed worse than ever. The list went on. _Depressingly_. There was Ramjet. Well, so what about that? Anybody could have Ramjet – and just about everybody had. Including Skywarp.

Then, there was Silverbolt - loved me to pieces, but I'd never been more than fond of him. He was too staid and dependable. And the circumstances had been impossible.

Then there were the non fliers. _Smokescreen_. He just had a thing about Decepticons. Especially Seekers. A good lay, he was. That was all. And there there had been that other one, of course, who liked to play around with the other side. _Tracks_. Same thing, but a bit more panache. Not unexpected but he was half Seeker, after all.

My mind flicked quickly over the embarrassing, appalling one night stand with Mirage. It had been his fault, and had nothing to do with my reasons for wanting his termination, nevertheless I had thought quite enough about that uppercrust piece of pitspawn without needing to visit the issue again. I hastily moved on.

The femme, Moonracer, with who I could have had a very normal, femme bonded life – not that I could not have had that with Primus alone knew how many other femmes, of whom there never seemed to be a shortage before the war, declaring their undying devotion. Moon was special. Maybe I should have done just that? But no. Femmes were too much trouble. Too much responsibility. And they wanted sparklings and for you to be around all the time, and do things like not join the Decepticons. No, it had never really been an option.

When it came down to it, out of all of the mechs who had ever shared my berth it had only ever been Skywarp that I truly wanted. I realised that now. Focusing back on the ceiling, I became aware that the light had dimmed by about fifty per cent since I'd been thinking, and that the crab had gone, and I shuttered my optics. _Why had I never admitted this before?_ And now I had what in_ kell _was I going to do about it? I didn't know.

I was feeling tired now, and I allowed the gentle sounds of the ocean to wash against my audials. I recalled that before the fiasco today, Viewfinder had let slip rumours that Megatron had something planned in the Arctic Circle. Some method of drilling the energy out of the Earth's core. I thought, then, drifting into semi offlinedness, that if we did do that then I could go up there and take Skywarp with me and leave Thundercracker here to look after the base. He would have to comply, as a matter of protocol. Then I would have Skywarp to myself and I would tell him what the real situation was, and I would sort this out once and for all.

Then I would think about how to make the visions of my own future within the Decepticons - and Skywarp's - become a reality.

* * *

_Oh Starscream – is this love or is it conquest? Or desperation? He's accused TC of being stifling??  
_

_See there now Ameri it's even more of a mess than you thought! _

_Thanks again for reading - it gets better - trust me_

_Back to Mirage next_. A :-)


	13. Chapter 13 Aftermath

**== Forbidden Fantasies == **

**By Ayngel

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**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any of the characters or concepts within. I make no money from this story or any other about Transformers.

* * *

_

I am departing overseas for 5 weeks after today, so this is the last chapter for a while. A shortie.(comparatively)

Thanks all for reading and reviewing and this will resume in a few weeks! There's much still to happen :-)

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_Warnings: Adult themes, implied slash._

_

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_

**Chapter 1****3: Aftermath  
**

**Author Designation : Mirage**

**Autobot Intelligence Officer  
**

Everywhere, water dripped from the sweet scented pines.

I stumbled through the forest in a daze, conscious of a fine mist of rain still falling and the moisture coating my exoskin, my feet padding on the soft cushioned floor, sometimes splashing through mud and across creeks overlain by a tangle of bushes and ferns.

A myriad of little Earth creatures scuttled forth, the occasional bird call sounding over the gentle breeze which rustled the treetops above. But I hardly noticed ….

S k y w a r p …

He filled my entire thoughts. I could still feel his body against mine, the warmth from him, my face against his metal and the exotic scent of Seeker alloys and jet fuel; could still feel his arms around me, his face against my helm and the huskiness in his voice above the rushing water in the ravine as he whispered: "I've come to rescue you …"

He had saved me. He had taken me away from the horrors of the past, away from the Cat, and Soundwave, and delivered me from death to a place where there was only him and his warmth and his strength. He had appeared in that ravine, all wings and power but with a gentleness and tenderness which was for me alone. He had pleaded with me to trust him, and I had given myself to him. He had gathered me up, and he had swept me to safety.

And he was beautiful! So absolutely, amazingly, incredibly beautiful. Winged and beautiful and magnificent, all rippling power and majesty. He was like an exquisite statue, a sculptured angel. His face was pale and mystical, his optics crimson depths of dark rimmed beauty against striking black and purple.

As I splashed across the soggy ground, an alien place so far from the life I had known, my spark ached and I released my usual inhibitions, letting tears stream openly, so deeply was I moved by what he had done. Nobody had ever saved me like that before. Not Jazz, not Hound, nobody. And I had not even thanked him.

I blundered on, tears clouding my vision, splashing through more puddles and feeling the heaviness of the sodden earth. An emptiness descended. He had gone, and I had not wanted him to go. I had just wanted him to stay there with me so I could melt into him and feel nothing but his essence and his arms holding me tightly. But he had gone.

And he thought I hated him! I cried harder then, and the trees seemed to sigh louder.

Now my spark ached with a longing to put things right. I did not hate him. How could I hate him? He was lovely, so lovely. He had to know I didn't hate him, had to know how amazing I thought he was. I had to tell him. I had to see him again, had to thank him and tell him what he had done meant so, so much. .

Had to, had to, _had to …._

_He had to know!_ I know I was sobbing loudly as I reached the tree line and started up the scree towards the Ark. I could not bear it if I had to go through life now with him thinking that! And I wanted his arms around me again. Wanted to feel my spark pulsing against him as the pines sighed and the rain fell softly from the dark Earth sky. I wanted to feel safe again.

Such was my state as I blundered into the Ark. I did not even consider the fact that he was a Decepticon. And it mattered not what he had done, or with who, or anything.

………..

I just wandered straight in, aware, even in my distraught state, of the truly abysmal security. No wonder Lazerbeak had got in so easily before. You would have thought they would have learned from it.

But it suited my purposes. I didn't want to talk to anyone, not even Hound, and I did something I never normally did - I activated the electro disruptor. It was against Trion protocols within the Ark, but my need to avoid questions or even conversation was desperate.

I needn't have bothered, as I came across nobody. Presumably they were all in debriefing. Or something. Well, Primus fragging knew what they were doing? It didn't matter.

………….

The door to my quarters hissed shut behind me and I leaned against the wall. Suddenly weary beyond belief, I staggered across to the console and quickly typed a message to say I needed to recharge and I would submit a report about the day's events later. Then I deactivated the com, made my way to the berth and collapsed upon it. I had not realized how tired I was, and even as I anguished over the knowledge that Skywarp thought I hated him, offlinedness crept over me.

The last thing sensations I remember were of strength and beauty. I imagined him wrapped around me, feeling the warmth from him, and my spark pulsing with love and longing as he held me against him. Then oblivion descended.

………..

In the dream, I was still in his arms. But we were not on Earth. We were on Cybertron, at my home, as it had been. It was dusk, and we stood on the jetty beneath the elegant grey towers overlooking Lake Iyili, droplets from many fountains sparkling in the silvery blue of the lights on the water. The sweet scent of aromatic tailings from a thousand offertory urns filled the air, as over the Iron Mountains the sky glowed burnished gold as the twin suns slipped away.

My spark pulsed and I moaned softly as he drew me to him, holding me close, whispering that he would never go away again.

Water lapped gently in the background, broken only by the soft tinkle of the fountains, the occasional water craft and the distant hum of Iacon.

Unfortunately, a pounding sound was invading the tranquility.

And now, it was all disappearing. His arms were weakening their hold, the warmth from his body fading; the lights were growing dim and the sweet scents and sounds of the lake were dissipating.

_Bang bang bang!_

I saw his face one more time before they were extinguished, outlined, sculptured and beautiful. Then, with a spectral shimmer, it was gone, and I was cold, and I was intaking not the exquisite aromas but the unmistakeable metallic disinfectant smell of the Ark.

"_Mirage _– you in there?"

Sighing, I half onlined one optic. The light was dim, and my head hurt. _Everything _hurt. I felt sore and cold and I was aware that I was covered in mud and Primus alone knew what else. _Filthy. _And Hound was at the door. Groaning, I reached across and thumped the door release mechanism.

He came in, all vitality and green metal energy. Then he was beside the berth. "Mirage! Hey - you had me worried there! I've been knocking for the last ten minutes!"

I did not want to wake up. I rolled back on the berth and took a deep intake, shuttering my optics and trying to gather my thoughts. "Didn't you get my message?" I muttered.

"Yeah!" he said. "But you sent that over 24 hours ago!" I opened the optic again and, squinting across at the Earth time device illuminated on the berthside cabinet, was amazed to see it was the next day.

Hound was still eagerly at the berthside. "Hey, it's too dark in here …" he said.

His footsteps crossed the room, I heard the click of the release mechanism on the portal shutters and was aware of glaring Earth light playing over my optic shutters. "There's a few questions getting asked, sweetspark!" he said, his footsteps returning. "Prime wants to see you. Blue's been lookin' for you too."

I could still feel the faint trace of Skywarp's arms wrapped around me and the feel of his chest against my face. But now I was conscious again of my grubby and disheveled state and I felt a need to pull myself together.

Sitting up, I maneuvered stiffly around to sit on the edge of the berth, and then I gradually brought my optics and other systems fully online. Hound's form swam into view, and I saw that he was staring at my usually scrupulous exterior with a mixture of amazement and amusement. An explanation was evidently expected; so I said: "I had a pretty hard time, actually, Hound. I had a run in with Ravage."

Hound's face lit up. His concern was evident, but there was an undisguised air of delighted fascination, as though he anticipated a great story to recant in the rec room later. "Truly?" he said. "No pit!"

Getting up, I made my way slowly across and into the ablution room, conscious of his optics still upon me, feeling the stiffness in every joint from the prolonged soaking in cold mud and water. "I ended up on this road …" I went on, fiddling with the shower temperature dial. "She chased me and I had to go into alt mode to get away …. it's lucky I'm so fast … I kind of ran blindly … ended up in the forest … quite a long way off … it took me some time to get back here…."

I was amazed and a little guilty at how easily the lies slipped out.

"That's terrible Mirage!" and now Hound sounded genuinely concerned. "Are you all right? Are you sure you don't need to see Ratchet?"

"_No!"_ I said it too quickly. Quite apart from the fact that it didn't _do_ to make my contempt for the medic too obvious - even to Hound - I shuddered at the thought of what he might turn up. I could hear his dulcet tones now _"well, Prime, it's a strange one! I ran a check on the databanks, just in case, and you're just not gonna believe what was in there … well, y'know my views about bringin' him down here …."_

"I just need to freshen up a bit …" I said. I turned on the water which gushed instantly in a hot stream and hobbled my muddy form underneath it. I sort of wished Hound would leave so I could think before I had to account for myself to the Autobot leader. But he called out: "I'll wait here for ya!"

I shuttered my optics and let the water wash over plates and into joints, and instantly the rain in the forest and feel of the Seeker returned, the warmth and hardness of his body, his lovely face and his wings and his strength and his kindness.

"I reckon the 'Cons will go to ground, now …" Hound's voice sounded above the noise of the water. "It was really great Mirage! Y'should have seen it! Most of them had cleared off . There were only two Seekers and they were useless. And when Prime showed up Starscream wouldn't even help Megatron . Prime just trashed him!"

Steam rose as the hot water cleaned away the mud and grime but not the memories. _S k y w a r p _…. I struggled to retain some focus and at least sound interested. I said: "Say! Sounds like I missed a real show!"

"Yeah!" he sounded rapt, "you sure did!"

There were a few moments where there was only the sound of the water gushing and splashing, then he went on, " …. Then, just as Prime was stomping on Megajerk's head, Skywarp showed up!"

My spark spasmed violently and a sharp bolt of energy shot through every circuit. The water rained down extra hard and the memory of his presence was suddenly so vivid, I had to clutch at the shower rail for support.

"He was absolutely fragged!" I could hear Hound saying delightedly. "You should have seen it! He collapsed on the ground. He looked like he'd been through a trash compactor!"

My spark gave another spasm and now I just felt sick to the core. Then everything in me wanted to burst out of the shower and go into the berthroom and grab Hound by the shoulders and yell right in his face "_Well, was he all right?"_ But I controlled myself. It was just very a good thing he couldn't see my face.

He was still going on. "The other two were hovering over him all concerned, like. Some of us wanted to go over there and have a crack at them, but Ratchet wouldn't let us. Said it was unAutobot to get somebody when they were down."

I felt my exoskin crawl and my systems escalate as the water ran into my seams. _He had to be all right._ I did not think I would be able to live with myself if he was not.

"Ratchet reckons he's got to save lives, even 'Con scum lives. He actually_ gave_ Starscream this medication for Skywarp, even though the slaghead abused the pit out of him. Can you believe it? Sometimes I think he goes too far with this righteousness stuff …"

Ordinarily, I would have agreed. Now all I felt was profound relief. Primus bless Ratchet and his high moral principles! But had Skywarp made it? Hardly thinking what I was doing, I turned off the water and moved under the dryer, activating the start button as I did so. I said: "They – er – _left_ then?"

"Yeah! They all flew off…." I closed my optics and my spark gave a more gentle pulse and I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. I relished in the feel of the warm air blasting into my seams. "CJ was pissed though," Hound was saying. "I'm tellin' ya! He gave Ratchet a real mouthful. Nearly ended up in the brig."

I didn't give a _slag_ what CJ might have said or thought or done. It only mattered that Skywarp had got away safely.

There was a silence. The drier hummed. I felt a need to keep the conversation going - just in case Hound had detected some unusual quality in my responses and decided to ask something awkward. "CJ's cooled down then?" I enquired, trying to keep my voice as smooth as possible.

"Yeah! Sunny took him away and gave him a talking to!"

Feeling myself dry, I turned the machine off and grabbed the polish cloth, still heavy with wax from my last ablution, and started to apply a quick makeover. As I smoothed the wax on to my exoskin I was thinking of him again. His body. His wings. And I was suddenly thinking _by Primus I've got the best looking Decepticon in their force besotted with me …he thinks I hate him but he's still besotted with me_ _… and he's beautiful_ … _Kell! At least one good thing had happened to me here now… _

Then I was tingling all over, I felt suddenly better.

Hound was still talking. "Normally that woulda stirred CJ up more, but Sunny was real weird today. Went off and fought Soundwave by himself instead of having a go at the Seekers. I reckon that was weird. Don't you think that was weird Mirage?"

I _had_ to see him again! Had to tell him and had to hold him again. I imagined what it would be like to have not only his optics looking into mine, but to feel his hands on my face, to feel his lips against my cheek, his mouth open and hungry against mine, being wrapped into him, his wings flaring, not to be rescued, this time, but to be ….

My spark let out a giant pulse and my circuits erupted with such a sudden energy surge that everything dimmed and I clutched at the rail again. My mind went back to that time I had pulled Bluestreak on top of me and imagined it was Skywarp, and another surge bolted through my systems.

"Mirage …?"

Energy danced among my circuits and my spark pulsed. I could not remember ever experiencing such a strong burst of pure spark energy. Not even remembering the question, I said: "What? Uh, yes it is, Hound, yes, _yes indeed!"_

As I emerged from the ablution room and crossed the room to grab a data pad, I was still reeling from the power of it, yet I felt freshened and suddenly invigorated. I knew that my blue and white Alpha colours were gleaming in the sunlight which was now streaming through the portal, and imagined that I looked pretty good. I felt Hound's optics once more upon me, and I heard his intakes sigh.

He said "I guess we all have days in this place when we don't quite act the way we normally would, Mirage …," and there was a note in his vocaliser which usually meant that he had _that look_ on his face.

Amused that whatever the fascination with the red pitpiece, it had not overridden the desires here which my friend had always harboured for me, I smiled "Indeed, Hound! Now let's go, shall we?"

…………….

On the way to Prime's office Hound chattered away. The subject matter was utterly predictable.

"CJ was a legend! I know he's a fiery little piece of pit but I'll tell ya what, Mirage, when you're on the line out there, it's really good to have him on the same side. He's got so much energy. Hey ya know he still kept me busy half the night, if you know what I mean!"

I only half listened. It was too much information anyway. And now, all I could think about was Skywarp. What was he doing, I wondered. What _did_ the Decepticons do, come to that? They couldn't fly about, under the ocean. Did they march around and do drill, and stuff like that? They did a lot of that on Cybertron, if I recalled rightly. Or did they sit and booze it up in the Decepticon equivalent of the rec room whilst Megatron schemed and plotted their next ambitious endeavour? I really didn't know. And it was quite interesting, when you thought about it …

Skywarp had those deep crimson optics, more purple than crimson, each with the exquisite dark outer rim…

"You look real tired and kinda dazed.. Are you sure you're OK?"

They were so deep, those optics. Like hidden within were a wealth of fascinating secrets ..

"_Mirage!"_

I said: "What? Oh yes, Hound, I'm fine, really. Just thinking about Prime…"

We had reached the door of Prime's office, and Hound was looking at me, his optics fill of fondness and concern. "We're gonna crack a few cubes on premium in the rec room tonight," he said. "When you've finished here, why don't you come on down? Bluestreak's hangin' out to see you."

_Bluestreak!_ Yes, he was pretty, I remembered. Not handsome, like Skywarp, but pretty. And I'd proved already I could use my imagination …

I smiled at Hound. "That would be good," I said.

…………….

Well, that's it for now folks.

To be continued ....


	14. Chapter 14 Despair

**== Forbidden Fantasies ==**

**By Ayngel**

* * *

_Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any of the characters or concepts within. I make no money from this story or any other about Transformers._

_I confess to pinching a line out of the second Lord of the Rings movie too and I guess that belongs to the creators of that!_

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Well, I've returned from my meanderings on the other side of Earth and it's back to the old grind of fitting TF writing in with work!

I wasn't idle while I was away and the rest of this story – now a prequel to Part 2 – is mostly written in draft, so it shouldn't take too long to post chapters. (Trains and planes can be very inspiring and creative places). There are about 5. The first few chapters of Part 2 are in draft as well.

I did some thinking about it as well and decided the first few chapters and various other bits could have been better written, so I have been attending to this. I haven't altered any of the facts in the story, just made some things clearer and removed a few inconsistencies as I said I would, if necessary, when I first started posting it. It is, after all, a story with somewhat complicated dynamics!

To all my readers and reviewers ***hello are you still out there???*** I hope you like this. Your comments and communications are always loved and appreciated.

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_Warnings: Adult themes, implied slash._

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**Chapter 14 : Despair**

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**Designation: Thundercracker**

**Squadron Leader, Elite Air Command, Decepticon Earth Contingent**

...................

Logic circuits can be strange things. Sometimes something stares you in the face and, for whatever reason, you just don't see it.

A couple of days after the battle, Warp was back in the land of the onlined. Apart from a large scar where his wing was ripped apart which his self repair systems had not gotten around to dealing with yet, he seemed to be physically intact and there were no other apparent systemic defects. Nor did he seem to be in pain. But his mental state was all over the place, and now I was deeply suspicious that something had happened to him when he had flown off and left us, or that the medication which Ratchet had provided was not the revival agent alleged but something more sinister.

Starscream, however, seemed preoccupied with his own issues and would not listen. Nobody else seemed interested either, and I certainly wasn't going to Megatron about it. All I could do was remain by my bondmate's side and hope that whatever it was would blow over during the next few weeks or so that it appeared we were going to be confined to the base.

..................

I remember – we were in the berthroom. Warp was acting, like so often lately, as though he were a million parsecs away. But this time, it was different. A lot worse than before.

For the second day running, he muttered to himself as he engaged in what seemed to be pointless frenetic activity. He went back and forth, picking things up and moving them and putting them down again. He got stuff out and then put it away again, and all the while he frowned as his wings twitched sporadically. The sight disturbed and frustrated me, especially since I had no idea what was wrong. I let him go for a while, and then I could stand it no longer. I must, I thought, try and get out of him whatever was tearing at his spark. Apart from anything else, I was afraid that if he kept going like this he would split the wound open again.

"Warp," I said softly from the berth, "come and sit down over here ...." I tried to sound as calm as possible as I patted the place beside me.

It was as though I hadn't spoken. He proceeded across the room with a set of cluster bomb components which only a few moments before he had extracted from the storage cabinet beside the berth.

"_Warp ..."_

He stopped in his tracks, then, and looked at me, his optics were hollow and haunted looking. I was shocked at how exhausted he appeared.. "There's a lot to be done, TC" he said, "a lot to be done ..." Then he continued on, and, opening another cabinet, started to put the components into neat piles on the shelves, which further alarmed me seeing as how it was such an un – Warpish thing for him to be doing.

I watched as he busied himself, stacking them precisely so that all the ends lined up. "You're doing a great job there!" I observed, thinking how hollow I sounded. But anything to maintain his awareness that I was actually in the room. "Thanks" he said, without looking up. Then he rose and went to the other cupboard to get some more.

Half way across the room, though, he paused and winced slightly as though something particularly unpleasant had manifested in his conscious awareness pool. For a moment he stood there just holding the components, looking like his mind were grappling with something difficult. Then he looked across at me directly, his optics still with that haunted look. "TC," he said, in a strangled sort of a voice, "do you remember the time we attacked the Towers?"

I must say, I was a bit taken aback. I mean, of course I remembered – even though the episode was now aeons distant - but it was just a very strange subject for him to raise. My thought processes immediately whirled rapidly as I struggled to consider what in Primus did_ this_ have to do with _anything_. At the same time, a part of me despaired further about his state of mind. For a few moments I just stared at him and I could say nothing.

"_Well do you?" _His voice had an edge of urgency.

I took a deep intake. Apart from anything else, it was not a nice topic to consider, Despite the passage of time and I found myself suddenly staving off images which I really preferred not to recall: of the tranquil waters of lake Iyili transformed into a raging torrent as the dam breached, and of the graceful buildings which had stood in it disintegrating like cards before their remnants were swept away, and, worse, of the screams which resonated above the roar of the torrent as tangle of bodies and debris swept over the Iacon scarp. My energon chamber lurched. Of course, memories of our "victorious attacks" were not supposed to bother a 'con but, as with so many other episodes, this one always had. And it mattered not that the victims were Alphas who had cared little for seekers during our time on Cybertron.

I felt myself frown. Then resigning myself to the acceptance that this was, apparently, of some importance and trying to keep my voice as soft as possible, I said: "What of it, Warp?"

My bondmate put down the components. He looked_ awful_. His optics widened, and a visible tremor ran through him. "We had to do that, didn't we?" he whispered, looking straight at me. "I mean, we were under orders. Primus alone knows what would have happened to us if we'd disobeyed, isn't that right TC?" He came over then and stared at me intensely._"Isn't that right?" _

It occurred to me then how well I had used to be able to read him and of how well nigh impossible that was to do now, and a spasm rocked my spark with the sudden realization of just how much our bond had deteriorated. I mean, I already knew in my spark that it had, but I don't think it was until just then that I really started to acknowledge the truth. I felt suddenly sick inside. It was a truth I really did not want to deal with. So I thought about the Towers.

The entire episode wasn't hard to recall. Despite the passage of time, it came back only too readily. I could still feel the excitement among the assembled faithful at the massive assembly prior to the attack and Megatron's voice ringing out across the underground cavern: "the time has come to show all of Cybertron the might of the Elite Air Command .... there will be no finer demonstration than the destruction of the Alpha Districts ... those anachronistic scourges which continue to rape our planet's resources and will sweep victory from our grasp..." followed by the deafening roar of Decepticon support which had filled the hall....

Then, when that had died down, he had gone on ".... _it will begin with the Towers_ ...." Another roar of approval. Then he had said "Starscream, newly appointed leader of the Elite Air Command, will lead the attack .... _there will be no prisoners and no survivors ..."_ and Starscream had stepped forward to more deafening applause, and that had been his first sortie as Air Commander ....

"Yes," I said softly, "at that stage in the proceedings we would probably have been killed...." thinking – knowing – that "probably" was a complete understatement.

He turned away miserably. "We did a pit load of damage, didn't we TC?"

That was also an understatement. It wasn't just the Towers, but the damage inflicted on Iacon when the entire contents of the lake carrying the districts' remnants slammed into the city foundations below had been phenomenal. Megatron had proclaimed the attack an unmitigated success. I had, secretly, never been able to see why. Apart from destroying much which could have been useful to us, the episode had turned half of Cybertron against us, greatly increasing support for the Autobots.

He looked at me again, wide eyed "_we did, didn't we?"_ I nodded, recalling Starscream gloating over what an easy target it had been going to be because the Autobots refused to defend it and nobody thought we would dare attack it.

He was coming towards me now. "That was Cybertron's history, that was, you know TC! That was our roots. _And we went and totalled it_." He stopped in front of me. "Surely you ain't gonna tell me you think we oughtta have done that, TC? _Surely not!"_

He glared at me accusingly, and now I just sat there, not just baffled, but positively astounded. It wasn't just that it was a weird subject. Despite the episode being far from our finest hour in my opinion, Warp had never really questioned it's rightness. Any more than he had ever questioned most of our supposed victories – as far as I knew. It was one of things we had started to argue over which had set us drifting apart.

I said "Warp, as you say, we were under orders ...."

"_That's not what I mean!"_ he yelled.

Now this was starting to unnerve me. I said: "Warp, you know my feelings on it ... but I always thought you thought it was a good idea...."

"Well you thought wrong!" he sat on the berth next to me and buried his face in his hands.

Yes, logic circuits can be strange. Sometimes, suddenly things link up. I sat there feeling utterly mystified and completely helpless while he sat miserably beside me on the berth and racked my processor as to what I could come up with to relieve his obvious distress over this which, I now surmised, was something long hidden which had come out as a result of the trauma. And I remembered then that the Autobots had one of those Alphas with them who had unexpectedly survived the Towers attack. Mirage. The one who had almost certainly torn the hole in Warp's wing during the skirmish, and before that, had attacked us viciously on that bridge during the first few days on Earth – in fact, we had been lucky to survive..

Warp had gone on about the bridge attack and Starscream had had a go at him about it. And so, I surmised, it could be something to do with that.

Given what had already happened, I still think it strange that this was the first time on Earth that I had really thought about Mirage. I mean, I had no reason at that stage to believe that Warp harbored anything for him other than the general contempt he felt for all the Autobots, but Mirage's presence among them was still probably something I should have at least considered. After all, his animosity towards Seekers was well known and he had embarked on several vendettas over the aeons which involved picking off members of my squadrons. For now, though, I used him to try and lighten the situation. "They didn't all die," I said, "Some survived. The Autobots have got one with them...." Then, with an attempt at humour, I said, half laughingly, _"You should be well aware of that, Warp!_"

He started at me with another look which was absolutely unreadable and again my spark gave a jolt and that sick feeling swept through me, as painful in its mystery as in its physical properties. I laid a hand on his wrist. He shook me off and rose and was crossing the room again now. He stopped on the other side and looked back at me, and I could see that he was right on the edge of tears. "I did the dam, TC, you did the top..." he whispered, "what did you see?"

I said "Warp, I don't think ..."

"_Tell me!"_ his voice had a hysterical note to it. And now my spark sickened at the possibility that Mirage had caught him and done something awful to him whilst he was injured. Because that was not beyond the bounds of possibility. Mirage really could be very dangerous. And then I berated myself because _I hadn't been around to deal with the situation._ And I felt a surge of anger towards Starscream then, especially, because I'd wanted to stay with Warp and not go around again on another useless strafing run which wasn't going to achieve anything. And I thought angrily that Starscream had done nothing but screw things up for both of us ever since we'd arrived here, and that he'd been screwing things up for a good few aeons before that too.

Warp was still waiting for an answer. And in his current state, I did not want to answer. What could I say? One nanoclick, and all those buildings were there. Then there was a roaring as the dam broke and they weren't. Then there were all those islands of screaming, bleeding mechs clinging to bits of rock and buildings and body parts ...

I said "It - er – well it wasn't a pretty sight, Warp ..."

His intakes let out a wretched sort of a noise and he turned away. He leaned on the back of the chair in front of the desk and his head was bowed. I stared at his back, still not knowing what to think and even less knowing what to say. There was an uncomfortable silence, and then he said softly: "Alphas, they believe in the afterlife .... they had all those offerings urns and shrines and things in the lake ..." he turned to me: _"Do you think they lived on?"_

This was, I thought, getting beyond a joke. Warp had absolutely no interest in religion, and as far as I knew, he had never even had ever even considered the subject of Alpha religeon. _Something_ had happened to him. Something told me that rather than ask him outright it would be better to go along with this, though, so I said: "They believe in the realm of Eternal Illumination." I did know that. They hadn't taught me much at that stupid Praxan College, but I did know that. "As for the rest – I don't know, Warp. I honestly don't know"

He was looking at me again, feverishly. "Do you think its only them that go there or anyone?"

He looked stricken and I really wanted to go over there and take him in my arms, but thinking of how he had shaken me off, and the strangeness of all this, I refrained. I said gently: "I don't know. I've never believed, really, that we go anywhere."

He burst into tears. "Even if anyone could go there, we wouldn't, would we. Not after what we did! _We'd go straight to Kell, after that!"_

And now something snapped in me and I could not help it. I crossed to him and said _"Warp, easy ...", _

And now he did let me put my arms around him and I took him over to the berth and sat him down and he sobbed on my shoulder, great racking sobs which were so awful in their intensity that I nearly broke down as well. But I didn't, feeling I needed to be strong to help him.

"I'm gonna pray for them, TC! I reckon Seekers should have thought more about all this!" and he let me put both arms around him and hold him there.

And now, as I stroked his helm, I remembered that Warp had been raised in that orphanage in Kaon, the one they had closed down because of the atrocities uncovered there, and that part of their ethos was to strike terror into the inmates through fear of religious retribution. Well, I thought, at least I had some inkling of why he was upset, although how it all was related eluded me. Kissing his helm, I murmured, in an attempt to help:

"Warp, I don't think you should distress yourself with the need to pray for them. Alphas weren't – aren't - very nice. They took all the pickings from Cybertron for aeons...." He made a little noise and, interpreting this as a positive sign that I had got through on some level, I went on: "They were still doing it you know, even when they'd stopped running the show. They screwed a lot of Cybertronians, and they didn't care. A lot of Iaconians thought the Towers should have been done away with long before …"

In one move he was on his feet. Then he just seemed to erupt. "_What in Kell would you know about it?"_ he screamed at me.

There was a furious look in his optics and a part of me felt sick again at the craziness of this, but another side sensed the need to remain calm and logical. So I said: "Well Warp, think about it. I mean, Alphas were - are - a pretty mean, uncaring lot. I mean, look at that one they've got now! He used to creep around the squadrons and kill mechs in cold blood. What he did was just as bad as what we did! He nearly killed us at that dam, Warp!".

His optics were furious red glowing orbs "_Don't you ever say that!" _he roared. Would you have done any different TC, if you'd been through what he went through? You don't even know him! _I'm not even gonna bother listening to this!"_

And, at that, he stormed out, kicking the door so it opened and not even bothering with the release mechanism.

Shortly after, there was a sudden swoosh of the doors and a flurry of red and blue and wings.

Starscream looked furious. "What in Kell is going on with him?" he demanded.

Well, now, I just was not in the mood for him barging in like that. It showed a complete lack of understanding, and was, as far as I was concerned, insufferably rude. And now all the anger and frustration which had been building at my failure to get through to my bondmate rose within me and I thought again that whatever had happened, it was probably all his bloody fault. "He's having a bad time," I thundered. "It's getting sorted! _Now just frag off and leave us alone ..."_

But that was beyond his capabilities, and the havoc he had just caused was beyond his comprehension. "Couldn't you have settled him down?" he snapped. "Soundwave's picking up intense emotional disturbance and I'm supposed to come up with an explanation ..."

I rounded on him then. I was not above having a crack at him and right then I was very, very close to it. In fact, I think if I had I would have done some damage, even if I had not ultimately come off best. I yelled: "So its about you, as usual, isn't it? Well if you don't get the frag out of here Starscream, I'll give Soundwave an emotional disturbance to think about that he hasn't seen the like of since your row with Megatron at the battle of Tiger Pax!"

I was aware that my fists were clenched and I was within a hair's breadth of landing him one. It must have made some impact, because he held up a hand. "All right, all right!" I glowered at him and he backed off. He did, after all, know how I could be once I was riled up. But then he smiled and said, too smoothly, "Since you appear to be having some difficulties, Thundercracker, I will speak to Skywarp!"

And he turned around and swept from the room, leaving me absolutely seething because not only had I completely failed to figure out what was with Warp and to help him, there was now the prospect that Warp would tell him something he wouldn't tell me, and I didn't want that because no matter how fragged things were I was still his bond mate and Starscream had no right to interfere when it came to things upsetting Warp. _None at all .._

And now I was crying tears of sheer frustration and I did a rare thing for me, I picked up the remaining cluster bomb components which Warp had not put away, and smashed them on the ground, and as I did it I imagined it was Starscream's head which shattered on the stone floor, because my bond with Warp was fragged and it was all his fault.

And I was so angry with Starscream that I never saw what should have been the real object of my jealousy and despair

Yeah, well, maybe that's why it was so long before I did put two and two together. That and just not wanting to figure it out. Even though it was staring me in the face. That's what I told myself, anyway.

* * *

**Designation: Skywarp  
**

**Squadron Leader, Elite Air Command, Decepticon Earth Contingent**

**.........................  
**

In the distance, I heard TC yelling at Screamer and I kept going, heading out of the base and into the ocean and into that silent world of fish and swaying plants and light and shadows where I could hide among the rocks and try to forget the universe existed.

How dare TC go on about Mirage like that! Especially when he'd just admitted so fully and frankly to what we did.

What we did. It really was every bit as awful as I'd imagined. And I'd never even thought about it properly. Just blundered along with this _fixation_ - as Starscream so aptly put it - about Mirage when if I'd only stopped to think, Screamer was quite right, he could not possibly want me and not because he was a horrible person but because I was. How could I possibly ever make anything better? I was doomed to be hated by him for all eternity, and had been a fool to think it could be otherwise.

Later, I wondered why I thought this so strongly. After all, Mirage had said or done nothing which should have made me think it was the case. On the contrary, he had responded to me like a saviour. And he had acted like he didn't want me to go, and had said something as I was leaving, except I had not stopped to listen to it before plunging into the void and running away in terror.

Was it really because of the enormity of what we'd done?

At the time, it was definitely that. Looking back now, I think it was also fear. The fear of, once again, falling for somebody who wouldn't love me back. After all, had that not been the case with Screamer? Had I not lay there in an agony of wanting Primus only knew how many times just wishing he'd say what I wanted to hear? And what a wasted hope that had been. The way he'd been treating me on Earth had confirmed that not only had I never been anything more than a good frag, he did not even particularly like me. And if Mirage ever turned on me like that ...

Well, I didn't think I could bear it. So my logic circuits were telling me – just as they had so many times over Screamer – to get the Kell out and go back to my bondmate and not be such a dumbaft – no – to really do it this time. And they even gave myself a reason for why it was so necessary that I did it. Except that it hurt. More than it ever hurt with Screamer. And I couldn't face TC when he said things like he just said....

My com crackled.

.:: Skywarp! Come in! ::.

Screamer. _The last person I wanted to see, second only to TC_. He could go to kell. He and TC could both go to Kell. I wanted to be alone.

.:: Skywarp! Acknowledge – that is an order! ::. I ducked down behind a pile of rocks and switched the com off and then, taking a seat on the ocean floor, leaned back against them. Watching the myriad of fish, I tried to focus on them and to clear my processor of all else.

But I could not get Mirage out of my head, and, even as I despaired at the hopelessness, I was figuring out some way I could get to see him again and apologize again. And, in fact, I thought, I would hand him my laser gun and say "Do what you have to. I deserve it!" And then if he did it I would be allowed into the Realm of Eternal Illumination with all those other Alphas, all his ancestors, and they would say "look, it's Skywarp, he sacrificed himself for what he did. We must forgive him ..."

And then they would let me stay there and I would wait for Mirage to die and when he did he would forgive me too ....

And I sat and stared at the fish and cried and wallowed away there and soaked up the agony of it all.

* * *

**Designation: Starscream**

**Commander, Elite Air Command, Decepticon Earth Conntingent**

**....................  
**

He was ignoring me. But, of course, I knew exactly where he was because of the locators we had been ordered to carry at all times. Surely he was not in so much of a state as to have forgotten that?

He had wandered a fair way and it took me a little while to locate him and then get across to where he was hiding. As I tramped though the murky water towards the coral covered rocks behind which I knew he had concealed himself, I reflected again on the unsatisfactory nature of Decepticon affairs and how I was going to change them. And it would, I thought grimly, start right here. I still did not, to my immense frustration, know all the details of what had happened behind the scenes at the battle but I had a strong inkling that whatever had again caused trouble between him and Thundercracker was linked to it and I had a pretty damned good idea what the subject matter was.

And that meant finding out – and dealing with it – not in the way I had before but in the way I had always found most effective in bringing Skywarp into line. After all, had that not always rendered him eating out of my hand? And had it not always put any other thoughts – even of his bondmate – out of his processor? No, if there were any lingering fantasies or other ridiculous nonsense still there about Mirage d'Ligier, I was certain that by the time I'd finished it would be history.

Besides, I thought as my circuits started to tingle in anticipation of what I knew was coming, I had deprived myself of this since our arrival here and the intensity of the tingling told me I needed more than Viewfinder's talents to maintain myself in a fully functional state. And had I not decided that he was what I wanted? How noble it had been of me to refrain for so long.

And Thundercracker? Well, he was no stranger to this. The situation had been obvious for aeons. It was time he faced facts and moved on.

Yes, they would both just damned well do exactly what I wanted.

* * *

_Despicable._ But he's in for a nasty surprise.

And yes, hot (underwater) scene coming up. But you'll have to wait until after the next chapter – which is back in the Autobot camp. Sorreeee ....... won't be long. **A**

* * *


	15. Chapter 15 Cliffjumper's Secret

**Forbidden Fantasies **

**By Ayngel

* * *

**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any of the characters or concepts within. I make no money from this story or any other about Transformers.

* * *

_

Well, we're getting there folks and I promise – I really do promise – that this is the last complication I'm going to add to this continuity. For now.

The animosity between Mirage and Cliffjumper has been alluded to in this story all along. Of course, it's straight out of the canon – and is a key element of the "Traitor" story which this is ultimately leading up to (one day). There always seemed to be more to the bad feelings than that CJ thought Mirage was working for the D's – if he really even thought that at all. The question was – what?

Initially I thought they might have had a one night stand which Mirage chose to take no further. LadyDragon2 has written a really excellent fic about these two doing just that, with her own talented spin on the facts. I had no wish to appear to be pinching the idea – besides which, for the purposes of this story, I decided there had to be more to it than that. A lot more.

So here's the explanation. Only a bit of electrosex, I'm afraid. But plenty of that in the next chapter and plenty of angst in this one.

And if you'd rather have one shot ES then here's LD's story: .net/s/4899046/1/The_Truth which is great and was very inspirational – thanks LD :-) even though the character situation is reversed – and which I thoroughly recommend.

Just a note about Swindle too - different from the canon. he's sexy, cute, utterly gorgeous and incredibly manipulative. he was Mirage's first serious partner and he loved Mirage's money more than Mirage. There's lots in the future about Swindle.

* * *

_Warnings: Adult themes, course language, slash, drug use, alcohol abuse. CJ swears like a trooper  


* * *

  
_

**Chapter 15 Cliffjumper's Secret

* * *

**

**Author Designation: Cliffjumper**

**Warrior, Autobot Earth Contingent**

**............................  
**

Before I finally signed up to go on the mission to Earth, Jazz called me in. I was surprised, as I hadn't known there were any more formalities to go through. When I got there, he looked like he had something difficult to say .

After we'd greeted each other and gone through the usual niceties, he shifted awkwardly and he said: "Uh – Cliffjumper – uh - now a lot of us likely t'be involved in this mission – we've known each other for a long time and over the vorns there's been stuff happen. Like – y'know – mechs hook up for awhile then they break up an' then they get with someone else …"

I just sort of stared at him. It was a strange start to a briefing, and it seemed like a very odd thing to bring up just before a crucial mission to save Cybertron. And he was obviously embarrassed, which made the situation mildly amusing.

He went on "so – uh – there's gonna be a few of us - got exes around and things like that…." Then he took a deep intake and drew himself up. "But the thing is, Cliffie – we gotta be objective - an' not let all them sorta things stand in the way of doin' a good job!" And he smiled then – stiffly - as though trying to look resigned.

I didn't know what to say! I mean – what could I say? This didn't refer to _me_ as far as I knew. I just stood there gawking and said "OK!" like a sparkling summoned for knocking off high grade.

He shifted awkwardly again. "Prime thought it best I talk to you," he said. "We kinda got - things in common on the ex front Cliff…." Then he hesitated " … and you know who I'm talkin' about!"

Did I? Surely he could not mean ... That was when I froze inside. I mean – surely not. I hadn't even thought about it for ages … I mean – it couldn't be …

But he smiled grimly. "Yeah!" he said. "Y'got it! M'rage is comin' with us. An you'n me's both gonna have to deal with that Cliffie!"

Oh Primus! I felt like I needed to sit down. He must have sensed that, because he gestured to a chair in front of the round table, and then drew one up himself as I collapsed on to it. My thoughts were a blur. Apart from anything else, I didn't know anyone _knew_ about that – especially Jazz.

He smiled kindly. "It's all right," he said. It ain't common knowledge. An' I certainly ain't gonna be shoutin' it around …" and then I must have still looked as shellshocked as I felt because he went on "an' it's all history now, me n' him. An' I know he wasn't cheatin' with you Cliffie when he was supposed to be with me. No shortage o'others. But not you and what happened in th'past didn't never bother me. ..."

I took a deep intake and assimilated what I knew. Of course, I knew Jazz was Mirage's – fairly recent - ex partner and that Jazz was with Prowl nowadays. I think everyone on Cybertron at the time knew that. And his had been a _proper relationship_ with Mirage and not, like with me - as I was surprised to feel my spark give an uncomfortable _twang_ at the thought - a bit on the side: an additional thrill to Mirage's alluring partner at that time, Swindle.

Everyone knew, too, that Mirage hadn't changed and why Jazz had left. They also knew about the trail of broken sparks he left in his wake. But not that once I'd been one of them. I'd been too ashamed for that.

But why was Jazz raising this now? I wondered. Mirage had been on one of Cybertron's moons, Itopis, for a long time now and as far as I was aware he intended to stay. He'd left the Autobots for good - vowing never to return.

As though reading my thoughts, Jazz said. "Prime talked him into it ..." and then he must have seen look on my face cos he said "Yeah, I know! I was a bit taken aback when I found out too. I thought Prime was quite happy for him to stay on Itopis. But – apparently he ain't. There's reasons for bringin' him – which I can't go into here. Now Cliff – thing is - I need to know - is this gonna be an issue?"

I just felt sick. I mean, if I was honest, it couldn't fail to be an issue. Even after all these years, my spark still ached sometimes over what he'd done. But it wasn't just the way I'd been thrown away like a trinket any more either. It was the whole way he operated. In and out of the Cause, creeping around, cropping up here, going into hiding again there. And I was sure that the endless epiphany of unbelievable stories he tried to weave around himself would be as ongoing as ever.

I looked at Jazz. "Does Prime actually trust him?" I asked.

Jazz shrugged. "Seems that way! Y'know Prime – his call." Something about the way he said it made me think Jazz wasn't quite so sure.

I felt angry then. I thought of how much I had looked forward to this mission – to a new start - and now how fragged it was going to be. Because of him. And I thought of his high handed ways. The arrogance. The self pity and the blatant disregard for anyone and everyone else. I found myself heating inside just considering it. But no, I thought. _I'm damned if you're gonna stop me going_. So I shrugged as though I couldn't have cared less and said. "As ya say Jazz-man, pit happens! I'll be fine That was all a long time ago now…."

He wasn't fooled. Jazz is real hard to fool. He gave me a long, hard visored look. Hmm. He said. "I know it ain't been easy for yer, Cliffy …. I'm sorry to have to do this to you." His voice was very kind, and the kindness made me feel a bit sort of weak inside. I thought how a lot of not very kind things had happened to me. All other sad things happened like when my sparklings died. And how it was nice to have Jazz being kind because the likes of Mirage never gave a pit, and it was good too that Jazz had seen sense and not stayed with somebody who couldn't give a pit about anybody.

Jazz's expression was very gentle. He said "Look, I know how it is…. Even after a long time … he kinda gets into yer circuits…." Now I felt embarrassed, but Jazz's voice was soothing. "It took me ages to get over it," he said. "Even with Prowl there. I used to go on and on about M'rage. Sometimes I dunno how Prowlie lasted the distance…."

Yes, I was definitely relieved for Jazz.. Jazz was much too decent for Mirage. I said: "It's not just that, Jazz. He's – well – he's an _afthole_, basically."

Jazz laughed then, a tinkling sound. "Hey," he said "off the record, no arguments there! But he's got problems Cliffie. Bigger than what you might imagine. And when people have those sometimes they – they don't behave in a nice way."

I couldn't believe Jazz was sticking up for him. Not with his track record, and how he'd treated him, and all the rest.

I said "How can you be so – _nice?_"

He smiled. "Oh I don't do to go around harbourin' a whole loada bad feelin's, Cliff. Only gonna hurt me, ain't it? Besides, I got Prowl now. Look at M'rage. He ain't got nobody!" He paused and looked at me closely again. "Now. I'll ask again. Is this gonna be an issue?"

I wished I had Jazz's sensible processor. Even then I felt anger welling up inside. I said "No. Well, I dunno. Well, maybe. Oh Kell. Jazz! I'll be all right as long as I don't have to have nothin' to do with him!"

Jazz sighed. "Cliffie, you know that's well nigh impossible …" he said and I thought. "I've blown it. I've blown the best chance I've had in vorns and its all because of that _fraggin' afthole_ …" But Jazz said "Look – I want you on board, Cliffie. You're top notch, far as I'm concerned. An' I don't wanna have to tell Prime there's a problem. Now Prime's talkin' about a special ops team- so he shouldn''t be too much in your way, Cliffy. All I gotta do is tell Prime that if the two of you end up side by side, you ain't gonna do somethin' stupid. Got it?"

I looked at him. He looked as though willing me to guarantee it. I looked away and nodded, then back at him. "I won't," I said, _"But I can't vouch for him!"_

Jazz let out a sigh. "Look, Cliffy," he said "don't let him get to ya OK? He's a troubled, lost spark who can't love anyone cos he don't love himself. You an' I both suffered – just like Swindle and all the rest of 'em . An' so will whatever next Primus forsaken spark ends up in his berth next. But for you'n me – its over. We're lucky man …"

I looked at him and sighed. "yeah …" I said. He was right. I didn't know why I found that so hard to hear.

"Whereas you – lots of people love you man! You shoulda seen how excited Hound was when I told him you were comin!"

That suddenly put a whole different perspective on things. I felt my spark brighten. "Hound?" I said.

"Yeah man? Silly me – did I forget to mention that? Yeah – he's comin' too!"

………………….

Now, I was sitting in the rec room, a couple of days after the battle with the Decepticons and I could not stop thinking about that conversation. In front of me was a decanter of premium grade. The second cube had just gone down very well.

Hound was supposed to be here. But he wasn't, of course. I didn't know where he was, but I had a pretty good idea. He was "talking to" Mirage. Who was in a "bad headspace" again. Hound had some sort of a psych qualification and Prime got him to sort Mirage out when he got like that and Hound was full of all soothing, sensible words about how he was "just doing his job". Well, I thought bitterly as the third cube diminished, more rapidly than it should, I could have thought of a far more permanent way of attending to Mirage's "headspace …"

I sighed and took a deep draught. _Always Mirage!_ Well I'd done all right since we'd been here, I thought, bitterly. I'd kept my distance from him. And I hadn't gotten annoyed about the way he appeared to have_ completely forgotten about the past. _Or about how he whinged and glitched and carried on and shot sarcastic remarks in my direction at every chance he got. As if _I'd_ done something to _him!_

Or about his highly suspicious act of getting on that Decepticon cruiser! I even managed not to say anything uncomplimentary when he was holed up and he drugged himself out - although Primus knew nobody else would have got away with behaving like that and Prowl wanted to put him stasis lock.

No, I'd been good. I'd sat back and noted with satisfaction that they didn't let him do much anyway. His presence here was, I had come to understand, as much political as anything. And he had done a few useful things. Like that time at the dam. And the other day, at the antimatter lab when he rescued those kids.

I took another draught and felt anger rumble inside. _Not at the last battle though._ Not at all! That had proved everything I said and thought beyond doubt. That was just the flaming pits!

I thought back to after the battle. I'd taken things out on Huffer. And I shouldn't have because Huffer had been a champion at the battle and done above and beyond his fair share ever since. But Huffer was, like the rest of them, too forgiving. I mean – look at the facts! We'd been left floundering at the fight, and then there'd been some blatantly ridiculous story about Mirage getting chased and having to end up on a road. That was scrap because I'd checked it out and there _were no roads_. Worse, when I went to find Hound afterwards, Hound had gone to "rescue" him. I'd taken off in a fury, my feet splashing through mud and puddles. Huffer had come running after me.

"CJ, wait! Why are you so wound up?"

I'd stormed along, roughly in the direction of the Ark, my feet crunching in the gravel and splashing in the puddles which lay all around. "Why do you bloody well think?" I'd growled.

Huffer had been half running alongside to keep up. He knew what the problem was. "I must admit, " he'd panted. "M'rage could have given us a bit more backup …"

He'd been trying to say something helpful, something he thought I'd wanted to hear. It had had the reverse effect. "A bit more backup!" I'd shouted, kicking a rock angrily which just happened to be in the way and striding ahead. "That would have to be the understatement of the joor, Huffer!"

He was still rustling along beside me. "Think about it!" I'd fumed. "First we deal with the Seekers, all by ourselves. Then the triplets. Then he frags off and leaves Jazz and Prowl low on ammo and for the last part he wasn't even there!"

Huffer had made a noise as if to protest and I'd said "And don't ask me if he was there but _not there_ because the answer's _no_. When he's there Cons drop like flies all around. He hit Skywarp. Then he fragged off somewhere!"

There was silence then, just the sound of our feet splashing and water dripping and earth creatures buzzing and calling out. "But CJ," Huff said, "its all turned out all right. We won! _They've gone!"_

That was the problem with Huffer. He was naive and easily impressed. I'd stopped and rounded on him then. "_And you think that makes everything bloody well all right, don't you!"_ I'd bawled at him. "Well If you wanna be easily satisfied, go ahead. But don't expect me to be!"

And I'd stormed off, leaving him looking wide eyed and stricken.

I sighed, feeling miserable and depressed now. No, I shouldn't have said all that. Huff was my friend. But I'd been so - _frustrated_. With everything! I thought about just before that, when Ironhide hadn't let me destroy those Seekers. They were right there, Skywarp down and Thundercracker just standing there, a static target, and they would not let me do anything. Then there'd been Ratchet's nonsensical moral high ground. And Sunny's little pep talk. _We need to_ _set an example... _he'd said. _Act like the responsible sentient beings we're supposed to be …._

What a joke, coming from him! I'd said "Who do you think you are? A bloody Simpurrian monk?? And then I'd taken off. Then Huffer had shown up, and he'd copped it.

I wondered then - what were we really at here? Were we really out to destroy the Cons? Or was there some other agenda. Something kept from the likes of me. Something only the officers knew about ...

No, I thought, I mustn't think like that! Prime and Ironhide had all of our best interests at spark, and they knew what they were doing. I shouldn't question their decisions or take it out on other people. And I shouldn't get so Primus damned angry either!

_It was Mirage,_ I thought. …. And as I helped myself to a fourth cube, I reflected upon the fact that I was jacked off and it really was all his fault. Because I didn't like getting angry and he was making me angry and, most infuriating of all, in my efforts to not take it out on him I'd hurt my friends instead and he had _no right to make me do that!_

And as the premium slid down oh so sweetly, I reflected upon the fact that he really was nothing but a stuck up, high handed, untrustworthy incompetent _fragging afthole_ who had ruined my life before, and was still doing it now.

.................

A couple of the others were here now. Sideswipe was talking to Bluestreak, and Gears and Brawn were cracking a couple over by the bar. None of them took any notice of me, and I was pleased about that. I wasn't in the mood for being sociable.

Hound, however, I would have welcomed with open arms. But, of course, there was still no Hound. Primus this was just so pathetic! I thought then that perhaps I should call it off with Hound. It was too fraggin' annoying, the way he always picked up the pieces. To Kell with "his job!" he had no idea what an afthole he was dealing with. And he didn't ever bother to listen to me – his lover, _who sure as Kell did._

I knew I was drunk, now, and I knew I should put the cubes down. Because all sorts of other stuff was creeping into my processor. Like – what was Hound _really _doing with Mirage? Was all this "comfort" scrap really just an excuse for – something else? And I thought then about what Jazz had said about Mirage "not having nobody" and the way Mirage had always seemed totally unable to do without ...

No, I thought, taking another gulp. Hound was hardly the _right stuff._ You had to be the _right stuff_ to get hitched up with an Alpha. Preferably a full caste but, if not, second best at least – a half caste like Swindle or with Simpurrian connections like Jazz. Not a grunt. And especially not a grunt from the North. No, Hound simply wouldn't make it. He wouldn't even come close.

But then, I thought with sickening conviction, neither had I been! And that hadn't stopped anything! Oh, he might not make him his partner, but it didn't stop – _other things_ from happening. And after all, Hound was not above such things. What about Trailbreaker, all sparkbroken and demoralized. Hadn't Hound been doing just that with me? What was to stop him doing it with …

Like I said, I should have stopped knocking back the premium. Because when I'm drunk, my mind kind of roves over all sorts of crazy stuff. And now I was thinking back – thinking about stuff I really didn't want to think about. About how Mirage could be – oh _just so primus damned smooth. _And I was all of a sudden thinking about the first time I met him. …

………………

It was at the Y'il Halco silennium mine, before the war. A bleak, hot, Primus forsaken hole on the equatorial plains. A place where only freaks and fools would choose to be if it wasn't for the mine.

I was there as part of a contracting team. And we'd gotten stuck there. One of Cybertron's equatorial electrical storms had blown up and the rain was coming down in sheets, and all the pits had flooded and nobody was going anywhere, and Scrapper had organized a turbo siphon operation and it had saved the selenium, but we'd all had to muck in and help connect the system.

_He'd_ been down there as well. I'd said "do you work here?" He'd turned to me then and it was the first time those brilliant blue optics had pierced right into me as they did, like they were tearing into your spark. "As a matter of fact I own this mine!" he'd said. And of course, he was only down there to save his Primus damned silennium, but at the time I'd thought it was cool, oh _so cool_, that an Alpha was "out there" with the workers. A beautiful Alpha, at that. With crystal clear white skin and perfect panels and seams …

And I'd felt like a fool. Because I should have realized he was far more than your average mine working grunt. But he'd been so gracious! He'd smiled – that intoxicating smile - and said: "What is your name? Cliffjumper! I like the sound of that. Well, Cliffjumper, you seem like a useful sort to have around in a crisis. I need a reliable point of contact here. I might just make you "it!" And his voice had that charming Towers lilt that was so infuriatingly appealing and he'd been all gleaming metal and perfect moving parts and my inner circuits had felt like they was going to cave in.

It was soon after that the "inspection visits" had started.

I took another giant swig because now I could feel things shifting around inside in a way I really didn't want them to shift around and it _fraggin annoyed me_ because I didn't want anything about him, not even thoughts of 6 million or so vorns ago, to make them do that ....

But they were doing it ...

We were in his managerial apartments and I was just gobsmacked by the enormity of them and the way no expense had been spared to transform one of the greatest pitholes on Cybertron into something which – I imagined in a state of dazed wonderment – was straight out of the Towers. It was all soft grey metal furnishings and statues and crystals and vases and urns everywhere and there was this sweet scent in the air from tailings burning. And I was so nervous but so excited and all my innerds were quivering and I was trying to act all _poised _but sure I was making a complete aft of myself and that _smell _was making me feel like I was going to bust out of my casings.

He'd put a cube in my hand and where his hand touched mine it was electric. Then he'd said in this melodious, husky voice: "relax ..." and looked at me with _those optics_. Then I'd felt all hot inside like my circuitry was melting, and like my legs might give way, and he'd steered me to the couch; and I was intaking really fast and I could feel pressure building up inside and I swear there were sparks leaping between my synapses, I half expected a spray of them to burst out and smother us. But he'd been so sweet and gentle and he'd stroked my arm with the softest touch and it had just sent all those currents roaring again. And then he'd produced these oblong capsules and said: "Do you know what these are, Cliffjumper .... ?" And they were sensory enhancers, of course, of the best quality, guaranteed to blow your spark just about out of its cavity.

But I hadn't known that. He'd murmured: "Just a little something we Alpha caste are rather partial to …" and I'd felt his lips brush my cheek. Then he'd dropped one into the cube so that it fizzed, and he'd stroked my hand as I drank and whispered into my audial : "I want this to be the best time you've ever had …" and then he'd pulled me gently around and his optics were just so, so _blue _and he'd put both arms around me and leaned over and his lips were on mine and I just …

Well there was no way I was going to be able to resist that, was there? Even without the Primus be damned enhancers…

Then the rest was hazy. But I would never forget the sensations - never - him over me, his mouth everywhere, his tongue finding places I didn't even know I had, panels sliding and connections slipping in and out, and feeling things deep inside like I'd never felt before and energy building up, up, rising, seething, like a storm about to burst. And then just when I thought I couldn't hold on any more the overloads started and it was just one after the other … on and on and on ... like breakers rolling, rising upon a crest and then thundering on to shore, on and on and on ….

And all the while that sweet scent mixed with exquisite energon vapor and the crystals shimmering and scattering cascades of pastel droplets around us as we moved …

I gripped the cube and shut my optics tight and tried to drive the images from my conscious awareness pool, but they would not go_. Primus!_ Never, ever had it been like that with anyone else before. Ever! Just one release after another, no time after each until my body screamed for the next one and again and again and again. Until I was collapsed in his arms in a heap of de-energized exhaustion and even while I was offline the scent from his alloys moved through my nostrils and the remnants of his energy moved through every part of me …

And although I never, ever, with anyone, had an experience quite like that first time with Mirage, that's not to say it wasn't always pretty damned good with him after that. Oh yes. Because the "inspections" happened regularly, and there was a frag sight more getting inspected than just the mine. And each time it was over and he'd gone back to Iacon I would be aching for the next time. And in between times it was an agony of waiting and wanting, but I'd swanned around that mine thinking I was just the _best of the best_, that I was _just so cool_ because I had all these other grunts and constructicons and delta drones and Primus knew what else around me but _none of them were fragging the boss._

I drained the cube and put it down, hearing it make a hollow sound on the metal table. Then I seethed all over again. Yes, it was good. But not so good I should have let everything else in my life go to Kell. The way I'd done that was _pitiful!_ And it had gone on and on - long after I should have left Y'il Halco and moved on, made something of my life. But no - I hovered around in that pit spawned hole for aeons and my whole life revolved around when _he_ would show up again. And it was his fault! Because he'd made me not able to think of anything except squirming underneath him in the ecstasy of those multi overloads …

And it went on until the time I turned up in Iacon. Oh, I was never supposed to do _that _...

A voice of reason told me not to, but I leaned forward and topped up the cube, not caring that a good portion of it spilled on the table. Then I took a swig and sat and looked at the orange liquid, watching the sparks, still thinking, still painfully remembering.

I'd thought I would surprise him. And I'd thought I'd been _sooo_ clever, turning up at his office in Sky City and talking some snotty femme at the reception desk into letting me through, and that he'd be _sooo_ happy to see me …

And it was all so awesome and so overwhelming up there with all those huge glass panels and the lights of Iacon spread out on a sparkling carpet far below, and I'd felt like a Ruler ....

But then - to my surprise - this yellow mech had greeted me. This incredibly good looking, cute, infuriatingly sensuous mech with purple optics whose expensive looking paint gleamed. He had looked me up and down and the cheekiest of smiles had appeared as he drawled: "Hmmn - You here on business?" And I'd ignored the amused look in his optics and gone to tell him exactly what I was there for, feeling really important ...

And then Mirage had appeared and my spark had leapt, and he'd looked mildly awkward - just for a moment - before he'd said "Ah, Cliffjumper. I see you've met my partner, Swindle...." And the look he gave me was like ice. Then I'd frozen as he'd put his arm around the yellow mech - who was just _so cute _and just one of those types who exuded arousal from every crease - and the yellow one had grinned at me and said "oh! So _this _is Cliffjumper …" and he'd given me that _I know what you're up to but I don't care he's mine look _and my spark withered inside and just felt like it went out.

I sat there still staring at the cube, still feeling acutely the pain from that dreadful episode. After that, there was a lecture. _How dare you come to Iacon?_ _Don't you ever do this again!_ And gone were the soft caresses and the silken smiles, and I had not seen see him again for a long time and I'd lived in an agony of rejection.

But it was not over! Oh, it was never really the same again - _but I'd still let him into my berth!_ It really hadn't been until after the war started and the Towers and all the stuff about Swindle going to jail that I came to my senses. Then he was gone, anyway. Presumed dead - until those Seekers started to disappear - and I joined the 'Bots.

And then there were the antics and the dramatics all through the war. All his scrap. For aeons! And now this here. _And now Hound …_

No, I cried. No, no, no, NO!

……………………………..

"CJ?" It was Sideswipe. "You OK there buddy?"

But no! Hound wasn't above it was he? I knew exactly what he was undoubtedly doing. _Right now! _Well I intended to do something about it.

Banging the cube down, I staggered up, clutching at the back of the chair. "Hey! I heard Sides say. "Take it easy ... "

"I'm all right!" I snapped. "I've just got some business to attend to …"

And somehow I managed to sound perfectly sober when I said it, so intent was I suddenly upon my mission.

And I strode off down the corridor, ignoring their gaping stares, full of furious determination, not caring that I was completely drunk, and irrational, or about any of the consequences, and not even _thinking_ of what Jazz had said ...

Because I might not be able to do anything about the damage in the past, but I sure as Kell could stop that _afthole_ from doing me _any more now …_

* * *

Kell hath no fury ...

Don't forget this is only CJ's side of things! And he's in full victim mode.

Now, however, we get some inkling of what Skywarp's in for - on all fronts. Interesting, since his behaviour in the past has been somewhat similar.

_Is_ Raj capable of love?? There's a few twists yet! Stay tuned! **A**

* * *


	16. Chapter 16 Desperation

**Forbidden Fantasies**

**By Ayngel

* * *

**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any of the characters or concepts within. I make no money from this story or any other about Transformers._

Starscream x Skywarp: This isn't sticky, but it is pretty explicit – probably about the most ambitious thing I've attempted yet in terms of smex. And, given that so many brilliant electrosex fics have been written starring both these two, it was a hard act to follow so don't be too hard on me!

_Warnings: Adult themes, course language, slash._

* * *

**Chapter 16: Desperation**

**Designation: Starscream**

**Commander, Decepticon Elite Air Command**

**.......................  
**

Walking over there, I could feel what was coming in every part of me. Every node, every circuit tingled, connection apparatus already shifting into interface mode. I could feel the flow of energon increasing, the pressure rising, and energy starting to amass like an impending tide as my core temperature escalated in waves. But my need was not just for the flooding relief which would come when I released into him. There was something more. Something I had not felt for a long, long time – and never towards him. A tenderness, a longing, and the knowledge that I also wanted him deep within my spark.

Even though I realized now this had been building for a while, I could still hardly believe it – yet I could feel it acutely. This - _he_ - was what I wanted. Not just this time, but all the time. Every day, for the rest of my life. Why had it taken me so long to realize? Then I felt a great aching in my spark and I quickened my pace because I just wanted to be over there and take him in my arms and make love to him.

When I found him hiding there behind the rocks, he looked up and his face was all stricken and full of tears and he seemed so vulnerable, I just melted. My spark surged suddenly with a great love and desire to protect him, so he wouldn't be plagued by any failing bond, or impossible fantasies, or mechs who could never love him back.

The feelings were was so strong that there were tears in my own optics.

I said: "Skywarp …" hearing the need in my own voice. But he looked up and scowled, angrily.

"Get fragged …" he said, jumping up.

* * *

**Designation: Skywarp**

**Squadron Leader, Decepticon Elite Air Command**

**.......................  
**

He had arrived, and he was right there, and there was nothing I could do about it. And he was all sensuous movement and twitching wings and his voice was all thick and husky like it got when he wanted me.

And a part of me wanted him. Had been wanting him - I admitted to myself then - ever since we got on the Nemesis. I mean - I'd had millions of vorns of wanting him, and he was no less _sexy _than he had always been. But another part of me felt, amazingly, guilty about TC. And another part was even more adamant that nothing would interfere with the thoughts I was having about Mirage - no matter how futile those may be. And yet another part was furious that Starz was even like this. I mean - how dare he be like this! After the way he'd behaved up to now.

So when he said: "It's OK, Skywarp, I understand …" even though as well as husky his voice was unusually gentle, I snarled out: "You don't understand nothing!_ Now frag off and leave me alone!_"

A school of silver fish flitted in to the grotto, then, circled us and fled away into the murky depths. But he didn't move. He took an intake and said calmly: "Yes, I do! Skywarp, I know what you've been going through. OK?"

He didn't. How could he possibly know? I sensed that whatever else was afoot I was in for another lecture, and I could not bear it. I backed away, growling: "I don't know what you're talking about!"

But he persisted. "Yes you do!" Despite the look I was giving him, he came towards me, disturbing the sandy seabed and causing a little swirl in the water around him. "Skies," he said, "I know it's not working with TC. I also know how you _think_ you feel about Mirage....." I looked away and stared at the coral and weeds among the rocks. But a finger stroked my face, and then my face was being tilted so that I had to look at him. His optics were soft. He whispered: "I know what you really want, Skies. All these fantasies - It's because you've never been able to have me. Isn't it?"

Now he was looking straight into my optics and I was forced to do the same. And he was exactly the way he'd appeared on all those other occasions like this. All beauty and good looks, strong and powerful. His perfect metallic form stood out vividly against the murky backdrop of the ocean and I felt everything stir and shift inside and then, I wanted him. Of course I wanted him! He had been having that effect on me for so long, how could he not have it now? Besides, there was a little voice nagging somewhere, telling me what he said was true.

"Skywarp," he said, "come here …"

I felt something cave in and, unable to help myself, I let him put his arms around me and draw me to him, and both of our intakes let out a sigh. I put my arms around him and leaned into him and felt the warmth from him, and there was the smell of his platinum alloys, and once more things moved inside. He stroked my head and his lips were grazing over me, and then desire swept all through me and I gave in completely, I suddenly wanted him that much. I pressed against him and tightened my arms around him and he let out another sigh and murmured "Oh Skywarp ...."

Then he was nuzzling and murmuring and his hands were stroking in places which he knew were bound to get my core temp soaring and of course they were having just that effect. He was saying: "I want this to be different. I've been thinking lately and there's things I've realized…."

I shut my optics, then and just moaned. I think I went into in a state of disbelief. I mean, how many times had I willed him to say that sort of stuff? How many times would I have left TC if he'd only said it? And I'd been so wanting it to be said for so long I couldn't remember when I'd first started wanting him to say it. And now that he was saying it, part of me was overjoyed and letting myself go willingly to him. But another part resisted so strongly it was as though a barrier was trying to put itself up between us. And there was a portion of my spark which wanted to scream out: "No, Starz. Stop! You're too late!"

I could feel the need burning in him. He said: "You and him - it's a dream, Skywarp, nothing more, believe me …"

Despite my wanting, I pulled back and I heard myself say "Starz ... please .... I' ain't sure about this ..."

* * *

**Designation: Starscream**

**Commander, Decepticon Elite Air Command**

**....................  
**

So many times I'd been with him. And yet, this time - it was different. As I held him against me I was consumed with longing. I wanted to possess him - all of him - to give him everything I had, to make him never want anything or anyone else again. The thought that he would not let me do this was unthinkable.

Around us the undersea world was tranquil and very beautiful – the colours of the coral, the gentle stirring of the weeds, and the tug of the ocean currents upon our bodies, like a gentle massage. It had an enhancing effect. I remember thinking his face and his black and purple hues were very, very beautiful and there was a sudden energy surge and need for him which came straight from my spark.

I wanted him so much and I pulled him back to me and kissed him then, feeling quite desperate, struggling not to appear as hungry as I felt, touching his face and aware for the first time of just how exquisitely lovely his mouth was – almost as though I were exploring it for the first time. And probing its depths and feeling him stiffen against me, I was unable to stem the searing need which erupted in every part of me.

I still sensed resistance and so I seized his hands and pushed him backwards so I had him pinned down against the nearby rocks. but gently. I kissed him again, probing harder, bringing as much of him into contact with as much of me as I could, wanting him even more from the feel of him next to me like that, feeling myself heat, feeling all my systems augment and increase their capacity. I felt connectors and ports and gears shift in readiness - more than readiness - as I heard myself moan, wantonly, as I kissed him ever deeper, feeling his hands clasp mine, feeling his surfaces grind against mine, the touch of each new one generating a fresh layer of buildup and promise of release like never before ....

* * *

**Designation: Skywarp**

**Squadron Leader, Decepticon Elite Air Command**

**......................  
**

Yeah, I was responding. I mean – of course I was! He'd always turned me on like crazy at the best of times and now – _this _– well, he had never kissed me like that. The only person who ever kissed me as deeply as that was TC and that was not really since the early days. It felt like things were waking up and blossoming inside.

Somewhere back in the recesses of my awareness pool a voice was telling me that it was not all him. That it was coming from some other desperate place - because I was in love - not with him, but with the one I could not have, and would never have. And that thought was so sad and painful that my spark lurched and it made me clutch harder at Starz, and desire surged, and now I wanted to be fragged by him. Fragged so hard it would take all thoughts of anything else away for ever.

He let go my hands and I felt him stroking my cheek again, then they brushed my intakes and then were tracing the lightest of paths along my wing seams, which were just so sensitive. His mouth was still roving over mine and now I really needed him. I cupped at his face with both hands and started to kiss him back, hungrily, and our tongues met and I twined mine around his and kissed him like I could suck his very spark out of its cavity. Energon surged through all my conduits and my hands traveled down and clutched at him and I cried out and pulled him to me, feeling his hands ghost over my panels, feeling another flare of heat and a rush of energon to my wings.

They stiffened, and I sensed his do the same and now I wanted him with a desperation which I knew would not go away until he'd given me every bit of him.

* * *

**Designation: Starscream**

**Commander, Decepticon Elite Air Command**

**......................  
**

I sensed his excitement and own rising need, and it was like having hot steel poured into all my conduits. I felt his body shudder underneath me and mine did the same. And I wanted to look at him; to see how much he wanted this, so I eased back, forcing our bodies to separate as I looked down at him, my intakes rasping as I lost control of their rhythmn. he was heaving, and his face wore a look of complete abandonment, of craving, and he made little noises as he arched and reached up towards me and mouthed my name, and he grabbed me and slammed me back to him again, fastening my lips on to his afresh. I felt his hands reach down to my thighs and then they were all over my lower regions and I seized his wing edges, and he was so hot, and all his surfaces were throbbing so deliciously against mine that more control evaporated and I felt my connector and interface cable stiffen and detach and fall loose.

He felt it too. He let out a low growl and then I felt his connector against me and he was clutching and grinding up against me and our interfacing equipment was strained against each others.

Fish flitted everywhere as our ports and jacks and cables slid around and rubbed against each other. Our hands clasped again and we moved in time with the ocean currents looking at the entwining connections for a few moments, in a state of turned on near ecstasy, and then we were both looking into each others optics and gasping at the sensations and the heat and the sheer volume of energy which was building. We both wanted connection and release so badly we could hardly stop ourselves from it happening, but those moments before we let it happen were just so agonizingly exquisite that we hung on.

And normally I would have kept him wanting it like that whilst I let the energy in both of us build up to screaming pitch. But today I could not wait. My whole body started to ache and throb with need and I just wanted us to be inside each other and I felt it in my spark again, it lurched and twisted, the desire for this suddenly so strong that I cried out in pain, just as he said: "oh Primus Starsz, I have to frag …" and he had reached down and had hold of my connector, and, throbbing everywhere, I gritted my plates and said "are you still "not sure" about this …?" and he said "oh please Starz, just do me will you?" and then I wanted to do him, oh yes, I wanted to do him so badly, and it wasn't going to wait any longer.

* * *

**Designation: Skywarp**

**Squadron Leader, Decepticon Elite Air Command**

**......................  
**

Now I had to have him just _frag the life out of me_ and I rammed the connector in. Hard. he gave a sharp intake and moaned and now I desperately needed him to do the same. All thoughts of anything or anyone else were out of my processor. I basked in the relief from the torment I'd been having as he grabbed mine and it slid in more smoothly, but with equal force.

Then I could feel myself deep inside him, and him in me, and we ground against each other, and before I could stop myself I let a flood of data out about just how much I wanted to have him frag me into the ground and he sent stuff back to the effect that he wanted to do just that, and then I couldn't help it, a small pulse of energy escaped against my will and he gasped and stiffened, and I gritted my plates because I knew we were both very close to letting the whole lot go and now I wanted this to last a bit longer.

He said "Steady .... _steady _....Oh Primus, Skywarp, _I want you_ ..."

I felt him pull back a little, then felt his desperate need came flooding back as he shoved data which was nothing but sheer want hard into me, and I grabbed at his wings as they flared and cried out and then we were kissing again as we slammed harder against each other, pushing the connections in deep, oh so deep as we forced ourselves closer to each other …..

And I couldn't hold on much longer now …. neither of us could ....

* * *

**Designation: Starscream**

**Commander, Decepticon Elite Air Command**

**...................  
**

Now I could feel how much he needed a release, and I wanted the same. I wanted us both to release every bit of energy we had, so there was nothing left unsatisfied. I moved back over the top of him then, covering him and grinding hard and he was straining up into me, and one of his legs wrapped around mine. His wings were stiff and quivering and flared hard and he grabbed at my wing edges and intakes and tried to force himself back up but I pinned him and dug harder and pressed harder and I could feel the energon pulsing through my systems at high pressure and everything getting just so hot; then my wings were buzzing with the flow and I felt them flare more forcefully than I ever remembered and I drove even harder into him.

His hands were clutching at me and I grabbed them and pinned them next to his intakes, and he pushed back and now I could feel the massive buildup of energy in him and that his systems were approaching critical levels, and that it could not wait long and I screamed out, and I think I was more turned on than I had ever had been in my life.

I had never taken him so thoroughly. Through the connection, he put across something like "it isn't hard enough. Do it harder. Really do it Starz …" and that was just like the final wire. I heard myself let out a guttural noise and I bore down, feeling our pelvises and the top of our thighs together and the connections throbbing really deep. And that was when it seemed as though my body took on a life of its own and increased the connection speed and he shuddered and whimpered and I felt his own systems surge.

I didn't feel like I could possibly build up any more. But it was just then, when every system was at busting point, that something else happened; that suddenly I was feeling the energy deep in my spark as well, burning. And it was as though a whole new force had come in from somewhere else and was sweeping through every circuit, and I know I suddenly _felt _for him, painfully, wonderfully,and I started transmitting things through the connection, things I'd never said before like "you're beautiful and you're mine, mine, mine .... _and I love you_ …"

And I meant it ....

And then release was upon me and I could not hold it back any longer and it felt like a great hot cloud just invaded the whole of me and I was blown away into the depths and green and swirling waters around ....

* * *

**Designation: Skywarp**

**Squadron Leader, Decepticon Elite Air Command**

**.......................  
**

The energy which came off him and ran through me was like nothing I had ever had from him before. And right up until it happened, I was right there with him and as far as I was aware I was going to experience exactly what he did and we'd both relish the immense pleasure that was going to bring. .And yet, even though the sense of relief when all that pent up energy exploded out was overwhelming, it felt like there was something missing. Like he got something out of it I didn't. And the strangest thing was - I felt kind of guilty that I hadn't – so I made a whole heap of noises and transmitted stuff down the connection which I imagined would signal to him that it had.

He was collapsed on top of me, intakes heaving, saying "I love you, you know ..." and I could sense rising emotion in him and I didn't know what to say or think. I thought of all the times we'd done this and it was usually me that felt all like this and then he would just get up and walk away. Now it was him that felt like this I actually felt sorry for him and like he really wasn't so bad after all and I did still love him very much, but somehow it was not in the same sort of way I always thought I'd loved him.

Then he'd caught his breath but he was crying and now I really could not believe this. It had entered new realms of impossibility. And it was really quite upsetting, in a way which made me feel all desolate and helpless. I moved him gently and then I was cradling him and he was saying "Don't leave me, Skywarp. TC I can cope with but not him, Skywarp, it's different and _I can't stand it_, _ not Mirage_ ..."

There wasn't any point in trying to make out I didn't know what he was talking about. And part of me felt all sad but now another part was starting to get annoyed and yet another was telling me this was just _so fraggin' ridiculous!_ But then I despaired and I was crying as well, but I know it wasn't for the same reasons he was. I was saying "well I'm not going to, am I? He doesn't want me, Starz. He couldn't possibly. Not after what happened"

He didn't answer that. Instead he was shaking me, looking into my optics, saying "Skywarp please, _please_ promise me you'll never go after him again. Listen to me! If you do you'll never have this again! He'll twist your mind and your circuits in a way they've never been twisted before and _you'll be nothing_! Believe me, I know!"

Pushing him away, I wailed "Don't make me promise _that_ Starz ... How can I promise _that_?"

He grabbed my hands and he was trembling, and his optics burned as if with a fever. His voice shook and his voice went into as low growl. He said: "I was never going to tell you this, but I'm going to tell you it now! I had him Skywarp! In Mordac. And he was a willing participant! _Anyone can have him_..."

And then I seethed because of all the things in the Universe he could have said, that was the _last fragging thing I wanted to hear_ and more than that something told me it was _utter pitspawn._ And as the words registered I so didn't want it to be true, and now I lost all feelings and sympathy for him, in fact, I hated him! And up rose the old familiar sensation of being nothing but an object to be used by him. Except that this time it made me angry. _Furious._ And not all sick and helpless like usual. And I felt my fists clenched, and how I managed not to floor him I do not know.

I yelled: "You fraggin' liar!" Was all this just to tell me _that_!"

He said "Skywarp, listen ..."

But I wasn't having it, I shoved him away and I pointed at him and yelled "No! You listen, afthole! _Don't ever come near me again_!"

And he was still crying, quite hysterically. But then his face changed and his optics flared bright crimson and he screamed : "All right! Persist in your ridiculous fragging fantasies! When he breaks your spark in two, you will come screaming back to me, Skywarp, I swear it! _You mark my words_ ...."

And then I really would have hit him, and I could not listen to any more and so I left him standing there and stormed off in the direction of the base, fish fleeing before me as I went. And I was crying tears of blinding rage and utter despair, and all I could think of was how I was going to see Megatron and tell him I just wanted out, back to Cybertron, put me in charge of some nonsense squadron back here – Thrust's mob – _anything ...  
_

Because anything was better than having to put up with him, and TC and – worst of all - my the unbearable and unrequited love I knew now that I had for Mirage.

............................................

_So we have - the spurned and rejected Cliffjumper and now the spurned and rejected Screamer! Let's see what CJ does about it, next up_


	17. Chapter 17 Going Under

**== Forbidden Fantasies ==  
**

**By Ayngel

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**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any of the characters or concepts within. I make no money from this story or any other about Transformers.

* * *

_

_**In this episode**_: Bluestreak gets asked _the question_ by Sunny; Prime and Ironhide and Prowl play good cop/bad cop; Ironhide tries to break Mirage; Mirage starting to spark bond with Skywarp; Mirage "loses it"; Prime feels all bad ..... etc etc

Debated whether to put the Bluestreak part in here but it links strongly with the next chapter, so decided to.

Just to remind everyone that this whole story and its prequels and sequels to come is really very much inspired by the Traitor episode, which I always saw as not an isolated incident but a continuum of various dynamics. Cliffjumper obviously had his own motivations for bad feelings towards Mirage – and you will know what those are if you have read Chapter 15! But in fact, the sort of episode which takes place in this chapter had been going on for a long time as Mirage – despite detesting the Cons – was never greatly enamored of the Autobots either and did not joining forces with them until well after the start of the war, operating for a long time alone and then as part of the Neutral Resistance. Hence the Bots were never completely comfortable with him, which led to this sort of exchange with the stalwarts, and it had made him all the more bitter.

And very vulnerable. And all the more likely to fall for somebody who – he imagined – understood him.

Ironhide's ingrained prejudices towards the Alpha Caste and Prowl's insecurity over his bond with Jazz are big factors in this too. Note that Prowl and Ironhide wanted to interview Mirage alone but Prime insisted on being present – which was just as well.

Thank you reviewers and commentators - it keeps me going! This was a difficult chapter to write, for a number of reasons. Let me know what you think!!

* * *

_Warnings: Adult themes, course language, implied slash.

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_

** Chapter 17: Going Under  


* * *

  
**

**Designation: Bluestreak**

**Gunner, Autobot Earth Contingent**

**..........................  
**

Sunny and I lay there sprawled on his berth, still entwined. He was still heaving from the overload and I was still heaving from the amazingness of it.

We'd been on patrol every day since the battle and every day we'd done this when we got in. Today we hadn't even bothered showering! He just threw me down and then he was on top of me and then he shoved his_ huge_ jack in as hard as he could. I felt like I was going to split in two – but it was incredible. Then he dumped all this power down the connection, then he overloaded real forcefully and all this energy came down the connection. It fairly made my circuits crackle.

I mean, I didn't overload. Which was a bit frustrating. But it didn't matter, it was still the best. It wouldn't have mattered what happened. It was just so incredible because it was – well - _him!_

Then as we lay there and I wondered at how lucky I was, he said – in his amazing, sexy deep voice - "I've been thinking, Blue. I've been in a weird space lately. I'm sorry about it …"

He apologized to me! And I wasn't even sure what for! But it didn't matter. It was just amazing that he did. Me! A mere gunner. A nobody! _He apologized …_

I said: "Well that's OK Sunny – er – don't even mention it!"

He pulled me across to him and I lay on his shoulder and he put his arm around me. "I've been thinkin' more than that, Blue …," he stroked my head. "I want to make this public. I want us to be… _an item."_

I could not believe my audials! This couldn't be happening to me! My spark leapt at the prospect. And then I felt that twinge in my circuits again from not having an overload and I remembered Mirage.

Who I _always _had overloads with.

What would he say if he knew all the while this had been going on with Sunny? I thought again how Alphas weren't supposed to mind too much if their berth buddies fragged other people but – well – what if he _did?_ More to the point, what if he came out and said something like this himself? He was so much better at interfacing than Sunny. I felt guilty, thinking that, but it was true. And it would be even more of an honour, getting asked to hitch up with an Alpha …

But Mirage wouldn't ask it. That was the thing. _Never_! And Sunny had!

Sunny was stroking me and I could feel his lips on my helm, nuzzling me lightly. He was murmuring. "I really can't be bothered with all this playing around rubbish. And I'm sick of mechs just wanting me for one thing. I want you to help me change that.,,,"

I thought how some mechs might not think it was as good as it was cracked up to be, and although I felt guilty again for thinking it, it did run through my processor whether I could get away with saying 'yes' to this and still screwing Mirage. But I decided against it. Something told me that Sunny would_ definitely_ not like that. And if he found out then he could probably do more damage ….

So I snuggled into Sunny and said "Of course! I'd love to be with you!"

It was a pity about Mirage. But then, you had to take up a good offer when you got one. Besides, Mirage could have anyone he liked …

Sunny moved over me then and looked into my optics with his golden ones and stroked my face and kissed me very deeply - and more gently than usual - in a way which made my circuits squeal again. I hoped we were in for a repeat performance because I was sure this time around I wouldn't have any trouble getting there _even if he did just bung it in_ ….

But it wasn't happening. His com crackled. .:: Prowl to Sunstreaker! We believe we have detected a Decepticon leaving their base tower. Check it out please and report to Jazz ...::.

We both looked at each other and laughed at the same time, then he smiled and kissed me lightly. "Never mind," he said, "there'll be plenty of time later ..."

Sitting up, and tucking the mighty cable away, he said: "Hey – when we get back, let's go to the rec room shall we? Have a few and make some of those losers aware of the situation?"

That sounded like an _excellent_ idea! "Yeah, right on!" I said.

I would just have to somehow tell Mirage later …

* * *

**Designation: Mirage**

**Autobot Intelligence Officer**

**.........................  
**

_"When the war started, and the Towers had gone, I used to creep among the Seeker squadrons as they recharged and kill them one by one. _

_I could do this most effectively - and without leaving a mark upon them - before vanishing without a trace. I took great care, however, to always leave two indications of my identity. Firstly, the De Ligier Alpha crest emblazoned on their wings and, secondly, a number. _

_Then I would visit the ones I left alive and leave a series of numbers consecutive to those on the wings of the dead. That way they all knew two things. Who had killed them. And who would be the next to die …."_

I read the passage for the third time. It was part of the briefing summary I had provided to Optimus Prime when I first joined the Autobots, and I thought of how arrogant I had been about it at the time, because the terrorizing of the pride of their army had so incapacitated the Decepticons, and I imagined that not one of the Autobots could have achieved anything like it, and that Prime was deeply impressed. And, because of that, I also surmised that they would be forced to bestow some considerable respect. Besides, the events had given me much satisfaction …

Now, I read it again, and thought of how wrong I had been about the respect, and thought of Skywarp, I winced. My chest started to burn and I could feel one of the Spark spasms which I had been having for the last two days coming on. I put the data pad down and lay on my side and curled into a ball, hugging my arms tight across my chest. An image of the Seeker was suddenly right with me and I cried out as the wave swept through me, agonizing in its intensity. It left, as always, an empty chasm in its wake.

Then everything ached, and tears were coming out of my optics as I remembered his soft metals, and the sweetness of his touch, and the crimson optics with the rim around them, just like mine. _He had apologized to me_. And I thought of his face when he did that, all stricken and afraid I wouldn't accept it. And how he'd left but said he'd still love me even if I hated him..

Well I didn't hate him! Nor did he have to apologize. Far from it – it was _me_ who should be saying sorry to _him_! Did he even _know_ what I used to do? Know how many of his kind I destroyed? I was certain that if he did that regardless of the practical impossibilities of an association between us here, the gulf between us would be too great. Surely I could not make amends for something like that.

I hugged myself and cried for this thing I wanted so much now, but could not have.

……………………..

I uncurled myself and sat up on the edge berth, my arms still folded tightly, my Spark still throbbing with a dull agony. I hated Megatron then. For starting this wretched war in the first place. And I despised Optimus Prime, for his foolish sibling affections and containment policies and for failing so absolutely to put an end to it, and I despised the rest of the Autobots for going along with it. And I hated Soundwave, for his treachery, and Starscream for pushing Skywarp into doing this thing he hadn't wanted to do.

But, more than that, I hated myself for my own part in the whole fiasco. For my pathetic weakness with Swindle, and for my lack of strength in the negotiations, for my absolute failure to stand up to the rest of the Alpha caste and for allowing all that I had to be taken from me.

The Cat was right. I was pitiful.

And most of all. I hated myself for the vengeance which I had exacted so cruelly without even thinking whether I'd got the target right.

………………………..

On about the third day of being _like that_, I got called again to Prime's office. I felt weak and exhausted. I was almost devoid of recharge and I had not energized properly since the last meeting with him. I had never made it to the rec room afterwards, and instead had spent two days agonizing, and refusing all visitations, even from Hound. Now I did not feel like moving off the berth, nor did I feel well disposed towards the Autobots, and so the summons was most unwelcome.

I looked at my drawn face in the mirror and my black flecked optics and seriously considered sending word that I was ill. But that would mean the medbay. And, worse, it would mean _Ratchet _and the medbay. So I forced some Super Nutrient Concentrate down my throat, smeared some wax in the creases, and shoved in some optic drops. Then, for the final touch, I applied some Cybertronian cobalt tint and, taking a deep intake, headed off in the direction of The Leader's office.

As I traipsed along, feeling cold and shut down, my footsteps echoing off the walls with a hollow ring, I thought that I could not stand to hear Prime's usual comments: _I just need you to know how grateful I am to you, Mirage, for your continued services …. You know I value your talents very highly .... what a selfless contribution you've made to the Cause ... how much we appreciate it…._ _Etcetera, etcetera._

It was such rubbish! Nobody even thought it except him! The expressions of certain others when he came out with it said it all.

As I neared the door, I thought that perhaps I might just tell him what I thought of this whole ludicrous situation, and to Kell with the consequences. Then I would figure out a way of leaving Earth and getting and back to Cybertron. Somehow.

Perhaps I could not have the Seeker, but I could have my dignity and my freedom.

* * *

When I got there, Prime was waiting. But he was not alone. And one look at Ironhide standing there, feet braced, arms folded, a frown on his face, told me exactly what this was going to be like. Beside him, gleaming, was Prowl, all black and white, the crimson crest on his helm shining like a beacon. His door wings twitched with importance as he regarded me with a superior optic. He looked, as always, as though he would be grateful to Primus for all eternity for providing a glorious pathway to the hallowed realms of law enforcement.

The Great Leader and his captains, the upholders of truth and goodness! The veteran warrior and the one who let no spark deviate from the righteous path. Well it must be time to make sure the recalcitrant and uncooperative Alphamech knew his place. Just in case his superior programming were giving him _ideas_. I thought: _here we go … _and my Spark sank.

As I came in, Prime stood up and said "Ah, Mirage …" and smiled amiably. His blue optics shone, his kindly face radiated goodliness and understanding. It generally did – and it usually had a most soporific effect. You could start out furious but a few of those smiles and you'd think he was really amazing. It was like a spell! And I had watched the Bots succumb to it absolutely for aeons.

Today, I steeled myself. Suppressing the sick feeling in my chamber and the dull ache in my Spark, and drawing energy from my very deepest reserves I determined not to succumb to it. Or leave here without speaking my mind.

The other two did not smile. They didn't even look at me! Prime ignored them. "Have a seat ..." he said, and he gestured to a chair opposite his own. "Sorry to call you at such short notice. This shouldn't take long ..."

Without a word, the other two drew up chairs to either side of his, and my spark sank lower still. This was their "interview configuration."

Prime sat down in the large chair, the others taking their places next to him. I thought Prime looked slightly uncomfortable. I got the impression - as I had before when in these situations - that he would rather not be there, and that this had not been his idea. He cleared his throat. "Errm - about the other day ..." he said.

I felt three sets of optics upon me but I took care to look only at his. Now I smiled at him and - determined to appear completely unfazed by this ridiculous set up - said. "How can I help?"

The others shifted, Ironhide settling back and fixing me with a look of steel, whilst Prowl had that pompous, _puffed up_ look. Prime smiled, grimly and looked down, his large fingers drumming on the arm of the chair. "I – er - refrained from asking for details about what actually happened Mirage....," he looked at me again. "Now – for the records - I need to know," he said. "Could you please give us an - er - more detailed account of what transpired when you left the scene of the battle …"

They were all staring, and a ripple ran through my circuits. So they were suspicious! Why? Had somebody seen me with Skywarp?

I didn't think so. All of the 'Bots were either at the battle or fixing Prime on the Ark, and I'd been some distance away by then. No – I thought – it wasn't that? It was more that they were _always _suspicious! I didn't have to say _anything _about being rescued by a 'Con to bring that on! They continually mistook my apathy towards them for a wavering of my allegiance and harboured all sorts of theories about what I might or might not be up to. As usual, I felt a sharp twang of anger at how ludicrous it was. But now was not the time to go into that again. I had to think fast.

Prime was looking at me intensely. Ironhide shifted and folded his arms, and Prowl stiffened. For a brief moment, I relished the idea of telling the truth, imagining the expressions on their faces when they were presented with a real encounter with a Decepticon, instead of their pathetic imaginings. And they could not really say I had done anything wrong, could they? Just deployed a slightly – novel – method of avoiding the enemy. Would not the Prime – who claimed to be so "disappointed " that Seekers had turned out to be so "bad" - be pleased that one had suddenly – apparently – developed such a goodly streak? Certainly it would help justify Ratchet's actions in helping him later.

The silence was suddenly intense. I was aware of Prowl's wings twitching and Ironhide's arms refolding again. And I thought _of course I_ _can't tell them!_ Imagine, if I told them? The resulting questioning would be akin to the Simpurrian Inquisition! And then what would they do? Well, it would be the _great sign_ they had been waiting for, wouldn't it? The unmitigated proof that I was _not to be trusted._ Maybe even that I was _one of them._ They would confiscate the electro disruptor, and confine me to the Ark, and watch me like a turbohawk night and day. If they allowed me to stay activated, that was

Of course I couldn't _tell_ them!

No, I would stick to my story. They had nothing on me, and the truth was immaterial, anyway, wasn't it? I was back here at the base. With them. Wearing their insignia, having just done more damage to their enemies than most of them put together. I'd upheld their principles. I'd even put myself through Kell to rescue that damned human! What did it matter how I got back?

And it wasn't as though anything further was going to come of it …

An image of the Seeker flashed through my processor, then, and my spark spasmed, but I stayed in control. Prime shifted in his chair. Looking up and straight into his optics I said, as smoothly as possible: "You've seen my report. Ravage attacked the human, then pursued me. I had reason to believe Soundwave was behind it. Fortunately, there was a road nearby and I transformed and evaded Ravage. ….I wasn't in the mood for being kitty fodder …" Prime made a slight noise and Ironhide grunted, but there was not an utterance from Prowl.

Prime regarded me, his optics very blue. "Yes indeed," he said, "I've read your account. …" I was aware of the other two exchanging glances and Ironhide's arms unfolding and him shifting restlessly. Prime smiled again. "A very good report! But there is just a slight problem though, Mirage……" .

Ironhide sat up then and cut him off, unable to contain himself any longer.. "There sure is!" he snapped, his optics boring into me. He looked at Prime, as though needing a signal to continue. Prime hesitated for a moment and then nodded. Ironhide turned back to me. "This – _road! _Where is it, exactly?"

I wasn't sure where this was going. But I figured I was on safe ground as it was such a large area. So I simply said: "In the area between the battle and the Ark, of course!"

"We know that!" Prowl spoke up now. "But can you give us its precise coordinates?" He had that clinical, sanctimonious voice. The one he had when he arrested me for the mood enhancers.

I thought _what a stupid question_! Under the circumstances, I mean. Nobody running for their life would bother cataloguing such details! Well – not unless they had an inbuilt ordinance register – which I didn't – or were meticulous to the point of stupidity! I looked at his impeccably white face with the dark blue, almost black optics and, trying, not to show just how silly I thought he was, I said "No. I can't" I said. "I was in something of a hurry to get out of the situation."

Prowl's face was expressionless. "You should have. It's in the regulations!" he said haughtily.

I thought of the regulations. I have always made it my business to have a good grasp of legislation. Unfortunately for him, I recalled one provision rather well. "Not if you look at section four two six subsection ten of the Self Preservation Provisions." I said. "I think you'll find it removes the need for somebody saving their own skin to create concrete evidence of it."

Prime smiled, then, and looked at his hands, but Ironhide and Prowl looked absolutely furious. "Really?" Ironhide snarled.

"Yes, I said, giving him the coldest and bluest stare I could muster. "_Really_."

Prime sat back now, his chin in his hand, thoughtful. Ironhide was glaring at me, his optics like daggers. Prowl stirred. He got up and went over to a table nearby, where he picked up a half drained cube. Taking a sip, he paused and regarded me coolly. "Nevertheless, your lack of procedure is a pity, Mirage!" he said. "Because - you see - one of our field scouts went all over the area and couldn't find any trace of this _road_ you describe ...plus …"

He came and sat back down again, trying to look me straight in the optics. I avoided his. "Teletran 1's human map analysis has not revealed the presence of any charted roads!"

I felt the old familiar anger rising within. Why did he have to question every move I made? And he'd checked up already! _Already!_ Thoughts of Jazz popped into my consciousness and I remembered that, in his case, there were reasons besides just lack of trust. But, given that, he ought to be more bloody professional! _What in Kell did Jazz see in him?_ Primus help me, I would never know. And why did Prime – who banged on so about my "valuableness" - just sit there and let him carry on like this?

And, of course, as for the "_scout"_ no prizes for guessing who that would be! I felt my circuits burn, and I know that that was when it first occurred to me that I was sick of that little red punk – whatever his misguided motives - and that when I next saw him he would get a piece of my mind.

Well now I was determined I wasn't damned well telling them anything! Other than what would get me out of this blasted room as soon as possible and back to the comfort of my berth.

But I kept my cool. I said: "We have already surmised that human maps do not cover every track in remote areas. The area in question is very large. I would have thought it would have been remarkably difficult to cover sufficient of it so as to draw such a conclusion ......"

"Yes, fair enough …" Prime's optics were still upon me, and he regarded me not unpleasantly. I got the impression he was happy to leave it at that, and felt a twinge of relief. But not for long.

"That's beside the point!" Ironhide snarled, sitting up. He, of course, could not possibly leave it at that! And neither could Prowl. "Yes!" said the black and white one. "The scout in question managed to cover quite enough of it to form an opinion!" It occurred to me that his failure to get me into stasis lock over that must have been a terrible blow and that maybe he thought If he could find something here – anything - it would make up for it.

"The scout reported that it was impossible to cover the distance you did in the time you allegedly did it!"

Prime's optics were still upon me and he now leant on the arm of his chair, chin in hand, as though in thought. Looking straight at Prowl, I said "And does _the scout_ have speeds of up to four hundred miles per hour and a turbo?"

Ironhide's optics narrowed. "Don't get smart with us, Mirage!"

I was angry now. I snapped: "It's a perfectly reasonable answer! You know as well as I do that none of your lot have my capabilities on the flat! Of course the Scout you mention couldn't do the distance in such a time."

A sneering smile appeared on Prowl's face. _"Your lot!" _he said. "Very apt. Thank you Mirage!"

"Yeah!" Ironhide grunted "'bout says it all I reckon…" and I glared at both of them. "And what's that supposed to mean?" I snarled. Summoning my strength, I gave each of them in turn a cold blue stare. "That's the real issue isn't it? My - _trustworthiness._ The rest of this is bullshit!" I was starting to feel sick again now and my Spark ached.

Prime now sat forward. He glanced from side to side at the others and then at me again. "Now look!" he said. "Let's try and keep this objective everyone, shall we?" Ironhide darkened. His hands were together and I could see his fingers tighten. Prowl looked away, taking another sip from the cube. His optics glinted dangerously.

Prime looked at me. Now Mirage – I can see you're not feeling the best but we can make this much easier if you could just cooperate a little .." …"

"_Cooperate?" _I exploded "What is there to cooperate over? So far this has been a nonsense!" I turned to Ironhide. "Why don't you just make your point? What did you think was I doing?" Plotting my glorious defection? Divulging the plans of the Ark, maybe? Planning the next devilish strategy with Megatron? Why don't you just come out and bloody well say it?"

_Put up or shut up_ I thought. If they'd seen me then I'd rather know so I could work out how to deal with it. If not, they had nothing, and they could damned well leave me alone.

They were all silent. Then Prime was looking at me again, he said: "Look – it's not that we doubt you, Mirage … but we all know how you are capable of being among us without us _knowing_ … also your aversion to the documentation of your activities. Unfortunately on some occasions it is necessary – and, of course, it is always most useful to have your perspective …. from that _state_ …"

So that was it! They thought I hadn't really left the scene of the fight! The old hocus pocus that I was there, somewhere, creeping around. Well did I really have to spell it out again?

Feeling weak from the emotional energy I'd just put into my little outburst, and annoyed with myself that it had occurred, I said wearily: "The Trion protocols prohibit the use of the Disruptor other than in a protective capacity …"

Now the other two sat back and allowed Prime to do the talking, although their optics were still upon me. "Indeed, Mirage, I'm aware of the Protocols," said Prime. "But we know from the past that there are no adverse consequences from you breaking those protocols, and I'm also aware that you've been under stress here ..." his optics lowered, his voice tapering off. He looked at me again, and smiled. "well - if you_ were_ there - it would be very helpful to have an account of your observations – for the record …"

I leaned forward. "_I wasn't there!_" I said. _Watch my lips! _ I felt like saying.

"Of course not!" piped up Prowl. "You were on this mythical road!" and Ironhide grunted.

And now, I saw this for what it was. Prime just plain thought I was there, and lying. But the other two – it was worse. Not only did they not believe me, they had been trying to force me into a situation where I was _forced to admit_ I'd hung around. And then my dishonesty would be beyond question and - Oh Primus forbid - it would give them an excuse to confiscate the Disruptor.

And I realized, feeling sicker, that Prime had gone along with the line of questioning – _just in case_ …

And now, I despaired. Anger at the injustice of it raged through me. And I saw the hopelessness of my situation on Earth, as though emblazoned in crystal, and, worse, the sure fire fact that nothing was going to change –in fact – if they took away the only thing which gave me some validity here – it could only get a whole lot worse ....

Prime was still talking. "Look - it doesn't worry us in this room," he was saying, "but it fazes the troops. Now if you _were_ there it would be much better if you just said so. Mirage, and then we can just get this whole thing sorted out and we can work out some protocols for your future conduct. …"

I wasn't listening to him. I rounded on Prowl, on my feet now. "I wasn't fucking there!" I yelled.

Now he was on his feet. "According to _you_ ..."

"What possible motive would I have for staying hidden - a_fter the battle ended_?"

Ironhide was up now, too "Hey!" he snarled. "You are way out of order!"

I turned to him. "Fuck you!"

Ironhide made a move towards me, but Prime was on his feet then too. "All of you!" he thundered. "Enough!"

There was silence, other than the sound of intakes hissing. It took a lot to rile Prime up, but once it had happened, people generally stopped doing whatever had caused the riling. He addressed me: "Mirage, I simply will not tolerate the use of human obscenities aboard the Ark!" He looked to either side of him. "And you two will tone it down a bit! You know who you are all starting to sound like …"

And, of course, the one thing he _could not stand_ was when his officers started behaving like Decepticons. And I knew we were coming perilously close to what he considered to be that.

But Ironhide and Prowl were still glaring at me and I was riled myself now. "You're not having it!" I hissed at them.

I heard Prime say something like "Mirage, nobody's trying to …" but Ironhide cut in.

"You will comply with whatever is deemed best for the security of this base!"

That was it. I lost it again. "This is pitspawn!" I yelled. And before I could stop it everything I had wanted to say for so long was spewing forth. "I've stuck with your lot, haven't I?" I bawled. "You fucked up Cybertron, you started a regime which couldn't possibly work, and then when you didn't give your brother what he wanted, he started a fucking war and you did nothing about it! You sat there and watched my Caste get destroyed, and then you _expected me to help you_ ..." I turned to Ironhide, "and yes I do say _your lot _because I'm an Alpha and _I will never be one of you …" _

Ironhide flexed, and a look of grim satisfaction came over him. "Oh by Primus!" he said. "You are in so much trouble now!" He and Prowl made a move forward. But Prime's arms reached to either side and restrained them.

"Mirage …All right, we believe you." Prime was saying. There was a look of horror and sadness on his face now and his blue optics blazed in genuine concern. But I was too wound up now to take it in.

"How many Cons have I wiped out?" I roared at Ironhide. "How many times have I put myself on the line? I did it all because I thought that somehow you could get rid of Megatron and put an end to this madness, but you haven't, and now you're not going to, but you still want me to help you, _and now you want to take off me the only thing I've got left!"_

Images of wings and of the other thing I could not have because of this war were strongly with me then, and my Spark burned. My chamber churned, and I could hear the energon flowing through my head conduits. I whispered at Ironhide "All you've ever done is castigate and demoralize me!" and then I turned to Prime. "Now I've told you what happened," I said. "I have nothing else to say ..." and my voice suddenly sounded far away and wavery.

Ironhide's optics were still like embers. On the other side of Prime, Prowl turned away. Prime was now looking at me with an expression of great sadness. I whispered: "Prime, I am through with the Autobots! I'm sorry! I want you to find a way to get me off this rock and back to Cybertron. I don't belong here, I don't belong with you … I think from what has happened here, _this is obvious_ …"

And then my spark was aching, and tears were rising forcefully, and it was all too much. I turned and headed out, and as the door opened I heard Ironhide grunt and Prime say: "Leave him …let him go, Hide …" and Ironhide say: "But Prime …!" and then I was out of there.

…………………………

Feeling weak and wretched and in pain, I hurried to my quarters. And then I sat down and typed a transmission, and as I did so the tears streamed freely from my optics.

_Skywarp_

_I responded poorly in my previous transmission. Please forgive me. My situation here is very difficult and you are supposed to be my enemy, and it has been hard for me._

_I now do not think you are my enemy. By what you did I can only surmise that you care for me very deeply and that moves me and I appreciate it more deeply than you can ever imagine._

_And I do not hold you responsible for the destruction of the Towers, or for any of the other Alpha Districts. You were under orders, and I had already failed in my duty to protect those places, in any event, as had the Autobots. In all of that, and in every way you have ever felt to blame, I forgive you absolutely._

_More it concerns me that you have this love for me, and yet you do not really know me. Do you know how ruthless I can be, and how unfeeling? Do you know that it was me who wiped out many of your kind in the early stages of the war? And, now that you know that, do you still feel the same way?_

_I pray that now you know the truth you forgive the past. If not, then I understand, and I want you to know I appreciate deeply everything you have done._

_I hate this war. I hate the factions that started it, and I despise all those who have perpetuated the misery. I still entertain this faint hope that one day Cybertron may be great again, under different fortune, and I intend somehow to return there. If after what you now know you still feel the same way, then know that I would want you with me. But I cannot, and would not ask that of you. I therefore pray that one day all this is over and we can be the friends and lovers which I believe we want to be._

_I wish for you only the very best, always._

_Mirage_

I sent him to the origin of his previous transmission, which seemed so long ago now. And then, exhausted, I curled on the berth and cried myself into recharge, too tired to think further about the events which had just transpired and just hoping beyond hope that he would get it and that he would still love me._

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_

_Thanks for reading all. It gets more intense than this! Next chapter should not be too long in coming. **A**  
_


	18. Chapter 18 Loss

**== Forbidden Fantasies ==**

**By Ayngel  
**

* * *

_Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any of the characters or concepts within. I make no money from this story or any other about Transformers._

_**In this episode**_: I'm tying a lot of things up in the next couple of chapters, because there are several events happening at the same time – Skywarp running from Starscream, TC despairing, Cliffjumper in a drunken rage, Hound visiting Breaker, Sunny and Bluestreak going out on patrol, Mirage's tears of frustration, his response to Skywarp sitting unread on Warp's computer blah blah etc etc

I have to bring them all together. And torture everyone a little bit more. But the finale is truly in sight!

This chapter is shorter but still quite angst ridden. In a different way from the last one.

If you've read _Thunder and the Sun_ you'll know that Sunstreaker has a dark and tortured past as well as a romantic history with Thundercracker. If you haven't, then just know that he has, and there are deep rooted reasons for his soft spot for TC as well as his animosities towards Mirage.

Thanks Saberfrost, Buddhabread and Ladydragon for your reviews and such helpful feedback and great conversations. Thanks Buddha for such a great plug for this and T&S and to everyone else who's read, listed etc. Love y'all!

_Warnings: Adult themes, course language, implied slash.__

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_

**Chapter 18: Loss**

**Designation: Thundercracker**

**Squadron Leader: Decepticon Elite Air Command**

..................

Angry and frustrated though I was about Starscream and Warp, I did not have time to dwell on it. Because right after Starscream left, my com came alive and I was summoned to Megatron's presence.

Now I was in the control room whilst he paced up and down and Soundwave stood there, as usual, like a portent of doom. Behind him, leaning against the wall, was a dark coloured cylindrical object.

"I am far from happy at the conclusion of recent events," Megatron was saying. "You fools should never have drawn to Autobots out into the open! What we need is to attack them inside their base!"

I wasn't saying anything. He didn't seem to be expecting it. My mind kept straying to Skywarp, and the tears, and the look on Starscream's face. I was still mystified as to why Warp had gotten so upset, but now I figured it must just all be to do with Starscream's carry on. Once again I thought how all right it would be to smash our commander's face in.

"I want to know more about the Ark!" Megatron was saying. "Surrounding topography, access, coordinates .... anything which might make a large scale ambush possible ..." His footsteps rang hollowly on the metal floor.

My mind drifted again. That outburst of Warp's had been – well, worrying to say the least. And it wasn't just that. He'd been acting weird ever since we got here. All dreamy and kind of out of it one moment and then irritable and irrational the next. Then, there were the times we were still stuck on the seabed when he'd just be out there in the water staring at fish and things ….

"Now, Soundwave here has reported some quite interesting possibilities in the countryside nearby .... a system of canyons which may serve as a suitable rendezvous point ..."

... as well, when Warp lay down, he curled up as though his spark hurt. Then he trembled, whimpering things when he was offline. And I could feel it in my spark because that was how I'd been the first time I'd ever felt a spark attraction. It was quite crippling. It was what generally happened when you were starting to spark with someone and needed contact and couldn't have it ....

And then I froze inside as the horrendous possibility dawned . Oh sweet Primus, surely it could not be that! Surely it could not be, could not possibly be - that Warp was doing spark stuff with Starscream?

"Are you listening to me?" Megatron had paused half way across the room. Soundwave shifted slightly and, trying not to reel at the sheer horrendousness of this idea, I made a great effort and refocused my thoughts. Soundwave would not be able to tell what I was thinking. But he would have picked up on that last emotional shift. Undoubtedly that would get reported and, in shock though I was, I had not lost track of the importance of not making it worse.

Megatron's optics lingered on me for a few clicks. Without looking at him I nodded. Grunting, he resumed his pacing. "I want you, Thundercracker, to patrol the vicinity of the Ark and provide a report!"

And now this did distract me, as it threw me somewhat. I almost never got asked to do that sort of thing. I wasn't even very good at it! I looked up and said: "Er ...what ... just me?"

He stopped again and glared at me and a dark look came over him then, highlighting the scar on his left cheek. "Yes, just you!" he snapped. "What's the matter? You're capable of it, aren't you!"

"Um – yes. Sir."

The pacing resumed. "Everything Starscream has produced to date has been utterly useless!" he went on. " I don't know what's the matter with him! It's as though his logic circuits have gone through a grinder. He's not even making sense half the time! If it wasn't so absurd I'd almost think he was in love or something …"

A sick feeling swept through my circuits to the point where the universe swam and I nearly fell over and Soundwave shifted again. Megatron had stopped again and was glaring at me. " .... I can't even raise him right now – or your mate ..." he spat the word out.

Struggling to suppress the terrible visions which were now rising up within my inner visual imager, I changed the subject. Anything but start talking with Megatron about it! "Er – how am I going to do this?" I said. Won't the Autobots be keeping a lookout?"

He looked at Soundwave then and clicked his fingers. The blue bot nodded. He turned around and picked up the cylindrical object and handed it to Megatron, who held it up. "We are lucky to have found this!" he said, pride in his voice. "One of Soundwave's old treasures! Do you know what it is?"

I didn't. But I didn't have a good feeling about it. My experience with devices Soundwave brought out of mothballs was far from positive. I said "Um – no ... ," certain that whatever it was it could only make the rapidly deteriorating situation even worse.

His optics lit up. "It's an Audial Distractor!" he said, as though this should have been obvious. "A device which deflects frequencies and produces sound elsewhere which diverts attention!" and then my face must have reflected that I was none the wiser, because he said "You will not be heard and you will not be seen! Because nobody will be looking in your direction. You will be able to carry out the task - perfectly!"

"Oh. I said, feeling no enthusiasm whatsoever and endeavouring to squash more of the terrible thoughts and images which were creeping in again. "Kinda like a – cloaking device?"

"Exactly!" he enthused. He held it up again, examining it. "It's somewhat archaic of course" - he ran his hand over the smooth metal - "and nothing like the electro disruption technology I intend to have at my disposal soon...." he chuckled to himself, a smile spreading slowly across his face.

It vanished almost straight away. He darkened.

"Of course, that's another thing Starscream has completely bungled! The fool can't get anything right!"

I didn't know what he was talking about. But my circuits froze again, as I was certain this was further evidence for Starscream's scatty state of mind, more proof that he and Warp were ….

My spark gave a spasm. And now I thought of how in all this time I had never dared to entertain the possibility that our bond was so weak it could have come to this. But that, now I had - I realized sickeningly - it made perfect sense of everything.

The awful reality descended like a choking cloud.

The device was now being held out to me. "You will take it, and deploy it!" Megatron's optics glittered dangerously. "Soundwave will show you where the 'on' switch is, and how to power it up!"

I mumbled "Yeah ..." or something like that, and took it. It weighed a ton – and I should have straight away asked how the frag I was supposed to fly with the thing - but I was suddenly having trouble thinking about anything. My circuits felt like they'd been mashed and my spark felt like it was getting slowly squeezed ...

"Good!" Megatron said. And then when I was just standing there he said: "Well get on with it then! Soundwave - you too!"

The blue sentinel lumbered forward and I followed him, trying to gather my thoughts. As we were going through the doors I heard Megatron mutter: "Primus Almighty! Where in Kell is Thrust? and something about "... the sooner the better ...," but then the doors whooshed shut and we were alone in the corridor.

...................

Not long after, I was flying over the desert at high altitude, clouds mostly covering the sun, the ground a mottled brown far below. To the north, the white caps of mountains rolled into the distance.

Below me, the device hummed and hung awkwardly, strapped as it was to my underside. It had played havoc with my takeoff performance and was interfering horribly with my straight and level flying now.

I could not stop thinking about Starscream and Warp. How long had they constrained themselves? Or maybe they hadn't.

The horrible probability of what they were doing right now arose like a monster before me and all the other times I had known they had been together passed like some ghastly cavalcade. It was bad enough that I now found myself envisaging the content of those times, which I somehow had managed never to do before. But so, so much worse was the thought of tender words, of soft kisses, of declarations of love and of all those other things which raised sparkflow so far above the level of ordinary interface.

My systems lurched as I thought how little time before this we had flown the same track, and of how beautiful I had thought he was. Then he had moved up next to Starscream and they had communicated in that ever so private way ... but Warp had assured me there was nothing going on this time ...

Feeling sick with revulsion, I struggled to concentrate. Not far below, a human flown conveyer jet passed in the opposite direction, the latest of several en route from the human city on the coast. It did nothing about me, so I assumed that Soundwave's device was doing the job. That was something, I supposed, But I had no faith in the thing. It had shorted out twice during the demonstration.

As I drew nearer the volcano which hosted the crashed Ark the sun and clouds made dappled patterns on the top of the forests now below. What, I now wondered despairingly, would happen to our trine? Maybe Starscream would see sense at the last moment and put it first ....

For a brief moment my spark held a faint hope. But then I remembered Megatron mentioning Thrust – not for the first time - and I thought so that's it. It's all planned! The coneheads come here, we go back to Cybertron, Starscream leads the Cons there with Warp at his side .... I won't be needed any more .....

Then I thought of all I had sacrificed for Warp, and it seemed that my life for the last few thousand millennia had been a waste of time. How I'd never even really wanted to be a Con – but had done it because it was, at the time, what Seekers were supposed to do and Warp had done it. How the Cons had never got it together and over a few millennia the whole outfit had gone to Kell, but I'd stayed because he'd stayed. And now we were on this Primus forsaken rock, fighting a losing battle. But he was here, and that had made it all right ....

I forced myself to pull together, and flew on

...................

About five miles out from the mountain I banked around in a steep turn and the sun flashed off something metal on the slope. Immediately I cast a visual sweep – but there was nothing. It had been there though – and surely it could be only one thing? Well, I thought, perhaps I could just fly around for a bit and say I couldn't get info because the device was dodgy and the Autobots were there. The last thing I felt like doing was this blasted survey. Who in Kell would be any the wiser anyway?

Had the flash been yellow? I couldn't tell. But I could not help thinking of Sunstreaker, then. He'd been right, when he'd said Warp would never love me. It was long, long ago, and he'd said it in a jealous rage. But he'd been distraught and devastated – just like I was feeling now - and I hadn't thought of him saying it for Aeons, but it seemed very topical now. How ironic it was that he had loved me so much but he was the one I'd spent a portion of the war trying to blast out of existence! How unfair was life?

Except I hadn't succeeded. Had I not done so on purpose? Had all the years unloved by Skywarp made me value secretly the only time I was really loved?

Well, I thought, if I ran into Sun again today I was definitely not up to a fight. He had gone easy the other day, and I could not help wondering was that because of the past too? Whatever! I would just have to hope that he would cut some slack today. And then I wished I wasn't in alt mode because it made me want to cry.

My thoughts went back to Warp and Starscream and now I was sickened by the thought of how stupidly blind I'd been. It all fitted - the way Warp kept going back to him – why had I not seen that there was more to it? Their behaviour here had just capped off the Primus damned obvious.

My frame shuddered with a sob, because despite all, I loved him. Had always loved him. And I could not stop loving him, even if the bond was going to end. And I would always love him ...

Even if I did have to face the worst thing of all. Which was not its ending but that he had chosen Starscream.

..................

There was a flash, then, which brought me back to my senses, and something whistled past, extremely close. Assessing the situation rapidly, I realised with dismay that whilst I had been deep in my troubles I had unwittingly drifted downwards, and was now quite low, and that the device was crackling, sparking on and off – and that anyone on the ground would most certainly be paying me some attention.

There was another flash and this time I felt a sharp pain in my fuselage. Then on the side of the mountain, I just caught sight of it – a streak of red. Must be Sideswipe. Well, I thought, so much for good natured thoughts about Sun!

With an effort, I pulled myself together. I was a Decepticon – whether I liked it or not - and the Autobots still had a job to do whupping my aft, and that was worth avoiding if possible. Besides which, realistically, if I didn't return with some sort of believable report my life wouldn't be worth living. So I drew my systems together and altered my elevation angle, and prepared to go into a dive attack .

But it wouldn't happen. My controls seemed stuck, my elevators wouldn't budge. And then I was aware that I was leaking energon into the cockpit, and that I was having trouble with my orientation, and next thing I knew I was in a flat spin, and the ground was whirling and coming up fast

As I spiralled down, I thought of Warp and the end of our bond and it came into my head well why bother? It was suddenly all just too hard, and I thought it could be very peaceful and I just allowed myself to hurtle down, certain I would hit the ground soon and this would be the end of all the pain.

* * *

**Designation – Bluestreak**

**Gunner – Autobot Earth Contingent**

...................

Sunny and I were on the slope above the treeline on the other side of the mountain from the Ark. He was walking ahead of me. I was looking at the backs of his huge thighs and thinking about how sexy they were and then I was thinking about Mirage again and how his thighs were pretty all right too, and how I hadn't seen him for a few days, and how good in the berth he was and surely to Primus there ought to be some way I could still have both of them ...

Really odd sounds kept coming from further up the mountain, and we kept looking up there instead of across the trees where we should have been looking. But there was nothing there. Then the path suddenly went behind some large boulders and the sun came out just as we went behind them. It was just after that I heard the jet noise.

Sunny and I drew our rifles and ran back to where the path came through the boulders and peered around and out over the forest. And then I saw him. A Seeker! Right there! All on his own. He seemed to be – flickering – somehow, but then he came into full view.

What a chance for me to prove myself to Sunny! It was a long shot, but I knew my rifle had the range. Without hardly thinking I pulled it out, stepped into the open, aimed and fired.

I saw the shell explode against him and a stream of black smoke belched out. I fired again and hit him again and now he seemed to have lost control and was in a spin and was headed for some trees, smoke trailing out behind him. "Oh yeah!" I yelled. But then I felt Sunny's iron hard grip and I was being hauled back behind the boulder. He frowned at me, and he went all kind of dark.

He said "Good shooting Blue. Excellent job – but did you have to bust our whereabouts wide open?" His voice was gruff. The sort of voice the others said you shouldn't argue with when he had it on.

I supposed it could have been a bit silly. But I'd known my aim would be good provided I stood up there like that. And I'd proved it, hadn't I? Besides, he was alone – and he hadn't looked in the best of shape. I said: "Na – he isn't capable of getting up here! He looked real hurt Sunny! Don't you want to come and watch me put him out of commission?"

He glowered at me. "No!" he said. "I'd like you to stay up here and check there aren't any more of his kind around while I go and suss out the situation!"

He must have seen I was disappointed, because he looked at me more gently. "Look – you don't know him!" he said. "He's – er – probably a bit of a handful for you, Blue. I think it's better if I sort this."

Well, he did have loads of experience with that jet judo, I supposed. But it was such a shame! Then I thought it was unusual that the Seeker would be on his own and how maybe there were others around. Sunny was right, Somebody needed to keep watch. I could make myself more useful by alerting the others ....

I said: "no problem Sun – I'll put in a call to Ironhide... "

A scowl crossed his face. "You'll do nothing of the sort!" he snapped. "And if anyone heard or saw anything you'll tell them we're dealing with the situation just fine!" For a few nanoclicks the look on his face was quite scary. But then he seemed to relax. He smiled and gave my cheek a little stroke. "Look – Blue - I know what I'm doing here. And I'd rather not bother anyone else .... you just do your thing up here and give me a call if you need anything."

Of course! Sunny was so proud. He'd never want the others to think he couldn't handle things on his own. I should have had more sense! And in time I'd be doing tons of things with him at my side ...

I said: "Sure thing Sun!" and I headed off along the path._

* * *

_

_**Designation: Thundercracker** _

**_Squadron Leader: Decepticon Elite Air Command_**

**_................_**

I had never seriously tried to kill myself. And now as the ground approached, I saw why. I actually didn't want to! I didn't want to risk the possibility of the Realm of Eternal Illumination being only a black nothingness. Life may be a load of pit – but while you had it there was some hope.

As the tops of the trees approached, I realized – despite all -that something in me could not go against the thing I had always preached, that there was some good, always, somewhere. I had to save myself.

I made a great effort, and about a hundred feet above the trees I managed to transform. But there was not enough time to apply reverse thrusters and, weighed down by the infernal device, I slammed through the pines, taking off branches and making a racket which I was sure would be heard for miles around. Despite the fall being broken, I hit the ground too fast. Bits flew off me and hurtled away between the trunks, among them the device. As I lay there heaving stupidly, feeling one leg folded and mangled underneath, I spotted it, little blue sparks erupting all over it. As I watched, it gave off a loud bang and the red "on" light went out. A puff of black smoke wafted slowly into the air.

There were a few moments of quiet, but for the loud squawking of earth birds who sounded furious at the disturbance, and the other softer sounds of the forest. Great! I thought. I was sure that the entire Autobot contingent was now mobilised in my direction and the device - the one thing which could have really helped me out – was fragged and useless. So much for Soundwave's "old treasures."

I did a quick diagnostic. Surprisingly, the damage was not as bad as I thought. Just a few things bent and minorly broken; even my leg had started to self repair. The leak in my cockpit had sealed. I should be able to fly and maybe even transform – although until my leg improved I would not fly well in alt mode. I cursed when I realized I had lost my cluster canon – that was somewhere in the trees. But I still had one heat seeking missile.

Looking around, I saw I had landed on the side of a hill. Below - between me and the trees - was thick undergrowth, and now I could hear a crashing coming from it, as though somebody were trying to get through. Looking in the opposite direction, I saw there were some rocks clustered further up and what looked like a gap between them. Wincing at the pain in my leg, I started to drag myself up towards them.

The crashing came nearer. But now I had reached the gap in the rocks and I managed to haul myself to my feet and squeeze through, brambles winding themselves around me on the way. I drew back behind the rocks and started to prime up the missile, noticing with dismay that there was a great swathe along the forest floor from where I had dragged myself, and that whoever was coming would see exactly where I was. I would just have to let whoever appeared have it with the missile, and then transform and get out of there somehow before the rest arrived.

The noises grew louder – although it did not sound like more than one person. I peered out through the crack. I could see the undergrowth moving and it was obvious somebody was about to emerge. There was a flash of yellow - the ferns parted – and into view came Sunstreaker.

I remembered the red flash earlier. No – he would not be alone, Sideswipe would be around somewhere. My hand went to the missile launcher catch. As soon as they appeared, I would release it. But I felt a sudden pang at the thought of hurting Sun and to my surprise I found myself planning to fire it away to their left so that it knocked them out but did no serious damage.

But Sidewsipe didn't emerge. There was just Sun, standing there and looking around him, as though he wanted to check he was alone. Then he whispered: "Thunder - I know you're here!"

He was still just standing there, optics scanning the forest. He had no weapon, as far as I could see. Then my leg started to hurt and looking down I saw energon trickling out of it and I realized it was more serious than I had thought.

"It's OK, I won't hurt you! If you can see me – here – look ..." and as I watched, he put his hands in the air. "See?" he said. "I don't have anything. I won't attack you. I promise!" His voice was the usual gruff growl I had become accustomed to. And yet, there was a genuine sincerity there. A niceness which I had long forgotten he possessed. I found it taking me back a long, long way, even though the situation rallied against it.

He caught sight of the drag tracks then and his optics followed their course. Then as I watched, he started up towards me. He had a determined look on his face. But far from going into attack mode, I found myself removing my hand from the missile catch.

He was right outside the gap. "Thunder! You in there?"

And then my leg suddenly really hurt and my spark gave a lurch as the enormity of my whole situation suddenly descended. The universe turned and I sank down, making a scraping noise as I did so. I thought well what the Kell ...

Before I collapsed on the ground against the cool, moist rocks I managed to force out: "Yeah, its me ..."

"Thunder!" He said "You hurt?"

"Yeah ..." I grimaced, and meant it. Because suddenly everything hurt. Body, mind, spark ... everything exploded in one great throb of pain.

An anguished groan sounded, and I realized it had come from my vocalizer.

"Hang ten ..." Sun said. "I'm coming through…."

* * *

_Believe me this is important for TC given what happens very, very soon! _

_Back to Raj n'Sky next chappie! _

_Please R and R **A**_


	19. Chapter 19 Passion and Compassion

**== Forbidden Fantasies ==

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**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any of the characters or concepts within. I make no money from this story or any other about Transformers._

_**In this episode**_: Moving on here. Hee – I enjoyed writing this chapter. Reading back over this story, I think it dragged far too much in the early chapters which is why I'm still revisiting those and tidying things up, not altering anything in the story but just fine tuning a few things and replacing boring and uninteresting bits with more interesting (and sometimes smexier) details. My thanks to those who have re-read and commented on the improvements. My even greater thanks to those who have slogged through with this regardless and are still reading and reviewing and the encouraging comments you make. Even if the TC fan club is outraged!

I hope everyone will feel better for TC after this chapter. His reactions and role from here on in become most interesting.

Alas indeed also for Bluestreak, Carmilla!

_Warnings: Adult themes, course human language, **slash**. Sexual - smexual violence. No like no read – please!

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**Chapter 19: ****Passion and Compassion**

**Designation: Skywarp**

**Squadron Leader, Decepticon Elite Air Command**

***************

I made my way as fast as possible across the sea bed, pushing through the weight of water and stumbling over boulders and coral as I went. Starz came crashing behind me, and I could hear him yelling "Skyz … wait!" at first desperately and then angrily, and I kept going.

But the overload had been so powerful, and I started to feel weak, and my legs started to give way in the soft sand and I now I sank down as a cloud of the fine grained material scattered into the murky water. He caught up and stumbled down beside me and grabbed at me. I rolled away from him, and then skittered backwards on my aft, kicking up more debris. "Get away from me!" I hissed.

He was on his hands and knees in the watery gloom, groping his way towards me, and I could hear him crying. "Please Skyze! I love you… '

I honestly had never known him be in such a state. Part of me was amazed, the other part, disgusted. I couln't help it affecting my spark. After all, I had wanted him to say that for as long as I could remember. And right up to a few days ago I would have said it back. Only now, the words stuck in my throat. And instead, I was furious with him for leaving it to the stage where I couldn't appreciate it and even more furious that he was so pathetic.

"You're too late" I yelled, receding from him and aware of some huge crab thing which scuttled out of the way. "I don't love you Starz!" It amazed me that I actually put it into words.

"Skyze, don't say that!" he wailed. He lunged at me, and I managed to get away again in another flurry of sand and stagger to my feet. But I was too slow. He was up too and he grabbed hold of me. I felt myself yanked hard and then I was next to him and we fell down on the sand again and I was pinned underneath him.

He had my wrists and his face was up close and now I could see there were tears flowing from his optics and away into the murky water. "It's always been you!" he whispered. "I never wanted anyone else. I was just scared to say it! _I love you so much Skyze …"_ and he tried to kiss me.

And now, this was just gross. I mean – it was fragging ridiculous! Worse, I saw it for what it was.

Always, I'd been there for him. Always he had known how I felt, how he affected me. I'd jumped at his every command, come running from my bondmate's berth as soon as he crooked his finger. Now, something had changed. He had no power over me – and this pitiful display was to try and get it back! Well he was wasting his time - and I knew then that whatever else happened, I would never feel the same way about him again.

His hands gripped my wrists, and they were shoved above my head. His lips pressed down, his body hot and heavy on mine. And for the first time ever, I did not want this. _Really _did not want it. I tried to force my head to one side but his mouth followed mine. I felt his legs part and I could feel his connector against me and his body was throbbing with a low hum. I realized with amazement and horror that he wanted to _frag_ me again. Already! And for the first time ever I was having none of it. It did not even begin to turn me on.

I had to get away. Without even thinking, I kissed him back and he moaned, loudly. Then, taking his lower lip in my mouth, I bit as hard as I could, feeling metal cave in. He let out a gurgly yelp and rose up in surprise, energon flowing from his mouth. For a microsecond he just stared, hurt and disbelief etched on his face. But then there was rage in his optics, and they flared bright crimson. He let go of my wrist and although I realized straight away what he was about to do, I did not have time to avoid it. I had a split second view of his fist before it slammed into my face. "You little piece of pit!" he snarled.

I felt the side of my cheek give way, and for a moment everything went hazy. Then I was incensed! This was what he called "love?" I turned my head back towards him and glared at him for just a split second before plunging my free hand into his neck, feeling my fingers wrap around delicate structures. He grabbed my hand, his optics murderous, but I mustered my strength and pulled as hard as I could. A mass of cords and wires came loose. "I'll fraggin' kill you, you afthole!" I spat at him.

He writhed and cried out, and went to hit me again, but I obviously had done something to his relays because he was having trouble coordinating. One optic was blinking on and off, and then he was shaking his head, as though trying to focus. Still outraged, I smashed _him_ in the face, aware of a fine spray of energon spreading outward through the murky water. With a cry, he rolled off me and grabbed at his face. I wasted no time in getting to my feet and staggering away was fast as I could.

* * *

**Designation: Mirage **

**Autobot Intelligence Officer**

****************  
**

My fitful recharge did not last long. In no time, I was wide awake and churning the words I had sent to Skywarp over in my mind. I was no longer upset. Just consumed with wanting him. Every fibre in me longed for words to appear on the computer screen which would confirm his joy over what I'd sent and that he still wanted me as much as ever and I found myself staring at it, willing this to happen. It didn't. And the more it didn't, the more agitated I became.

I burned inside, hungry for him on all levels. Most of all, I longed to know more about him and for him to know who I really was. I wanted to talk to him, to tell him he was wonderful, that Seekers were beautiful but that he was especially so. I wanted to tell him it didn't matter that he was a Decepticon, that he was lovely and a much better person than half this pitspawned Ark rabble put together. I wanted the chance to say to his face that I forgave him and that I wanted him to forgive me and that the war was stupid and had made too many enemies among those who should never have been enemies. I wanted to hold him and kiss him and tell him he wasn't my enemy, but my savior. I wanted his arms around me and him kissing me back and telling me the same.

But I also wanted his body against mine, hard and powerful, wanted to feel him inside me, and myself in him, wanted to move in rhythm with him and explode with him in overload. Then frustration screamed through every circuit like some mad high voltage monster and my spark pulsed. I imagined his spark pulsing next to mine, syncing in rhythm and that was to me the most wondrous prospect in the universe. It was an all consuming need, and it was rapidly getting worse.

The more frustrated I grew, the more angry I became about what had just transpired in Prime's office. There had been so many of those exchanges over the vorns and so many I'd put up with, but now it felt like something had snapped and I was damned if I was going to put up with any more. I was sure now that Prowl was hunting quite desperately for an excuse to lock me up, and that sooner or later he would find one. The thought that he may have the support to do so and that and Prime may find it impossible to go against him sickened me to the core and intensified my already intense want for Skywarp.

That was why, I had decided, the Autobots really could get _fucked_. A splendid human word was that, most expressive, and totally appropriate in this instance. It was time to get out, and that was exactly what I intended to do. And I would do it whether Skywarp responded or not. I would go out there among the humans and I would take my chances. However difficult it proved, it had to be better than languishing in the brig. And much as my life had depressed me at times since I had been here, when it came to the crunch I didn't want stasis lock either.

I looked around me. My quarters were a mess! There was stuff scattered everywhere, because in the last few days when I'd lain around agonizing over Skywarp I had not bothered picking anything up. I could not help but laugh to myself about what some of the Bots would say if they saw it. With their stupid fixed ideas that Alpha castes were all neat and meticulous whereas me – well I'd never been that way. Most true Alphas weren't – after all we always had people to pick up for us! And when I thought how that typified their stereotyping and blinkered thinking in general, my resolve strengthened.

I started to tidy up, throwing empty cubes and snack plates in the waste bin and sorting bits of armour and weapons, working out what I would and wouldn't need and putting some things away in cupboards. Fired by passion for the Seeker and the thought of freedom, I was filled with a new determination. As my industry increased, I thought up a survival strategy. I would, I thought, not only get out of the area but off this land mass as soon as possible, and then I would go into hiding. I was, after all, most able to do that! It had to be somewhere populated, because I would have to steal human energy resources in as pure a form as possible and hope my systems would cope. Maybe that Europan land mass - or whatever it was called - that Sparkplug human had talked about would be best ….

I thought of the Seeker and my spark gave another spasm. If he was with me, it could be a whole different game. It would be amazing! I looked at the computer screen. Still no response! How much I wanted him to be part of it! But even if something appeared there, I couldn't count on it.

I started to fantasize. And not just about Skywarp. In my mind I pictured Prowl and Ironhide searching frantically and turning up nothing. Then I pictured myself getting into the Decepticon base and knocking off Megatron and Soundwave and that infernal Cat, sparing the Reflector triplets - who were cousins, after all, even if they were mutants – as well as the Seekers. Then Prime would have to answer questions about his own failure. And some of the others would be happy Megaton was dead and I'd be secretly admired and words of regret spoke that I _was a Bot no more_. And Prime wouldn't be happy and neither would Ironhide or Prowl or Jazz because Prime wasn't. But none of them would be able to admit the agenda hadn't been to kill Prime's brother.

It was a nonsense of course. Soundwave and Ravage would have a trace on me so fast I'd hardly have time to think, and the Cat would come after me. If I managed to even make it inside there, that was. But it was a marvelous fantasy, and it distracted me from Skywarp and helped strenghen my resolve about the more achievable goal, to be out of the Ark.

Still nothing on the computer. Oh Primus, I wanted him!

Hopefully it was mutual - and he would help me.

_Somehow_.

* * *

**Designation: Thundercracker**

**Squadron Leader: Decepticon Elite Air Command**

*******************  
**

Now I watched helplessly as the golden Autobot edged his way through the gap. There was nothing I could do. I wasn't letting the missile off in there and I had no other weapons. There wasn't a lot of light in there but his yellow form stood out, and I could see his golden optics shining brightly. "Thunder!" he said. "Ah – there you are!"I imagined he engaged infra red sensors because he seemed to be able to see me quite well.

"That was a pretty inglorious decent just then!" he said. he looked around at the little rocky enclave and back at me. "What happened?"

I ached all over and now my leg was throbbing. No matter what else, I now found this situation somewhat embarrassing and it was not putting me in the best of tempers. "What do you mean "_what happened_" I growled. "That pitwspawned brother of yours just shot my aft outta the sky!"

"Hey!" he said "That wasn't Sideswipe! That was Bluestreak"

"Well whoever it was it fraggin' hurt!"

Now he was crouched down beside me, his gold alloys rustling softly in the soft quietness of the forest. His optics were on my leg. "That looks nasty, Thunder ..." he bent down and peered more closely and prodded something. "Ouch!" I winced at the sudden pain. "Since when were you a medic?" I snarled. "I thought you didn't do this stuff because wonderdoc was there to do it for you!"

"Ah, but he is!" he said. "And it pays off being one of his favourites! That way I get a little private instruction at times."

"I can imagine," I muttered, thinking _yeah and I'll bet that's not all you get._ Now I had the time to consider it, I was acutely aware of his attractiveness. Gone was the frazzled, angry young half caste of before the war. Examining my leg was a confident, powerful warrior who could have anything and anyone he wanted and had spent most of the war getting just that. How ironic, I thought bitterly, and how much it highlighted my own ridiculous situation.

From somewhere, he produced a tube of universal fixant and some wire. Just going to stick a few things back together here," he said, his voice sickeningly cheerful. "It shouldn't hurt too much..."

"_Ooow!"_ I tried to stifle my protest so it did not bring the entire Autobot movement precisely to our location. "It does fragging hurt!" I said. He paused and looked up at me, a soft expression on his handsome face. "Sorry," he said. Then he bent over again, and was poking around. I peered over his shoulder and could see a gash with wires hanging out. "Now, just got to join this up here, and that goes there, and put some goo in here ... ah, that old white bastard would be proud of me ..."

"I'm not some dummy for you to practice on, you know ..."

"Of course not!" He smiled and withdrew, putting the cap back on the tube and then replacing it and the wire. "There!" he said. "All finished. And to my amazement, the pain was dulling and I could feel my self repair systems clicking into place and talking over from the healing process he had just initiated.

Then suddenly this just did not feel right. I looked up at him, to see that he was looking at me intensely. "Why?" I demanded. "Why are you cutting me a break? You did the same the other day!"

But we were interrupted, then. His com crackled and a youthful sounding voice full of enthusiasm said: .::So! Ya busted him yet then Sunny?::.

A look of annoyance came on to his face as he activated the response button. But it didn't reflect in his voice: .::No – I seem to be having trouble locating him Blue! I reckon he scooted away down the south side. Check it out can ya?::.

.::You got it, Sun!::.

There was a silence again. The wind stirred the treetops above. There was a faint scent of woodsmoke in the air, which mingled with the aromas of energon and universal fixant. He seated himself on the ground and I made myself more comfortable now, my healing leg stretched in front of me. "Why?" I said again.

He shrugged. "Yeah – beats me!" he said. "If it was anyone else you'd be slagged by now. But with you – well, it's different ain't it? I mean – it's me, Thunder, Sunstreaker. Remember? Your first love. The one you first explored your passions with. The one with whom you lost your ..."

"Yeah, all right!" I snapped The physical pain receding, the agony of the Warp situation descended on my spark like a grim tormentor. "All that – that was all rather a long time ago now wasn't it? And we have been trying to slag each other for the last six million vorns...." Although, even as I said it, I thought again how we had not succeeded, and also that I should not take things out on him, because aside from the war he had never done anything to hurt me, and I had once hurt him greatly. "Sorry..." I muttered.

"Time!" he was saying. "It means a lot to some species. Humans, for instance. To them five thousand years is an eternity. To us it's like the winking of an optic ..."

"What is this Sun?"

He sighed, and now the look he gave me melted my spark, because it was full of care and concern and I had not had anyone look at me like that for a long time. Looking down, he drew a little pattern in the mixture of dirt and pine needles. "You want my honest answer?" he said. "I've been worried about you, Thunder. Ever since we've been on this planet you've looked – well just downright unhappy. And you're flying all right but you ain't fighting like you used to. Neither is Skywarp, really, come to that. Even Sides has noticed..." he looked up, "D'you remember the scraps we used to have?"

It was true, of course. I agreed. But I was damned if I was telling him why! "Well, there've been – issues – here." I grunted. "It ain't a very nice place. And your lot wanna do the impossible – when what we should be doing is just grabbing what we need and heading back to Cybertron."

He was sketching in the dirt again, and a darkness came over him then. Like a shadow passing over the Sun. "Yeah well - not all of "our lot" would disagree, Thunder ... there's some among us ..." and whatever was in his processor pissed him mightily, I gathered, because he scrubbed his little drawing angrily out. But then he looked at me again and the shadow passed. "Can't say I don't think you've got a point, Thun. But Prime – he's got his own ideas about this...." He grinned. "And I ain't gonna argue. Kell! He pays my wages and I'm on a pretty damned good wicket I'm tellin' ya!"

Somewhere a bird called. I snorted. "Since when were you such an opportunist? There were lots of times you'd have been on an even better one with the Decepticons but you never came across!"

He looked at me. "You're right, it's not all the dough," he said. "It's just I feel weird saying to you I believe in what the Autobots stand for. I do, though. Even if they don't practise everything they preach and even if they haven't done the best job of stopping Cybertron from getting fragged by your lot. Besides .." he picked up a twig and turned it over, examining it,"... you gotta admit – its a much nicer and more civilised outfit! And Earth ain't so bad! Humans like my alt form. If I play my cards right I could end up doing all right here."

It was quiet, other than the sounds of the forest and Sun tapping the twig with his finger. I couldn't be bothered mounting an argument. I couldn't really disagree! Secretly, I wished I had a bit more "civilisation" and the opportunity to find Earth "all right" instead of being stuck in the base and barely seeing the light of day.

A heaviness descended upon me again. "I suppose I should be figuring some way to get out of here ..." I said. Although I didn't really feel like moving, and I knew it showed. The little nest of rocks and the sweet scents of the forest around were suddenly comforting. I saw he was looking at me, and again his face wore that tender concern, and I realized I trusted him. Putting the twig down, he laid a hand on my wrist. "What is it really, Thunder?" he whispered. "Cos yeah - you're right – it has been a long time. And that means I've known you a long time. Long enough to know you're in a bad way, buddy."

My spark hurt then, and I felt emotion rising like a tide. That he cared. It felt like nobody had cared for a very long time. So long, and so much so, that I felt overwhelmed.

Nevertheless I resisted him. I was still, after all, a Decepticon. I was still quite capable of being quite all right, and I would say so. Even if my bondmate was dumping me ...

My spark ached then, the feelings swelling inside, I felt like I was bursting. When I opened my mouth, all that came out was a strangled: "Oh Sun! Things are just - _shithouse!"_

He moved next to me then and put his arm around me and I leaned on his shoulder and I could not help it, I started to cry, the sudden need to pour it all out washing through me. He did not pressure me. Altering position, he put his other arm around me and drew me to him and whispered "Thunder I'm so sorry. I hoped it would turn out better than this for you."

"I can't tell you anything!" I sobbed against his chest.

He held on to me. I was aware of the softness of his gold alloys, the reassuring feel of his arms enfolding me. "It's all right," he murmured, "I don't want to know the details. You don't have to tell me. It's your business."

But I did want to tell him! I wanted somebody to understand! I blurted out "I'm no good anymore, Sun!" I said. "I'm washed up!"

He laughed, softly. "Oh I don't think so Thunder!" he said. "How many times, over the Aeons, have you put me in Ratchet's medbay? How many times has that miserable bastard been completely and utterly slagged off on account of the damage you did?"

"No, you don't understand! I'm no good, Sun!" I bawled. "I only got brought on this fiasco because Starscream thought the bond would cause trouble if I wasn't there as well. He didn't want me here at all!"

His hands softly rubbed up and down across my back and wings. "Well the Kell with what Starscream thinks! To me you're still absolutely amazing. And shall I tell you something ...?" he put his mouth close to my audial and whispered "Even though they'd never admit it, a lot of the bots think so too!"

But there was no consoling me now. I was well away. And it was all coming out. "I don't care what they think! My bond mate doesn't think so!" I wailed. "He doesn't love me any more! He loves Starscream and they're..."

I felt him stiffen. I could not bring myself to say it. The full awfulness of it all came down once and for all and I collapsed against him, a sobbing wreck.

His com chose that precise moment to crackle.. _.::Hey Sunny! No go on this side. How' bout you?::._

I heard him _tch_ in annoyance and he moved as though to get up. I let out a great wail and clutched at him. "Easy, love ..." he whispered. I clung on to him. _"Don't go ...!"_

"I'll be right back ..." He extricated himself gently, rustling softly as he moved away. The pain was just slamming into my spark in spasms now and I felt like I was choking. Through a snuffling haze I heard him say ... "That's a negative, Blue! Keep searching. Oh wait – I think I may have something here ... hear that? Return to previous position and await instructions ... _Sunstreaker out_ ...::. Compared to me, he sounded totally in control. The com snapped off with a gentle click and he returned.

He came back to me, and, sitting down, wrapped me around him once more, his touch strong but gentle. "_Skywarp_ ..." he muttered. "So that's it!" and then I heard the trees above sigh softly as his arms tightened around me, and he stroked my intakes and wings. "I'm very sorry Thunder. Truly I am .." he whispered, "I know this isn't how you wanted it to be ..." and I felt his lips gently caress the top of my head.

I clutched at him and leaned against him, the only safe haven in a universe of terrible pain.

* * *

**Designation: Mirage **

**Autobot Intelligence Officer**

*****************  
**

Presently, there was a knock at the door, and I knew it was Hound.

At first I ignored it. Whilst I did appreciate his having my wellbeing at spark, I'd avoided him before for a reason. By now, I had the electro disruptor disassembled on the berth and was cleaning it, paying meticulous attention to each component and trying not to damn near go through the roof at the fact that there was still nothing on the screen. I knew Hound would ask questions. All sorts of questions. And – worse – Hound, knowing me as he did, would _suspect_. Closing my audials, I continued the furious ablutions.

But, as before, the knocking persisted and eventually, afraid that the whole Ark would come to see what was of so much interest, I got up and hit the door mechanism, at the same time flicking off the computer screen. I was annoyed. As he entered, I said "I don't feel like, talking, actually, Hound!"

I felt him looking from me back to the device on the berth and back at me again. "What happened this time?" he said.

I sat down and picked up the cloth. "I had a run in with Ironhide and Prowl!"

He whistled. "Another one ...!"

His flippant attitude irritated me further. "_Yes Hound, another one!"_

"There's no need to shout!"

"Well it makes me cross that you're so bloody surprised about it!" I said, aware that my voice was, indeed, well above normal audio reception levels.

"I thought things were better?" he said, strolling over to the closed portal and moving the shutter slightly to peer out. I gave him a _look_ knowing my optics would be a glittering, stony blue. I had the shutter there for a reason. He replaced it and turned back to me.

"They're not!" I snapped, resuming the cleaning. "Anyway ..." I picked up the primary lens and examined it, noting with annoyance that there was the faintest hairline crack on one side " ... this time I was over it. I told them to get fucked!" I knew he wouldn't like that. It was an opportunity to vent my displeasure.

"You used _that word .."_

"_Yes Hound, I used that word!_" I said, replacing the lens. "I like that word, actually ..." the lens clicked into place. I looked at him,.. "It's expressive. Its one of the few humanisms I've discovered I do like.

"Mirage ... "

"_Don't start, Hound!"_ Now I put the disruptor down and got up, fetching a cube from the shelf which I opened with a loud crack. I took a sip, wishing it were high grade.

"I wasn't _starting_!" he said, running his finger along the edge of the port sill and examining the dust which gathered there. I felt him looking at me. "I just came to see how you were!"

I felt bad then. Because Hound had been a good friend to me here. One of the few. And he did understand more than the others. But he still didn't get how absolutely impotent and redundant I felt here. And there was no way in the universe he would get it that I'd reached a point where I could stay no longer and a Decepticon Seeker was fast becoming my last bastion of safety and sanity.

"I'm sorry ..." I muttered. "I'm just ... not very happy."

"I know," he said. "They ain't makin' it easy for you are they sweetspark."

I felt real bad then, and tears came to my optics. "it's not your problem," I said, and turned away from him so he would not see. Kneeling down, I started rearranging things in the cupboard next to my berth, thinking that I would miss him. He was the only one, but I would miss him.

He knew me so very well. "Mirage,"he said "you're not going to do anything stupid are you?"

"Nope," I said, without looking at him.

There was silence whilst I tidied the cupboard, which didn't need tidying. He said "You know , 'Raj, I still don't think it does you any good languishing in here. Now for the love of Primus, why don't you come and have a drink later?"

I thought. I wasn't leaving just yet. And it might be nice to have one last session. But then there were the others ... I took a deep intake and looked up at him. "It's not my scene. You know that Hound!"

He smiled. "Well at least think about it."

I remembered there was no response from Skywarp and the thought of some high grade appealed further. Besides, sometimes it put a different perspective on things. I could plan my survival strategy better.

"I'll think about it," I said, "provided Prowl hasn't locked me up by then."

* * *

**Designation: Hound**

**Specialist Tracker, Autobot Earth Contingent**

********************  
**

I left Mirage with a heavy Spark, and afraid for the future.

Why could he never learn? That was the worst way he could have handled Ironhide and Prowl. Now he had that look about him which never heralded good things. And I was pretty darned sure there was something he wasn't telling me too.

I felt the usual annoyance with the others, mind. It was partly their fault. It was not hard, when you looked at the power Mirage once had on Cybertron to see why he was like he was here, and they could have had more understanding. I knew they needed to retain their authority - something which he challenged continuously - but their heavy handed approach was unnecessary, and it did nothing to mend the bad feelings between him and Sunny – or Cliffjumper, for that matter.

Not only that, I thought, as – feeling my circuits tingle and remembering I had not seen my lover for almost a cycle - I headed for our quarters. There was a foolhardiness about their actions which sent the energon cold in my conduits. Despite his furies and frustrations, the frequent drama, the pits of despair, there was a fundamental toughness about Mirage. He was, after all an Alpha and, further, an Illusor. He had survived, in his own way, worse horrors than most of us and he had a knack of coming out on top. I'd also seen him snap and when he did, he had a vindictive streak. I did not think he would start picking off Autobots the way he did Seekers after the Decepticons bombed the Towers but the way he was at the moment, anything was possible.

Involuntarily I shuddered. This was, I was sure, part of Prowl's reasoning to lock him up, but the way he was doing it was inept and possibly dangerous. I made a note to keep watching the situation very closely, whether Raj wanted me to or not.

Now I turned my thoughts away from him. CJ! Squee! I was looking forward so much to seeing him. As I drew near the quarters, I could not wait to slide in beside him and smother his smexy little form with hugs and kisses!

* * *

**Designation: Thundercracker**

**Squadron Leader: Decepticon Elite Air Command**

*****************  
**

Sunny was a golden pillar of strength in the cool green wilderness around. The tears had stopped and now I just felt wretched and like a drained energon cube. My head was still against his chest and he was stroking my helm, and I was thinking how long it was since anyone did that and how lovely it felt. I leaned into him, and allowed myself the luxury of absolute self pity, moved beyond all reason that he cared so much and convinced he was alone in the universe in doing so.

I don't know how long we sat there. It seemed like a long, long time, but it could not have been as it was still very light, even though clouds now covered the sun through the trees..

Eventually I heard him activate the com and say .::Blue?::.

The youthful voice responded immediately. .::Sunny! Still negative this end::.

.:: I found him Blue! There was a bit of a skirmish but he got away. His mate teleported in and got him, _the pitspawned piece of scum_ ... ::. - I winced slightly at the reference to Skywarp - .::I had a few self repairs to do but I'm fine now. Neither of them left in good shape!::.

We had not changed position and he still had his other arm around me. I sat up now and it loosened. I looked at his face. It was dead pan, not a hint of remorse. I was amazed at how smoothly he lied. I hadn't thought it was a 'Bot thing. Lying."

The voice on the other end sounded clearly impressed. .::Oh _wow _Sunny! Are you OK? Do you want me to ... ::.

_.::That's a negative, Blue::._ He cut in. .::You head back. I'll meet you at base. Not a word there, mind! I'll file a report when I get there::.

.::Sure thing, Sunny!::.

He snapped off the com, and turned his attention back to me. "That was pretty impressive," I muttered. "It beat the pants off your average Con's feeble efforts."

He turned then so he was facing me and took both my hands in his. I looked up and into his optics, moved again by the intensity and sincerity which glowed there once more. "I've gotta go Thunder," he said. I nodded and looked down, feeling tears rising again. "I'm sorry to put this on you, Sun ..."

He reached out and stroked my cheek. "Hey!" he said softly "That's what friends are for. I'm still your friend Thunder. I'm here if you need me, don't forget that." He leaned across and gave my cheek the lightest kiss, lingering slightly, like a moth settling. I squeezed his hands. "Thank you." I said.

There was a few moments silence where the trees sighed wistfully above and I was aware of the strength of his presence, his hands like an anchor in a storm. "We need to move." He said. "How's my repair job? Can you stand up?"

I nodded, feeling stiff and sore. Slowly, he moved and stood up, my hands still in his. I hung on to him and managed to stagger up. I felt a bit unsteady but a quick diagnostic told me there were no leaks and everything was basically functioning OK.

He still had hold of my hands. "All right?" he said. I nodded. Slowly, he released me, but it seemed his fingers lingered around mine until the last possible moment.

We squeezed through the gap, pushing the brambles out of the way and Sunny cast a quick sweep around, but there was no sign of life among the brown and green. Looking up, I could see that the sky had clouded completely over, and the tops of the trees swayed in a mournful dance. It looked like rain. A quick check told me my flight instruments were working. This should mean I could get into the clouds for the journey home and pass unseen.

I brought my optics back to him. His yellow form contrasted brightly with the forest tapestry. I felt suddenly an immense gratitude to him, and wondered just what in Kell I would have done if he hadn't been there. Something caught my optic and behind him among the trees I spotted the _device,_ inert and useless. "Here," I moved across and picked up the infernal contraption. "Take this, Sun. You can say you ripped it off me. It might get you a few 'Bot points." I felt it was the least I could do.

He took it and examined it, rather as Megatron had done, aeons ago. "Kell!" he said. "What is it?"

For the life of me I could not remember it's name right then. "It's – er – I dunno! It's some sorta cloaking device."

That shadow came over Sun's face again, but then his optics glinted. "Really?" he said. Now he looked absolutely delighted. He ran his hand over it and looked at me. "Geez thanks Thunder! That's amazing! It'll earn more than a few points, I can tell you."

I shrugged. I had no idea to what things the Bots attached importance. But obviously old, fragged out of date devices were among them.

A few spots of rain fell then and _tinged_ on our metal. He pointed along the side of the slope into the trees. If you follow a straight line Thunder, you'll come up on the western edge. You should know where you are then. Activating my location and direction finders - which were _just _functional - I confirmed that. I looked up and our optics met. I did not want to leave him and I sensed the same reluctance in him. There was an intense moment, where it seemed neither of us knew what to say.

Some more spots _tinged_. "That – on the com," I said. "Was that your – er – you know .. partner?"

He looked at me and laughed. "No!" he said "I don't have one of those ...." the shadow crossed his face again. "I never met anybody I wanted to ..." There was a pause, and then he looked up at me and grinned. "Thunder you ever feel the need to relieve yourself? That's what he is!"

"Oh – yeah ..." I thought of Spyglass and it occurred to me that Bluestreak was a good deal more attractive. Sun looked at me again and a sweet sadness came into his optics. There was another moment of silence and then the rain started to fall in earnest. He reached out and touched my hand. "You get going now, Thunder,"

I felt choked "good bye Sunny," I said. I turned to go but he caught my hand.

"You remember what I said – all right?"

"All right ..." I said

* * *

**Designation: Skywarp**

**Squadron Leader, Decepticon Elite Air Command**

*****************  
**

I hid behind the reef and watched him stumble around looking for me. He came close a couple of times and I teleported to another location, but I dared not do it too much in case I used up even more of my already depleted energy reserves. I felt miserable now and sick inside. He'd been rough with me before but we'd never fought like that. But I'd never told him I didn't want him before either.

I wondered how in the Universe things were going to turn out now. One thing was certain. Mirage would never want me. Not after this. I was too much of a slag. I had been all along, really. That was part of it being hopeless with him and not doing anything about him all those aeons. It wasn't just the Towers. It was me, and that I was such a pile of pit compared to him. A heaviness settled in the pit of my spark.

Time went by, and eventually I saw Starz head for the base. His head was down and his wings drooped. He looked exhausted, but I was very far from having any sympathy.

I did not follow him. I still could not face him, and I was sure I would have to the moment I stepped through the air lock. No, I thought, I would stay here and wait for TC to come back. Then I would be honest about what happened and apologise for yelling earlier and say that I had been being stupid for the last few cycles and beg him to forgive me. He always did. Why, it was only a few cycles ago that we'd made love for a whole night.

After that we would talk about the future. Maybe it was time to get Thrust down here after all ....

I sank down onto the sand, aware of my friends the fishes and sea creatures around me, looking but not seeing, and waited.

* * *

**Designation: Thundercracker**

**Squadron Leader: Decepticon Elite Air Command**

******************  
**

The cloud was all around, a grey cocoon, soothing and cool. I felt exhausted now, too tired to feel upset about Warp or anything. Thoughts of Sunny lingered, all golden and strong and supportive and I felt strangely uplifted at the surety he was probably thinking about me, even now. I determined that in the next few cycles I would make contact with him, somehow, and thank him again.

The cloud cleared over the ocean and as I approached the base the last rays of the Earth sun spread golden and orange tentacles into the sky as it sank below the horizon. I thought of Sun again. Maybe we could even meet ...

Then the Base tower was rising out of the water and my spark sank. That would not be possible, I was sure. And now I had to face the awfulness of the situation with Warp.

Mercifully, nobody met me at the airlock, nor did I pass anyone on the way to our quarters. The place seemed strangely deserted. I passed the corridor leading to Starscream's quarters and saw that the doors were firmly shut. I wondered briefly if Starscream had Warp in there and felt a stab in my spark, but I was too tired and spark sickened by the whole thing to give it any contemplation.

Arriving at our own quarters, I activated the door release and staggered through, flinging myself on to the berth. I lay there for a few moments exhausted, face down, settling my intakes, hearing the steady hum of the energon flowing through my conduits and the lap of water against the dome in the otherwise intense silence. So Warp was with Starscream? Oh well, _what did I expect?_

There was something else happening in the room. A light flashing on the computer console and the screen was lit, indicative of an incoming transmission. My spark sank. It was bound to be a summons from Megatron asking for a report on my "survey" of the Ark. And I did not even have the energy to make up some pit. Oh well, I wouldn't. I'd just tell him the truth, that the device fragged up and I got shot down and managed to get away. What was wrong with that? Frankly, if he chose to inflict some sort of punishment, I couldn't give a damn.

Still, I thought, better at least take a look. Suss out his mood. But I didn't go over straight away. Instead, I lay on the berth, looking at the computer. There was something odd about it. The light flashes. Faster than they should have been for a normal internal communication. Strange. Maybe our system was on the blink again. What we'd managed to rig up down here was pretty primitive, after all ...

With a sigh I staggered up and made my way across to the screen ..... and read the transmission .... _the transmission from the Ark ....._.

And I think, perhaps, that by then I was immune to any shock horror at new surprises. Because as I looked at what was written there and who it was from, and the words sank in, and a lot of what had happened lately slowly and in a crazy way made perfect sense, I could think only one thought.

Oh by Primus. _It isn't Starscream!_

And with that came a very, very strange sense of relief.

* * *

_I guess that was fairly long too but I got there!! Please R&R. To be continued!!_


	20. Chapter 20 Reactions

**== Forbidden Fantasies ==**

**By Ayngel

* * *

**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any of the characters or concepts within. I make no money from this story or any other about Transformers._

_**In this episode**_: It's official. Starscream's a jerk. Bluestreak's a ditz. Sunny's a two faced connection rod. TC's wonderful. Skywarp's hopeless. CJ's got a drinking problem. Hound's a caretaker. Mirage is a narcissist but you might just start to feel sorry for him after this chapter ….

Enjoy - and Happy Christmas everybody!!

_Warnings: Adult themes, coarse language, **slash**._

* * *

**Chapter 20 Reactions**

**Designation: Starscream**

**Commander, Decepticon Elite Air Command**

*****************  
**

At first I was devastated. Suddenly I loved him like I never loved anyone before. All the memories of every time we had ever been together came flooding back and especially the tender way he had used to look at me. And now he had ended things. And I berated and chastised myself for not having acted on my feelings aeons earlier and I wandered around in a spark broken daze because now I had and he had gone and done this to me. Broken my spark. Left me high and dry. _How could he?_ One whole side of my face was hurting like all Kell and dripping energon but it was nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to the agony in my spark.

I stumbled around like a fool, vaguely looking for him but not really expecting to find him.

Then I was angry. So angry that if I came across him I thought I might kill him. That he could do this! After all I had done for him. I mean, he came out of an orphanage, for Primus sake. He spent half his mechalesence in jail. _He would have been a nothing if it hadn't been for me! _How many scrapes had I got him out of?And he was a _terrible _leader, but what had I done – put him in charge of a whole Primus damned squadron. And I'd done the same with his bondmate, who was similarly inept, useless without me.

And he'd gone and thrown it back in my face!

And I'd _fragged _him all these aeons. Didn't he _realize _how many mechs wanted to do that? Didn't he _know_ how lucky he was?

I was so angry I was aware I was barging straight through a school of sharks. They swirled around me, and one of them tried to bite my arm. I blasted it as hard as I could. Bits of fishy flesh exploded everywhere and blood spewed out in a red cloud. I stopped, intakes heaving, and through the crimson mist watched the others converge in a frenzy upon the bits of their murdered comrade. I wished they were sharkticons, feeding on Skywarp's putrid remains.

Eventually, I calmed a little. He was just a slut, I thought. An ungrateful slut who didn't realize what a good wicket he'd been on. Well, he could put up with the lousy smex with his bondmate, and with the Ramjets and Fireflights and the Sideswipes and all the other absolute fragwits and slags he'd got it on with over the vorns. And I hoped he did go after Mirage D'Ligier now. Oh yes! Because Mirage would put him through the shredder. Especially when he realized what a _slut _he was dealing with. Then his bondmate would leave him, and he'd be all alone.

And I would have no sympathy! None! That was if his stupid little fantasy even got off the ground before I told Megatron and Soundwave about it, that was. Because tell them I would – oh yes! Then we'd see if he still wanted to smash me in the face. He might just be begging me for protection ...

Then my face was hurting and I was starting to feel weak and I realized I would have to go in and lie down. I would get Viewfinder to do a cleanup, and then I would let myself repair systems to the rest. Viewfinder would say nothing. I would lay there whilst he gently ministered to me and plot my revenge.

* * *

The last thing I expected when I entered the airlock was for Megatron to be standing on the other side of it with Soundwave, Rumble, and the whole of the rest of his shooting match in tow. They'd obviously been somewhere and had just returned and must have paused for a few moments to discuss their outing. I cursed at having chosen the worst possible time to appear.

At first, they all just stared at me as though I were a ghost. I probably looked like one, all smashed up, one optic hanging out and covered in seaweed and dripping water everywhere. I remember that bird cocked it's head on one side and Rumble's mouth fell open. I just stood there feeling like a complete jerk. I wanted to just go straight to my quarters, but the rabble was in the way.

Megatron looked me up and down. And then a terrible smile spread slowly over his face. "Oh dear," he said. Then he let out a smirk. "Oh dear oh dear _oh dear_ oh _ha ha ha ha_!!" and then he was laughing in a way I had not seen him laugh for a long time, the sort of laugh he used only when delighted by extreme suffering, and there was a clunk as he fell against the metal wall, and now Rumble had cracked up and was falling around too and the bird was making this cackling cawing noise and the cat had a huge smirk on her face. "Lovers tiff was it Starscream?" Megatron managed to get out. There was a deep metallic sort of booming and I realized even Soundwave was chortling.

The humiliation of it! I cursed Skywarp more.

I wasn't hanging around. I said "If you will _excuse me!"_ and I pushed past Soundwave, feeling the heavy vibrations of his laughter as I squeezed past his great big ugly bulk in the narrow corridor. As I went, Rumble smirked "Hey! Is this a seeker mating ritual thing or what?" and the mirth exploded again.

The punk! He wouldn't dare say that if they weren't there!

I stormed furiously away, but I could still hear them on the other side of the base, and, as I neared my quarters and summoned Viewfinder, and that was when I made the decision. Not to tell them anything. Not to give them the satisfaction! They'd only use it against me anyway. No, I would swallow my pride for now and do things – a little differently. Instead of rallying against it, I would encourage Skywarp's little delusion. Help it along a little, if I could. And in the meantime it would look as if I was merely carrying out Megatron's orders and getting Mirage on board. And I would tell Thundercracker – who would be sparkbroken – that I would get Skywarp back for him, and appear to be doing just that. To him. Oh the fun I would have, playing them all off.

That way I would control them. Because the trine must function – at least for now. Until I found a way to take over the leadership of this outfit. And it would be most useful to have Mirage around as well. Oh yes, I had far too much use for their miserable hides to let this topple my ambitions!

I would bottle my rage until I was in charge. Then they would all be sorry.

* * *

**Designation: Bluestreak**

**Gunner, Autobot Earth Contingent **

****************

By the time Sunny got back, it was raining. I met him at the entrance to the Ark and he gave me a quick kiss, but then he went all weird and just strode away down the corridor. I followed and had to walk really fast to keep up with him. I kept trying to ask him what had happened down in the forest but he wouldn't answer. He just told me it was classified and strode ahead, clutching this _thing _he seemed to have found, a long black cylinder with a light on it. It was very disappointing.

I thought he was heading for our quarters, but he wasn't. Instead, I realized, we were going in the direction of the security wing. At the end of the corridor, just a little way from Prowl's office, he stopped. "I want you to come with me and back my story up if I give you the _look_. OK?" he said.

"OK?" I said. He knew he didn't really have to ask.

"If I don't give you the _look_, keep your mouth shut!" he said.

* * *

Sunny put the _thing_ on Prowl's desk and he and Ironhide were both looking at it. Then Ironhide picked it up and was examining it. "Very interesting," he said "I didn't think we had any of these on board. Where did you say you found it?"

"Hidden among some rocks in the forest," Sunny said. I thought it was just amazing that after all he'd been through with the Seeker, he'd still had time to check for suspicious things. He was such a good soldier.

Ironhide put it down and then they were all looking at it again. "Useful sort of a thing," said Prowl. "Nowhere near as effective as electro disruption but good to have as a backup." He looked at Ironhide. "Self-powered, you see..." he pointed to what was obviously an on/off switch above the light. "Wheras with electro disruption you have to use your own energy."

"I thought Mirage was the only one with jurisdiction over cloaking devices," Sunny said. A very good question, I thought! I had wondered about that too.

"He is," said Prowl. "Which is why I find it rather strange that he should bring a device on board without reporting it and then stash it in a secret place!" He said it very snappily.

Ironhide looked at Sunny. His face was stern but you could see he wasn't really cross. Not with Sunny! "What were you doin' down there anyway?" he said.

"We were called out on report of a Decepticon sighting" Sunny said. Ironhide and Prowl both looked at him and he _looked_ at me and then they all looked at me. I nodded.

Sunny went on. "It was Thundercracker. He looked like he crashed into the forest...." he _looked_ at me again and they all did again and I nodded again. "I thought it was rather strange, but I decided to go alone. I know how to handle Thundercracker. And I didn't want to risk Bluestreak ..." he smiled at me and Ironhide and Prowl gave me stern looks, but I felt all warm inside because he said that. "Unfortunately, Skywarp turned up. They got away."

Ironhide gave a twinkly smile and a little laugh. He patted Sunny's shoulder. "Now I know you're into bein' a hero," he said "but it probably ain't too good an idea to do that in future, Sun. It could have been dangerous."

"That's what I told him!" I could not keep quiet any more. Sunny shot me a _look _and I decided I'd better not say anything else.

"Yes, my apologies," said Sunny. He was so humble, I thought, when he really didn't have to be. "I realized that," he went on, "but it was too late. The thing was, I was going to radio Bluestreak, but I had the feeling I wasn't alone. You know how it is when Mirage is ..."

"Yes, I know!" I thought Prowl said it very crossly.

"Anyway," Sunny went on, "I thought if he was around then I'd be fine and that Bluestreak should keep watch. It was only when Thunder got – I mean _Thundercracker_ – went off and then disappeared that I realised I was alone ... then I found this ....." He pointed to the _thing_.

He was such a perfectionist! It was even important to him to get a seeker's name right. It wouldn't have worried me. I decided I had a lot to learn from Sunny, and I was glad he'd asked me to be with him.

Ironhide looked at Prowl. "Well what d'ya think?" he asked. "Could the Seeker have brought this?"

I remembered the Seeker _flickering_ and wondered if I should say something, but I thought of Sunny's face just now and decided against it.

Prowl shook his head. "Nope!" he said. "A Seeker wouldn't carry one of these. You felt the weight of it? They'd never get off the ground! Oh no ..." he smiled, "this didn't come from the Seeker." Just as well I hadn't said anything. The _flickering_ was obviously nothing to do with that.

"I thought Mirage had to stick to strict regulations when it came to this sort of thing?" Said Sunny. Another sensible question. He was just altogether so sensible!

"He is ..." said Ironhide, slowly. Then he looked at Prowl. "What do you reckon?" he said.

It looked like some sort of private understanding passed between them. Prowl nodded. "Yep, he said. I think this will stick!" Of course, I had no idea what he meant, but it was none of my business! "Call Prime .." he said to Ironhide. Then he turned back to Sunny. "Thank you Sunstreaker!" he said. "We will take care of this now. But thank you very much for your help – and you Bluestreak - this is very useful."

I said: "Well I didn't really ..." but Sunny looked murderous and so I shut up again.

I thought Prowl had a very self satisfied look about him and I decided I didn't really like him that much. I mean – I could see what Jazz saw in him because he was big and broad and black and white and he always looked good and he did give off this sort of – air of power ... But if I'd been Jazz I wouldn't have left Mirage for him.

I thought of Mirage then and when we had left the office and Sunny was striding off up the corridor again I said: "That won't get Mirage into trouble, will it?" And my spark gave a slight pang then and I realised I was fond of Mirage and I still wasn't _absolutely_ a hundred per cent certain I'd made the right choice in all this.

"Probably!" Sunny said

I was shocked. I said "I hope not!" thinking about Mirage's smooth alloys and how good it was when he sent those subtle pleasure blasts through my circuits ...

"Bluestreak – have you any idea how dangerous our situation is here?" Sunny had stopped and was looking at me sternly. "All I did just then was my duty. Now it was always going to be suss bringing Mirage along and if you didn't just see why, then you must have rocks in your processor!"

He strode off again and I felt bad then, and my spark hurt, because Mirage had been very sweet to me and I didn't want to have to not like him. I said "Someone else might have put that thing there! Or Mirage might have a good reason for it. Maybe that Seeker did bring it after all ..."

He stopped again and turned to me. Then he grabbed me under the chin and I saw that intense anger flash in his optics again and it gave me a start. That must have registered in my optics because he turned the grab into a stroke down my cheek. "Look Sweetspark," he said "If you're going to be with me then there's some things you're just going to have to learn not to question. OK?" Then he kissed me, very softly, so his lips just brushed over mine. He said. "You do want that don't you – to be with me?"

When he kissed me, all my circuits tingled him and I wanted him. I think if he'd wanted me right there and then in the corridor I would have let him do it! He was just so hot. I said "Of course! But ..."

He put a finger over my lips "Na-uh!" he said. "No questions. Got it?"

I nodded and he kissed me again and this he pressed up against me and I felt his tongue in my mouth and his connector against me and my interface configuration shifted so fast that I nearly collapsed. When he broke off he looked at me tenderly and stroked my face again . "I've got some issues," he said, "old scores you wouldn't understand. Now you just stay out of it, Blue. And we'll be fine."

I nodded, aware that my intakes were panting. I wasn't going to go against him, not even the tiniest bit, and if I had not thought so before I definitely did now, that it had to be over with Mirage. I didn't _really_ need Mirage anyway ...

"Now, he said, "I say we have a little lie down for about half an hour, then we have a drink?"

He took my hand and we started walking towards the quarters, and I forgot about everything except the surge of energon in my conduits, my throbbing port and the prospect of his enormous connector.

* * *

**Designation: Hound**

**Specialist Tracker, Autobot Earth Contingent**

* * *

The first thing that struck me about our quarters was that they dark. The shutters were drawn, even though it was only early afternoon. The second was that they stank – of premium grade energon. In fact it smelt as though somebody had emptied a vat in there. The third was that there was a body sprawled sideways across the berth.

The body stirred. It said "_leemeealone … afthole …."_ Or something like that.

It took a few clicks to register that this was Cliffjumper, of course, and that he was really and truly and horribly drunk.

I was horrified. It was still only the afternoon!

Cliffjumper! I groped my way across to him, aware that there was another smell – that of semi processed, purged energon – and that there was a dark pool on the floor. Avoiding it carefully, I sat on the berth. "CJ!" I said, "it's me. Hound"

He turned over and stared up at me. I was horrified at how dull his optics were, and at the stench coming off him. He shuttered one optic and stared at me with the other one. I surmised that was because he was having trouble seeing only one of me out of both.

" …._ he's a nogood – lowdown – tight – afted – pitspawned son of a glitch _…"

Now there are many occasions on which I have had to deal with drunken mechs. And it truly is better to just let them ramble on. So even though I had no idea what or who CJ was talking about – after all, he was hardly the voice of calmness and reason and it could have been one of several hundred mechs who had got up his tailpipe over the course of the war – I said "yes, I'm sure he is …"

"_I ain't never gonna frag – im – again - never – never – never …"_ he turned his face back into the berth and let out a loud hiccough.

I smoothed his helm. "That sound like a good idea, sweetspark." I agreed.

He turned his head back and looked up at me again. The one blue optic flashed dimly. "_And you ain't never neither you pitspawn'd pile of slag _.." and before I could reply he muttered "_cos otherwise I'm gonna fraggin' well kill both of yas … sons of glitches _…" those last words dissolved into a murmur and then he let out a loud snore. He was back in recharge.

I sat and looked at his snoring form. I'd told Breaker today that I intended staying with CJ, however silly it seemed. That I had my reasons. Breaker was still upset. But it was a little better between us. And I meant it – I did want CJ. He'd obviously got himself in a state because he thought I'd gone back to Breaker. I leaned over and gave him a little kiss.

I thought._ I'll go and have one drink with Mirage later, because I've said I will. But after that, he's on his own. If he frags up …_ I couldn't help but let out a sigh … it's his problem. I needed to put things straight with CJ, once he sobered up.

I turned my attention to clearing up and the task of getting the Primus damned awful smell out of the room.

* * *

**Designation: Skywarp**

**Commander, Decepticon Elite Air Command**

*****************

By the time I saw Starscream go back into the base, I was low on energy and aching all over. The murky water was freezing, and now I wanted nothing more than to be in our quarters. And I wanted TC's arms around me, and when I thought of my bondmate and then what had just happened, my spark just burned and I felt sick. I would never, ever let Screamer anywhere near me again. Of that I was certain. And as for Mirage ...

A sharp pain ricocheted through my spark when I thought of Mirage, and I felt nothing but a great love for him. That would always be so, I thought, and I hoped I had got it across that I would always love him. Tears sprang into my optics and I suddenly hurt very much all over.

But TC would make it better. I knew it. And I would not be all cagey this time and push him away. I would confess to everything – what had just happened with Screamer and what had happened with Mirage. I'd say that Screamer had manipulated me over the vorns and that it was hard to resist Mirage because he was an Alpha. But then I would say that I'd made my choice - the only choice - and it was to be a loyal bondmate. And that I knew I'd said that only a few days ago and hadn't been, but some - _difficult circumstances_ - had come up.

I'd admit I'd blown it. That I'd been a fool. But I wouldn't be again. And, with his help, my mate, my _one and only_, I could get over this. Then – much as it pained me - I'd never look at another mech again.

There was nobody in the airlock and the corridors were deserted. In the distance I could hear laughter and it sounded as though there was a party going on somewhere. I recognised Megatron's laugh and Frenzy's high pitched cackle. I was surprised, wondering what in the universe there could be to party about. I imagined Screamer would not be there – not in the state he was in - nevertheless, when I passed the corridor leading to his private quarters, I walked on tippytoes.

How I hoped TC would not be with the others either! How much I looked forward to seeing him, told myself off for speaking to him like I had earlier. I had no right to say the sort of things I'd said.

I hurt all over. Salt chafed as it formed in cracks and crannies as the water dried, and my intakes were still struggling as they adjusted from aqua to normal mode. Yet I went down the corridor almost at a run.

Exhausted, I hit the door release mechanism and the doors slid open. My spark heaved with relief when I saw he was there. "TC ..." I leaned against the door frame. "TC, _I love you_ ..."

He was bent down, his back to me, crouched in front of a cupboard beside the berth. He did not acknowledge me. I stood there heaving, just looking at him and feeling a great tenderness in my spark. He still did not look up, and now I saw that he was pulling things out of the cupboard, and I realized he was putting a pile of his things on the floor beside the cupboard and replacing mine inside. There were more of his things on the berth, as well as a datapad which looked like a transmission hardcopy. Then I looked across to the other side of the room and saw gathered there some of his larger possessions: his favourite chair, his footstool and his two cabinets. An icy chill ran through me. "TC?" I said, "What's going on?"

He looked up then, and smiled, a sad little half smile, and not a very nice one. "Just getting my stuff ready to relocate," he said. Getting up, he proceeded with a pile of datapads over to the chair where he stacked them neatly.

The chill became a shrill alarm, and I took a step forward so I was behind him. "What do you mean? _Relocate_? To where?"

He looked at me again. "There's some spare quarters in Soundwave's corridor. I'm movin' in there." he returned to the cupboard.

Now, panic set in. "But you hate it in there!" I burst out. "You can't stand the noise the cassettes make!"

This time he did not look up. "The noise the cassettes make is a lot better than the sick feeling which rises up in my spark when I think of recharging next to you, Warp ..."

Oh Primus! It was like the last time. But it was worse! Why? Had he seen me with Screamer? I remembered my vow to tell him everything and decided maybe that wasn't such a good idea. But I could be honest about one thing. I said "Screamer just tried to rape me!"

He froze, and turned to look up at me. "Really?" he said, and in his optics I saw a terrible hurt which made my spark lurch. "Oh!" he said, "were you too exhausted to fit him into your schedule?" He stared at me with that awful expression, and then he seemed to collapse and he drew back from the cupboard and sank heavily to sit on the floor. "Primus Warp," he shook his head, "you can't even be faithful to whoever you're being unfaithful with, can you?" And then whilst I was still trying to figure out just what in Kell he was on about, he reached up and grabbed the datapad from the edge of the berth. "_This_," he said, tossing it to me, "I believe this is yours!"

I caught it. I glanced at him. Head bent, he ran a hand over his helm. My optics returned to the pad and I started to read it. Then I read it again. Then again. Then I moved over and clutched at the side of the berth when I started to feel weak. Oh by Primus, it couldn't be....

But it was! I lowered myself onto the berth because my legs would not support me. Slowly the words sunk in. And then my spark just burned with a passion like never before. By Primus, it was a miracle! Things like this did not happen in real life! Yet it had. _He _forgave me! _He_ wanted to be my lover. _He wanted me to go with him to Cybertron!_ It was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to me in my entire life! Half of me could hardly move and the other half wanted to burst up and run away down the corridors of the base, waving the pad in the air.

But then I heard a muffled sound and I realized TC had gotten up and was just standing there looking at me. And when I looked up my spark froze because his face was a picture of betrayal and devastation, and I knew I was the cause. And suddenly the datapad was the most terrible thing I'd ever been given, and I was paralysed, not knowing what to think or do, my spark just pulsing hard. The world swam. "Oh Warp," he said, and he sat down heavily on the other end of the berth. _How could you?"_

Indescribable joy and unthinkable horror warred within me. In a daze, I edged slowly so I was sitting next to him. His helm now rested in the hand furthest from me and his intakes were heaving. My spark was pulsing so hard I could hardly think straight, and all I could think was_ I must try and reassure him, try and make him not worry. _Then I would think what to do.

Trying not to let the extreme excitement I was feeling show, I said: "I reckon it's a trick, TC. You know what Mirage is like! He still hates Seekers. This is really low! I'm not going to be taken in by it TC ..." but he looked up sharply. "Warp!" he whispered, "this ain't that. _And you and I both know it_ ..." and when I saw the expression on his face, I knew it was hopeless.

I laid a hand on his arm and said the only thing I could, which was the truth. "TC, honest, _I've never fragged him!"_

He gave a snort and shook his head and looked away and I could see his optics glistening. "No," he said, "I believe you Warp." He looked at me again, and the pain on his face was terrible. "This is worse than that. Ain't it?"

His agonized optics were like lazers. I could not sit there. I got up and crossed to the chair, piled with his belongings, and stared at them without seeing. The datapad was still in my hand, and a part of my spark still thrilled at what was on it, despite the awfulness of this. I looked back at him. "Look TC," I said "I know it doesn't look good. But honestly – I've never even kissed him ..."

He seemed to lose it then. He started to shake, and his hands clenched and unclenched. "Warp!" he looked at me, "Please! Look – how you got in this situation - with him - is beyond me ..." his voice trembled, "but don't say stuff that's not the point! The whole way you've been, it's obvious what this is ..." his voice trailed off. Then he started to cry. "Just for once ... please .... just give me a bit of respect ..... just one single solitary time ... _don't shove your scrap and bullshit on me_ ..."

He put his face in his hands, and then I couldn't stand it. I put the datapad down on the chair and crossed over to him, just wanting to take him in my arms and tell him that however I might feel about this I would always love him, but, to my horror he shrank away. I said: "TC – you have to believe me – there's nothing going on..." and my voice sounded weak. "It's just that he ... I ..." and then I was lost for words. Because how could I tell him that he was right, and, worse, that I'd always loved Mirage, right from way back at the start of the war, and that I'd dreamed of this moment for about the last 5 million vorns.

His whole body language said _don't touch me_ and I just stood there not knowing what to do next. "You've got a talent, Warp, that's all I can say!" he was sobbing. "You've really hit the jackpot this time! I've gotta hand it to you! You've not only captured another spark but one who would happily have wiped you off the face of Cybertron!"

I could not bear to see him like this. I had to say something. "That was a long time ago TC. You don't understand ..." I blurted out.

"_Oh Primus,"_ he rasped, and he looked up again, and now there was disgust on his face and in his voice. He buried his face again and was just crying hard and now I really could not think what to say, so I just sat slowly back on the berth next to him.

I was utterly confused. I could feel my spark burning with a new sort of energy, scary in its intensity, beautiful but terrible, and I sensed my life was changing and it thrilled me to bits and yet I was terrified and horrified by the implications. I felt sick with love and guilt. I whispered "I never wanted to hurt you TC ..." and then there was silence and just the sound of his intakes gasping whilst I sat there and stared at the floor, feeling my spark pulsing, a bright sun in a cheerless cave. Desperately, I tried to make sense of the chaotic riot which had suddenly become my life.

I realized he had turned and was looking at me, and his face was streaked with tears, and he looked choked. "What are you going to do?" he whispered.

It took me by surprise_. "Do?"_ I couldn't even think straight, let alone figure that out.

"Yeah Warp!" he said, "_what are you going to do?"_

I stared at him blankly. "About what, TC?"

About – _that _.." he rasped. And he motioned to the datapad on the chair, wincing as though it were some dark creature from the depths of kell.

I was seized with a whole new horror. A sense of helplessness suddenly flooded my whole being. I hadn't even thought about it. _What could I do?_ It was one thing for Mirage to send me stuff like that. But as for what happened next ....

I froze, the full realization of my uselessness gripping me like a vice. I panicked. Just as I had after I'd rescued him. I stammered "I don't know TC. What am I going to do?" and, absurd though it was, I suddenly needed him desperately to give me the answers. I needed his calm, sensible solutions. Just like I'd needed them for everything in my life up until now.

He was still staring at me. "Well Skywarp?" he said.

The panic rose like a volcano._ "I don't know, TC!"_

He was looking straight into my optics and there was an anger there now. "Well? Do you -_ love_ - him or not?" I gaped at him. I nodded.

He looked as if he was going to regurgitate then. "Oh Primus", he said, turning away again.

I was shaking. The volcano erupted. "Honest TC - I haven't got a clue!" I burst out. "I'm useless ... I'm no good to anyone ... _I need you to help me_ ..."

He got up then and went over to the chair and stood there with his back to me. "Well Warp!" he said, and he was trembling again, "you'd better start figuring it out! Because I would have thought, if you love him, that the thing to do would be to help him out..." he grabbed the datapad and, turning, strode back and thrust it into my hands. "Because he doesn't sound in a good way Warp! And that's what you do when it comes to those you love not being in a good way. _You help them_. .."

And now the real horror of the situation descended and reality struck like a bludgeon chopping into my spark. Everything went hazy. "Well I don't know!" I wailed. "This is the thing ain't it! I'm hopeless! I'm no good to anyone!" And now and I could not control the sobs which started to cascade through my very core. "When he finds out how useless I am he's not going to want me after all is he TC! _So I don't even know why you're worried!"_ and I fell down sideways on the berth and curled up, hugging myself, because I knew that was the only thing which would be the remotest help to the roaring pain which now consumed every part of me.

"You're pathetic!" he rasped. And I was.

I was aware of nothing but my pain and ineptitude. But I heard him say. "Oh shit. _Shit!" _and there was a loud noise like he put his fist into something.

And then I was aware of him on the berth beside me and I felt his hand on my shoulder. "Warp," he was saying. "WARP!" and I was bawling, stuff like: "I don't know what to do, _I don't know what to do_. _And I just fragged Screamer!"_

"_Warp!"_ I felt myself grabbed, and then I was being hauled up and I was facing him, and there was a fury in his optics and yet a strange softness too. "Will you shut up!" He snarled, and there was something about _that look_ on his face which stopped me and I froze as though suspended. "You are not useless, for pit's sake!" his optics bore into me. " You're a squadron leader in the Elite Air Command and you're above average intelligence and you are quite capable of doing what you need to do! _Now you are going to bloody well find a way!"_

He let me go. I sat there heaving. It took a few moments to sink in, what he was saying. "Why?" I gasped.

"Because for the first time in your miserable life somebody needs you Warp! And I can't do anything about the way you've fragged my life around but I can do my damndest to see that you come to the party for him. Even if he is ..."

He got no further. The com went off, and we both jumped and looked at it. Rumble's voice cut into the room. "Hey you guys! Yer needed. Megatron's got a new proposal..." he sounded inebriated. "We're havin' a kinda briefing about it – expect to see ya both in four hundred astros..." there was laughter in the background. The com shut off.

TC sighed and got up. "SHIT!" he said again.

I was still shaking. "I can't ..." I said.

He looked at me coldly. "We have to ..." he said. We stared at each other for what seemed like an age. He said "You know the worst of this? I don't like you very much right now, Warp. But I can't hate you," he shook his head. "I want to, but I can't!"

I said "I still love you TC ..." and I did mean it.

He sighed. "Strange thing is, I know that too," he said, bitterly. There was another long silence while I struggled again to come to terms with everything which had happened in the last half cycle. "Pull yourself together!" he said. "We'll figure something."

I muttered "Thanks, TC ... I don't know what to .."

He glared at me. "Splash some water on your face," he said "And put that damned transmission somewhere I can't see it!"

* * *

_Anyone who doesn't think TC's marvellous now loses brownie points. But what part, if any, was Sunstreaker playing in what was going on in his head? Stay tuned! Please R and R._


	21. Chapter 21 Showdown

**~Forbidden Fantasies~**

By Ayngel

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_Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any of the characters or concepts within. I make no money from this story or any other about Transformers._

_Warnings: None for this chapter, but there certainly are for the rest of the story, see individual chapters._

* * *

I recently rewrote this chapter. Quite a complicated set of goings on in it! I think I made Mirage a bit more empathetic.

* * *

**Chapter 21: ****Showdown**

**Designation: Mirage**

**Autobot Intelligence Officer**

Having decided to leave, I now surveyed the tidy room, the things packed neatly in boxes, and on the spotless berth, my electro disruptor and my dart gun. It was simple! All I had to do was just pick them up, attach the ED, activate it, and walk out of here. The security was that abysmal that I could probably do it without the ED. It would be hours, days even before they realized I had gone missing.

Yes, I would just go. And then I would …. do what?

Befriend some humans and persuade them to take me in.

No! It need not come to that. I had led hermit type existences before when I was alone and spying on the Decepticons. You just needed to procure a decent energy source and it was amazing how you could get by. And there was no shortage of fuel here. Even if it was crude and would probably make me ill to begin with.

My enthusiasm for potential independence waned at the thought of that. But if would be all right, I told myself. It would be unpleasant, but I would survive. And I'd just have to conduct all operations subtly so the humans didn't bring anything to the attention of the Autobots.

Then, to keep myself busy, also using human resources, I would rig up a communication system and try to contact my sister Moonracer on Cybertron, with a view to getting back there and helping the femmes out rather than this rabble.

Yes, that's what I would do. The femmes' situation was not exactly brilliant, but at least they were genuinely trying to destroy Decepticons and at least I'd be back on Cybertron.

Yes – I could do it! I'd just have to make sure the Autobots discovered no trace. And that the Decepticons, of course, didn't either. My energon chamber gave a lurch. The Cat would be a problem. So I would just have to conduct my operations far from her prying senses. And Soundwave's.

Of course, if my second transmission to Skywarp was responded to ….

But the transmission screen remained blank. And what did I expect? The Seeker thought I'd rejected him. But no doubt he'd gone and had a good laugh with his cronies and gotten over this 'affliction' about me. Well I didn't need him! I would do this alone. I would go to Cybertron, and I would forget any absurd notions about Decepticon Seekers, and start a new life.

First, however, a drink seemed very much in order. Not too much. Just enough for – what did the humans say, Dutch courage? Whatever the reference to some nationality on the European continent had to do with it. Yes – one or two. And then I would strike out alone in a whole new universe.

* * *

**Designation: Cliffjumper**

**Warrior, Autobot Earth Contingent**

I was suddenly horribly awake.

Immediately, it felt as though a bomb had gone off in my head. The need to flush my systems with a lakeful of low grade to exploded through my CPU. Wincing, I gradually unshuttered my optics.

When the world had stopped dancing, I could see the light was dim. Presumably, it was late in the day. A faint shaft shone from the portal above, dust particles circling slowly within it. How long had I been here? I had been on my way to do something. _Something important._ What in Kell was it? Hearing a groan come out of my vocaliser as I turned on to my side, I wracked my wrecked brains to remember.

My energon chamber lurched like a gestalt about to disassemble. I realized that at some stage I had purged it. And now I had the urge to again, even though I'd probably drained myself of everything. Heaving myself off the berth, I staggered into the ablution room and leaned over the washbay and – sure enough - threw up great tankfuls of nothing.

When the spasms subsided I dared to look in the mirror. It was not a pretty sight. My head erupted with a whole new wave of hammerings and I dragged myself back into the other room and collapsed on the berth.

After a little while, I felt better, and I managed to sit up and to keep down a long draught from the large cube of low grade which had been left helpfully next to the berth. Now I caught a whiff of disinfectant. Hound? He must have been back here and sorted things out. And that was nice. My spark gave a pleasant little twang.

But _ where was he now?_ I moved and my head pounded again. Geez, I was gonna have to do something about that ...

_Pound pound pound_ …. Yes – must do something. What? Well, I could lie back down again and ride it out and hope that Hound would be here soon to say soothing, headache removing words. In the meantime, I could go get some painkillers from the medbay. But holy Primus, I did not feel like providing answers to the sort of questions Ratchet would ask.

No, think again. There was a_ different_sort of cure. What the humans called: "The Hair of the Dog". For them it was more alcohol, which was a kind of 'premium equivalent' that produced similar hangover effects. For me, it was more premium.

I knew where Hound kept quite a generous supply - in a cupboard in the ablution room. He often went for a tipple in the evenings, even though I wasn't supposed to know about it.

It was good stuff, and after several cubes in quick succession, I felt much better. But I suddenly had a lot of energy – too much – and I found myself up and pacing around. And I was irritable. Where _was _Hound? Why had he just taken off? Where was he when I needed some _quality time?_ And he reckoned he was so considerate! So much better like that than some of the others ...

Well he wasn't! In fact, come to think of it, he was being just like that other one, that pitspawned pile of Alpha caste trash who ...

I froze inside. Who he'd gone to see! Yes, I remembered it now. A darkness swept through me. _Who he'd gone to frag! _Oh yes, I was sure, absolutely sure in my hungover and now rather re-overenergised state, that I was quite right about that

And I would prove it! I had a sudden need to do that, to show myself how you just couldn't depend on anyone. I did not mess around. Activating my comm, I punched in a certain private frequency.

_"Mirage?"_ I said through clenched plates.

There was a pause, and then his stuck up, infuriating voice said: .::Oh – Cliffjumper. Sorry. I thought you were Hound!::.

The _nerve _of it! Had he no shame? Oh, but that was just it! With my plates still gritted I managed to say. .::_Have you seen him? I thought he might be there with you ..._::.

"Er – no, said the pithead. "Not now. He was in my quarters earlier. But I'll be seeing him in the rec room soon. He invited me there for a drink!"

I squeezed the com so tight I do not know how it did not implode. _Hound had gone to his quarters. Then after they'd had a good frag, he asked him out!_

"_Thank you!"_ I snarled and snapped the com off.

I stood there and my intakes were heaving and my circuits were burning. How I hated being_ absolutely right about everything! _And it was so not fair. I really liked Hound, and I'd been happy to be with Hound, and I'd never said anything to anyone about how Mirage had carried on before the war. Never done anything to hurt him, even though he hurt me so much. But it didn't matter. He didn't give a toss! And now, not content with having ruined my life once, he was going to do it again!

And Hound, poor nice understanding Hound, had been sucked in just like I once had been and was going along with it!

Hurting, I downed another cube of premium. And oh, it was good. It was starting to feel very good, It coursed along my circuits, stirring up a lust for action, a deep need to express exactly how I felt, had felt for years. He was _soo_ going to get it! They were both going to get it! They'd know soon enough.

And the premium helped me come to such a 'reasonable' decision. Oh how right, so sensible, that an effective and permanent solution to the problem be found. One which would not only grant me vengeance, but remove a burden to the Autobots in the form of a mech who had had a Decepticon for a lover, and had never given a toss for their cause, or even been on their side.

Steadying myself, I went to the cupboard, got out my photon rifle and loaded it.

The Kell with the weapons ban in the rec room.

* * *

**Designation: Mirage**

**Autobot Intelligence Officer**

The trouble with having a few drinks before putting my plan in motion, was that the rec room was somewhat cosy. That was one problem. The other was Sideswipe, perched on a barstool opposite, and looking anything but unattractive.

And he was also a major source of information about Skywarp, a rather important factor given that a yearning to just grasp whether there might _just be some chance_ with the Seeker before it was too late to find out had now invaded my processor. "Cheers," I said, raising my half filled cube of premium and then draining it rapidly. It was very passable stuff.

My inebriated companion raised his own cube. "Geez Mirage!" he said, "I reckon you could drink the rest of us under the table! I thought I was going it alone, tonight," he said, holding the cube up and watching the purple liquid swirl. "Cliffy was here around midday but … Kell! I don't know what had gotten into him. He took off outta here like a scalded Deceptocat!"

"Really?" I said, wishing I hadn't told CJ about Hound coming down. Sideswipe looked at me and grunted. "Excitable little piece of pit, CJ," he resumed his examination of the cube contents. "Cute, though. One of those compact types. Typical minibot. Lot of energy! If you like that sort of thing." Gulping the liquid back, he put the empty vessel down. Looking my way, he smiled a charmingly drunken smile.

At the other end of the bar I could see Gears regarding us disapprovingly. Another one of my _greatest fans_ (not). I thought. Next to him, Huffer had his back to me and had ignored me, no doubt to keep in Gears' good books. My initial intentions were suddenly stronger, I took a deep draught from my cube. Opposite, Sideswipe shifted. Yes, well, I might not actually go right after here. A bit of rest perhaps. Then I would steal out. Maybe I would 'say goodbye' to Bluestreak before I went.

Or maybe I would enjoy a little 'entertainment' with this well built, sought after warrior lolling in front of me, renowned for his oversized connector and his hard and fast interfacing. It might be an apt 'parting shot. And he was a lot more appealing than his brother.

_He had fragged Skywarp!_ It nudged at me sharply again. And of course, I knew exactly why I was procrastinating in here and not striking out into the great wide universe. I really did just have to know about it. Just in _case _ ….

And I was not yet drunk enough to ask.

He took another sip and I watched the powerful cords and sinews working in his arm and shoulders. He was amazingly well put together, not a single malfitting part or uneven join. I could see what they saw in him. But then he was, I reminded myself, half Alpha. He gave me another lopsided grin. Yes, attractive. Even if he was a half caste.

And he _was_ a half caste. I thought again of Bluestreak.

Bluestreak! In the last couple of days, I'd almost forgotten him. Now I thought of how I could make him remind me of Skywarp. Yes, one more night here with him was definitely a good idea.

But Sideswipe was looking at me in a way which told me he was more than happy to be the one to keep me company. His optics coasted seductively, and he shifted on the stool so his thighs were slightly more open than they needed to be, and the cover on his interface recess was just visible. He caught me looking at it and grinned.

And I thought he was going to suggest something outright. But instead, he came out with: "Y'know, Mirage, things have got a bit lonely lately since Sunny decided he and Bluie were a pair!"

Well – I was hardly expecting that! "What?" And my surprise must have shown.

He looked embarrassed. "Oh – you didn't know?'

I took a large sip from the cube, disappointed. It was not that I'd harboured anything romantic for Bluestreak. It was more that – well for one thing, I didn't berth _just anyone. _ For another, I thought he, unlike most of them, had respected and appreciated me. Instead, he had stuck his connector in Sunstreaker – _Sunstreaker_ of all mechs …..

It was a sharp reminder of my forgotten status here and the disrespect that went with it.

Well, he wasn't getting in my berth again! And now I did feel like leaving straight away.

Sideswipe saw my reaction. "I thought Sunny might not be the only one getting a piece ….." he said. "Pitspawned little slag, throwing his pretty frame around! No point in saying anything to Sunny though. Once he gets ideas about some punk's port and connector you might as well talk to a brick wall."

He was, I thought, not renowned for his eloquent phraseology. When I said nothing and drained the cube - my fourth, I realized - he did the same.

Anger and humiliation burned. But I determined not to show it. Sunstreaker! All show and fancy metal and bulging connectors, and Bluestreak's actions just demonstrated his own inferior Praxan taste.

I was well shot of him. And I was not going to leap out of here just on account at being miffed by that fact! I would leave when I was ready to go!

Along the bar I was aware of Gears saying something to Huffer and Huffer turning around to stare at us, briefly. Quickly, I helped myself to another cube and, cracking it, turned my attention back to the red twin.

Sideswipe was still looking at me with what seemed like an almost triumphant half smile, and his legs were still open, hand casually resting on one thigh. Need to know about Skywarp suddenly burned with renewed urgency. Skywarp, who had not – before I rejected him – been like Blusestreak, but had shown such a touching respect, and appreciation of the 'old' values.

Or had he? Given the choice, would the Seeker still prefer Sideswipe? Maybe his behaviour was all a show, and it was really Sideswipe he was after again, and I'd just been second best – or maybe even a means to get to him?

Was that why I hadn't heard back from him?

Knowing it was unwise but feeling unable to control myself, I took another large swig and gathered my courage, ignoring his seductive, obvious in intent smile.

"Sideswipe …." I began.

The door whooshed open and Hound came in. He looked in our direction and paused. Then he grinned. Instead of coming to us, he crossed to join Huffer and Gears, the latter grunting a greeting. My mind went back to the conversation in the filing room.

Sideswipe was grinning expectantly. "You were saying, Raj?' he said.

I did not want the trio along the counter to overhear! Glancing along the bar, I saw that Hound had sat down with them and they were laughing.

I leaned close to Sideswipe. "What was it like? Going with – a Seeker?" I whispered.

His optics widened. Obviously, this was not what he had been expecting. His hand moved decisively away from the thigh. "_You know about it?"_

"In my job – I sometimes find out about such things," I said as non threateningly as I could, feeling drunker, and therefore bolder. I looked straight at him. "Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me. I'm just curious!"

Sideswipe put his drink down and regarded me, his optics still wide. Then he smiled. "Yeah, I reckon I can trust you," he said, "despite what everyone ..."

Icy anger shot through me and it must have shown. "Sorry ..." he said. Then he leaned close again. "You really promise not to tell?" he whispered. "I don't make a habit of fragging Decepticons!" He looked behind him, but Gears and Huffer were still listening to whatever story Hound was recanting. _"Go on!"_ I hissed.

Sideswipe let out a deep sigh. "Look - despite how many times it could have happened – with all that jet judo and everything - it was only once." he said. "I shot him down on the Iacon plains. We were both injured, and we were stranded. The only way we could make it back was to help each other. Helping turned into – well – something else!"

I was amazed to feel a pang of relief at this "explanation." And then, a rush of jealousy, which took me completely by surprise. _"Tell me!"_ I insisted, too loudly. The three at the other end of the bar stopped talking and turned their heads our way again, and Hound gave me a little wave. I smiled what must have been a very phoney looking smile back, then returned my attention to the Lamborghini. "Sideswipe?"

He frowned. "Why you so interested, Raj? I kinda wouldn't want this to get back to Prowl!"

"It's just – _intriguing,_ that's all!" I lied. "Like I said, I tend to get told these things. I just – you know – wondered how it compared to … say, an Autobot flier. And I promise you, even if the skies open up and the kingdom of Primus descends, I am not going to tell Prowl!" No indeed. Of that I _was_ certain.

The other three were still talking. Sideswipe lowered his voice still more. "It was pretty darned good!" he said. "I mean …" there was just the hint of a blush, "I rate myself as pretty _all right_. But I like to – you know – dominate a bit. Skywarp - _He_ fragged _me_. But he wasn't aggro about it. Kinda – sensuous, but a lot of energy. Touches, all over. Then when he flared his wings ….. mmmnnnn …. and he's a good kisser …"

Oh Primus, the most incredible images were suddenly in my processor! I was heating inside. His optics were bright. "This turns you on, doesn't it?" he said. "The memory does it for me too, as it happens!"

It did turn me on. Oh how much it turned me on! And the turned on-ness combined potently with the strength of feeling which had come through the initial transmission and that 'respect.' Envy and longing burned again, and a sadness that I'd rejected him and I would not be getting this. No, once I stepped out the door of the Ark, I would be on my own. I had rejected Skywarp. There would be no tender, loving sensuous touches and kisses for me.

The premium – and everything else - caught up with me. I felt suddenly weak, and I could not look at Sideswipe. I leaned on the bar, covering my face with my hand. A hand touched me lightly on the shoulder. "Hey," he said, "I'm sorry ..." He sounded concerned, but puzzled. "Mirage?"

There was the sound of a stool being moved, and now Hound had joined us. He smelled comfortingly of warm engine grease. "Hey ..." His hand was now stroking my arm gently. "You OK?"

"I think he's had one too many," Skywarp said.

And it was just then, as Hound's hand lingered on my arm, and Sideswipe sat there quite touchingly concerned, that things happened - very fast. There was a sound of hurried footsteps in the corridor, and the door whooshed open. Somebody entered – and then the barrel of a photon rifle was suddenly being aimed right at us - with Cliffjumper swaying on the end of it.

I remember now that Cliffjumper's optics went straight to the hand on my arm. Hound whipped it away, but the minibot's optics flashed wildly and his face flushed with fury. With remarkable speed, the gun was suddenly pointing in my face.

His lip curled. "You lousy piece of pitspawned pit!" he snarled.

It had a very sobering effect. Gears and Brawn were off their stools in an instant, as were Sideswipe and I. Hound jumped back next to me, and then all of us were flattened back against the bar, our hands in the air. Then Hound was saying: "Now ... take it easy, Cliffie ..." but the gun remained where it was.

"You shut the _frag up_!" The barrel swivelled to point at Hound. We all, instinctively, raised our hands higher. The gun swivelled along the line, and I sensed incredulousness, everyone thinking _what the frag is all this about?_ Yet, now it was obvious that Cliffjumper was drunk. Clearly – I thought – this was a premium induced tirade. It did not occur to me that I might be a particular target, or that Hound and I were the source of ire.

I did, however, think that Hound might have some reservations now about his choice of boyfriend,

"Nobody move!" Cliffjumper snarled.

The minibot swayed. He was very drunk, definitely. But the gun was pointing at me again, the look in his optics, venomous. Now, it dawned that I played a significant part in his half crazed fury. My spark sank. _In his premium saturated world, what have I done?_ I thought. Could I not even intake air in this place without annoying somebody? Even when they were drunk?"

His optics narrowed._ "You shparkless dubble crossin' no good pile o'pit!" _he seethed, and he took a step closer.

The seriousness of the situation slammed home. Like this, he could actually fire. And I would have to move very fast indeed. I struggled hard to shake off my inebriation. The gun did not scare me. I'd had enough weapons pointed at me in my time, and I could deal with it. But the existence of just another expression of Autobot dislike and accusation – that could rattle me. Sobering, I initiated the emotional sense receptor shutdown sequence, so I could be objective.

There was a long moment where Cliffjumper just stood clutching the gun. Then sobs sounded from my right. "Cliffy – _please ..._" Huffer wailed. Sideswipe found his voice at last, then, and said "Easy, now bro ..." and Gears grunted.

"_Shut up!"_ snarled Cliffjumper.

The gun moved along us again, and our hands rose once more in unison. "You think I'm a fraggin' eejit don't yahs?" he sneered. "Jush some fraggin' dumb grunt who's too stoopid to see what's goin' on ..."

Huffer was still whimpering. Cliffjumper's optics shifterfrom me and then they were upon Hound, like ice fire. _"We're through you dirdy two timin' shit!"_ he spat.

Hound made a noise. And now, of course, Cliffjumper's motives were obvious. Well, partly. A thing between me and Hound - the icing on the cake of a more general contempt for me. That contempt would have made me feel sick, had I not suppressed my emotions. As for the rest – it would have been quite laughable - given all the circumstances - had it not been so dangerous and tragic.

Trying to keep my voice as calm as possible, I said: "You've got this wrong, CJ."

"Yes, ..." said Hound beside me.

But Cliffjumper was not to be fobbed off with such glib phraseology. His optics became slits. _"You ...!"_ he snarled, and I saw his hand tighten on the weapon. "I carneven think of the wight words to descwibe wadda lowlife piece o' pit you are!"

"I can assure you there's nothing between Hound and I," I said. But he ignored me. _"Aha!" _he spat. "Not the tough Alpha mech now are ya! _Pathetic_ – you are!"

So it was a general anti Mirage thing! And anger started to break through the suppression. Why was I always on the end of this? I reset the sequence, struggling to stay objective. But rage rose up like a fire, burning in my circuits at the sheer injustice.

The barrel hovered. A ripple passed through everyone. "Don't you all just stand there and defend him!" snarled Cliffjumper. "I reckon you couldn't trust 'im as far as you could throw 'im. He doesn't give scrap about nothin' but himself! He doesn't even wanna be a 'bot!_"_

Anger broke through again. Anger, and bitter indignation. "You've never given me a chance, Cliffjumper!" I said.

Huffer made a movement and the minibots attention turned to him again "Shut up Huff! Don't fraggin' distract me!" But he wavered, and it was sufficient opening. I lunged, knocking a stool over, and in one move I had the gun out of his hand and him on the ground, pinned face down. Wresting his arm behind him, I placed the gun at the back of his head.

"Wrong, wrong, wrong. Bad, _bad _move," my logic circuits were telling me as the emotional inhibitors struggled to reassert. But I could not stop the override.

My voice was smooth and cold. "You were saying, Cliffjumper?"

"You piece of pit!"

I tightened my grip. "Say again, would you?"

Then the others were behind me, Sideswipe's voice saying: "_Mirage .._ go easy ..." Hound's hand on my shoulder, Huffer still snivelling and the door whooshing. Gears had gone.

I looked up and gave them all in turn a steely glare. "I'll deal with this!" I said, "Nobody try and stop me - if you don't want me to pull the trigger, that is!"

Horror froze on their faces. There was no need, of course. I would not actually have done it. But they thought I would.

And I saw then, just how great was the rift between us. They were scared of me. Knew, what I was capable of. And never was there a moment when they dreaded me using it against them. Nor could they forget the past, or my connections. They would never trust me. And now I was proving them right.

And I should just let Cliffjumper go, swear my Autobot loyalty, declare death to all Decepticons and prove them wrong! But I could not. Cliffjumper needed – they all needed – to show some respect. It was not as simple as that.

Hound was saying "Raj ..." softly - in his counsellor voice - but I ignored him. I returned my attention to my captive.

He had begun to struggle. _"Traitor!" _ he yelled. _"He used to frag a Decepticon!"_ He _ougtta be one!" _I bent low over him and lowered my voice. "Swindle was not a Decepticon then, and that has nothing to do with the here and now. I have been a loyal Autobot, I have saved your frames more often than I care to imagine, there is nothing between me and Hound – _and you will apologise, Cliffjumper!"_

Behind me I heard Hound whisper: "Do it, Cliffie!" I felt another ripple go through the others, but they held their positions.

But Cliffjumper did not do it. "Go to Kell!" he rasped through clenched plates, and he suddenly sounded coldly, horribly sober.

"_Life wrecker!" _He hissed._ "_You ruined my life. You're still doing it! It's what you do, you selfish pile of pit. You ruined Swindle's life. That's all you know how to do, Mirage. You should have gone to jail instead of him!"

And I don't know whether it was mention of that highly sensitive issue which made me lose concentration, or I was still drunker than I thought, or his drunken state had heightened his already considerable strength, but somehow he wrested himself from my grip. Before I knew it he was on his feet and a black fist slammed fairly and squarely into my abdomen, sending me reeling backwards. The gun went flying.

Then it all happened. I felt Sideswipe and Hound grab my arms, but I whacked backwards with both before they could get a proper grip and sent them both flying. Huffer made a feeble grab for my opponent, but a similar fate befell him, and then they were all on the ground and he was on his feet and squaring up to me. "All right!" he yelled "fair fight! C'mon then!"

I was dimly aware of Sideswipe advancing on me, but I turned and hit him again, and he fell backwards, crumpling across the bar. Then there was Huffer, stricken, wide opticed. "Leave!" I snapped at him. He didn't hang around. I turned to look for Hound, but he was lying on the ground where I had knocked him out cold. Damn! I hadn't hit him _that _hard. Had I?

Then Cliffjumper was in front of me, all quivering compact red metal and hissing intakes. His optics settled on the gun in my hand. "You want this?" I said.

"_Decepticon slut!"_ he snarled.

Another surge of anger. I hurled the gun against the wall above the bar and it bounced off with a loud clang. Then I advanced on him. Grabbing him and lifting him up, I hurled_ him_ into the other wall. He hit it with a crash and slid down to land in a heap at its base.

Out of the corner of my optic, Sideswipe was trying to move, but he groaned and collapsed again. Then I was standing there, panting, aware that I'd used up a lot of energy - _and Cliffjumper was getting up!_ He had energon leaking from his upper arm and dints everywhere. And now he was upset, in an intensely emotional way I had not seen before. _"I loved you once," _he yelled. _"I loved you more than Swindle did and you sold out on me, you pile of aft, it counted for nothing, did it?"_

Some distant memory flickered, then. A long time ago. Before the war – Iacon – Sky City – Swindle ….

…. something about the mine at Y'il Halco. Deals. Swindle again.

And – _Cliffjumper!_ I stared at him. Something – there was a gap in my memory. In Mordac. Starscream did things. I forgot things. I forgot – something about Cliffjumper?

It changed things.

But he was facing up again. "Cliffjumper, I said. "I've been hasty. Wait …"

But he came at me like a demon, all fists and teeth and fury. I avoided him, scooping him up easily. I threw him down, truly intending this time to merely disable him, but of course, he was very injured by then, and I was not thinking straight.

He was still. My energy reserves draining fast, I staggered sideways and clutched the bar next to Sideswipe's groaning form, and everything dissolved into a grey mist.

There were feet running, metal clanging on metal. Then the door was whooshing open, and all of a sudden many Autobots were in the room. Bluestreak was there, and Sideswipe was getting up, and then Sunstreaker was in my face yelling _I'll kill you…"_ but large hands grabbed hold of him and pulled him roughly back. Through the haze, I glimpsed Brawn and Prowl.

Stunned, I felt my hands forced behind me, heard Ironhide's voice saying: "one move and_ I_ _will kill you_, punk!" and Huffer was back and crying over the inert form of Cliffjumper. And now I could see Ratchet coming through the doors and then was down with Cliffjumper. And Hound was up, and Trailbreaker had appeared and had his arm around him. Somewhere Sunstreaker was still shouting, but Sideswipe was saying "leave it Sun ... I'm OK ..."

My shoulder was wrenched as my hands were dragged together and I felt handcuffs click around my wrists, and I was hauled to my feet. Then Prowl's face was in front of mine. I tried to say: "This is a private matter…. perhaps you should mind your own business …" even though I knew there was no chance whatsoever of this succeeding.

And, sure enough, that supercilious voice was saying: "I'm afraid it isn't Mirage! I'm arresting you on a charge of serious assault, and behaviour unbecoming to an Autobot officer - oh, and one count of possessing an illegal cloaking device ..." I could sense unmistakeable satisfaction. "But he had a gun ..." I muttered, "What cloaking device ...?" but nobody was listening.

And as I slumped, exhausted and beyond anger, distress, anything, and allowed myself to be led to the brig, I really could not fathom why I had not just left in the first place and never gone near the rec room at all.

_Yes – rewrite definitely an improvement!_


	22. Chapter 22 Connections

**= Forbidden Fantasies =**

**By Ayngel**

* * *

_Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any of the characters or concepts within. I make no money from this story or any other about Transformers._

Thank you readers and reviewers who continue to hand in with this. I love and appreciate you all. Nearly there now!

This chapter took a slightly different tack from that originally intended, and also made me schizophrenic writing all these different characters in the first person.

I'm a cat person, incidentally. I have a Deceptocat. He has blue optics, but I am not easily fooled.

Just a reminder – Ravage is female. And Ravage was Mirage's old hunting cat once back on Cybertron but she switched to Soundwave's service. She stalked Mirage all of his life.

_Warnings: Adult themes, course language, implied slash._

* * *

**Chapter 22: Connections**

* * *

**Designation: Soundwave**

**Decepticon Communications Officer**

Ravage was even more agitated this time. She paced up and down, all padding paws and rippling panels and black steel elegance, her tail twitching like a live cable, her optics narrowed to slits in the artificial light.

I was attempting to make sense of the intense level of emotions which all the Seekers seemed to be experiencing, especially Skywarp, whose spark activity pattern was characteristic of some pre-bonding states. Problems between the three of them had been evident. I assumed that his bond with Thundercracker was finally being laid to rest, and he was in the throws of forging a new one with Starscream. Or maybe he was attempting a rekindling operation with Thundercracker ....

Kell, I didn't know! But it was important, if I was going to – as seemed horribly inevitable – perform a bond guidance councillor role that I at least sort out the facts. And the Cat was not helping matters. Not one bit.

This time she not only paced, but raved on like a lunatic.

"Behold, the Coming of the Cats!" She cried. "Cats of the Universe shall unite. The return of the Cat Empire is at hand. _For though they shall hide in dark places,_ _they shall rise forth and shine again_ ..."

Settled on my meditation recliner, I _cringed_. There were times when I still had a hard enough job convincing Megatron that Cyberfauna were reliable, especially a large cat who had roamed feral in the Iron Mountains for a few millennia. This nonsense just made all his doubts utterly justified! I tried not to listen, and to concentrate instead on the Seekers, but the ranting continued.

"Cats, _Cats,_ CATS! Cats shall rule, cats shall rise ..."

_Oh please!_ My thought train broke again. Apart from anything else, the Cat Empire has been dead and gone for millennia. If it ever truly existed at all. I shuttered my optics and dreaded her next utterance.

"Insecticons on Earth there are!" She was right beside me! I had not even heard her come up. Unshuttering my optics I looked sideways into her oval crimson gaze, abandoning my previous efforts. If this was all it was, maybe it was easily dealt with. "Calm down, Ravage," I said gently. "There have been no Insecticons recorded in this segment of the galaxy since the three hundred and sixty fifth wormhole was sealed."

"You're wrong Soundwave! Earth cats! Earth cats tell Ravage otherwise! They have seen the signs!" And off she took off across the room again, her tail in the air, switching.

_Primus,_ I thought. What was I going to do if she came out with this stuff in front of Megatron?

I stayed calm. "What signs?" I asked gently.

She turned. "Great beasts in forests! Strange disappearances in remote places. _Desecration!"_

She came back over and I reached out and ran my hand over her sleek head. "Yes - well - there are probably lots of things we haven't seen here yet, Ravage ..."

Her optics flared like coals. Her tail twitched and she padded off again. "There are signs of other things! _Seekers and Alphas ..._" she paused and flashed a fiery look at me again. "Seekers and Alphas, Soundwave, so it shall be! _And the new order shall rise and Cybertron shall prosper in the Great Scheme of Cats ..."_

My spark gave a little start. I swung my legs to one side and sat up on the side of the recliner and gave her a long, hard look. _"What did you say?"_ I asked.

A calculating smile crossed her battle hardened face. "Hah! I thought that would get your attention!" Then she continued pacing. "Seekers and Alphas," she said. "As you always said, Soundwave ..."

Now this was worrying.

What she referred to, you see, had been a sort of pet project of mine at one time. It was to do with how the old order might be restored by producing Alpha sparklings fortified with physical Seeker superiority through cross breeding. But it had never worked. Largely Alphas and Seekers couldn't stand each other and the attacks on the Alpha Districts had decided the matter once and for all. I had never seen any indication of bonding, let alone any progeny.

And it was an unmentioned subject with our Leader, who grew understandably paranoid about the implications.

I looked at her. "Look - Ravage - I told you not to raise that again here! You know how Megatron feels about it!"

"Ah but it is a reality, Soundwave ..."

I got up and crossed to the portal and stared at the gloomy green underwater scene outside. Then back at her pacing form. "Do you want to get us both deactivated?" I said. "And then my curiosity overcame me. I looked down at her. "_How?"_

The Cat grinned, delighted. "Mirage D'Ligier ..." she said.

That just made me cross again. This was obviously more of the same! I said "Don't be stupid Ravage! You of all creatures know that he hates Seekers. _Especially this lot here._ And I'd rather you stayed off that subject since your efforts to apprehend him were somewhat pathetic!" I could not help throwing that in.

She came over and rubbed against my legs. "On the contrary, Soundwave!" she purred. "They were very successful! But I let him go! Ravage let him go, Soundwave, _because a thing happened."_

I crouched down and held her face so she had to look into my optics. "What thing?" I said.

Her optics narrowed. "Mirage was taken from my clutches Soundwave! By a Seeker!" She pulled away. "By Skywarp, to be precise. He has, you see_, a great affection for him_!"

I stood up. "Are you serious?" I asked. Impossible though the suggestion was, it did, in fact, explain Mirage's disappearance in the Ravine, given that he didn't have the electro disruptor. And also why the Seeker was no longer in the sky when later we returned. And it was not out of keeping with what I had been picking up from Skywarp.

"O very serious, Soundwave!" The Cat smirked. "Into Mirage's mind Ravage can see. Ravage saw the possibilities! And Ravage _accelerated _the situation!"

I was utterly amazed. "Are you telling me Skywarp and Mirage are going to bond, Ravage?"

She came over and rubbed against me again. "Soundwave, tell me - when ever has Ravage been wrong about Mirage?"

I turned again to the scene outside. It was true that she was inexorably linked to the Alphamech, finely tuned to his senses. It was Ravage who had known he was still alive after the destruction, and Ravage who had known where he was and pulled him from the rubble, and Ravage who had known his whereabouts and orchestrated matters one way or another on so many occasions over the millennia. Not that anybody knew this but me.

And now the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I had never doubted the power of such bonding should it ever occur and the intensity of Skywarp's reactions suggested more than just a rerun with a former bondmate – or lover, in fact. But I never in my wildest offline visions would have suspected the truth ...

But now, as it dawned, I could not hide my excitement at the possibilities. A ripple ran through my frame. It did not go unnoticed by my companion.

"Ha!" she cried. "I knew you would be pleased! A great sign to the Cats of the universe is this! And if Insecticons there be, _we shall smite them down!"_

Yes, well – I really didn't want to get into the Cat stuff again. Or Insecticons. I said, "Look - let's just keep this objective, and between ourselves, shall we Ravage? Just keep an optic on it ..."

She purred delightedly. "Of course, Soundwave! Ravage will be sure to keep two optics very firmly on it ..!" She looked up at me and her optics were wide with excitement: _"You have my word!"_

* * *

**Designation: Bluestreak**

**Gunner, Autobot Earth Contingent**

After Sunny had fragged me a few times, I felt better. I'd even had an overload this time and I hadn't realized how much I'd needed that. It seemed like Sunny was quite pleased about it, and not so cross with me. He pulled the connector out and got up and went into the ablution room, and even though his connection wasn't primed or anything it still dangled right down between his knees. Once again, I could not get over the dimensions of the thing! All of my insides tingled with the memory of it pulsing deep inside me and I thought, with amazement, that it wouldn't be long before I was ready for him again.

I thought we were going straight to the rec room, but Sunny insisted on seeing Ironhide again. To my surprise, I found myself walking up the officers corridor with him. That was out of bounds but Sunny explained that when Prime was not around – and he was out that afternoon, visiting some important human called a Senator – then Ironhide didn't mind him visiting him in his quarters. I wondered how Sunny had got to be such good friends with Ironhide. It was very impressive. Especially since Ironhide could be so scary.

Sunny wanted to talk about the _thing _again. He had a thing about the _thing_, I decided, one which I didn't really understand. It made me uneasy. I was still thinking of the _flickering_. Sunny said "Have you had a chance yet to er ...?" and Ironhide patted in him on the arm and said: "Patience my young vigilante ...." and gave him one of those crooked twinkly smiles he never gave anyone else.

I thought again about Mirage. But before I could take that thought too far, there was a noise of feet running and Gears came crashing in yelling that it was all going off in the rec room and Mirage was going to kill Cliffjumper. Ironhide and Sunny looked at each other and Ironhide gave a slight smile and muttered: "may not need that toy o'yours after all ... "

"Well don't just stand there like femmes at a hyperstore ...!" barked Gears. "This is serious!" Gears was like the most solid mech on the Ark but right then he looked the closest to being in a panicky state that I had ever seen, and I think that suddenly dawned on all of us.

We all took off, feet clattering as we ran down to the rec room. On the way I heard Ironhide say: .::Prowl, Ratchet, _Code 39 rec room_ ...::. and then Gears was telling what happened as his intakes rasped and he said CJ had come in with a gun and it sounded to me like _he'd_ been going to kill _Mirage_ and I thought that surely Mirage would have needed to do something about it. But Sunny had started to get mad, and he was growling: "I'm gonna kill that son of a glitch...." and I knew damned well that he didn't mean CJ.

I don't know what the most shocking thing was when we first went in there. CJ was in a heap against the wall and there was energon leaking from him across the floor and near him was Hound, dead still. Mirage was leaning against the bench, intakes heaving. There was a gun and broken cubes all over the floor and everything stank of high grade. Sideswipe was groaning and leaning over the bench and Sunny barged straight over to him and started shaking him and shouting: "Bro! _speak to me!"_ and Sideswipe moved and groaned again and said "I'm all right but oh ... _fragg it_ ..." and I didn't think he looked too bad after all. But Sunny turned straight on Mirage, and it was just as well that Prowl and Ironhide were there with Brawn because Mirage didn't look up to fighting Sunny.

Sunny went completely off and Prowl and Brawn had to really hang on to him. I could see now why everyone was so scared of Sunny when he got like this. Ironhide had hold of Mirage and Sunny was screaming at him, and Sides stood up and said "Cut it out!" and then he was standing there yelling: "Look at me you coghead, _I'm all right!_ Do you want to get yourself locked up as well?" I just stood there feeling useless. I did not even realise that Ratchet and Trailbreaker had arrived.

Ironhide shoved these handcuffs on Mirage. He was very rough. Mirage had tears in his optics and he was muttering things, you could tell he was hurting him and then I felt really sad as well and I felt tears in my own optics because whatever Mirage had done Ironhide didn't have to be that rough.

Sides was saying soothing things, and Sunny got a bit better then. Prowl let go of him and went over and snapped something at Mirage, then Ironhide was pushing Mirage out, and the three of them went off up the corridor. Brawn still had Sunny by the arm and he was still shaking and calling things out at Mirage as they took him away.

They all seemed to have forgotten I was there. Looking across I saw that Hound seemed all right and Breaker was stroking his face, but Hound seemed more worried about CJ, and CJ did look pretty bad. Hound struggled up and staggered over to where he was lying, and then Sunny and Sides and Breaker were there too, and Ratchet was working on him and looking in between them I could see him look up and gave them all a filthy look and told them to back off. Then he was looking down at CJ again and fiddling and cursing and I heard him say: "if Prowl don't do somethin' about this I'm just about ready to hand in my insignia!" which was nonsense, I thought, because of course Ratchet would never do that.

I was just wondering if I should perhaps just quietly go because it didn't look like I could do anything else when Prowl's head appeared in the doorway. "Bluestreak? Can you come with us please. We may need a hand ...."

Mirage just looked awful trudging along there in handcuffs and I felt awful being a part of this posse. But Prowl's voice had been the sort of voice you don't argue with, and I didn't like the look on Ironhide's face either. When we got down to the brig, Prowl flung Mirage into the cell and then locked the door _and_ activated the outer energy bars. I thought that was over the top. Mirage didn't even resist. He rolled over and lay there, and then he curled up into a ball and he had his arms over his head so you couldn't see it. It made my spark hurt and tears came out of my optics and I said: "What's going to happen to him?"

Prowl and Ironhide looked very cross about the tears, and I choked them back. Prowl said: "It will be up to Optimus Prime!" and Ironhide said "But I reckon th'writin's just about on the wall now ... and then he was looking at him lying there and he said "Y'know sometimes it's almost a shame to not be a Decepticon, cos I know for sure that that one o'them wouldn't be standin' here just lookin' at him right now..." and there was a real nasty look on his face, and Prowl gave a funny little grunt, although I got the impression he wasn't that happy with the comment.

I just felt terrible. I was sure in some way this was all my fault for not speaking up about the _thing_. I could hardly bear to look at Mirage. I really did love him, I thought. And I would make things up to him. Yes, I would! No matter what Sunny said ...

I just sat there feeling miserable. Then Brawn arrived and Prowl looked up. "Excellent!" he said. "You and Bluestreak can take first watch ..."

* * *

**Designation: Skywarp**

**Wing Commander, Decepticon Elite Aerial Command**

"The Earth's core offers an infinite range of exciting new possibilities .... in no time at all we shall be able to harness enough energy to_ finish_ the Autobots ... "

We had been in the command room for all of about five breems, but already it felt like a lifetime. Megatron raved on, obviously rapt at his plans to drill into the North Pole, but I think it was mainly to himself. TC stood next to me, very still and blue, and I sensed him not able to think of anything except what had just happened. The triplets looked bored and even Soundwave had a frown, as though something was on his mind too.

In the corner, on a stool, was Screamer. His optics were blank, his face expressionless. He looked as though despite his above average connection speeds and very superior self repair systems he'd barely managed to get himself in there. I felt too dazed even to wish he hadn't. Nevertheless, he did not look in my direction, and for that I was eternally grateful.

"I intend to lead an expedition to the pole in due course, leaving only a skeleton crew in control here ..."

I could not even begin to take in what he was saying. I was still trying to come to terms with the whole notion of Mirage actually wanting and needing me, and everything still swung between being overwhelmed with joy and scared witless at the implications. The more I marvelled at it happening, the more my spark shrank at the impossibility of it and the enormity of what could happen and the terror of whether I was up to this or not.

Worse, there seemed to be something else, a growing, gnawing feeling that even in the last few breems, things had changed, and that now what TC said about having to do something was more true than ever, and that, worse, if I didn't do it now then something else truly terrible would happen. Something much worse than what might have happened before. I also _knew_ that I was the only one who could stop it. The knowledge closed around my spark like a conquering vine. Horror ripped at me and the universe swam.

Megatron's voice became indistinct, the sounds murmuring into a distant echo. The command centre seemed to shrink, the walls closing in. My spark felt doubly heavy, as though weighed down by the presence of something else, urging me that no matter what else _I must get out of here_. At the same time, I suddenly had a wracking, overwhelming want – no, not want – need - to get to Mirage. Somehow! I was aware that my hands had clenched into balls.

Even though we were in the depths of a freezing cold ocean, I was suddenly burning up, the room airless and stifling. I felt as though I couldn't intake properly and I started to feel faint and sick. I From some distant recess I thought I caught the scent of something aromatic and sickly smelling and I found myself mouthing "don't do it, don't, don't, don't ... no ... please ..." with no idea what I was asking for and to who the request was going.

I could still hear the muffled sound of Megatron talking, obviously not noticing my state, but I was aware of Screamer looking across for the first time and beside me I felt TC' shift and his hand brush mine, and then his fingers close around it. Then a great lurch went all through my systems and I clutched hold of the console on the other side of me for support.

I saw Screamer's optics flash like lightning and he looked away. Soundwave shifted position. The triplets sniggered , and through the muffled heaviness I heard my own intakes sigh. I hung on to the console and I know I let out a groan. I felt TC shift protectively and then his arm was around me. "TC," I croaked, "help me. Help _us_ ..." A sharp stab of pain shot through my spark and everything lurched violently again

"Skywarp!" It was Megatron. His outline was right in front of me, and Soundwave's was there too. "Are you ill?" I nodded, my head swimming. TC's arm tightened protectively around me. "I suggest some fresh air is in order ..." intoned Soundwave.

It felt like a cage clamped itself around my spark and I struggled not to cry out. Everything was in a grey mist, and so I could not even see whether Megatron looked cross, really cross, or just a bit cross. "Take him out!" he snapped. I heard TC say "C'mon now ..." and I let go of the console and felt myself stagger forward, my weight falling heavily against him. "Stand up, Warp!" he hissed, and it brought things into greater focus just for an instant and the mist lifted a little, although I could not make anyone out as I attempted to straighten up and stagger from the room.

As we left, I heard Megatron roar: "Is there anyone else for whom the strain of being a Decepticon has simply proved too much?" but nobody said anything.

As we went out, a terrible sense of forboding swept all though me. Something awful _was _about to happen, I was convinced of it. The need to do something descended like a crushing blow and with it the sense of panic, much more acute before because I now felt more helpless than I ever had in my life and had even less idea what to do.

"TC!" I clutched at him, dimly aware that Soundwave had joined us outside. I started to shake and TC wrapped me in his arms and never before had his presence felt so comforting and reassuring. I heard Soundwave say, "the bond?" and TC said "yes". Soundwave said "Hmmmn I have been detecting problems. Settle him down, Thundercracker ... _do what you have to _..." and there was something not right about the way he said it, but then he was gone.

"TC _help me_!" I pleaded. I was shaking so hard my voice was coming out in wavers.

He was saying: "Warp. _Warp!_ Pull yourself together! You're no good to him like this!"

"I'm no good to him period!" I wailed.

I felt myself drawn up, and then the universe reverberated and my cheek stung violently and I realized he had slapped me, hard. "Shut up Warp!" he snapped. "_Shut up!_ If you ever say that again I'm gonna deactivate you myself!"

It was like a short, sharp, powerful electric shock. The universe swam back into focus, and I could breathe again. TC's optics burned before me, full of sorrow and fire. "Now listen ..." his voice was like dark steel velvet, his touch firm but gentle. "I have an idea ...."

* * *

**Designation: Mirage**

**Autobot Intelligence Officer**

I am, in fact, probably at my best under extreme stress.

I mean, I could understand why the Autobots became confused at my ability to function so well and yet, at other times, be a complete wreck. But they did not understand that when the latter occurred it was because I shut the universe out, disengaged or disillusioned or simply unchallenged. Never because I truly could not deal with it.

All the vorns that I ran my corporate empire, I thrived on stress. Even when the negotiations with Megatron were at their most difficult and failure was imminent, I survived. Through the long vorns after the start of the war when I operated alone, as both a spy and an assassin, it was my coolheaded coping which kept me alive and able to operate with such deadly effect. The times I was captured, I perhaps performed best of all, and now this, in the Ark, with two sets of bars in front of me, Brawn watching with a gun and a deactivation order imminent, was no different to any other capture situation I had ever been in with the Decepticons or anyone else.

Despite the traumatic happenings and a lingering trace of inebriation, I found myself able to view the situation in a very calculating way. Of course, I did not feel good. That could hardly be expected. But I did not feel nearly as bad as they thought I did. I am quite a good actor, if and when I need to be.

Now I started to think very systematically, as my superior logic circuits had been programmed to do, enhanced by all my special training at Trion.

I had to get out of there. That was the number one priority. I had no regrets about Cliffjumper and no time to consider any about Hound or Sideswipe. What had happened was unfortunate, but it had happened. Nothing could be done about it now. About my present situation, something could.

I had to not only get out of there but survive as well. Somehow. At least for a time.

Now, for the first time, I ignored the pain tugging at my spark and found myself surprisingly objective about Skywarp. For a start, I assured myself, there could be many reasons for his latest lack of communication; after all, it had hardly been a long time, had it? I forced my logic circuits to override any silly sentimental cackling which suggested anything other than a perfectly logical explanation. I allowed myself also to believe that I had entered a spark state with him, however rudimentary. On some level, I should, therefore, be able to get through - even though I doubted we would be able to "speak" as some claimed to do.

I thought very hard about him. And I found that although my spark ached again, I could sink into the pain so that it became a useful tool, rather than any enemy, and I found, to my amazement, that I could feel _him._ It was as though he was in my mind, but a watery, wavery impression. I found I could I _sense _things about him, nothing I could pinpoint with any accuracy no words or thoughts or even defined emotions, but more a _knowing. _I_ knew,_ for instance, that he was not alone. I _knew_ also that he was distressed just then, and I also _knew_ that it was because he _knew _something of what had happened. I also _knew_ that he was afraid for what may come next, and that he sought desperately to find a way to help me, but was afraid he could not.

Despite the seriousness of the situation a side of me felt light as a feather. If everything I had ever read on the subject was true the this was either a pre bonding state or something remarkably like one. I marvelled at the possibility, realizing that I felt wonderful and relieved and comforted in a way I would not have thought possible. Had I really been wanting this all along? Had I been that lonely? But there was no sense that I was doing this for the sake of doing it. Some way, somehow, Skywarp had entered my life, and something had begun between our sparks. Unlikely, impossible though this was. It had happened. And now I had a duty to ensure that whatever had started must run its course, and I became more determined than ever to get out.

I felt a wild thrill and excitement. Yet my logic circuits reminded me I must return to an objective state, or I would not succeed with escaping, surviving or being with him. This was not a question of succumbing to emotional longing for him, or being all helpless. I needed him to get me out of here. He had done it once and he could do it again. He needed to know this. A great rush of love coursed through me but once again, I steeled myself – steeled us both.

First, I needed something. It would be foolish indeed to try and venture out of there without the electro disruptor. I had placed it secretly before going to the rec room, and I needed to get it before Prowl and Ironhide got the authority to do a full sweep of my quarters.

I opened my optics, and found that I could see through the two sets of bars to where the watch station was. As luck would have it, Brawn appeared to have stepped out for a moment. Bluestreak sat there all alone. He half heartedly clutched a rifle, and on his face I could read misery, sorrow and guilt.

"_Bluestreak ...."_ I made myself sound in a far worse way than I actually felt.

"Mirage?" he was on his feet in an instant. As he came over, I saw that his face was streaked with tears. I sat up. I did not have time for the implications of that. Even if I had then I would probably have had little sympathy after the antics with Sunstreaker, but it was irrelevant. The point was to make good use of it the fact that he may well be the only one on the Ark with any sympathy left for _me_.

He was raving on. "I'm so sorry Mirage!" he was prattling. " I heard Cliffy had a gun and it wasn't really your fault ... you had to defend yourself ... had to defend your honour ... I understand ... it's all my fault, I'm sure it is ... they wanna deactivate you Mirage ... but I'm not gonna let that happen ... I'm gonna say something ..." and he broke down and started crying again.

"Bluestreak," I said, aware that my voice had just the right touch of resigned tragedy and hopelessness about it. "Pull yourself together. What will happen must happen. There's nothing you can do. Don't cry sweetspark. I've been in worse situations that this."

He cried harder and said "I really love you, Mirage! I'm so sorry. There must be something I can do. _There must be!"_

I paused. "Maybe there is something," I mused.

He looked at me through the bars with watery optics. "Anything," he whimpered.

I got up then and staggered over so I was closer to him. Stealing a glance towards the watch station to ensure we were still alone, I said: "I need you to fetch something for me, Bluestreak!"

His optics widened. I think he sensed what was coming and how much trouble it could get him into.

"Listen very carefully ..." I said.

* * *

_Next chapter – the Great Escape._

_Thanks for reading. Please R and R._


	23. Chapter 23 The Plan

**= Forbidden Fantasies =**

**By Ayngel**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any of the characters or concepts within. I make no money from this story or any other about Transformers._

In this chapter - TC's marvellousness knows no bounds. Mirage's fate looms nearer. Blue is still a ditz.

To my anon reviewer who said this fic was the 'Twilight' of TF's fics – I can't work out whether I should be flattered or not but I appreciate your reading and that's funny! (Which one's Ed and which one's Bel??) Personally I like the Twilight series – it keeps you reading – but I think things in this –er – come to fruition a little more than they do for Ed and Bel!

Thanks to everyone else who's reviewed and said good thingies elsewhere about the last couple of chapters, especially thanks mdnytryder for your encouraging comments on LJ. The reason why Mirage can't remember properly about CJ, incidentally, has been hinted at and will be fully revealed soon!

_Warnings: Adult themes, course language, implied slash._

* * *

**Chapter 23: The Plan**

**Thundercracker**

Warp's optics were glazed over and he looked as though he was in a trance. After I slapped him, he seemed to come to, although he still looked dazed. I grabbed his hand and pulled him away along the corridor.

A few steps away I felt him slow, and he tugged on my hand. "Why are you doing this?" he gasped.

I hauled him onwards without looking at him. "I'm fragged if I know!" I said. "Don't ask me again – right? I might decide it's a bad idea!"

Why was I doing it? It was hurting more than I'd ever known anything hurt in my life. Everything I was seeing in him I remembered going through myself. The sparkache, the sensations, the sudden flooding of the spirit with the essence of another which was so strong and yet so horribly illusive and intangible, the uncontrollable emotions – oh yes, I knew. And it hurt me as though it were me going through it again.

And it meant, of course, that I was losing him. That all the times of love, that intimate connection he'd shared with me was going to somebody else. Somebody he wanted instead of me. And it mattered not that Mirage was an enemy. It was the fact of him stealing my bondmate's spark which brought the dark clouds of pain swirling around me.

But yet, through the clouds, a ray of light glinted. The truth was that – even though we had been through all the bonding formalities – I could not recall a time when Skywarp had ever really been like this about me. Nor, if I was honest, had I ever gone through it over _him_. My memories of this state were from much further back and were – of another. Of a certain _golden twin_ to be exact. Yet all these aeons I had told myself that a strong bond was there with Skywarp, that we were together forever. Even when his infidelities - the glaring evidence of what rubbish that was - stared me in the face. And although the exposure of my life as such a sham was a further blow - and the fact that things were different with Mirage, an utter bombshell - I found hope in Sunstreaker. I knew, deep in my mind, that he was still there. And I also knew I must see him again.

I felt Skywarp stumble behind me. When I looked back, I still melted at the sight. I did love him, whether or not we had ever truly bonded. You do not need a bond to love someone. Love and bonds should go hand in hand, and often do, but not always. One look at him and my spark ached and I knew I had no choice but to help him.

Besides, I could not get it out of my processor that there was something important about Mirage being with Skywarp, something to do with his being an Alphamech. I sensed I almost had some duty to bring them together, and vaguely from the distant past I recalled talk of Seeker Alpha unions and the superior progeny which would result. And in a weird way this helped – I almost felt proud that my wingmate – I thought this a better terms now by which to refer to him – would be a part of some important Cybertronian process.

But another thought pressed me on more than any other. _Soundwave knew._ He knew! He had said: _"do what you have to do ..."_

Was he going to tell Megatron? Whatever happened, I had to get Warp away from here as soon as possible.

* * *

**Skywarp**

We arrived in the quarters and I still felt weak and shaky but he put his arms around me and I laid my head on his shoulder.

"It's all right." He was stroking my wing and it was very soothing. "This is powerful stuff ain't it?" he murmured.

That was an understatement! I clung on to him harder, and nodded into his shoulder. "Don't you hate me?" I whispered.

He put his finger under my chin and raised his face to look at me and stroked my cheek. "No," he whispered, I could never hate you, Warp. You've been a part of my life for almost as long as I can remember. I'm not going to abandon you now that you've ..." then there was a waver in his voice, and he pushed me gently away.

It went right to my spark. In a different sort of a way. A more painful one, somehow. "I can't help this, you know, TC." I said. "I don't know how it's happened. You know – I'll be honest TC, I always had the hots for him, and I always hoped I'd get a chance with him – somehow – but I never thought it would be like this ..."

"Yeah all right, you don't have to rub it in!" He crossed to a cabinet next to the window and started to open it. I could see he was struggling to stay on top of things and I wished I had kept my mouth shut. I pulled out a chair next to the table and lowered myself heavily on to it.

"The most important thing is that you get to him now, isn't it?" he was saying, stiffly. I could see past him that there were various odds and ends in the cabinet. He looked as though he were searching for something.

My thoughts were suddenly flooded again by Mirage. His attention had been momentarily off me, I realized, and the panic had subsided, giving me a window to give my attention to TC. Now, the urgency started to build up again, along with the nerves and excitement. "OK," I said, aware that my voice had gotten shaky again. "What's the plan?"

TC shut the cabinet and returned with a small rectangular object which he placed on the table. In his hand was a micro control panel. I recognised this as a mini holo generator, of the sort we sometimes carried around when mapping recreationally. TC flicked a switch and the picture of an ocean dotted with islands immediately flickered into view above the table. I recognised it as an area some distance from the base which I had done a reconnaissance of some time ago when we first came to Earth.

"You know where this is?" TC now sounded all businesslike. I nodded.

"Follow closely!" he said. He moved a finger across the panel and the scene shifted. More ocean. More islands, many of them just big patches of sand with a few trees on the top. Then they seemed to get larger and to be covered in mountains and dense vegetation. "Bingo!" he said. He honed in a long thin one. "That island," he said, "is called Mantu by the humans!"

The sick feeling was coming back on top of the sense of urgency. "What about it?" I croaked.

He was already zooming in on it. There was a click when he could not draw in any more. I leaned closer, a little bewildered but hope rising in my spark.

We were looking at a steep slope covered by dense vegetation on the southern side with a long and empty looking beach stretching just below. Gentle, white topped waves washed on to the shore. Above, dotted among the trees, I could see outcrops of greyish rock. "Note the coordinates Warp!" said TC. And when I was still just staring at the scene, he barked: "Do it!" I jumped, but committed them to the teleportation power chip sequencer. "Done," I said.

"See there ..." he was indicating at the jungle some way above the beach. "In there - there's this big cave in the rocks. There's – quite a bit of stuff in there. Provisions. Lots of energon. Some weapons and a few spare parts. The humans on the island don't go there, so you'll be all right ..."

His voice trailed off and again I found myself in a state between longing for Mirage and the deep love and affection I felt for my bondmate, although I wondered, with a twang of emotion, if I should still call him that. I brought my focus back and tried to concentrate on the suddenly revealed, mysterious existence of this apparently secret hideaway.

"How come?" I said.

He let out a sigh. "Well Warp, you know me well enough to know that I like exploring. And I like caves – and things. Ones on Earth here are interesting, and nice and cool and dark and they smell good ..." he was fighting back tears. "I found this one quite by chance. I quipped it out because I thought you and I ... " he wiped a hand across his optics " ... I thought you might appreciate a bit of a break from this place sometime if and when we ever got the chance."

For a moment love for him overwhelmed whatever I felt for Mirage, and I wished none of this had happened. Why couldn't I just have been content to be with TC and let that be that? Why did everything have to be so complicated? Then I thought of Mirage again and the mad desire and urgency came back and at the same time I despaired. "That's parsecs away, TC! And he can't fly!" I cried. "I could get there in jumps, I guess, but I'd never be able to take in enough energy for us both!"

Flicking off the hologram, TC looked at me with a watery smile. He took a deep intake. Then, opening a cavity in his arm, he produced two oblong capsules. "With these you will," he said.

My optics must have widened. Oh I knew what those were! Super energon concentrate capsules, capable of generating massive surges and increasing endurance about five fold. They speeded all your systems up too, - and they made you feel pretty damned good. They had been highly illegal before the war and to obvious advantages during it, but frowned upon eventually, even by Megatron, because of the number of mechs who ended up hopelessly hooked on them.

I hadn't used them for a while. I'd had a bit of a problem with them back on Cybertron.

"Where did you get those?" I gasped.

"Old stocks," he said "I know better than to leave this stuff lying around where you could find it," he grabbed my hand and pressed them into my palm and closed my fingers around them "Now you be careful with them. Don't overdo it ..." He looked at me sternly. And him - from what I can gather Alphas handle themselves pretty well on stuff like this," he muttered, "but I don't want two dead mechs in the middle of the Pacific on my conscience all the same."

"TC!" I reached across and grabbed his hands even as it seemed Mirage cried out to me in desperation. And then it struck me, an appalling stark reality. "TC!" I gasped, "_I don't know where to get him from..."_

TC's optics were full of love as he ran a finger down my cheek. "Well," he said, "we'd better put in a call and find out, hadn't we?"

I despaired. "TC!" I said weakly. "Don't be daft! I can't just call up the Ark!"

"No," he said, "but I can!"

* * *

**Bluestreak**

When Brawn came back, Gears came stumping in next to him. "You can go, kid!" Brawn said. Gears was standing there looking at me with his arms folded and a grumpy expression. Perfect! This would give me just the chance I needed.

I looked quickly across at Mirage. He had laid down on the floor again with his back to us and was still. I could see his intakes heaving softly and a great feeling of love went all through me. I had to do this for him. Without bothering to answer Brawn, I took off past them through the door and headed in the direction of the elevator and the officers quarters.

Using the code Mirage had given me, I opened the access doors to the officers' corridor. A quick glance around and nobody in sight, so I crept in. Looking ahead I could see his door on the end, a bit away from the others. His quarters were probably about as secluded as you could get on the Ark, although he'd still complained about them - but then, that was understandable, really. He shouldn't have to be crowded. I remember thinking that, and then I remembered so well the times I had come here and felt very sad, thinking again that I had made a mistake with Sunny. I was still mulling it over when one of the other doors opened and Ironhide's voice boomed out: "Can't figure out why we can't just put him in lock now!"

Just next to me was another door which was obviously not an entrance to quarters. Praying that the code Mirage had given me would work on this as well I punched in the numbers. To my relief it did, and I saw that I had opened a storage cupboard. I dived inside and the door slid shut just as I was aware of Ironhide and Prowl emerging into the corridor.

They stopped right the other side of the door! "He has a right to be heard," Prowl was saying stiffly. "But don't stress, Hide! I doubt that he will be able to offer an explanation good enough to allow him back his freedom!" Ironhide grunted something like: "hope you're right ..."

I froze, hardly daring to breathe, and shuddered at the thought of what Ironhide and Prowl would say if they knew I was there. And Optimus Prime! He was really nice, but all the same - trespassing in officers quarters and helping a criminal? I winced at the word, but that was what they thought Mirage was. I could hear Prime now: "This is very serious, Bluestreak! I appreciate your wanting to help Mirage, but under the circumstances I have no option but to recommend the same punishment as he will receive ... you will both be placed in stasis lock!"

And even though I probably deserved that, my circuits felt like they'd iced over.

Then there was the sound of the main door swooshing open and another voice. "Prime's back," it said. "He's waitin' in the conference room. It was Jazz – except that I thought he sounded very un-Jazzlike and not his usual cheerful self at all.

Ironhide grunted. "Let's get this over with!" he said. "Indeed!" said Prowl. Then their footsteps were receding and I heard the door swoosh open, but just before they went out of audial range I heard Prowl say: "Don't let us forget to mention the audial distractor ..." and somehow I knew that was the _thing_ and it made me feel sick

I waited for a few clicks in case they came back, but everything was quiet. Taking a deep intake, I hit the door release mechanism and it slid open to reveal an empty corridor.

Inside his quarters, there was that faint aromatic scent of him and it was very still and quiet. A shiver went through my circuits. His presence felt really strong, and it was almost like he was in here, watching me. For a moment I thought he might be – that perhaps he had already escaped. After all, he was very clever. But no – that didn't make sense. And I thought of the two sets of bars and knew it was impossible.

On the berth was all this stuff neatly stacked and it looked like he had been planning to go away anyway, even before the row in the rec room. Things must have been really bad for him, and my spark hurt at the realization of that, and I was surer than ever that this was all my fault! I'd been so stupid choosing Sunny and not Mirage. If I'd been there in the rec room with Mirage, and then said we should go and snuggle up and make love, then none of this would have happened!

Well, I was going to put things right. And I didn't care if Sunny hated him! Suddenly Sunny was not seeming so great any more. In spite of his connector ....

The Electro Disruptor was easy to find. I picked it up gingerly from the secret compartment beneath the floor, almost afraid to be holding it in case I did something to it and broke it. Then I grabbed the com Mirage wanted, and the little survival pack he had asked for from the pile on the berth, and with a last sad look at the room where I'd loved him so much, crept out and away up the corridor.

* * *

**Mirage**

I wondered how Bluestreak was going to find an excuse to come back here and, even more, how he was going to get the Disruptor to me. I had to face facts. He might not be able to. In which case I was just going to have to pray that the intensity of feelings and strange link I'd been feeling with the Seeker was not my imagination and that with a little more focus from me he really would pull off the same stunt as he had before.

I lay there and concentrated everything I could on him. I felt as though he had drifted slightly but now his attention was back on me and, _yes_, a thrill went through me as I thought I could faintly detect a notion of making plans which involved me. I screwed up my optics and curled tighter and thought harder.

"How's Cliffie doin'?" Brawn's voice clanged through me like a jackhammer and it was obvious he had intended it that way.

"Not too good!" said Gears, equally loudly. "Head injuries and critical lines severed. Lot o'damage. Ratch has got him in a coma and he's workin' on him now." He sounded sad and bitter. Brawn gave a grunt in response.

It jerked my thoughts away from Skywarp. Had I really done that much damage? A twinge of guilt ran through my processor. Yes, I would have. I would have sought out the weak spots and disabled Cliffjumper when I picked him up. The location of critical junctions and their sabotage came automatically to me in any hand to hand combat situation. It made me a formidable ally and very dangerous to the Cons - except that now I was dangerous to the Bots as well – a fact which I was certain Prime was mulling and nodding over right now.

"He can pack a punch," Brawn was saying. "Pity it doesn't get used on the Decepticons a bit more," as though to rub it in.

"Yeah!" said Gears. "Worships the ground he walks on, Cliffie does. Poor little mite! Of course, he's always tryin' to make out it don't mean nothing what happened in the past. Hound's fooled. But Huff and me ain't."

Pulled away from my concentration again, I was aware once more of that strange feeling about Cliffjumper, of something there which I could not quite put my finger on. Whatever it was, it softened my feelings towards him and I felt even guiltier. Primus, what had been with me lately? I should have had better control. Did this spark stuff involve losing your sanity?

But I _could not_ think like that. I forced my thoughts back to Skywarp. It proved impossible, though, because there was the sound of the door opening and then several sets of footsteps entering the room. There was a scraping of chairs and mechs getting up. "Well?" Gears voice said.

"It looks like he's goin' in lock!" There was no mistaking the excitement in Ironhide's voice. "Prime wants to consider the evidence and give him a hearing when we got Red and Smokescreen down here. In the meantime, he reckons it's too risky to keep him functioning ...."

My worst fears were confirmed.

* * *

**Bluestreak**

As I rounded the corner to the elevator, I nearly ran straight into Sides and Sunny.

Sunny looked pissed off. "There you are!" he snapped. "You didn't have to take off like that, you know!"

I gawked at him, not really knowing what to say. I was acutely aware of Mirage's items stashed in my cavities and I thought of Sunny's little display in the rec room. Would he go off like that again if he knew they were there? I simply could not afford to be on the receiving end of that. He must not find out.

He took a step closer. "It wasn't you I was riled at," he was saying, "surely to Primus you realize that! Or are you even more of a dumaft than I thought?"

From beside him, Sideswipe said "Sun ...." and laid a hand on his arm.

I looked at both of them. "I had to do guard duty until Gears got back." I said.

Sunny was still glaring at me, his optics demanding more, and Sides still had his hand on my arm. But then Sunny changed. He smiled. "Ah well, you're here now!" he said. Sides looked relieved and removed his hand. "Well, I guess it's good to see you!" he said. "I could do with some revitalisation!" And he moved over and put his arm around me and tried to kiss me.

But I felt strange then, like my circuits went all creepy, and suddenly I didn't really feel like doing that. I wanted to feel Mirage against me, not him, and I thought of Mirage lying all curled up in the cell and my frame shuddered. I recoiled.

Sunny snatched his arm away as though he'd been burned. "What in Kell is the matter?" he snarled.

"Sunny ..." said Sideswipe, replacing the hand on the arm. "It's been a long day and we're all tired ..." He looked at me, and I thought he looked very weary, and I thought of how he'd been slumped across the bar earlier, and how his self repair systems must be working overtime because he hadn't even been to the medbay. "Maybe we should just all go to quarters?" he said. I felt sorry for him, although it didn't make me not want Mirage. I nodded agreement.

Sunny's optics blazed. He looked at me and then at Sides. "Oh yeah?" he said. "Well you go right ahead, bro! If that's what you want. "But as for me ..." he turned his attention back, " ... there's something I need to ..." He made a move towards me again, but just then, before he could seriously try anything, his com went off. He frowned and he and Sideswipe looked at each other and I found myself backing away from them.

The com beeped. Sides sighed. Sunny flicked the access panel open on his wrist. _Beep beep beep_ it was going, but he just stared at it. Sideswipe threw his hands in the air. "Well answer the bloody thing!" he said, "Primus!" He turned away. But a strange thing had happened. A_ look_ had come over Sunny - a strange look - kind of like a cross between wonder and confusion.

Then his face went all kind of really soft and caring - like I'd never seen in all the times I'd been with him since we'd been on the Ark. He moved away from us and turned away. "Um – _hi!"_ I heard him say into the com and his voice was – well it sounded all light and almost _shy._ "Hey there!" He said. "How're ya doin? Geez I was so hoping you'd ..." then he glanced back at Sideswipe and me, awkwardly, as though he wished we weren't there. He turned away again and moved over towards the elevator. "This ain't a real good time!" he said into the com, still with that _softness._ "Can I call ya back?"

Beside me, Sideswipe raised his optics skyward and muttered: "Oh Primus ..." Me, I was just confused. I remembered Mirage then, and was suddenly very aware that I should get going to the brig - but what if this was important and Sunny got all mad again? Yet, it didn't look as though it was important. Not in the usual sort of way. Whatever that was. But it was relevant to me, I was sure.

I caught Sideswipe looking at me. "It's Wheeljack," he said. "He sometimes calls Sunny – like this. They're – er - old friends. He smiled. "Perhaps you should get going."

I looked at Sunny. He had changed again. He was pacing mildly, his back still to us "Well, why the fraggin' kell do you wanna know that? He's right here of course!" he was saying loudly into the com. "He's in the slaggin' brig! There's been shit goin' down here like you wouldn't believe!" Yet despite what he was talking about, he looked – elated.

I was confused. Surely Wheeljack would know what had happened in the rec room today? And that look! And then a terrible thought occurred. Sunny couldn't possibly have been _- two timing me with Wheeljack!_ Could he?

Sideswipe gave me a nod and wink. "Go on," he said "Scoot!" He had a look in his optic. I was right!

Sunny had paused in his conversation. Without another thought I hurried into the elevator and pressed _basement_ and the doors snapped shut. I must say, part of me was feeling shocked and a bit cross about Wheeljack, but in another way my spark soared! This let me off the hook! I mean - I didn't need to feel so guilty about Mirage, did I?

Mirage! My _real _love! I'd wasted far too much time up there with Sides and Sunny. What had I been _thinking _of? As soon as the elevator pulled up, I took off for the brig at a run.

By the time I got to the brig I was desperate about Mirage, and just so in love with him I could hardly think straight. But as I drew up outside the door, I heard voices inside. Ironhide's unmistakable booming tones and Prowl's staccato ones. They were back from Optimus Prime's office already!

Ironhide was saying "Well, we may as well get on with it! Prime's orders ..."

The energon froze in my circuits. My pump nearly stopped.

Oh by Primus! _I was too late!_

* * *

**Thundercracker**

Even though he kind of bit my head off when I asked about Mirage, and then he was raving on about what had obviously been a _remarkably_ nasty incident - for the Autobots, I thought - just hearing Sun's voice had an amazingly calming effect.

I had the com on internal receive, and Warp could not hear his voice. It washed all over me, soothing away the pain and the hurt and I imagined his arms around me and my head on his shoulder. The sensation was so overwhelming that for a moment I almost lost track of the com call. I wanted to just get up and say: "life's horrible and I just want to see you and to _Kell _with the consequences." But Warp moved then and made an agitated noise across the table and I remembered what I had called Sun for. And that this _news_ I had just been given was hardly going to make things easy.

"Why, d'ya wanna know about that piece of pit?" Sun was demanding again. There was no mistaking the venom in his voice and I realized I was undergoing a rapid re-education in the _Things in life which piss Sunny off_. Like the half caste thing with Mirage – which was undoubtedly what this was about. Still! After all these aeons.

I thought, with a rush of emotion, how I still knew him very well.

"Ravage has been acting strange," I said, still looking at Skywarp, whose optics were wide now and he was getting that pale, trance like look about him again. "We thought Mirage might have been – at the base. The Cat goes like this sometimes when he's around."

How I hated lying to him! Every counteractive synapse fired in protest. But there was Warp in front of me looking really distressed now, and I felt a great surge of love for him, and it forced me to stay on track. I reached across the table and laid a hand on his wrist. Then I returned to the conversation.

"Believe me, I wish he _was_ there!" Sun was saying. "If there's one mech I wouldn't mind watching that Cat tear apart it's him!" I winced, glad Warp couldn't hear. Part of me was amazed that Sun was, apparently, still so hung up about this. And I was faintly amused that the Autobots, the custodians of good intermech relations and peace had failed to solve this particular antagonism. Yet another part was not so surprised. Much of Sun's beauty lay in his intensity. My Spark gave a flutter.

There was a strangled utterance from the other side of the table. "TC ..." Warp croaked. I reached across and squeezed his hand again. _"Nearly there," _I mouthed. He put his head in his hands.

"So," I said to Sun, trying to sound as jovial and casual as I could. "How do you lock 'em up there? I mean – you got some underground chamber?"

"I wish!" he said. "But nah – Brig's on the lowest level and we got plutonium bars and a set of energy reinforcers. But I think he's gonna get put in stasis lock ..." I winced again and Skywarp started to cry quite pitifully, as though he had heard every word, and I felt a spasm of pain in my own spark.

"You don't know how much I've missed you ..." Sunny was saying. The pain got worse, and I grappled with the need to terminate the conversation _now_ but yet desperately needing to hear this, feeling as though my spark might melt. "You too ... " I dropped my voice to the barest whisper: "We gotta get together soon ..." and the words slipped out so easily.

_"TC ..."_ wailed Warp. He was so upset that he had not even begun to take in the implications of what had just been said - or even who I had been talking to.

"Gotta go now!" I whispered. "Can't chance our afts too much. Thanks for the info, I just –" I lowered my voice even more. "I just wanted to hear your voice, too." Then I clicked the com off decisively, but just before he went off the air I heard him say: "I love ya Thunder ..."

My Spark leapt, but I had no time to consider it. _"I'm too late aren't I?"_ Skywarp was howling. "What am I going to do, TC ... _what am I going to do_?" He snatched his hand away and then he had his head in both hands again and he was shaking, violently.

"_Warp!"_ I got up and came around to his side of the table and, bending to his level and taking his hands, tilted his face up to look at me. "Search your thoughts," I whispered. "Search _his_ mind. Is that how it is?"

The shaking subsided a little and he was silent, again pressing his face into his hands in concentration. "No," he said, in a strangled voice. He looked up at me, his face streaked with tears_. "But I don't have much time, TC!"_

"Then pull yourself together!" I said. "Look at me! You do want this don't you?" Then something seemed to snap and I stood up. "Kell, Warp!" I said. "_I _want this for you. I love you, you idiot! Whatever happens now, if you don't do this, then all our time together - that's all been for nothing!"

He raised his head and it was as though his optics glowed with one last flush of the love he had also once felt for me. Then they seemed to unglaze, and he recovered a little. He stood up and I took a step back. To my relief, a resolved look swept over him. He nodded, then looked at me. "Where do I go?" he said.

"You gotta teleport into the Ark and get to the basement! They've got Mirage in the brig ... he - er - took out Cliffjumper," I added by way of explanation.

His optics widened. Yet even as he said it, there was a new look of determination about him. He nodded. "Right ..." he said.

"You can do this, Warp!"

His optics sparkled, for the first time. _"Cliffjumper?"_ he said. "That's outstanding!" Then his face lit up. He looked at me. "Hey, TC - I reckon I can do this!"

But it was not to be. The door whooshed open, and framed by the doorway stood a most familiar red and blue winged figure, his face a combination of fury and smugness. I noticed, now that the face was at closer range and in better light, that it looked thoroughly the worse for wear, and as though Starscream had done some too hasty repair job on himself. I remembered then what Warp had said about Starscream trying to rape him and I could only surmise Warp had done him some damage, and a furious anger stirred deep within my spark.

Starscream looked from one to the other of us and despite his obvious discomfort, there was no mistaking the malevolent triumph in his voice.

"Thundercracker, Skywarp!" he said. "So sorry to break this up. This little reunion is - _most touching,_ but I'm afraid Megatron wants to see you. He is rather in need of an explanation ..."

He glowered at both of us.

_"Right now!"_

* * *

_Beware a knocked-back Starscream_

_I couldn't help just one more cliffhanger!_

_Sorry for nicking a line out of Ghostbusters. I guess I don't own that either :-)_

_Please R and R. Cheers, *A*_


	24. Chapter 24 Contact

**= Forbidden Fantasies =**

**By Ayngel**

* * *

_Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any of the characters or concepts within. I make no money from this story or any other about Transformers._

In the cartoon, I could never work out whether that whacking great thing which Mirage carts around on his shoulder was the electro disruptor or not. It is described as such in some bios, but not in others, and in the Countdown to Extinction Episode he fires a missile from it. I am therefore taking it that it wasn't and that the ED was a much smaller, innocuous looking device – which Bluestreak easily concealed in his arm. The canon Nazis will surely get me if I am wrong.

This chapter's quite long, but I really couldn't bear another wait for them to make contact :D

The darker side of TC here - he's reached the end of his tether.

Blue is still a ditz.

Thanks again reviewers :-) :D

_Warnings: Adult themes, course language, implied slash._

* * *

**Chapter 24: ****Contact**

**Starscream**

I stood there feeling completely humiliated and tried to shrink back into the shadows. I could feel Soundwave's optics upon me, the cat was eyeing me wickedly and every now and then one or more of the triplets sniggered. _Everybody_ was getting a piece of my predicament! How dare he have done this!

And Megatron went on and on and on - about the _damned_ North Pole ….

Then I could see Skywarp start to get agitated and I tried not to acknowledge the reason. I mean – this hadn't really gone that far, had it? It couldn't really be _like that_, could it?

Then I thought _yes, it could._ It could have been for me, with Mirage, if circumstances had been different. If he had not, at the time of our liaison, been a prisoner. As it was, I had felt strongly enough to let him go, had I not? Risking my life and my command. And had I not also ensured that Hook removed enough of his memories that he would never recall the hideous time before I took control of the situation? Even though he did not know this.

I felt Soundwave looking at me strangely again and turned my attention back to Skywarp. I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened just breems earlier and I could feel it in the depths of my being. It hurt. As well as that it was also Mirage. The whole thing hurt! Between the two of them, they had all but driven a dagger into my spark …

Then Skywarp turned grey and clutched at the console, and Thundercracker grabbed his hand. What a fool! Oh I was sure Skywarp would have blabbered about what happened outside – his version of course. But he would not, I thought with sly satisfaction, have told Thundercracker what our row was about. Ha! And there the idiot was, a picture of sympathy and support, whilst his bondmate schemed over how to cheat on him with an Autobot!

Well! Skywarp was in for some punishment for his treachery and for the spasms I was getting all down my left side and Thundercracker was in for a rude shock!

Then Skywarp seemed to lose it completely and Thundercracker took him outside. Ill, he told Megatron. _Ill! _And the imbecile swallowed it.

I would, I thought, give it a few moments and then rein them both in, in no uncertain terms, and the strength of my authority would be abundantly clear to every other Decepticon on the base.

Then Megatron and Soundwave would see how well and truly in command of my own trine I was, and it would give Megatron something to think about as far as his continuation in the top job went.

* * *

**Bluestreak**

I took a deep intake and hit the door release mechanism. Brawn and Gears were still in their seats at the watch post. They looked up sharply. "I thought I told yer you weren't needed any more!" said Brawn, and Gears scowled at me like I was a naughty sparkling.

They were so rude! But I did not really think of that at the time. My attention went straight to the cell and to Mirage lying motionless on the ground. The energy bars had been disabled and Ironhide was waiting outside the plutonium grid, and then I saw that Prowl was punching a sequence into a panel on the wall.

I could feel Gears' glare. "I – er – left a datapad in here!" I stuttered, and made a show of looking. He grunted. Out of the corner of my optic, I saw the grid slide into the ceiling and Ironhide move in, accompanied by Brawn.

They grabbed Mirage very roughly and hauled him to his feet and I winced. As they moved him around I could see his face and he looked grey and dazed and barely conscious. Had they _done something_ while I was away? It nearly broke my spark.

Gears got up. "Ratch got things organized?" he asked.

"He will have by the time we get there!" said Ironhide. "Spark stasis set up don't take long to put together – 'specially when you've already got it half ready!" Brawn and Gears laughed roughly and I thought how they were really nasty pieces of pit and I was never going to like them ever again, no matter how bad Cliffjumper was or what Optimus Prime said.

Mirage was limp, and his head hung. Gears was right in front of him, and I could see his relays flexing. He had a real agro look about him now. When those minibots got like that, you knew why we had so many of the fraggers on our team. Even Prowl sounded a bit worried. "Er - easy guys," he said, and he glanced at me.

Gears turned around and glared. "What the frag are you still doin' here?" he snarled, and Brawn and Ironhide shot me filthy looks as well. Despite Prowl being there I was terrified about what would happen to Mirage if I left, and there was no damned way I was leaving.

"Er - I'm sure it's here somewhere," I said, hunting around the desk. Gears turned angrily towards me now with his hands on his hips. "You didn't even have a fraggin' pad!" he said .

Prowl's com went off then and Prowl snapped it open "Medbay to Prowl. All systems go!" It was Ratchet.

"Copy" said Prowl, then he snapped it off again. "Come on!" he said to Ironhide and Brawn, "I know how you feel but we need to get on with this." Gears cussed and moved to one side as they hauled Mirage forward.

I despaired! How was I going to get anything to him? I was too late. I had failed! I had made stupid mistakes and chosen the wrong lover and now they were going to do this awful thing to the One I should be with! In my head I was saying _"please forgive me!"_ over and over and just hoping he could somehow hear.

But then, as they came near the door, Mirage looked up and shot a glance at me, and his optics were that piercing blue, and there was a shiny glint in them. It was only for a microsecond, but my spark leapt. _He was going to do something! _Of course, he was feigning this. I should have known. He was far too clever to let this happen to him!

It was hard not to show my excitement. Slowly, I moved back next to the door and, opening the compartment, put my hand over the Electro Disruptor. I struggled to keep a dead pan face. Somehow I must get it to him.

"Just a moment!" said Prowl as they neared the inner security door and it slid open. He came around and faced Mirage, who did not look at him. "I have a duty to ask you, and I am bound to record your answer," he said, "have you anything to say in mitigation of your actions?"

Brawn and Ironhide looked less than happy, and Gears scoffed and turned away. "Protocol!" said Prowl. "Pre Stasis Lock Regulation two hundred and four, subclause nine." He turned back to Mirage. "Well?"

For a moment Mirage did not move, and I thought he must be damaged after all. But then he raised his head slowly and looked straight at Prowl, and he suddenly looked all classy and defiant. "Yes, I do" he said in his eloquent, perfect voice, his optics glowing very bright.

Then he looked at Gears, his optics that unwavering blue. "You and your tribe …," he said, still ever so calm and _soo_ polite, " … are nothing but an uncivilized, uncouth rabble who should never have been removed from the silennium pits!"

Prowl's mouth fell open and I saw Ironhide's grip tighten on Mirage, and Brawn growled and tightened his grip to the point where if Mirage hadn't been made of superior alloys there would definitely have been a dint there.

Gears stiffened and his optics glowed purple with rage. "Why you ..." he started forward. But Prowl put a hand out in front of him. "Easy ..." he said. "This makes it simpler, actually, Gears."

But Mirage ignored him. "Furthermore," he addressed the fuming minibot, a slight smile now on his face, "your disgusting little thug of a friend deserved everything he got…." He turned his head to look at Brawn. "It really is time you put him on a leash!"

Gears exploded. I mean, if I thought Sunny had gone off earlier it was _nothing _compared to this. He shoved Prowl backwards and flew at Mirage, all fists and red fury. Mirage seemed to buckle and fall backwards, but he still had hold of Brawn and Ironhide and somehow he pulled them down too and they crashed down on either side, just as Prowl yelled: _"No! You'll ruin the case!"_

Then Gears was on top of Mirage and he was shouting "I'll kill you, you piece of pit!" and all I could see was fist after fist just pounding and I was sure he _would_ kill him. I went to fly at the little fragger, but before I could do anything there was an almighty clang and I had to jump sideways as he shot backwards and straight into Prowl, and they hit the deck with a crash, Gears on top. At the same time, there was another *_clang* _and Brawn and Ironhide seemed to go down on their backs again.

And Mirage was up! Primus, he was amazing! He looked completely unscathed and he moved like a cybercat! It was like CJ said it was on the bridge with those Seekers that day, and despite everything I felt guilty for not believing him! All the others were still sprawled and groaning and he was just _there_ all recovered and all lithe, deadly beauty!

All I could do was move back and stare and say: _"WOW … !!!"_ It probably looked silly, but I couldn't help it.

His optics met mine. "Bluestreak!" he hissed, and before any of them could regain their composure I had slipped the electro disruptor to him. He shimmered, and disappeared, but just before he went he gave me the tiniest smile and my spark leapt.

Now an alarm was sounding loudly and there were feet running in the distance, and Ironhide and Brawn and Prowl were on their feet, and Ironhide and Brawn were looking wildly around and Gears was on the ground groaning and Prowl was saying "shit, _shit ..."_

"Bluestreak ..." the lovely voice was right behind me. "Did you get the rest of the gear?"

Now the door was opening, and in were coming Jazz and Ratchet and Bumblebee. "Shut the damned door!" yelled Prowl, and Bee lunged at the panel and it snapped to, and then Prowl and Ironhide were just standing there staring around, intakes heaving, and the newcomers looked bewildered. Gears was still on the ground moaning and looking hurt, and Brawn went over to him and bent down.

Ratchet glared at everyone. He looked really jacked off about everything! He glanced at Gears. "You all right?" he growled. "My groin relay's busted!" said Gears. "Move him out of the way!" said Ratchet to Brawn, and I heard him mutter: "Bloody minibots! As if I haven't had enough of them today … "

Even though that was rather sparkless for a medic, I felt a twinge of satisfaction.

I wondered if Mirage had, in fact, managed to somehow slip out when they came in, although I did not see how he would have got through the outer door. But whilst they were talking the voice whispered again just behind me. "Bluestreak!" Nobody was looking at me. "My arm!" I hissed. I put my hand behind my back and then I felt his gentle touch as he removed the pack and the com, and even in that situation his hands were all lovely and it made all my circuits tingle. There was the faintest breath of air as he moved away.

"What in Kell is goin' on?" Jazz looked furious. The question was addressed to Prowl.

"We – er – lost him" said Prowl. "He had the ED …"

Jazz looked absolutely wild! "Did anyone think to check that before yas shoved him in here?" he yelled. "Or were yas too busy gloatin' over the chance to get him in lock?"

Bee made a noise and Ironhide's optics flared. "Now look …" he started towards Jazz, but Prowl moved defensively in front of him and Bee shot over there as well. Ironhide and Prowl locked optics and I could see Bee tense. It was an unhappymoment. The Bee and Jazz part must have been a Special Ops thing. Without Mirage, of course.

"Autobots, _pull yerselves together!_" It was Ratchet, glaring around. There was silence. I'd seen Ratchet have that effect before. It was amazing how he sometimes took control. He was really impressive – much more than Prowl and Ironhide -although even scarier.

"Now look," he growled, "I don't wanna have to get Prime in on this. He's in a teleconference with the United Nations. Didn't wanna be disturbed…." He glowered at us all again. "Now the prisoner must be in here somewhere. Spread out, and be extra aware!"

It was a 'don't frag with me' voice. Everyone began to move slowly backwards, forming a circle and casting around. Brawn had moved Gears over against the wall and he got up and joined us. Everyone was just looking all around and up at the ceiling and then at each other. I hated that word "prisoner." But I didn't think of it and made sure I was doing the going backwards thing too.

Jazz turned to Prowl _"What a fraggin' stuff up!"_ he said angrily.

"Shut yer mouth" Ironhide looked furious. "He's all right!" Prowl barked at him. "Jazz," he said, much more gently, "are you sure this isn't too much of a conflict of interest …" Ironhide scoffed.

"All of you shut up!" bawled Ratchet. "You really want me to disturb Prime?" He stopped and through a stony glare around. Everyone else stopped and there was silence again. "Now, use yer brains, Autobots!" he said. "This room is not that big! Everyone be still and quiet. Draw weapons, and set on stun." I thought Ironhide and Brawn looked disappointed about the 'stun.'

Some pretty formidable looking weapons appeared. Jazz, Bee and Prowl all drew out photon rifles, and Brawn produced some huge crossbow type thing. The size of Ironhide's canon made me feel sick, and I wondered if either it or the crossbow thing even had a stun mode. I prayed for Mirage, even though I'm not religious. I pulled out my own rifle and made a show of flashing it around.

As the weapons clicked into mode, the voice whispered again, right beside my left audial. "Cause a distraction!" it said. "I'm getting in the carcass crypt!"

I thought for a moment and then I winced again. The carcass crypt, I remembered, was this large compartment in the floor where they stored bodies of mechs who didn't make it. I'd only been in there once but it was creepy and stank of death. I wanted to say "no, not that!" because the thought of Mirage going in there was just awful, but he had swept away again.

Everything went deathly quiet. You could have heard a nail drop! Then there was a very tiny noise from the centre of the ceiling. "Up there!" I yelled. Immediately everyone took aim and half a dozen energy streams shot upwards.

The streams whizzed and pinged, ricocheting off the pipes, but it was obvious nothing got hit. "Hold your fire!" roared Ratchet.

Just before the shooting stopped I caught the faintest movement on the other side of the room, next to the cell. It looked as though a panel was closing in the floor. They must not see it! "The main door!" I yelled, firing in the opposite direction, and everyone opened up again.

This time it went on for longer and made more noise. "Primus all mighty!" Ironhide's voice rose above it. He stopped firing and turned to me. I put my gun down straight away. His canon was still hovering in my general direction and I looked at it warily. "Kid," he said, "I know this is exciting for ya, _but I think we need a slightly better strategy!_" Everyone else had stopped firing again too.

"I guess this is why the Decepticons can never catch him!" Bee said, reloading his weapon. It sounded like Jazz stifled a laugh. "Silence!" snarled Ratchet.

But just then, there was a muffled noise from over by the wall, and everyone's heads turned. Gears was trying to say something! I froze. He was indicating over by the cell – exactly where I had thought I'd seen the portal close. He'd seen it!

A ripple went through the group. Prowl, who seemed to have resumed control, nodded and motioned for everyone to stay quiet. He, Bee and Jazz started to advance towards the portal. Ironhide raised his canon and followed, with Ratchet, and Brawn close behind.

I despaired. I felt helpless! I couldn't fire at anything again - it would give the game away. Then I'd never help Mirage get out of here. But what else could I do? I followed the others, trying to think, then as I passed Gears he hissed. "Your optics told me everything, lovermech! Wait until later …"

My circuits froze. Feeling worse than ever, I watched as the others approached closer and closer ….

* * *

**Thundercracker**

"You will come with me right now!" said Starscream. He had what he obviously thought was a menacing look on his face, but because of his injuries it just looked stupid! Nevertheless, Warp's optics went wide with horror, and I despaired. I did not think I could bear to see him slip into the hopeless helpless state of mind he was in just a short time before.

"Warp," I said, my back to Starscream, "Why don't you go down there – explain to Megatron we're on our way." I winked at him. Then I turned and smiled at our Commander, "I'm just going to have a little chat with Screamer here first!"

Starscream bristled. His wings ruffled. "What _chat?"_ he roared. He leaned towards me. "I have _nothing _to say to you, Thundercracker!" He straightened again. "Now you will stop this nonsense and we will all walk to the control room together!"

I felt Warp hesitate and I turned back to him. "Off you go," I said. "Get going. _Go on!"_ I mouthed. "_And good luck!" _

He caught on. "OK!" he said. "Then he hesitated again, looking all scared and uncertain. A spark wrenchingly sorrowful look swept over him. "Good bye TC …" he said. My spark gave a spasm, and there was a slit second where we just stared at each other, although time froze. Then he recovered. "I'll – uh – see ya down there soon!" To my relief, he took off.

There was a sputtering from behind me. Starscream's face was a picture. "_I gave you an order!"_ he choked, his voice a mixture of fury and incredulity. He looked past me, furious. "Skywarp, come back here this instant!" he screeched. Then his optics narrowed. "You," he said, "I will deal with later!" Then he leveled his arm and fired the null ray canon straight past me. He must have had it primed already.

I spun around. The rays went rocketing down the corridor and exploded off the walls, but they did not hit Warp and he started to run. A wave of horror ran through my spark. If just a small fragment of a ray got him it would kill him for sure. Another null ray blasted after him but he rounded the corner safely and was away. I sighed with relief. But it was then that fury welled and I turned on our Commander.

He made to go after Warp but he only took one step. He found me blocking his path. Everything which had happened, all that he had done, the misery he had caused me over the aeons was suddenly in my conscious pool in a rush. And he was not going to cause any more. Not to Warp, not to Mirage, not to anyone. With a cry of rage, I threw all my weight against him and slammed him into the wall. There was a loud _crack _and several bits fell off him. The canon flew off his arm and clattered to the ground. "Thundercracker!" he cried out in surprise.

He must have been weakened by his earlier scuffle with Skywarp, because he did not put up much of a fight. Or maybe it was me. After all, five million vorns worth of anger was suddenly there in all its glory and – unfair though it was – I knew the hurt I felt over Mirage was in there as well. I didn't care. I dug my fingers in, feeling metal buckle, and I shoved him hard back. "You piece of pit!" I snarled. "You are just …"

And I could not think of a suitably vile word to say. I drew my fist back and slammed it into his face as hard as I could.

His face crumpled, his mouth shattered, energon spewed all over me. "_Thundercracker – wait - you don't understand_ ..." he gargled, but I pulled him up by his intakes and slammed him back again. "I understand – _perfectly!_" I snarled. "I understand you've been using and brutalizing my wingmate!" And I drove another fist into his cockpit. There was a bright spray of yellow glass fragments and he cried out in pain.

He started to cry, and to whimper. "You can't let Warp go. He's not in his right mind. He's going to do something really stupid Thundercracker, you have to let me stop him …"

I hesitated. So he knew about this too! Oh right! Well no prizes for guessing what he would do. What had he done already?

_Soundwave knew …_

I decided then that I might be doomed when Megatron discovered I'd aided and abetted Warp's departure, but I could, at least, make sure Starscream was not in good enough shape to do any more about anything for a long, long time. I raised my fist once more.

"Thunder …" he rasped, struggling feebly.

"Rot in Kell, Starscream!" I said.

He resisted no further. Yet, despite his weakened state, it still took two blows to the midline and one in the neck and a final smash in the face before he slid down the wall slowly and lay still.

I looked at him lying there, a pool of energon slowly spreading outwards, his intakes laboring. The anger within flared like a candle flame and then dwindled and died out. And I was suddenly sad and exhausted beyond all reason.

* * *

**Skywarp**

I could not believe he was really firing the null ray at me. But he was. Even though I should not really have been surprised, hurt and disbelief still went all through me and I ran as fast as I could down the corridor which led to the dome which housed our quarters. The only consolation was that TC had had a _look _on his face. I had only seen it a couple of times in my long association with him. It was a look you didn't argue with. Not even if you were Starscream.

By the time I got to the quarters, my pump was pounding. It had started to dawn just what was at stake here. This was not some sparklingish prank, this was real and serious. It involved - _the wrath of Megatron!_ Without TC or Starscream to back me up! For the first time ever, I was going to do something which would make it impossible to come back - at least for a while. And if I didn't get to Mirage, and I didn't somehow get us both to this cave, we were both finished.

"_That is why you have to succeed…"_ I didn't know if the inner voice was him or not, but energy burst through my systems and at the same time a cool logic descended, unlike anything I was used to. _"Bring weapons,"_ the voice said. _"You will need them on the Ark!"_

"Right!" I muttered. Working fast but so efficiently I surprised myself, I made sure I had canons and a range of ammo. With a sudden thought I grabbed a flame thrower, and checked that the teleportation power chip rectifier was fully activated.

Then I entered the coordinates for the Ark.

Before I entered the final command, I had one last look around. TC's things were all stacked neatly there. All his personals that I had known him have for so many vorns. A great love for him swept through my spark. What would he do now? Would he stay in here or would he relocate after all, unable to stand the memories? I wished from the depths of my spark for him to be all right and vowed that whatever happened he would always think and say that he was the absolute best of the best.

For one last moment there I nearly lost my nerve. I mean – it was a scary moment. Cos I realized I loved Mirage – desperately - and yet I knew practically nothing about him. Other than that he was beautiful, a good fighter, liked nice things and was still generally pissed off with Seekers and could waste them easily. It suddenly seemed ridiculous! Like a bad recharge vision.

But then a burst of desperation flooded through me and my spark erupted with longing. It was so strong that it left me in no doubt as to what I must do. _Right now._

I took a deep intake, and plunged into the void.

* * *

**Mirage**

Before they started blasting around, I considered my options. I was _not _surrendering. But I was trapped in here. I did not know the outer door release code and I had no weapons. They all had weapons, and would fire them in a minute, and in a room this size I had a great chance of getting hit, or of the ED getting disabled.

I could, of course, grab one of them, disarm him, and then try and disable them one by one. Or I could try and pull a similar stunt to the one in the rec room. But it was risky. The moment I attacked one the others would be right there and with so many of them the chances of being grabbed hold of were high. I could not fend off half a dozen, including Jazz and Bumblebee, even with Bluestreak's help, and I was not putting him in that position in any event. He had done enough already. Bless him.

Besides, with my latest little display I'd already incurred about four other charges. Disabling Autobots out here could mean I ended up injuring all of them and quite severely, and I needed a fallback position where, if I didn't get out of here, the inevitable stasis lock would at least not be permanent.

No, the carcass crypt was a much better idea, distasteful though the place was. If I could get in there then I could position myself and easily incapacitate each one as they entered – without too much damage. Hopefully it would only take a couple - then they would get Prime and perhaps I could plead for a stay of lock until Smokescreen got here …

I am not sure how good this plan was. Not very, probably, long term. What I was really counting on, of course, was Skywarp's appearance and that the crypt would harbor me until he managed to get in here and we could exit the Ark.

Thanks to Bluestreak, The Autobots were soon busy firing at the ceiling. They did not see me activate the crypt access portal which slid open to reveal a set of stairs and a dark opening below. I crept in. It took longer than I had estimated for the cover to close but thankfully Bluestreak caused another diversion. He was doing much to redeem himself in my optics.

Once down there, I was in total darkness and I shivered. No bodies had been brought in here since we came to Earth but the crypt reeked of the carnage it had been loaded with over the aeons of the war and there were many I had known for whom this had been their last but one resting place. I wondered if The Autobot's present supremacy on this world was going to last or if soon some of them would be piled in the little room. Maybe I would be its first Earth occupant. A shudder went through my frame and I was gripped with a sudden claustrophobia.

They were still shouting after the last volley. Now was the chance. Controlling my intakes – and feeling a thrill which overrode everything else - I punched in the Decepticon codes to the com and tried calling Skywarp. A grey static sounded, and momentary panic gripped my spark. I forced myself not to panic again, and to try, instead, to focus on him.

I was concentrating so hard that I did not at first realize that it had all gone quiet. Bringing my thoughts back to the present, I strained my audial receptors. There was no mistaking the footfalls advancing slowly in my direction, even though it sounded like they were trying to creep. I heard Gears mutter something. They knew! Damn it! I positioned myself next to the dark entrance, desperately trying to rework my strategy to prepare for several eventualities. But Kell, where was Skywarp? Had this all been my imagination after all?

The footsteps stopped just above me. Then Ironhide was saying: "well if we know he's in there, lets just drop a gas cartridge …" and Jazz was yelling: "are you out of your pit spawned mind? The agenda _ain't to kill him actually Hide_ …" and I thought I heard Bluestreak make a noise, and Prowl said "yes, that is correct …" although he sounded disappointed.

Primus, I thought. I hadn't even considered that possibility. Then my spark hardened. That sort of attitude was exactly why I was getting out! And even if Skywarp failed to appear I would do it.

There was a silence. "What if I use Liquid Nitrogen?" said Ironhide. "It won't kill him but it'll lock him!"

Then there were several voices and Jazz saying: "Oh come on, man! It ain't like he's a fraggin' con! Let me go down there. I'll try n' talk to him - he won't attack me!" And Bluestreak said "or me …" and Brawn said "I'll do some talking all right!" and Gears and Bee both spoke at once and Bee said something about Prime.

"D'you realize you're givin' him a full rendition of our intentions here?" Ratchet roared. "Now _shut up …"_

Amid the confused babble of their combined voices, I rebuzzed the com. This time, there was no static. Instead, there was a _click,_ followed by a pause, and then a voice said uncertainly: "Er – _yeah?"_

Electricity zapped through me. By Primus, _it was him!_ It really was! It was absolutely positively definitely and unmistakably _him_!

It was a miracle! _"Skywarp!!"_ I said, unable to keep the wonderment out of my voice despite the situation.

There was another hesitation and then he said: "Mirage? Primus, it's you, ain't it? It's really you! I can't believe it – this is _amazing!"_ and for a moment I thought my spark might implode.

But I had to tear my thoughts from him, because up above, they were still discussing me. "Liquid nite it is, I reckon," Brawn was saying, and Jazz was saying "This is bullshit!" and Ratchet was saying: "That's it! I'm calling Prime …"

"_Mirage …?"_

"Where are you?" I hissed. "On the fraggin' Ark!" He said, and a thrill ran all through me and I nearly cried out with relief. He was here. _Right here!_ "But I'm not in the basement!" he said. "I'm in this corridor."

"What color are the walls?" I whispered.

I dunno. They're kind of – the color of human puke."

"You're on the second level," I said "Find the elevator and go straight down to the bottom. It's a double door right at the end. Can you blast your way in?"

"You bet!" he said, and his voice was like sweet music. But then it changed. "Hey wait!" he said, "Oh shit! I might just have a little company here …."

"_Skywarp … !"_

"Gotta go …" he said.

_Oh by Primus!_ What was going on? I fought another urge to panic, or cry out at the frustration of him being so close but so far away. Things could not go wrong now. They couldn't!

It was then that I noticed the deadly quiet above.

Bumblebee's voice sounded. "He's in there all right!" He said: "It sounded as though he was talking on a com!"

"Now I know for certain he didn't have one of those when we brought him down here" said Prowl. "There will be a full investigation of this!" There were murmurs, then footsteps. "Ironhide, you got that nitro blast ready yet?" said Ratchet.

There was another silence. "Coming up!" My number one executioner sounded immensely satisfied. My spark sank and I braced myself.

But just then the intrusion alarm rang out shrilly, followed by Teletran 1's voice booming out: "Decepticon alert! Decepticon Alert! Second level! There was a momentary pause, and then it sounded like all kell broke loose above. I could hear several coms going off and everyone talking at once. Then Prowl was saying: "Forget it Ironhide," and I thought I heard mumbles of protest but Ratchet's voice sounded over everything saying: "Move, now!" and then there was the sound of them moving away. Mercifully, my com buzzed again, and I heaved a sigh of relief.

"Skywarp!" I said.

"Hang ten," he said "I'm tryin' to find the damned elevator!"

"It's on your right!" I opened the crypt cover and, looking around, eased myself out. Nobody had been left to guard me! All the Autobots were over by the doors, and it looked as though a frantic com discussion was going on with others elsewhere on the Ark. I could not believe they were so disorganised and whilst I should, perhaps, have been grateful for this as it was ultimately my passport out of there, if I had needed one final reason to not regret departing their company then surely that was it. Nevertheless, I whispered: "Be careful, Skywarp! There's a welcoming committee. I'll talk you through!"

"You got it Sweetspark!" he said. "I'm comin' in.

* * *

_Damn Mirage is good. So's Warp._

_That last gets 10/10 for absolute corn *apologies* I know but it was fun to write!_

_Next chapter soon! **A**_


	25. Chapter 25 Rescue

**= Forbidden Fantasies =**

**By Ayngel**

* * *

_Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any of the characters or concepts within. I make no money from this story or any other about Transformers._

Lots of love and thanks to all those reviewers and commentators that have hung in with this since the beginning and also those who discovered it recently and did a rapid read. I really do appreciate your interest and comments and great compliments :-)

At last – they get together!!

_Warnings: Adult themes, course language, implied slash._

* * *

**Chapter 25: Rescue**

**Hound**

CJ was out of the coma but still unconscious on his side, his optics shuttered tightly. There were joins in various places from where Ratchet had operated and applied universal fixant. He did not move. Ratchet was still uncertain of the extent of his head injuries, and his recovery.

Empty and wretched and unable to feel anything except the greatest love, I reached out and stroked his face. I knew that he should never have gone into the rec room with a gun, but he'd obviously gotten drunk again and now that it was crystal clear what had been eating him, I felt a great sadness, and could not blame him. I should never have gone to the rec room myself, and I should have been way more perceptive.

Across the other side of the medbay, Ratchet was wheeling out a solid looking trolley. At each of its corners were large restraining straps. My circuits gave a shudder - I knew exactly what it was for. There was not a mech on Cybertron who did not, and who would not have felt the same. Ratchet pushed it back next to a machine adorned with ominous looking bits and pieces. Then, as I watched, he picked up a large syringe with clear liquid inside and started tapping it.

He looked up and saw me looking and smiled grimly. "Hurts less this way," he said.

Tears pricked my optics. That it had come to this! I had known Raj was unhappy and stressed, but I hadn't realized just how much. And now he was going to get shut down. For a long time, possibly even for good – as I was sure that was the hope of some. And I should not have cared; should have been furious at him. He had gone way over the top, and he had damaged my little CJ so. But I could not feel any anger towards him either.

Now I wondered how we could ever enjoy good relations on the Ark again, and I chastised myself, thinking how the whole incident could have been avoided, if only I'd listened to them both. I looked again at CJ's inert form, feeling a great pain in my spark.

CJ groaned and moved, then. Ratchet put the syringe down and came over. Bending over, he pulled one optic open and shone a bluish colored light into it. Then he drew a small device out of his arm and flipped it open. His optic ridges furrowed in concentration as he ran the small scanner up the length and breadth of his patient's form. Then he grunted. "Responding," he muttered. "He'll be OK."

He returned to the trolley. My circuits flooded with relief and I leaned over and kissed CJ lightly on the helm.

Just then Ratchet's com went off. With a typical frown, he flipped it on. .::Yeah, I'm all go here!::. I heard him say gruffly. Then .::What's the deal?::. Then he hesitated. Putting down the syringe again, he sputtered .::_What?_ You've gotta be kidding!::.

I heard Jazz's voice say .::It's the brig::. Then there was something about Raj. Ratchet cursed. He glanced at CJ. "Watch him," he said, sounding mighty pissed. "We got a situation!" Then he strode angrily out of the room.

I stared at the door as it hissed shut, and then at the terrible trolley, standing there like a monster waiting to pounce, and my spark sank. _Please Raj_, I thought, _please don't go and get yourself killed before they even put you on that thing_. My spark pained sharply, and I fought an urge to despair.

There was a noise in front of me and, looking down, I saw that CJ had opened his optics and was staring around. Trying not to think about what may be happening in the brig, I stroked his helm gently, and his optics flared slightly and then moved and settled on my face. Then his face gradually crumpled. _"Oh Hound!" _he wailed, reaching out to me.

I gathered him up and took him in my arms and held him." It's all right, sweetspark!" I stroked his helm and kissed it softly, and he clung to me fiercely.

He started to cry, quite hysterically. "Everything hurts," he sobbed. "He did this to me!" His whole body was started to shake. "How can you do it Hound? How can you frag him when he does this to me?"

I held him tighter and kissed one of his horns. "I'm not sweetspark," alarm rising as I wondered how on Earth he was to self repair in a state like this. "Don't think that!" I said, "I never have, I promise!"

"_Honest?"_ he howled.

"Honest!" I said. His arms tightened around me and I rocked him gently and we sat like that and I tried to ignore the trolley, and all thoughts of Raj.

After a few moments he seemed to calm a little, but he _had_ to lie down and rest more. I tried to detach him gently and lay him back. But as I did so he looked me urgently in the optics, and grabbed hold of the front of me. "I need to tell you something Hound!" he whimpered, "I should have told you this before!" He started to shake again, his optics blue and pleading. _"I had an affair with him!"_

I was taken aback. I guess a side of me shouldn't have been, because – well with the amount of mechs 'Raj had been through during the war it wasn't surprising one of them had wound up here. It was just that neither of them had ever mentioned it.

"He's an afthole!" CJ was sobbing again. "I really loved him!" he raved. _"And he treated me like pit!"_

I shuttered my optics and pulled him against me again, wrapping my arms around him. This was hardly the first time I'd seen someone like this over Raj. During the war it was almost part the course. But I hadn't thought I'd be seeing it here, and certainly not with CJ. It just made the whole situation that much worse. Sadness swept all through me. "I just wish you'd told me this before," I whispered, stroking his helm again.

"I thought you wouldn't want me!" he wailed. "I thought you'd think I was just a – _slut. _And I was so ashamed!_"_ I kissed his helm and stroked him again. "Of course I don't think that," I murmured.

He was really crying hard now, there was a mass of congealed tears on my chassis, and I was conscious that his surfaces were far too warm. "I've been so unhappy!" he went on. "Down here – he hasn't even given me the time of day! _And I really loved him!"_

He curled into me and clung and I held him tightly and shut my optics, and thought of Raj again, conscious that for all the implications from this I still could not find it within me to be angry. I forced myself not to think of what could be happening in the brig, and turned my attention back to CJ, who was even more worked up now, I knew I had to find something which would get him out of this and settle him down more permanently. Then I remembered Raj complaining about gaps in his memory after his capture at Mordac and how infuriating it was that whole episodes of his life had just disappeared. "Maybe he forgot, love." I kept stroking him soothingly. "Mirage had a bad experience just before he went to Itopis. He wound up with the Decepticons. Something got done to his memory circuits – he has trouble recalling things sometimes, Sweetspark."

He eased out of my arms and looked at me, his optics all rough around the rims from the tears. "I didn't know that!" he sobbed, more running down his cheeks.

I picked up a cloth and wiped them away, then drew him into my chest again. "It's all right, love," I said. "It's not something he likes talking about."

He was still crying. "But if I'd known that things would have been different!"

I reflected ruefully that lots of things could have been different if everyone had been more open and less antagonistic. But I pulled him in again and murmured soothingly, determined not to upset him further. "He still shouldn't have done what he did."

CJ pulled away again. I saw his optics widen at something over my shoulder. I glanced back and there was the _trolley _, of course, gleaming in full executorial glory. He looked at me, optics wide with horror. "What are they going to do to him?" he said.

There was no point in lying. I sighed. "He's being put in stasis lock," I said. "Just until he can have a hearing." There was no point in elaborating as to my further fears either.

"But I don't want them to do that!" he sat up, looking more distressed than ever. "Hound, please don't let them do that! Go tell them I want to drop the charges!"

I must say, despite his obvious change of heart I was taken aback. "Sweetspark," I said, "I can't do that! It's a decision Prime's made. Whatever may have been the cause today, he's decided that in his current state Raj is just too dangerous to have around!"

He grabbed hold of my arms so hard that I could feel the metal give way._"You have to!" _He was almost hysterical. "Please Hound! Don't let them do it! I couldn't live knowing it was cozza me!"

His blue optics pleaded with me. He shook, and now I could feel he was burning up. My resolve began to give way. "Well …" I said, "Ratchet didn't want me to leave you … "

"Hound! _Please!"_ he looked so desperate. I gave in. There was no way I could be successful in this, but if he could allow himself some proper repair time and make peace with Mirage before they put him under then I guessed that at least one positive would have come out of this miserable episode. "On one condition," I said. "That you lie here and do not get up CJ! You stay right where you are until I come back and get some rest!"

He lay back on the medberth and shuttered his optics. "OK, you got it!" he said. "Just do it, Hound!"

* * *

**Thundercracker**

I stood there looking at Starscream's inert form and feeling absolutely wretched. Then he moved, slightly. Noticing that the energon flow had stopped, I heaved a sigh of relief. I didn't lose it often, but I sure had lost it just then; and whilst I had doubted I had the capability to defeat Starscream's sophisticated self repair systems and do more than temporary damage, it was good to know just the same.

I needed Sunstreaker, then, more than I'd ever needed anyone in my life. Activating the com, I called the Ark again.

He answered straight away. "Thunder??"

That was when everything that had happened in the last few breems came to a head and I lost it for a second time. In a different way. "Sunny, I've really fucked up!" I muttered wretchedly, not caring that I sounded pathetic. "I need to talk to you! Can I meet you somewhere? _I might have to leave the Decepticons!"_

There was a pause. _"Primus!"_ he said, not sounding displeased. In fact, there was a note of elation in his voice. "I thought it was just us with the shit going down today!" Then there was a pause and he said "Look - can you get to the forest? I'll meet you there, same place!"

"All right!" I took some deep intakes and turned away from Starscream, who was now moving and groaning but not yet conscious. "Let me get myself together," I said.

I snapped off the com, and stood there intaking deeply, trying to take in the implications of what I had just said. Had I really meant it? It had slipped out with hardly any thought. But I didn't get the chance to think for long. There was a sudden _presence _and there in the doorway was Soundwave. Then I was backing up and he was coming in – closely followed by Megatron! As they entered, the Cat slunk past them. _Oh Primus!_ I thought, _This is it. I am sooo for it!_

Megatron looked from me to Starscream. A smirk appeared on his face. "Oh dear!" he said. "Looks as though you did a bit of _damage_, Thundercracker!" he gestured to the communications officer. "Soundwave, if you please …" Nodding, the masked blue mech lumbered over to the form now groaning on the ground. Then he looked at me and darkened, and his optics flared. _"Explain yourself!" _He said.

My insides twisted. All of us knew what that look usually meant. "We er had a bit of a tiff," I said. "Over Skywarp. Starscream - er – wanted him you see. I got jealous."

He smiled and my insides churned. "I see!" he said. He looked at Starscream. "Soundwave?"

The blue mech had crouched down beside my commander and was running a scanner over him. He looked faintly amused. If that was possible, for Soundwave.

"_No permanent damage. He will live."_ He said.

Megatron didn't answer him. He turned back to me _. _My processing chamber gave a lurch as his optics narrowed. _This was it_. "I've told you before about allowing this_ bond _nonsense to interfere with your responsibilities here!" he roared. " Much as I cannot find it within me to be too unsympathetic – after all, I feel like doing this to Starscream every day of my life - it is simply not acceptable for you to take it upon yourself!" he glowered at me. "Now where is Skywarp!" he demanded. " You will be going back to Cybertron and the Coneheads will be arriving here just as soon as I …"

"_Megatron. Allow me to explain."_ Megatron looked as surprised as I did at the interruption by the monotone.

"_Bonds are fragile structures!"_ said Soundwave. _"But their existence can be of great value in battle. This conflict between the command trine is capable of resolution. Skywarp needs to be alone. Thundercracker needs to think. Starscream needs to heal. Allow them the space, Megatron and they will not disappoint you!"_

Words cannot describe my astonishment! Megatron seemed similarly astounded. He appeared lost for words. Then the Cat came padding forward. Soundwave made a grab at her but she moved over and rubbed against Megatron's legs. He looked down and his expression softened. "Yes Ravage!" He said.

The cat leapt nimbly on to the table so that she was next to him and out came a series of miaows and growls and other alien noises which must have been Catlish. I didn't have a clue what she was saying, of course, but Megatron obviously did.

"I see," he nodded. "You concur with Soundwave." She struck him lightly with her front paw then and said something else in a very low voice. Megatron lowered himself closer and I saw Soundwave stiffen. There was a moment's silence. Then Megatron 's face went rigid and he glared at Soundwave. "What does she mean, the Spirit Cats of the eighth dimension give this their blessing?" he roared.

Soundwave shot a dark look at the cat. She put her tail in the air and, leaping from the table, stalked past him and out of the room, a smirk on her face. His optics followed her momentarily, and then turned back to our leader.

"_It is her way, Megatron, of giving her approval. That is all."_

Megatron looked from me to Soundwave to the retreating Cat. "Oh very well!" He snapped. "Skywarp can go – wherever the damned idiot needs to go – and sort himself. Thundercracker, you will remain in quarters and sort yourself. And as for Starscream…." He considered.

Then he smiled. "Put him in my quarters!" he said. "We need to have a little chat when he - _wakes up!_ " He took a step back. "Operations are suspended until further notice!" he barked. Then he shook his head. "I could do with a break anyway after the last few days anyway, Soundwave!" He started to move towards the door.

I thought of Sunny strongly then and how I did not think it would be possible for me to just sit in quarters for days on end. I had to see him. I looked at Soundwave, but he was busy gathering up Starscream, "Er - Megatron …" I said to his retreating back. He turned. His optics burned at me. "I don't know whether - could I just perhaps - be allowed one flight before I am confined?"

He stared at me and then looked at Soundwave, who was standing now and holding Starscream, who was clutching at thin air, his head lolled back like a sparkling toy. Soundwave nodded.

"Well why not!" exploded Megatron, coming back into the room. "Lets just _all_ of us go and have a damned vacation!" He glowered at me. "You may go, on Soundwave's recommendation," he said. "But do not disappoint me, Thundercracker! You will return here within the joor and whilst you are gone you will at least attempt to make some useful observations. Otherwise you will be first in this miserable outfit to be converted to scrap metal! _Do I make myself clear?"_

Oh, it was very clear! I bowed my head and touched my helm, a traditional sign of Decepticon respect.

"Yes, Lord Megatron!" I said.

* * *

**Skywarp**

I emerged from the void dazed and disorientated and trying to come to terms with something I still could not quite grasp – that I really was actually on the Ark and rescuing Mirage.

It did not seem real! Any moment I expected to wake up and find myself back at the base with TC and Starscream marching grimly down to face Megatron. But I hardly had time to think before there were approaching footsteps, and voices I recognized only too well. Realizing I was far from dreaming, I concealed myself hastily behind a large pillar like structure which happened, conveniently, to be there and waited, hardly daring to intake.

Around the corner came the familiar sounds of the Lamborghini twins, their footsteps echoing off the metal walls. Mixed with the noise were the sounds of an argument. "For pits sake see sense Sunny!" I head Sideswipe say. "You're just gonna end up exactly the way you were before!"

"You don't fraggin' understand!" I heard his brother snarl back. And then, horror of horrors, they stopped. Right next to where I was standing!

I was not well hidden. I mean – I'm big. And my colors are not exactly unnoticeable. I was all too aware that one wingtip was sticking out in full view. I tried to shrink myself up, but it was no good.

Preparing myself for conflict, I put my hand on my canon. I did not want to draw attention to myself just yet but I realized I may have no choice. But, amazingly, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker were obviously completely engrossed in their altercation..

Sunstreaker was obviously upset. "Just lay off Sides!" he snarled. "Let me make my own decisions for once in my fraggin' life!"

Sideswipe's intakes let out a sigh "Sunny think about this!" he said. He sounded thoroughly rattled. I could not help grimacing in satisfaction. So calm and reasonable he fancied himself as! Right then, he sounded anything but.

"He's got himself in real shit this time!" Sunny was saying. "He needs me."

Despite the situation, I stifled a laugh. The Autobot's glory boy, who was more of a loud mouthed violent thug than a lot of the Decepticons, and a liar as well! The thought of somebody actually _needing_ him was laughable. "I love him Sides!" he was saying. "I've always loved him. I've never loved anyone else! You try'n stop me doing this and I'll fraggin' kill ya I swear it!"

_Primus Almighty_! I thought. The dramas he had once put TC through flashed through my mind. I felt like emerging from my hiding place and blasting straight into his stupid face just to cut whatever unfortunate he was referring to a break, even though this was doubtless some equally brainless bot. But Mirage came strongly into my mind, then, reminding me starkly of what I was here for. I could not afford to frag up!

More footsteps. The golden twin was storming angrily away. I heard Sideswipe say – pathetically - "Sunny – please – don't do something you'll regret …" His brother responded with some colorful swear word but I was too far away to make it out. Then Sideswipe was evidently hurrying after him. As their footsteps died, the com buzzed. I could not believe how nearly I'd just been sprung.

Squeezing out from behind the pillar, I tried for a second time to get my bearings.

Then the com buzzed. I answered it. "Er_ - hello!"_ I said.

* * *

Mirage's voice was like a sweet breeze which breathed gently through every circuit. There just aren't words for the joy and sense of everything being worthwhile that I felt. A warm glow spread all through my spark and for the first time in my life it felt like everything in the Universe was turning out exactly all right. Despite the situation. All the recent agonies I had been through just seemed to fade away and it didn't even feel strange. It felt like we always talked like this on coms in weird situations.

But we didn't get to talk for long. There was somebody else coming. "Gotta go!" I said, hating breaking the link.

It was the green one. The Tracker, Hound. Obviously in a hurry, from the way he was charging along. And this time there was nowhere to hide.

He saw me and pretty much screeched to a halt. I never saw an Autobot look more surprised in my life! I immediately leveled my canon arm but he yelled: "No! Don't shoot!" and put his hands up. And I remembered that this one, actually, out of all of them was all right. Reasonable, when it came to the crunch, and less of a self righteous twit. Besides, he did cool holograms.

He was certainly more likely to listen to reason than the Twins. He glanced around him, anxiously, obviously alone. Marveling at my sudden cool logic and wondering where in Kell this had come from and what in _Kell _had happened to _shoot first think later_ Skywarp, I lowered my arm.

"What are you – doing here?" He was quite smart, I thought. Any of those other idiots would probably have asked how I got in.

I thought fast. It was best not to start a kafuffle here. If I could avoid it then hopefully I could get Mirage before there was a display of firepower.

Again that cool logic! This was brilliant! TC would be amazed! Now, what was that policy Megatron had laughed over. The one he said meant Prime wasn't going to kill him …

"I'm on official business," I said. "The entertainment policy!"

The green one looked astounded. "_Entertainment_ policy?" he asked. Then he laughed out loud." I didn't know we had one!" He thought for a second. "Prime's got a _containment_ policy," he said.

"Yeah - that's the one!"

His optic ridges furrowed, and he looked me up and down. "They sent _you?"_

"Yeah!" I said. "Prime asked for me. He thought I'd be - _less threatening _than Megatron or Starscream. Now can you tell me where the elevator is?"

He looked at me very, very curiously. "It's – er - this way," he said. "I'm about to get in it myself. And he started to hurry along. I knew then, of course, that it was anything but that way. Regretting having to do it - even though I was astounded by the fact that I did - I lunged and cracked him hard across the head.

Not hard enough. He managed to sprint lighting fast to a large red buzzer on the wall and strike it, before collapsing on the ground. Immediately, a shrill alarm rang out and Teletran's voice starting saying _Decepticon alert_ again and again.

I still didn't know where the damned elevator was! The com went off again. "It's on your right!" said Mirage. I could hear the excitement and longing in his voice and my spark flashed. I looked, and sure enough, there was the damned thing at last! At the same time, that desperation I had felt back at the base came roaring back, driving me like an unstoppable storm. He was so close. I was going to him. Nothing would stop me and nothing was going to stand between me and him. Ever again. "I'm comin' in!" I said.

* * *

The elevator. You needed a fraggin' access code, didn't you?

Well I didn't have time for that! Powering up the canon to maximum, I fired straight at the doors. They flew off and into the shaft, there was a clang and then a ball of smoke billowed up and out. Peering into the haze I could see the elevator hanging one floor down, the heavy cables which held it up right in front of me. I let off another volley and they snapped, easily. The thing broke free, cannoned down a couple of levels and crashed into the ground with an almighty *boom.*

Shots sounded behind me. A voice I knew well and had heard not long before yelled something and a bullet grazed my wing. Sideswipe! Without pausing to return fire I leaped into the hole, landing on top of the elevator with a loud crash. There was another yell, and microseconds later, he landed beside me. Trying to look all red and gleaming and fearsome, he brandished a gun in one hand and his piledriver arm on the other side. "What a great opportunity!" he rasped."I've been waiting for this, you piece of pit! Didn't even have the guts to call me, did ya?""

Activating his driver with astonishing speed, he tried to drive it straight into me. I blocked him and threw my weight against him, trying not to be completely astounded by what he had just said, as we crashed through the roof of the elevator and descended to the floor below.

* * *

**Mirage**

I watched them dithering and deliberating by the door, as all around the alarms sounded.

Brawn went to punch in the doorcode. "Wait a minute!" hissed Ratchet. "We've still got a prisoner in here. He looked around and then they all looked around, that was when they realized nobody was watching me. "Well don't all just stand there! Someone get over there!" said Prowl.

Jazz gave a short laugh. "Well he ain't gonna be in that pithole any more, is he?"he said over the alarm noise, "and I think we gotta slightly higher priority situation here!" Prowl's optics flashed and they exchanged a not very bondmate like glance. But just then there was a great bang which sounded like something very heavy landing and everyone jumped. "What in Kell was that?" said Ratchet and Ironhide together. Immediately, shouts and the noise of heavy objects being thrown around sounded from beyond the door, then there was another explosion.

Then suddenly, there was total confusion. Half a dozen voices struck up in competition with the alarm. "For Primus sake …!" "… open the door …!" "… No!..." "... don't know how many of them …" "stay grouped …!" " … draw weapons …!"..."somebody get Mirage ..." "... forget it!..." "...call Prime ..!" " he's off the air again!" Then someone was on a com anyway yelling "We got a fraggin' Decepticon down here!" and then Ironhide was yelling "Autobots, load weapons, _battle formation!_" That seemed to decide them. There was a momentary silence, and then they all rushed to the same configuration which usually proved so futile when the Seekers were airborne. The alarm cut off.

_Skywarp!_ I reached out.

_Give me a minute!_ He seemed to say. there was another crash from outside.

I stole a glance at Bluestreak. He was near the door, and looking frantically around and seemingly the most confused of the lot. If Skywarp was coming through then I must get him out of harm's way. I tried to decide what to decision was hard, and seemed complicated, for some reason, and I did nothing.

Ironhide was on the com. He broke away from it. "It's Skywarp!" he bawled. "He just attacked Hound! Sides is out there … we gotta blast through the door, Autobots!" Then there was more commotion and they raised their weapons, and I saw that from somewhere he had obtained an even more enormous canon than the one he had earlier. It whirred and gleamed in the artificial light. I wasn't even sure I had even seen it before, let alone knew what it was called, but one thing was certain. Anyone right in the line of that was not going to stay intact for long. "Sideswipe, stand clear!" he bawled into the com. Autobots! prepare to fire!"

This time I was not relying on whatever fragile bond like connection we may or may not have going. I flicked on the com. _"Skywarp!"_ I screeched, sounding like his commanding officer and not caring who heard.

There were more grunts from outside and and a_ clang_ and what sounded like a howl, now right outside the door. _"Skywarp!"_

Then his voice. "I'm OK!" he said. "Blast in now!" I yelled. "Don't even think anything else! You've got Ironhide and half the bloody army right the other side! And at the same time I yelled "Bluestreak! Get out of the way!!" But the gunner stared wildly around, more confused than ever.

There was no blast. Skywarp's essence flooded my whole being. There was nothing in the universe but me getting to him and I took off, intending to knock their weapons flying clean out of their hands. But I had forgotten Gears on the floor! I fell straight over him and went sprawling face first.

And then I felt a tight grip around my ankle and then there was ripping and tearing sound and suddenly blinding pain shot through me, followed by a gun in my side. " You miserable spawn of a glitch, you ain't goin nowehere!" he snarled. "I've got Mirage!" he yelled. Hesitating, their heads turned.

"_Skywarp!"_ I holllered.

* * *

**Bluestreak**

When we ran over to the door I knew nobody was watching Mirage. I was relieved. Of course, I knew a Decepticon attack was serious but it was nowhere near as serious as Mirage getting frozen with liquid nitrogen.

Then there was that great _bang_ and then nobody seemed to know what to do. Then it got all confusing, cos everyone was yelling and the alarm was still going and there were shots and clunks and clangs outside and everyone was drawing weapons and lining up and I thought I heard someone yelling at me to get out of the way. Then Gears was yelling out and Brawn was running over to him and suddenly you could see Mirage on the ground. Then there were more noises and I didn't know whether to pay attention to that or Mirage, and I could hear Jazz yelling something about opening the door but Prowl didn't and then Ironhide was screaming "For Primus sake, _fire_!" and everyone was drawing weapons again.

I looked at Mirage. Gears was twisting his ankle and he was screaming out in pain. Gears had a horrible cruel look on his face and Brawn was over there too and he seemed to have forgotten about Skywarp, he raised his fist and landed Mirage one right in the face. That was it! There was no choice really. I mean, I thought there were enough there to deal with just one Decepticon, anyway! I thought: _This is it Blustreak!_ _Here goes your Autobot career down the drain. But I love you Mirage, you're worth it!_ I pulled out my rifle, and with a yell I charged at Brawn.

But I didn't get to do anything! There was an almighty bang and I stopped in my tracks and turned to see and the door flying across the room, smashing straight into Ironhide who was pretty much flattened by it. Jazz, Prowl and Ratchet got thrown right up in the air and landed with a crash and I saw Bee stagger and clutch at the wall. Then Skywarp came rushing in. Brawn turned on him and Skywarp just blasted him across the room, and an arm came off and clattered across the floor.

And now I could see why they'd panicked so much even though it was just one Con. Because really – Skywarp was _awesome!_ Even though I'd seen those Seekers tons of times in the air I never realized just how amazing they were up close and even though I knew he was a Decepticon and had caused us a great deal of trouble that day, and that I really shouldn't be thinking such things right then, I thought he was _really_ attractive in a very basic, raw, powerful, _smexy_ sort of a way, and I saw that he had a beautiful face.

Then he saw Mirage, and Gears still hanging on to him, and this_ look_ came on that face. It was just so - tender! But it soon changed to one of absolute fury! He seemed to swell, and his wings arched upwards, and he absolutely _glared_ at Gears, who let go of Mirage straight away. It must have been too late. Skywarp let fly with his canon and bits of red minibot shot across the room. And even though it was pretty shocking, I guess, I didn't feel sorry for him. I thought it served him right! Perhaps because I was busy thinking that I was not as alarmed as I should have been when Skywarp turned the gun on me ....

He went to fire but Mirage said: "No! Not Bluestreak!" and Skywarp looked at him and they looked at each other, and again that was that_ tenderness_ and Skywarp looked back at me and then lowered the gun.

Everyone was groaning on the ground. Mirage was just staring up at Skywarp and Skywarp started towards him and their optics seemed to lock into each others and flare and a warm feeling went all through me. I never saw two mechs look at each other like that before. Ever. And because nobody else was in a fit state to do anything and I did not even know where Bee was I felt like I was the only one allowed into something which was really special, and suddenly I wanted to cry.

Skywarp moved like in slow motion. He went across to Mirage and held out his hand. "Are you OK?" He said. Mirage nodded, and his optics were very blue and I saw there were tears running down his face, then Skywarp helped him up and suddenly, to my amazement, they were in each others arms and they were both crying. I remember thinking I hadn't even known Cons did cry and I never saw Mirage cry either. And now I did have tears running down my own cheeks.

They stood there and held each other and they looked like they really belonged together, and they were so rapt in each other that they did hear the click as Prowl, who had recovered, loaded his weapon and aimed.

But I heard it! And I saw. "No!" I screamed and I leaped between them and Prowl.

Just as he fired and the pain blasted through my chassis, and everything went black.

* * *

_Well at least I got them together – it only took 140 odd words. Next chapter is nearly all Raj and Warp – yay!_

_As for Bluestreak -well there had to be one last Cliffhanger!!_

_Thanks again for reading everyone - please R and R _

_**A** xx  
_


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